Divorced dad looking for a wealthy woman

[Anonymous]

It’s already a small pool since you’re asking for “significantly more” income than you and single…and then you’re asking her to support your kids, which cuts the pool even more. Successful women who don’t want kids (a good number—I can think of several in my circle) are going to be eliminated as are successful women who already have all the kids they want or grown kids and don’t want another set of kids. And frankly 35-45 y/o women who want kids and have a lot of money don’t need to marry a guy with kids and deal with supporting him and deal with an ex wife. They can just be single moms by choice these days or marry a childless guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's not a good look on a man, OP. Better to make your own money and be independent.

Ugly as sin on a woman too, but here we are.

[Anonymous]

Look great, don't have much of an opinion, and be willing to be submissive: you should be able to find a woman 55-75 who's willing to have a "sugar baby."

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of my divorced financially successful girlfriends are interested in remarrying, especially to a guy with kids and a boring job. Sorry, you don't bring much to the table.

Dear men hope you are reading. Another example for us to stop being dump and stupid. Financially successful women choose wisely. So those women with kids and boring jobs can if you are very successful stay the f***ck away from them.

I don't see wealthy men marrying average-looking boring women with kids.

Matt Damon did. I mean I don’t know if she is as boring as an economist (jk OP I’m an economist)

Matt Damon has enough money that providing for another kid has no impact on his life or his children’s net worth.

The people who OP is considering “rich” at 300K+ would very much feel the difference to provide for his two kids — and it would take away from their own children’s inheritance. That’s a dealbreaker. At best he’d get to be a boyfriend and get some nice vacations out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my 40s. I have 10+ million - all from my husband (he didn’t have any money when I met him). One of the reasons I liked him was that he was a hard worker, just like my blue collar family. All of them worked really hard to get to MC and some UMC. I wouldn’t be attracted to someone without ambition. I’ve also become accustomed to a certain lifestyle. I would not be interested in OP at all.

He may have had ambition for something other than money.

[Anonymous]

I make almost twice as much as my 50ish SO. I'm in my 50s, divorced, and an empty nester. It works for me at the moment because a lovely person and he's phenomenal in bed. I mean hands down the best I've ever had. He's also very physically attractive and in peak physical shape. When we were younger (I've seen pics of him) he was a 9 and I was only about a 7. I've aged much better though, at least for now.

Downsides are that it's annoying that he often has to rush home afterward to deal with his teen kids (junior and senior) and that they'll often call when he's with me to ask him for dumb things that aren't urgent, like money for DoorDash, because they know he'll say yes when put on the spot. It isn't in his kids' interest for me to marry him before they graduate from college given how financial aid works these days. My income as his wife would erase any financial aid they might otherwise have received, and I don't want to pony up the major $$$ it would take to replace that at top private colleges. My house is bigger and nicer, and in a better neighborhood, but the teens wouldn't want to move and switch high schools at this point. So, even if we wanted to live together in my house, some major logistical challenges are preventing it. Living apart in different parts of the region has a major impact on how much time we can spend together for now, and that keeps us from being able to get closer. The ex-wife is a PITA and I have to listen to him complain about her antics at least once a month. She often complains about the expensive vacations he takes with me on my dime, as if he's somehow supposed to provide that to his kids with my money. (I actually have paid for a few family trips with his kids.) I'm sure that if we married she'd try to find a way to get more child support money from him since his lifestyle would improve and his living expenses would go down. She makes far less than he does and struggles financially, so the teens feel sorry for her and make him out to be the bad guy because he enjoys a much nicer lifestyle with me than she ever will. I hadn't thought through all of these downsides and baggage at the point when we started to see one another.

My good friend is the ex-wife in a situation like what you're seeking. Her professor ex-H is now with someone who has significant family money. He has the use of a great vacation home on Martha's Vineyard and a spouse whose income enables him to live a much nicer life than he did with my friend. So, it does happen. Interestingly, my friend is drop-dead gorgeous while the new woman is plain-looking, even bordering on unattractive. My friend still looks like she did 25 years ago when we were in school.

OP: Wait for your kids to leave the house. Look for women who aren't stunningly attractive and probably never were. You'll need to be as fit as possible and outstanding in bed. Hopefully, you've got above-average looks. Your clothes need to be nice enough for her to take you around her friends and families without first giving you a makeover. Be prepared for the fact that your kids will have to work out lots of issues regarding your new relationship and the fact that they won't become wealthier just because you might. (My own kids will inherit most of whatever I leave behind even if I marry this man. And I'd pay for their grad school and help with a down payment on a house for my own kids but not his, which might cause some resentment.) Do what you can now to ensure that your ex-wife doesn't interfere with your new relationship. IOW don't screw her over in divorce proceedings and give her reasons to resent you for the rest of your lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to hear women’s opinion regarding the point I am making below.

