No-show at kids' bday party

[Anonymous]

Look, I would be annoyed if I had plans to catch up over coffee and a friend no-showed.

Of course it’s normal to be annoyed the other family no-showed for your kid’s party. Her attitude afterwards was especially crass. It’s definitely noted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just went to a kid birthday party yesterday at a venue. The whole family was invited. I RSVPed for 4, thinking I would go with my 3 kids. At the last minute, DH got off work early and he and my oldest son went mountain biking, so I only showed up with 3 of us.
I didn’t really think to communicate to the host or apologize.

I don’t think I’m used to this super limited venue.

8 kids seems like an odd number too. It’s very possible that you invited all but 2-3 boys from the class. It’s possible that you were the rude one, OP.

So you’re teaching your child that if something comes up that they’d rather do it’s ok to no show to something you RSVP’d yes for? And then you’re fabricating some totally unsupported scenario in which OP’s kid left out just a couple boys from class.

Yep.
And I still think I’m right on all of it.

Wow. You’re awful. Let’s hope your kids marry someone with greater social skills and consideration for others than their parents had.

I hope that my kids marry someone who wants to hang out with their family if they get off work early, like their dad.

I would honestly be disappointed if my son married someone who would leave him home alone because the rest of the family RSVPed to a child’s birthday party and he was supposed to be at work.

I do not think it is a big deal to take one less kid. I am wondering if your entire family was invited. Why didn’t DH just go to the party too? Or did you rsvp with extra siblings?

I have 3 kids. I absolutely hate when families RSVP with extra kids without even asking first.

The entire family was invited. It was clear on the invitation. I didn’t RSVP for DH because I thought he would be at work. He ended up getting off early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like folks who blow things off never hosted a kids birthday party. Not like glorified play date at the house but something at a venue.

Really? I was thinking the opposite. That OP doesn’t host a lot of parties or events and kind of blew this out of proportion.

Yeah my rule is as follows - birthdays are fun. I am not hosting any event that is not going to be fun for me and I’m not letting anything ruin my fun. That means not booking any venue that feels too “high stakes” where the day is ruined if if someone doesn’t show or it rains or whatever. And telling my kids that we are gonna have a blast whether the whole class comes or just the four of us. And remembering that there is a wide range of human behavior and most of it is not intended as an insult to me. attitude makes all the difference. For these special occasions you really just have to choose to have a good time.

It seems like it would be exhausting to keep score of all these little grievances.

OP didn't say the day was ruined. Just that she was annoyed. And it's really not hard to remember things like this. Most people have enough brain cells to keep track of lots of bits of information that can be recalled when needed. So, store this nugget of information for when the next party rolls around.

Yeah definitely make sure to file it away so the kid gets proper revenge exacted for their parents behavior

[Anonymous]

Haven’t read most of the PPs, but things like this is why I don’t throw birthday parties. Needless stress. Our family enjoys getaways and that’s a tradition we look forward to.

Yes it would be annoying for a wordless no show, but as some have mentioned, some parents (like my DH) lack organizational skills and can really forget, or there can be something bad that happened. I probably would reach out to see what happened. If the parent is lame about it, I would not invite them to anything else.

And some people who are really social are really good at throwing parties at their houses. Those tend to be the best parties from my experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wait until sports schedules impact attendance.

My kids play sports and I RSVP based on if we can attend or not. Games are scheduled weeks in advance. There are no “SURPRISE!” tournaments scheduled the night before.

It’s not hard. My kids get invited to stuff all the time. At least a part of that is that I respond quickly with our availability.

Nobody’s offended if my kid can’t come because of a game. People do get offended if you say you’re going to come and don’t. That’s disrespectful no matter what age you are.

If I am not sure and kid is not a super good friend, I don’t rsvp until we know for sure.

For a very close frkend, we make it a priority. For my son’s best friend, we have adjusted our travel plans. My kid has missed a sports game for a close friend. Or we have gone late even if just in Time for cake. If not close frirnd, we will miss.

+1 This is exactly what we do too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just went to a kid birthday party yesterday at a venue. The whole family was invited. I RSVPed for 4, thinking I would go with my 3 kids. At the last minute, DH got off work early and he and my oldest son went mountain biking, so I only showed up with 3 of us.
I didn’t really think to communicate to the host or apologize.

I don’t think I’m used to this super limited venue.

8 kids seems like an odd number too. It’s very possible that you invited all but 2-3 boys from the class. It’s possible that you were the rude one, OP.

So you’re teaching your child that if something comes up that they’d rather do it’s ok to no show to something you RSVP’d yes for? And then you’re fabricating some totally unsupported scenario in which OP’s kid left out just a couple boys from class.

Yep.
And I still think I’m right on all of it.

What class has about 20 kids in it such that a few boys were left out (2 out if 10)? You have quite the active imagination to concoct this theory and then declare yourself absolutely correct.

