I hate where we live.

[Anonymous]

No one put a gun to your head to move here. If you were so against it, you should have never married your significant other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm absolutely in the same boat. After college, my XH and I agreed that we would move to CA, because I have family there. While I was in grad school, he got a job in the DC area and said it would only be for a few years. Well 15+ years later, we never left, and then he cheated. So I'm trapped and isolated here until my youngest graduates HS.

My other half of the family lives in a red state, but I would still move back even if the politics are complicated. The problem I find with this area is that everyone is so high strung. From work to schools to traffic to Costco. It's the same tension all over.

Omg. This is horrible. I’m so sorry. Are you with your DH currently?

[Anonymous]

You nailed it OP without realizing it. You said "most of the time I'm miserable "

The problem is you. You're a miserable person.

Moving won't change that.

Stop looking for answers to your misery outside yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We both hate where we live but due to the housing market we feel very very trapped. We have a one bedroom apartment in the city of Alexandria it's terrible. I hate my life, my cars been broken into 3 times, the doors on our complex used to lock but have been unlocked and open for 9 months now. Sewer bill and water bill for one month was over $140. The neighbors we share walls with are rude jerks so I have to listen to music and video games 24/7, smell weed smoke, hear people yelling all the time, it's really unbelievable we find ourselves in this situation. Mind blowing really. We are trapped.

You're not trapped.

Make a plan for change and the execute it.

Stop engaging in learned helplessness. You simply try to renounce personal responsibility for the situation you are in.

Prepare to make some real sacrifices if you need to, to start making positive changes,and stop your belly aching.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Moved here 25 years ago, girlfriend joined me, became my wife and we have 3 kids. She’s hated Alexandria since 2003 and never lets me forget it. Either move or keep cheerful but don’t complain about it every 72 hours.

Life in your town has gone on without you and your absence has been filled, friends and family have new responsibilities and tighter social circles, your return to Pottersville may not be what you were expecting.
What you may really be missing is being childless and 27.

You've put up with your spouses griping for 25 years? Sit her down and gently but firmly say, "I love you but you need to stop whining about this. Make the best of it or don't. If you really hate it here, there's the door. Don't let it hit you on the rear end on your way out."

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. I'm sorry that you're unhappy. I'm sorry that your spouse isn't turning towards you and trying to be empathetic when you express how you feel. I'm sorry you're stuck somewhere that doesn't feel like the right fit.

I would recommend couple's counseling. Maybe the answer isn't moving . . . maybe it's visiting family more or other structural changes to your daily life. But maybe it is. And you deserve to be treated like a full partner in your marriage and have that conversation. "Can't wrap my head around it" is not how we approach our spouses when they express dissatisfaction.

It also sounds like losing friends has impacted how you feel; I wonder if having some "ride or die" friendships develop could help if you stay where you are. So I'd try to invest in friendships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one put a gun to your head to move here. If you were so against it, you should have never married your significant other.

It's her husband's fault of course. She has no autonomy or choice. It's all bad,don't you see, and she was forced into the situation by her misogynist husband and by the patriarchy. She's just s feeble victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one put a gun to your head to move here. If you were so against it, you should have never married your significant other.

OP here - thanks for your valuable feedback! You sound like a real peach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one put a gun to your head to move here. If you were so against it, you should have never married your significant other.

Or they could just… move again? I assume OP and her family aren’t planted in concrete…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one put a gun to your head to move here. If you were so against it, you should have never married your significant other.

OP here - thanks for your valuable feedback! You sound like a real peach.

Don’t worry about these jerks, OP. DC does indeed suck and you are getting some great examples of why in this thread.

[Anonymous]

How many more years before the children are in college? I’d say move then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You nailed it OP without realizing it. You said "most of the time I'm miserable "

The problem is you. You're a miserable person.

Moving won't change that.

Stop looking for answers to your misery outside yourself.

Talk about projection, you nasty, miserable hag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We both hate where we live but due to the housing market we feel very very trapped. We have a one bedroom apartment in the city of Alexandria it's terrible. I hate my life, my cars been broken into 3 times, the doors on our complex used to lock but have been unlocked and open for 9 months now. Sewer bill and water bill for one month was over $140. The neighbors we share walls with are rude jerks so I have to listen to music and video games 24/7, smell weed smoke, hear people yelling all the time, it's really unbelievable we find ourselves in this situation. Mind blowing really. We are trapped.

You're not trapped.

Make a plan for change and the execute it.

Stop engaging in learned helplessness. You simply try to renounce personal responsibility for the situation you are in.

Prepare to make some real sacrifices if you need to, to start making positive changes,and stop your belly aching.

Why are you so rude to this pp? Geeze who pissed in your Cheerios?

[Anonymous]

DP
One small thing I do is keep our home show ready to sell. I'd need one day's notice for a photographer to slap this baby on redfin and have people visit and open closets/drawers. I get rid of clutter and will not waste a second if the opportunity to move arises. It also helps my mental state to leave and stay out of town as long as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DP
One small thing I do is keep our home show ready to sell. I'd need one day's notice for a photographer to slap this baby on redfin and have people visit and open closets/drawers. I get rid of clutter and will not waste a second if the opportunity to move arises. It also helps my mental state to leave and stay out of town as long as possible.

OP - I hear you! If H said we could move tomorrow I’d have our place listed.

Thank you everybody who had kind words to share. And I’m really sorry that so many of us are in the same boat.