If out of every 100 Bachelor degrees 74 are awarded to women and since college degree earners earn more than non college degree earners then how are those men with only a high school education supposed to climb the ladder. Soon women will make more than men and if we go by the attitude of the women on here regarding men who earn less than women then our society is in trouble. Some of the assumptions that these men will offer *nothing* yet expect the higher earning women to still cook, clean, shop, plan etc is not necessarily accurate. Men today know that women expect them to take on an increasing share of household responsibilities and most are doing so but somehow it is dismissed. The patriarchy does not benefit all men. It benefits a few men who are at the top of the economic ladder. So I think higher earning women should be more open minded about dating men who earn less.

High earning woman here. I’m middle aged and divorced, educated during a time when those numbers were closer to 50/50. Ex-H and I traded back and forth who made more during our 20 years together, and that was never an issue. What WAS an issue is his mother had always taken care of everything for him, so he was kind of helpless. He took on more household responsibilities than his dad did (his dad was an MD and his mom stayed home, so the bar is low) but he always needed instruction and never thought it was his responsibility to OWN the household stuff. Like, I would plan the menus and do the shopping list. He could do the shopping, but then if I asked him to start dinner he’d always ask what specifically to do - as if we didnt have the same 10-15 meals week after week. The ‘mental load’ is exhausting and frustrating, and virtually all of my peers complain about it. I really hope you’re right that men are taking on an increasing share. I’m raising my boys to do that, and now that I’m divorced their dad is forced to cook and shop and run a household so they have something of a role model there, but it was definitely not the norm in my generation.

Thank you for eloquently sharing your take on this. I am going through a divorce and your household dynamics is a mirror image of mine. At first I was combative when DW asked for a divorce. But upon reflecting on my marriage I realized she just got exhausted for the same reasons you listed. I am 43 and I am sure many men my generation are going though the same thing.

Sounds repairable if you put forth the effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I make almost twice as much as my 50ish SO. I'm in my 50s, divorced, and an empty nester. It works for me at the moment because a lovely person and he's phenomenal in bed. I mean hands down the best I've ever had. He's also very physically attractive and in peak physical shape. When we were younger (I've seen pics of him) he was a 9 and I was only about a 7. I've aged much better though, at least for now.

Downsides are that it's annoying that he often has to rush home afterward to deal with his teen kids (junior and senior) and that they'll often call when he's with me to ask him for dumb things that aren't urgent, like money for DoorDash, because they know he'll say yes when put on the spot. It isn't in his kids' interest for me to marry him before they graduate from college given how financial aid works these days. My income as his wife would erase any financial aid they might otherwise have received, and I don't want to pony up the major $$$ it would take to replace that at top private colleges. My house is bigger and nicer, and in a better neighborhood, but the teens wouldn't want to move and switch high schools at this point. So, even if we wanted to live together in my house, some major logistical challenges are preventing it. Living apart in different parts of the region has a major impact on how much time we can spend together for now, and that keeps us from being able to get closer. The ex-wife is a PITA and I have to listen to him complain about her antics at least once a month. She often complains about the expensive vacations he takes with me on my dime, as if he's somehow supposed to provide that to his kids with my money. (I actually have paid for a few family trips with his kids.) I'm sure that if we married she'd try to find a way to get more child support money from him since his lifestyle would improve and his living expenses would go down. She makes far less than he does and struggles financially, so the teens feel sorry for her and make him out to be the bad guy because he enjoys a much nicer lifestyle with me than she ever will. I hadn't thought through all of these downsides and baggage at the point when we started to see one another.

My good friend is the ex-wife in a situation like what you're seeking. Her professor ex-H is now with someone who has significant family money. He has the use of a great vacation home on Martha's Vineyard and a spouse whose income enables him to live a much nicer life than he did with my friend. So, it does happen. Interestingly, my friend is drop-dead gorgeous while the new woman is plain-looking, even bordering on unattractive. My friend still looks like she did 25 years ago when we were in school.

OP: Wait for your kids to leave the house. Look for women who aren't stunningly attractive and probably never were. You'll need to be as fit as possible and outstanding in bed. Hopefully, you've got above-average looks. Your clothes need to be nice enough for her to take you around her friends and families without first giving you a makeover. Be prepared for the fact that your kids will have to work out lots of issues regarding your new relationship and the fact that they won't become wealthier just because you might. (My own kids will inherit most of whatever I leave behind even if I marry this man. And I'd pay for their grad school and help with a down payment on a house for my own kids but not his, which might cause some resentment.) Do what you can now to ensure that your ex-wife doesn't interfere with your new relationship. IOW don't screw her over in divorce proceedings and give her reasons to resent you for the rest of your lives.

Why do you consider marrying your partner, instead of just maintaining separate households? His situation sounds such PITA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of my divorced financially successful girlfriends are interested in remarrying, especially to a guy with kids and a boring job. Sorry, you don't bring much to the table.

