2023: where will you move when your kids leave home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rome. DD will go to college in Italy. Will stay in family lake cabin for six weeks every summer. If Trump is re-elected, may send her to high school there and work remotely.

You know Giorgia Meloni is the Italian Prime Minister with huge support and she's very much a firm populist and the Italians, like many countries in Europe, have moved decisively to the right on many issues re immigration etc, which is sort of what Trump's platform was. Not sure how she would be better than Trump, but perhaps you're damaged by the TDS?

Came here to say this.

If a person wants to leave if DJT gets re-elected, I get it. Go ahead. If I had more resources, I may do the same.

But choosing Italy really shows a lack of political awareness

Ha! You don’t seem very political aware of the Italian elections dynamic. Choosing Italy because it’s in Europe, I’m fluent in Italian and have Italian citizenship. Yes, I could move anywhere in Europe, but Italy feels like home in away that the US has not since 2016. Fewer mass shootings. Affordable college. Strong healthcare system. Annoying politics - but more turnover for better or for worse.

You can tell yourself whatever you want. But let's not kid ourselves that leaving the US to escape Turnip by going to Italy is a bit silly. Italians aren't the beau ideal of progressives.

Progressives by your very myopic, American perspective. There are left leaning parties that are against immigration in places like Sweden and Denmark but would be called socialist by every other metric. The socialist president of Peru Pedro Castillo has more in common with Ron DeSantis than Ayanna Pressley on LGBTQ issues but is far the left of anyone in the Democrat Party on every other issue and reveres Fidel Castro.

Just because people don’t neatly fall in line with a bourgeoisie, UMC, Americanized definition of “progressive” doesn’t mean they aren’t left leaning. Italy has a much stronger social safety net, better quality of life for working and middle class people (vacation time and parental leave for example), and has a more equitable healthcare system as well. The new president hasn’t disabled any of these systems because she’s not a traditional American right winger / libertarian.

That's not helping the birth rate in Italy.

[Anonymous]

Nowhere, because we will still have jobs in DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I have lived in the city (DC) for the past 25+ years in 3 different homes and we are finally done with this city. Not bagging on it, but we are ready to stop taking care of a home and start living our semi-retired lives in a new place. We both have remote jobs and can live anywhere. We hate the frigid cold but also don’t want to burn up in the desert SW. We think out West is best because of the natural beauty, national parks, and lower density of humans. But we don’t want to live super remote. Anyone else either moved already or making plans to go someplace that fits this bill or plans to go? Help us decide!!!

Sounds like San Diego would be a nice fit.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont get people who want to move away from friends and community they spent 18+ years building unless its totally unaffordable. When my kids are grown ill get to garden more, spend more time with the friends i made and enjoy my neighborhood more.

We never found our community here and we hate the weather. Why stay.

The DC area does not "do" community. I lived in Nova and DC for 15 years and just recently moved to Texas. The difference is remarkable. Other places actually do things to naturally foster community, and they prioritize community. DC does not. I think there are great aspects to DC, but feeling like you have roots, like it's your home, a sense of community, is not one of them. There is nothing to stay for.

I’m a fifth generation Washingtonian. Natives have community. Sorry you didn’t.

[Anonymous]

Look into Bellingham, WA. Small/medium-ish city about 2 hours north of Seattle - easy access to a major airport and world-class medical care, but without the daily hassle of living in a major city.

Weather is typical of the PNW: grey, very mild year-round. Don't let the near-constant drizzle get to you, it never rains hard enough to stop you from going out. Never gets super hot or super cold.

Tons of access to the San Juan islands, Cascade mountains, and other natural beauty. Water sports galore. Skiing in the winter. Easy hop to Vancouver BC.

Lots of indie art type culture - local bands, art festivals, local theater.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends where my kids end up.

No. Please don't be sure that will be for the best.
My mom moved to the area after I had my first child and she decided she wanted to be a very involved grandparent.
I warned her she wouldn't like it here, and cautioned against it time and time again when she would bring it up.
DC is very different from where she was born and raised and spent her whole life until at 65 she wanted to move to be near us. I hadn't lived anywhere near family for 10 years at this point, so it wasn't a new thing for me to be "gone".
She wore me down and I couldn't stop her, and she ended up moving 10 minutes away from us in the city. Was it good for childcare? Sure, for a little bit.
But at the same time it made us feel trapped here, when perhaps in those early years we would've made a different move. It strained my relationship with her. She never adapted to east coast urban life and became depressed and isolated.
Cue health problems (exacerbated by alcoholism and depression) and in the span of 5 years i was trying to manage 2 little kids and caretake for a parent with serious health issues in a place she had no other infrastructure or history. She moved away from siblings and friends she'd been near her whole life and thought our family would be enough. We weren't and also didn't want that burden. It did not turn out well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to move to New Mexico or Arizona--and I'd especially like a planned 55+ community.
Dh wants Florida and also likes more isolated areas.

We have 4 kids; 3 have "flown" and one is a rising hs senior. The "flown" are currently in the Pittsburgh area, Colorado, and Ohio.
We still don't know where the high schooler will go to college, but he definitely isn't interested in NM, AZ, or FL (hates the heat!)

NM and AZ aren't going to have water in 5 years. Maybe rethink that plan.

NM is very different from AZ. Maybe do a little research before you lump them together.

- NM resident

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting how many want to move to rural areas. I’ve known a few retirees who have done that. But social isolation is a real hazard, and a huge mental health issue among the elderly. For me, a mid-sized city with arts & cultural events is a better option.

