I hate where we live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We both hate where we live but due to the housing market we feel very very trapped. We have a one bedroom apartment in the city of Alexandria it's terrible. I hate my life, my cars been broken into 3 times, the doors on our complex used to lock but have been unlocked and open for 9 months now. Sewer bill and water bill for one month was over $140. The neighbors we share walls with are rude jerks so I have to listen to music and video games 24/7, smell weed smoke, hear people yelling all the time, it's really unbelievable we find ourselves in this situation. Mind blowing really. We are trapped.

You're not trapped.

Make a plan for change and the execute it.

Stop engaging in learned helplessness. You simply try to renounce personal responsibility for the situation you are in.

Prepare to make some real sacrifices if you need to, to start making positive changes,and stop your belly aching.

Why are you so rude to this pp? Geeze who pissed in your Cheerios?

It was good advice. (NP) we can be victims of circumstance or choose our life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one put a gun to your head to move here. If you were so against it, you should have never married your significant other.

It's her husband's fault of course. She has no autonomy or choice. It's all bad,don't you see, and she was forced into the situation by her misogynist husband and by the patriarchy. She's just s feeble victim.

Ok. I feel like I’m in the same situation. I have a job that I can do pretty much anywhere and can support myself and my kids.
I moved here expecting to be here only a couple of years, but now DH won’t move back.
He’s told me that if I take the kids and leave he will divorce me, fight me for custody, and make the kids’ lives miserable.

What are my options? I feel like I have no autonomy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moved here 25 years ago, girlfriend joined me, became my wife and we have 3 kids. She’s hated Alexandria since 2003 and never lets me forget it. Either move or keep cheerful but don’t complain about it every 72 hours.

Life in your town has gone on without you and your absence has been filled, friends and family have new responsibilities and tighter social circles, your return to Pottersville may not be what you were expecting.
What you may really be missing is being childless and 27.

You've put up with your spouses griping for 25 years? Sit her down and gently but firmly say, "I love you but you need to stop whining about this. Make the best of it or don't. If you really hate it here, there's the door. Don't let it hit you on the rear end on your way out."

I bet that if he would actually let her and the 3 kids go, they would be out the door.

As it is, he’s using the kids to trap her into staying with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moved here 25 years ago, girlfriend joined me, became my wife and we have 3 kids. She’s hated Alexandria since 2003 and never lets me forget it. Either move or keep cheerful but don’t complain about it every 72 hours.

Life in your town has gone on without you and your absence has been filled, friends and family have new responsibilities and tighter social circles, your return to Pottersville may not be what you were expecting.
What you may really be missing is being childless and 27.

You've put up with your spouses griping for 25 years? Sit her down and gently but firmly say, "I love you but you need to stop whining about this. Make the best of it or don't. If you really hate it here, there's the door. Don't let it hit you on the rear end on your way out."

I bet that if he would actually let her and the 3 kids go, they would be out the door.

As it is, he’s using the kids to trap her into staying with him.

No, she couldn't just take the kids with her. You're missing the point that these sorts of conflicts aren't really about where they live at all. That's just a symptom of the overall relationship dysfunction and inability to resolve conflicts. PP says he has listened to his wife complain about it for 25 years, but he doesn't want to move. The issue needs to be resolved one way or the other. She needs to stop complaining, or he needs to learn to accept her complaining as the cost of not moving. But him complaining about her complaining is pointless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moved here 25 years ago, girlfriend joined me, became my wife and we have 3 kids. She’s hated Alexandria since 2003 and never lets me forget it. Either move or keep cheerful but don’t complain about it every 72 hours.

Life in your town has gone on without you and your absence has been filled, friends and family have new responsibilities and tighter social circles, your return to Pottersville may not be what you were expecting.
What you may really be missing is being childless and 27.

You've put up with your spouses griping for 25 years? Sit her down and gently but firmly say, "I love you but you need to stop whining about this. Make the best of it or don't. If you really hate it here, there's the door. Don't let it hit you on the rear end on your way out."

I bet that if he would actually let her and the 3 kids go, they would be out the door.

As it is, he’s using the kids to trap her into staying with him.

No, she couldn't just take the kids with her. You're missing the point that these sorts of conflicts aren't really about where they live at all. That's just a symptom of the overall relationship dysfunction and inability to resolve conflicts. PP says he has listened to his wife complain about it for 25 years, but he doesn't want to move. The issue needs to be resolved one way or the other. She needs to stop complaining, or he needs to learn to accept her complaining as the cost of not moving. But him complaining about her complaining is pointless

I don’t leverage the kids to stay in NoVa; our situation is unique because I sort of have a tiger by the tail and that tiger provides us an incredible life. That same tiger is was raised in northern Virginia and would not do well in southern Florida- in fact it would die.
I really like new places and I would move but I don’t want to be poor and my DW definitely doesn’t what to be poor. Life is wonderful here and the reasons for not leaving are many, so don’t complain when you see Florida on TV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one put a gun to your head to move here. If you were so against it, you should have never married your significant other.

