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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I make almost twice as much as my 50ish SO. I'm in my 50s, divorced, and an empty nester. It works for me at the moment because a lovely person and he's phenomenal in bed. I mean hands down the best I've ever had. He's also very physically attractive and in peak physical shape. When we were younger (I've seen pics of him) he was a 9 and I was only about a 7. I've aged much better though, at least for now.

Downsides are that it's annoying that he often has to rush home afterward to deal with his teen kids (junior and senior) and that they'll often call when he's with me to ask him for dumb things that aren't urgent, like money for DoorDash, because they know he'll say yes when put on the spot. It isn't in his kids' interest for me to marry him before they graduate from college given how financial aid works these days. My income as his wife would erase any financial aid they might otherwise have received, and I don't want to pony up the major $$$ it would take to replace that at top private colleges. My house is bigger and nicer, and in a better neighborhood, but the teens wouldn't want to move and switch high schools at this point. So, even if we wanted to live together in my house, some major logistical challenges are preventing it. Living apart in different parts of the region has a major impact on how much time we can spend together for now, and that keeps us from being able to get closer. The ex-wife is a PITA and I have to listen to him complain about her antics at least once a month. She often complains about the expensive vacations he takes with me on my dime, as if he's somehow supposed to provide that to his kids with my money. (I actually have paid for a few family trips with his kids.) I'm sure that if we married she'd try to find a way to get more child support money from him since his lifestyle would improve and his living expenses would go down. She makes far less than he does and struggles financially, so the teens feel sorry for her and make him out to be the bad guy because he enjoys a much nicer lifestyle with me than she ever will. I hadn't thought through all of these downsides and baggage at the point when we started to see one another.

My good friend is the ex-wife in a situation like what you're seeking. Her professor ex-H is now with someone who has significant family money. He has the use of a great vacation home on Martha's Vineyard and a spouse whose income enables him to live a much nicer life than he did with my friend. So, it does happen. Interestingly, my friend is drop-dead gorgeous while the new woman is plain-looking, even bordering on unattractive. My friend still looks like she did 25 years ago when we were in school.

OP: Wait for your kids to leave the house. Look for women who aren't stunningly attractive and probably never were. You'll need to be as fit as possible and outstanding in bed. Hopefully, you've got above-average looks. Your clothes need to be nice enough for her to take you around her friends and families without first giving you a makeover. Be prepared for the fact that your kids will have to work out lots of issues regarding your new relationship and the fact that they won't become wealthier just because you might. (My own kids will inherit most of whatever I leave behind even if I marry this man. And I'd pay for their grad school and help with a down payment on a house for my own kids but not his, which might cause some resentment.) Do what you can now to ensure that your ex-wife doesn't interfere with your new relationship. IOW don't screw her over in divorce proceedings and give her reasons to resent you for the rest of your lives.

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Why do you consider marrying your partner, instead of just maintaining separate households? His situation sounds such PITA[/quote]

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