Yeah, my aunt and uncle from northern jersey moved to Auburn Alabama (they had their last jobs at the university). My aunt is so depressed because she finds it boring and isolating, though they like the weather, it’s very affordable and have a 1 floor house they had built. It’s taken a toll on her mental health. They are considering moving to either the bay area or upstate ny to be close to their kids! One is too expensive, the other too cold!

[Anonymous]

We’re older parents and a good 4+ years from being empty nesters but DH and I have this plan that we’ll stay in our DC area house but travel or live in a different place in Europe for 4-6 months every year and Airbnb our house while we are away. This will have to be after we retire which can’t happen until the last kid is out of college so this plan will only work as long as we age well and stay healthy.

[Anonymous]

My kids will PROBABLY end up staying in the DC area, my DS definitely, so I am 100% fine with staying here. I live in Loudoun so it's relatively affordable and not a rat race. If we do move, I'd move closer to a beach in NC probably.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont get people who want to move away from friends and community they spent 18+ years building unless its totally unaffordable. When my kids are grown ill get to garden more, spend more time with the friends i made and enjoy my neighborhood more.

People are mostly the same everywhere. It's very easy to meet new people who fit a given type. I've never had a problem. Family? It's easy to jump on a plane a couple times a year.

Let's be honest. Most people are played out after a few years. It's best to move on and find new.

You sound like you have a cluster B personality disorder. I am glad you are leaving the DMV.

+1. It’s chilling that some people think this way. I wonder if PP thinks their kids are played out too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont get people who want to move away from friends and community they spent 18+ years building unless its totally unaffordable. When my kids are grown ill get to garden more, spend more time with the friends i made and enjoy my neighborhood more.

I’ll explain it for you. For many of us DC is a company town and our relationships are mainly due to proximity. We are only spending time with these people because we have a job here and families we met through our kids. Once we no longer have a job or kids at home we won’t have a reason to spend any time with these people. They are perfectly nice but not a reason to stay here. Unfortunately you may have not figured out that a lot of people here are only friends with you during this stage of life because it’s convenient.

Also DC doesn’t really have any natural beauty and there are other parts of the country with better access to beaches, skiing, hiking etc. It sounds like you like to garden, but that is only one activity. The average retiree isn’t interested in visiting museums over and over again and DC isn’t known for its restaurants or shopping. It’s also expensive because of the job market and if you’re not longer working then why live here?

Plenty of retiree - especially dual income couples - have large retirement accounts and plenty of equity in their home if not a fully paid off home. If you had millions of dollars of practically guaranteed income, no mortgage and no kids here, would you really choose to live in Washington, dc? For most people that’s a hard NO.

SMH at “no natural beauty.” What about rock creek park and the Potomac and Anacostia? We hike, kayak, and bike. It’s very close to great hiking. People are delusional. I lived in CA and it was hours away to ski. An hour to the beach. Some driving is usually required.

People are usually astonished to find we live in the city and next to a series ooh hiking trails that are walkable.

Are you seriously pointing to Rock Creek Park as natural beauty? There is no skiing here... not an hour away, not two hours away. There is no great hiking here... and the good hiking is three hours away at least. There is no beach here at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for the great insights. A couple of people mentioned things I had never thought about, and two really stand out: recommending being in a major city so our kids want to come back to visit and it's easy for them, and also not leaving so soon after they finish HS because they likely want to come back and use the house as home base for a while. I do appreciate this list, even when it so often changes topics, this is a great resource that I hope we all keep putting effort into keeping helpful!

Hamptons or some of the nice towns on Long Island like Oyster Bay would be nice to retire to. Cold, but not bone chilling cold like the upper NE or Midwest. Cooler than DC in the summer. Can drive to nearby cultural amenities, shops, and restaurants and take day trips to the greatest city in the world when you get bored.

High high property taxes, and most of Long Island has become Trump country these days.
-- grew up on Long Island.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dont get people who want to move away from friends and community they spent 18+ years building unless its totally unaffordable. When my kids are grown ill get to garden more, spend more time with the friends i made and enjoy my neighborhood more.

That community broke down after our kids went to college. Some friendships apparently were based on common children’s activities and when those were gone, the relationships fizzled. Some divorces caused a decline- the women, who I was closest to, moved away. I lost two lifelong friendships to diabetes in the past few years. One got it when we were in HS together and the other got at 50 (Type 1). I miss them both. Others have already moved to retirement areas. The neighborhood has flipped over and they’re little left of what we thought we were building.

There really isn’t much of a community left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont get people who want to move away from friends and community they spent 18+ years building unless its totally unaffordable. When my kids are grown ill get to garden more, spend more time with the friends i made and enjoy my neighborhood more.

That community broke down after our kids went to college. Some friendships apparently were based on common children’s activities and when those were gone, the relationships fizzled. Some divorces caused a decline- the women, who I was closest to, moved away. I lost two lifelong friendships to diabetes in the past few years. One got it when we were in HS together and the other got at 50 (Type 1). I miss them both. Others have already moved to retirement areas. The neighborhood has flipped over and they’re little left of what we thought we were building.

There really isn’t much of a community left.

+1

So many of our friends have relocated, and the locals are too insular, cliquey, closed, and to themselves - they really only want to spend time amongst themselves. We have met countless nice people here over the years, and 90% of them leave. We are all still in touch, and they are all enjoying their new chosen spots immensely. I think this is what PPs are trying to state, while certain PPs are trying to deflect and deny.