It's her husband's fault of course. She has no autonomy or choice. It's all bad,don't you see, and she was forced into the situation by her misogynist husband and by the patriarchy. She's just s feeble victim.

Ok. I feel like I’m in the same situation. I have a job that I can do pretty much anywhere and can support myself and my kids.
I moved here expecting to be here only a couple of years, but now DH won’t move back.
He’s told me that if I take the kids and leave he will divorce me, fight me for custody, and make the kids’ lives miserable.

What are my options? I feel like I have no autonomy.

You have to separate out you leaving from you "taking the kids" with you. Second woman who has made that assumption. You have the absolute right to leave the marriage and live wherever you please. You don't have any right to remove the kids from their home. Obviously you could fight it out in court but why are you assuming you could automatically "take the kids"? Because you're the woman? This isn't the 1950s.

Has he literally told you he will make the kids lives miserable? Or did you throw that in there to demonize him?

No reason the kids lives will be miserable. You want to leave, then leave. You or he files for divorce. Guess what? It's very unlikely any judge is going to order that school age children will have to leave their existing home just because mommy is bored of her life and going through a mid life crisis.

But as you said you can do your job anywhere. Go do that, and send the child support checks to your ex husband, who will be the custodial parent. No need to fight over anything. What your husband told you is you have no right to leave the home AND take the children with you, and he is absolutely right about that. You are borderline delusional and very entitled to think otherwise, so some therapy might be a good idea before you take any life changing steps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We both hate where we live but due to the housing market we feel very very trapped. We have a one bedroom apartment in the city of Alexandria it's terrible. I hate my life, my cars been broken into 3 times, the doors on our complex used to lock but have been unlocked and open for 9 months now. Sewer bill and water bill for one month was over $140. The neighbors we share walls with are rude jerks so I have to listen to music and video games 24/7, smell weed smoke, hear people yelling all the time, it's really unbelievable we find ourselves in this situation. Mind blowing really. We are trapped.

Alexandra used to be really nice. What happened?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We both hate where we live but due to the housing market we feel very very trapped. We have a one bedroom apartment in the city of Alexandria it's terrible. I hate my life, my cars been broken into 3 times, the doors on our complex used to lock but have been unlocked and open for 9 months now. Sewer bill and water bill for one month was over $140. The neighbors we share walls with are rude jerks so I have to listen to music and video games 24/7, smell weed smoke, hear people yelling all the time, it's really unbelievable we find ourselves in this situation. Mind blowing really. We are trapped.

Alexandra used to be really nice. What happened?

Sounds like excessive street crime. Due to democratic policies no doubt. So they have cognitive dissonance since they can't admit to what the real problem is: it's not their geography it's their own politics. They can't admit that they were wrong and have become the victims of their own self made and self encouraged crime waves

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We both hate where we live but due to the housing market we feel very very trapped. We have a one bedroom apartment in the city of Alexandria it's terrible. I hate my life, my cars been broken into 3 times, the doors on our complex used to lock but have been unlocked and open for 9 months now. Sewer bill and water bill for one month was over $140. The neighbors we share walls with are rude jerks so I have to listen to music and video games 24/7, smell weed smoke, hear people yelling all the time, it's really unbelievable we find ourselves in this situation. Mind blowing really. We are trapped.

You're not trapped.

Make a plan for change and the execute it.

Stop engaging in learned helplessness. You simply try to renounce personal responsibility for the situation you are in.

Prepare to make some real sacrifices if you need to, to start making positive changes,and stop your belly aching.

Way to kick someone who's down. Wtf?

[Anonymous]

I live in the worst place I’ve lived, I hear you, OP. Some places just suck!

[Anonymous]

Please focus on cognitive behavioral therapy. There are so many problems evident in your current thinking:

M1) you are surrounded by family but say you have no support

2) a member of your immediate family has had serious health problems, and instead of being glad that you were close by to support them, you say that makes you wish you were far away

3) you think you are being forced to use anti-depressants because your husband won’t move. That is not how mental illness works.

4) Did it ever occur to you that it is good for your husband and children to have other family members around because you are so constantly miserable?

5) work on you. Get therapy. Maybe get a job or volunteer. There is nothing magical about relocating. You carry your mental health (or lack thereof) inside of you. There is no escaping it. You must do the work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one put a gun to your head to move here. If you were so against it, you should have never married your significant other.

It's her husband's fault of course. She has no autonomy or choice. It's all bad,don't you see, and she was forced into the situation by her misogynist husband and by the patriarchy. She's just s feeble victim.