Yeah. I don’t think it takes an active imagination to only have 10-12 boys in an elementary school classroom.

I also don’t think my son was missed the at birthday party.

I still think I’m right on both counts. Particularly the second one since I was there.

Your unearned confidence is really something.

Maybe OP goes to an all boys’ school, so the entire class is boys.

Or maybe half of the invited kids are not from school, but from outside activities. That was true of my kid’s last party.

And, of course, everybody looked like they had a good time without your son, but that doesn’t make it any less breathtakingly rude for you to allow him to blow off an invitation he’s accepted for something that sounds more fun. Respecting your commitments is basic consideration for other people.

Having said that, it’s not so bad if the venue is somebody’s house or a picnic at the park or something like that. But if it’s somewhere that is limited space or pay-per-head then it’s incredibly inconsiderate.

I guess my point is that stuff like this isn’t immediately obvious to everyone.

A venue that only allows 8 people is incredibly small. Unless OP shared that space was limited and she had replacement children lined up in case of cancellations, I’m not sure that this would have been clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Things happen and it’s just a birthday party. Start doing them at home and be flexible on guest list and times, you’ll be a happier person for it.

Not sure if you've ever thrown a birthday party at a specific venue, but many have number limits, and they're not inexpensive. Beyond the cost, simply ghosting on a party is bad manners. I hope you do realize that?

Yes, it's bad manners on their part. You have bad manners too by not letting it go. Geez, just a kid party. I hosted a party and my CC for my son and only about 70% of the kids that RSVPd turned up. Son was happy; I'm happy. I already forgot who the ill mannered folks who didn't turn up after rsvp-ing 'yes' were.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Things happen and it’s just a birthday party. Start doing them at home and be flexible on guest list and times, you’ll be a happier person for it.

Not sure if you've ever thrown a birthday party at a specific venue, but many have number limits, and they're not inexpensive. Beyond the cost, simply ghosting on a party is bad manners. I hope you do realize that?

DP and I have throw parties at venues with limits more times than I like to remember and the times I do remember - that’s when all the invited kids showed up 😅 Seriously you have to go into it with a sunk cost mentality. Things happen. and this is a kids birthday party so for some families and parents it’s not going to trump whatever is going on their own life.

[Anonymous]

I did that one time because my kid had a fever in the morning of party. I texted about the fever, apologized for my kid not able to make it, and said happy birthday on my kid's behalf. I told them we will drop off the gift at school once my kid back to school. My kid was sick for 5 days at home and I bet no host wanted us to come in fever medicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just went to a kid birthday party yesterday at a venue. The whole family was invited. I RSVPed for 4, thinking I would go with my 3 kids. At the last minute, DH got off work early and he and my oldest son went mountain biking, so I only showed up with 3 of us.
I didn’t really think to communicate to the host or apologize.

I don’t think I’m used to this super limited venue.

8 kids seems like an odd number too. It’s very possible that you invited all but 2-3 boys from the class. It’s possible that you were the rude one, OP.

So you’re teaching your child that if something comes up that they’d rather do it’s ok to no show to something you RSVP’d yes for? And then you’re fabricating some totally unsupported scenario in which OP’s kid left out just a couple boys from class.

Yep.
And I still think I’m right on all of it.

Wow. You’re awful. Let’s hope your kids marry someone with greater social skills and consideration for others than their parents had.

I hope that my kids marry someone who wants to hang out with their family if they get off work early, like their dad.

I would honestly be disappointed if my son married someone who would leave him home alone because the rest of the family RSVPed to a child’s birthday party and he was supposed to be at work.

Is a bike ride with dad such a rare occurrence that it’s worth no showing to a party for?

My DH spends hours with our kids every day (eating breakfast, coaching sports, etc.) and we do tons of family stuff on the weekend. So it just wouldn’t even cross our minds that a kid hanging out with dad would amount to some special occasion to cancel plans.

But this seems to be the case for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just went to a kid birthday party yesterday at a venue. The whole family was invited. I RSVPed for 4, thinking I would go with my 3 kids. At the last minute, DH got off work early and he and my oldest son went mountain biking, so I only showed up with 3 of us.
I didn’t really think to communicate to the host or apologize.

I don’t think I’m used to this super limited venue.

8 kids seems like an odd number too. It’s very possible that you invited all but 2-3 boys from the class. It’s possible that you were the rude one, OP.

So you’re teaching your child that if something comes up that they’d rather do it’s ok to no show to something you RSVP’d yes for? And then you’re fabricating some totally unsupported scenario in which OP’s kid left out just a couple boys from class.

Yep.
And I still think I’m right on all of it.

Wow. You’re awful. Let’s hope your kids marry someone with greater social skills and consideration for others than their parents had.

I hope that my kids marry someone who wants to hang out with their family if they get off work early, like their dad.