Agree with this. Unless OP is a knockout, charming, and fun to be around. And excellent in bed. The kind of guy who has women throwing themselves at him. But a divorced economist with two kids? No thanks.

OP some places pay economists $220-$260 from what I see. Especially if you have a higher degree. Making more is totally possible if you are an economist with a personality who can lead and corral cat type personalities

[Anonymous]

PP- He really is quite wonderful as a partner. If I can hold out for two years when his kids are finally out of the house, I could see him moving in with me. Then after his youngest graduates from college, we could consider marriage if it seems right to me at that time. I definitely like having him in my life now. He offers sex and companionship, and he's very handy. We share some hobbies in common and have a great time doing them together. Also, having a good looking man in my life really keeps me on my toes as far as fitness and beauty maintenance are concerned since I'd never want people to wonder why he is with someone who let herself go.

Another important thing that people like me who depend on earning an income, albeit a higher one, should consider is that even though his income is lower than mine, it's still enough to supplement my household income so that we could afford even more luxuries and fun things. And I wouldn't need to cover every household expense myself like I currently do. It's not like a high-earning man who brings a young beautiful woman who can't even cover her own expenses into his home. Instead, my guy is a net positive financially. He also likes to handle things for me that I used to pay people to do (things like dog sitting and walking, hanging Christmas lights and setting up the tree, setting up for parties, landscaping, etc...) Another thing to consider is that in OP's case, his $120K annually might even come with a pension whereas I just have my savings and assets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP- He really is quite wonderful as a partner. If I can hold out for two years when his kids are finally out of the house, I could see him moving in with me. Then after his youngest graduates from college, we could consider marriage if it seems right to me at that time. I definitely like having him in my life now. He offers sex and companionship, and he's very handy. We share some hobbies in common and have a great time doing them together. Also, having a good looking man in my life really keeps me on my toes as far as fitness and beauty maintenance are concerned since I'd never want people to wonder why he is with someone who let herself go.

Another important thing that people like me who depend on earning an income, albeit a higher one, should consider is that even though his income is lower than mine, it's still enough to supplement my household income so that we could afford even more luxuries and fun things. And I wouldn't need to cover every household expense myself like I currently do. It's not like a high-earning man who brings a young beautiful woman who can't even cover her own expenses into his home. Instead, my guy is a net positive financially. He also likes to handle things for me that I used to pay people to do (things like dog sitting and walking, hanging Christmas lights and setting up the tree, setting up for parties, landscaping, etc...) Another thing to consider is that in OP's case, his $120K annually might even come with a pension whereas I just have my savings and assets.

Is he paying for taking you for nice dates (alternating paying with you), contributes to vacations? Or his support is mainly love language and hand holding? In your first message it seems like you are paying for almost everything. Now you say he brings some extra positive income. As a woman, I wouldn't be interesting having a kept man. That would question his motivation of being with me, and hurt my feelings.

[Anonymous]

"Is he paying for taking you for nice dates (alternating paying with you), contributes to vacations? Or his support is mainly love language and hand holding? In your first message it seems like you are paying for almost everything. Now you say he brings some extra positive income. As a woman, I wouldn't be interesting having a kept man. That would question his motivation of being with me, and hurt my feelings."

We don't live together now. He just does helpful things around my house and for me. Since he's currently supporting his own separate household, his income is tied up in that and therefore he can't spend it on expensive trips or outings. He does pay for some of our activities but I'm careful to not let him overextend himself financially when I can easily pay my share. Keep in mind that for many men, especially those who are NOT like OP and specifically seeking a wealthy woman, a woman with a significantly more expensive lifestyle is often a turnoff. Most men still want to be able to meet a woman's financial expectations. I have a single friend who just bought a huge and gorgeous renovated townhouse in the wealthiest part of her city and she did so with the awareness that it would make her undatable to many men she'd be attracted to.

I was describing what things would be like WHEN AND IF we were to combine households after his kids leave for college. Remember that a household's first dollars go toward essential costs. If you combine households, you aren't paying for two Netflix accounts or two landscape services, much less two mortgages. In my situation, he's able to maintain his own home and has raised his kids in a basic MC lifestyle. He isn't like the 20-something woman I described who has no real earning capacity and who costs money to bring her on board. Someone like my guy or OP isn't ever going to be a kept man unless he quits his job and just hangs out at the golf course all day while the woman works.

[Anonymous]

PP- For women who earn over $200K, there are extremely few men who are single and even semi-attractive to date. There is a big difference between earning $350K and dating a PhD professor you met at a conference and dating someone who earns $75K and was on the hunt for a woman with money. I could see you having your feelings hurt about the latter, but not the former.

[Anonymous]

Why would a wealthy woman want two stepkids? I'd be questioning if their colleges are well funded and if you're just looking for a payday.

[Anonymous]

I'm wealthy - if you're willing to be a SAHD who really fully manages all of the domestic work for our combined 5 kids, i'd be down. I've always said what i need in life is an awesome sah wife!