Ok. I feel like I’m in the same situation. I have a job that I can do pretty much anywhere and can support myself and my kids.
I moved here expecting to be here only a couple of years, but now DH won’t move back.
He’s told me that if I take the kids and leave he will divorce me, fight me for custody, and make the kids’ lives miserable.

What are my options? I feel like I have no autonomy.

You have to separate out you leaving from you "taking the kids" with you. Second woman who has made that assumption. You have the absolute right to leave the marriage and live wherever you please. You don't have any right to remove the kids from their home. Obviously you could fight it out in court but why are you assuming you could automatically "take the kids"? Because you're the woman? This isn't the 1950s.

Has he literally told you he will make the kids lives miserable? Or did you throw that in there to demonize him?

No reason the kids lives will be miserable. You want to leave, then leave. You or he files for divorce. Guess what? It's very unlikely any judge is going to order that school age children will have to leave their existing home just because mommy is bored of her life and going through a mid life crisis.

But as you said you can do your job anywhere. Go do that, and send the child support checks to your ex husband, who will be the custodial parent. No need to fight over anything. What your husband told you is you have no right to leave the home AND take the children with you, and he is absolutely right about that. You are borderline delusional and very entitled to think otherwise, so some therapy might be a good idea before you take any life changing steps.

What would be the point of leaving and not taking the kids? The reason I want to leave is so that the kids can grow up around people who love them.

I’m fine here, but they aren’t. And he did say that he would make their lives miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one put a gun to your head to move here. If you were so against it, you should have never married your significant other.

It's her husband's fault of course. She has no autonomy or choice. It's all bad,don't you see, and she was forced into the situation by her misogynist husband and by the patriarchy. She's just s feeble victim.

Ok. I feel like I’m in the same situation. I have a job that I can do pretty much anywhere and can support myself and my kids.
I moved here expecting to be here only a couple of years, but now DH won’t move back.
He’s told me that if I take the kids and leave he will divorce me, fight me for custody, and make the kids’ lives miserable.

What are my options? I feel like I have no autonomy.

You have to separate out you leaving from you "taking the kids" with you. Second woman who has made that assumption. You have the absolute right to leave the marriage and live wherever you please. You don't have any right to remove the kids from their home. Obviously you could fight it out in court but why are you assuming you could automatically "take the kids"? Because you're the woman? This isn't the 1950s.

Has he literally told you he will make the kids lives miserable? Or did you throw that in there to demonize him?

No reason the kids lives will be miserable. You want to leave, then leave. You or he files for divorce. Guess what? It's very unlikely any judge is going to order that school age children will have to leave their existing home just because mommy is bored of her life and going through a mid life crisis.

But as you said you can do your job anywhere. Go do that, and send the child support checks to your ex husband, who will be the custodial parent. No need to fight over anything. What your husband told you is you have no right to leave the home AND take the children with you, and he is absolutely right about that. You are borderline delusional and very entitled to think otherwise, so some therapy might be a good idea before you take any life changing steps.

What would be the point of leaving and not taking the kids? The reason I want to leave is so that the kids can grow up around people who love them.

I’m fine here, but they aren’t. And he did say that he would make their lives miserable.

OP, do what works for you and your kids. Ignore the locals that chime in rudely, since they never left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please focus on cognitive behavioral therapy. There are so many problems evident in your current thinking:

M1) you are surrounded by family but say you have no support

2) a member of your immediate family has had serious health problems, and instead of being glad that you were close by to support them, you say that makes you wish you were far away

3) you think you are being forced to use anti-depressants because your husband won’t move. That is not how mental illness works.

4) Did it ever occur to you that it is good for your husband and children to have other family members around because you are so constantly miserable?

5) work on you. Get therapy. Maybe get a job or volunteer. There is nothing magical about relocating. You carry your mental health (or lack thereof) inside of you. There is no escaping it. You must do the work.

You misread. She doesn’t live near her family. She wishes she were nearby when her family member was ill. And I’m sure that she thinks it would be good for her husband and children to have other family members around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please focus on cognitive behavioral therapy. There are so many problems evident in your current thinking:

M1) you are surrounded by family but say you have no support

2) a member of your immediate family has had serious health problems, and instead of being glad that you were close by to support them, you say that makes you wish you were far away

3) you think you are being forced to use anti-depressants because your husband won’t move. That is not how mental illness works.

4) Did it ever occur to you that it is good for your husband and children to have other family members around because you are so constantly miserable?

5) work on you. Get therapy. Maybe get a job or volunteer. There is nothing magical about relocating. You carry your mental health (or lack thereof) inside of you. There is no escaping it. You must do the work.

Dp
How can you have such severe reading comprehension issues? Are you really tired right now?