I would honestly be disappointed if my son married someone who would leave him home alone because the rest of the family RSVPed to a child’s birthday party and he was supposed to be at work.

Is a bike ride with dad such a rare occurrence that it’s worth no showing to a party for?

My DH spends hours with our kids every day (eating breakfast, coaching sports, etc.) and we do tons of family stuff on the weekend. So it just wouldn’t even cross our minds that a kid hanging out with dad would amount to some special occasion to cancel plans.

But this seems to be the case for your family.

+1. PP’s post is so sad! “I was so desperate for my husband to hang out with my kid I let them flake out on a party”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haven’t read most of the PPs, but things like this is why I don’t throw birthday parties. Needless stress. Our family enjoys getaways and that’s a tradition we look forward to.

Yes it would be annoying for a wordless no show, but as some have mentioned, some parents (like my DH) lack organizational skills and can really forget, or there can be something bad that happened. I probably would reach out to see what happened. If the parent is lame about it, I would not invite them to anything else.

And some people who are really social are really good at throwing parties at their houses. Those tend to be the best parties from my experience.

Lol, so you enjoy other people’s parties but never throw any yourself? Hopefully you reciprocate in other ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t even believe some of these replies. OP, yes you are right to be annoyed.

If you say that you will be somewhere and someone else is paying for you/hosting you/expecting you, it is important that you either show up as expected or communicate when things change to let them know that something like illness or another unanticipated situation has come up. At that time you apologize because you assume the host will be feeling potential disappointment and/or has incurred costs pertaining to your presence.

If there is some very extenuating circumstance that precludes you from communicating at the appropriate time before the party (say you got in a car accident or something), then at your very earliest opportunity you communicate profuse apologies for having missed the event without notice.

At no point do you need to give the host a specific excuse or explanation as to why you could not attend. It is fine to keep things private if that is your wish. But both the lack of appropriate communication timing and the lack of genuine apology in this case (texter did technically say sorry but it was weak sauce) would be grounds for OP to feel annoyance/irritation. They were rude. You are justified in being annoyed. I’m validating you and I hate when dcum trolls always stand up for rude people and say give grace. And then there’s really nothing to do but let it go.

You can't believe some people are gracious and forgiving and put things in perspective?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just went to a kid birthday party yesterday at a venue. The whole family was invited. I RSVPed for 4, thinking I would go with my 3 kids. At the last minute, DH got off work early and he and my oldest son went mountain biking, so I only showed up with 3 of us.
I didn’t really think to communicate to the host or apologize.

I don’t think I’m used to this super limited venue.

8 kids seems like an odd number too. It’s very possible that you invited all but 2-3 boys from the class. It’s possible that you were the rude one, OP.

So you’re teaching your child that if something comes up that they’d rather do it’s ok to no show to something you RSVP’d yes for? And then you’re fabricating some totally unsupported scenario in which OP’s kid left out just a couple boys from class.

Yep.
And I still think I’m right on all of it.

Wow. You’re awful. Let’s hope your kids marry someone with greater social skills and consideration for others than their parents had.

I hope that my kids marry someone who wants to hang out with their family if they get off work early, like their dad.

I would honestly be disappointed if my son married someone who would leave him home alone because the rest of the family RSVPed to a child’s birthday party and he was supposed to be at work.

Is a bike ride with dad such a rare occurrence that it’s worth no showing to a party for?

My DH spends hours with our kids every day (eating breakfast, coaching sports, etc.) and we do tons of family stuff on the weekend. So it just wouldn’t even cross our minds that a kid hanging out with dad would amount to some special occasion to cancel plans.

But this seems to be the case for your family.

That's nice dear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like folks who blow things off never hosted a kids birthday party. Not like glorified play date at the house but something at a venue.

Really? I was thinking the opposite. That OP doesn’t host a lot of parties or events and kind of blew this out of proportion.

Yeah my rule is as follows - birthdays are fun. I am not hosting any event that is not going to be fun for me and I’m not letting anything ruin my fun. That means not booking any venue that feels too “high stakes” where the day is ruined if if someone doesn’t show or it rains or whatever. And telling my kids that we are gonna have a blast whether the whole class comes or just the four of us. And remembering that there is a wide range of human behavior and most of it is not intended as an insult to me. attitude makes all the difference. For these special occasions you really just have to choose to have a good time.

It seems like it would be exhausting to keep score of all these little grievances.

OP didn't say the day was ruined. Just that she was annoyed. And it's really not hard to remember things like this. Most people have enough brain cells to keep track of lots of bits of information that can be recalled when needed. So, store this nugget of information for when the next party rolls around.

Yeah definitely make sure to file it away so the kid gets proper revenge exacted for their parents behavior

Then maybe the parents need to do better. Their loss, not mine. They likely had something better come up and now i know they aren’t the type to show up for my kid.