Worried for my friend—could this be grooming?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My H is a child abuse investigator and predators definitely look for single women with young children. They also try to separate the moms from the kids... go shopping I'll watch the kids, I'll take the kids to the movie you need a break, etc.

she's not going to listen to you because like the women on this thread most people live in lalaland where nice old men befriend little kids because they are kind.

In the real world people sexually molest infants and young children at a very high rate and they target single women with young children.

I'd say, "I'm worried that the kids are not safe alone with him." Then leave it alone.

You k iw a dude if reality that most people would rather pretend is not there.

I would never let my child go alone to a male neighbor’s house, unless I had known him for years and years.

You are a complete sexist who discounts all of the stay at home dads out there!

You’re a troll. What’s the joy you get from this? We can tell and you just seem like a bored teenager. It doesn’t upset us. It doesn’t ruin anything. You just look needy and bored. How is this fun? Maybe take up a sport and get some exercise. Life is short, find something constructive you enjoy instead of whatever this meaningless silliness is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but even that news story seems odd to me.

He has “never known such love” (and he has his own grandchildren?).

That little girl is his reason for living??

Seems unhealthy to me (I am not saying sexual).

He can volunteer in a school or something.

I am glad that little girl took him out of his depression/grief, but I think it is odd to cultivate the ongoing relationship when they each have actual families.

The man in the news story died in 2020. He lived an exemplary life, and the little girl, Norah Wood, was mentioned in his obituary.
https://www.legacy.com/us/obituaries/augustachronicle/name/daniel-peterson-obituary?id=16939631

What is it about your life that makes you so bitter and not able to see and appreciate simple kindness and love?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Put his name in the judiciary database and see if he has a history.

Is there any polite way, that maybe, your friend could ask the elderly man to submit to a background check before the kids go over there again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Put his name in the judiciary database and see if he has a history.

Is there any polite way, that maybe, your friend could ask the elderly man to submit to a background check before the kids go over there again?

I’m team cautious but this is over the top - and not terribly helpful because most offenders aren’t caught and charged.

Assume the best. But never leave them alone together. Never.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And yet again and again there are parents who let their children go off with stranger women who statistically are more likely to physically abuse kids.

Shame shame shame

Oh really? Please share your statistics, poster.

Women abuse kids more than men. Look it up. I’m not your Google.

It is however a fact!

In no way is it the black and white fact you assert. Men sexually abuse children at much higher rates and that is physical abuse, poster.

As to physical neglect and abuse absent sexual component, it is more women than men but DUH, more women are custodial parents than men are, by a very wide margin. Having seen what I’ve seen in my 52 years on the rock and 25 of them in the criminal and family justice systems, I feel very confident asserting that if more men than women had primary custody, more men than women would be abusing kids.

Yet as clear as women abuse kids more than men, the parent would be “bad” letting their kids go off with an 80 year old female! Clearly. Bad parent.

Yet most of DCUM is full of sexists and men haters anyway!

That’s true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Put his name in the judiciary database and see if he has a history.

Is there any polite way, that maybe, your friend could ask the elderly man to submit to a background check before the kids go over there again?

And as women abuse more than men I hope you are doing this with every female you sexist man hater!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Put his name in the judiciary database and see if he has a history.

Is there any polite way, that maybe, your friend could ask the elderly man to submit to a background check before the kids go over there again?

I’m team cautious but this is over the top - and not terribly helpful because most offenders aren’t caught and charged.

Assume the best. But never leave them alone together. Never.

Agree. Sending the kids off with the neighbor alone is a definite no go, and I can’t believe people are cool with it.

As for the friendship with the neighbor, I have seen friendships that start with such intensity so quickly have a tendency to lead to awkwardness - whether it’s one person who gets too attached and the other wants space, or one person oversteps their boundary, or they commit to something together either financially or timewise and one wants to back out. You have to give friendships room to grow. Regardless of the fact that one is a young sahm and the other is an elderly man, sounds like it could get complicated. Being neighbors in the middle of nowhere doesn’t help.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]Over the winter my friend and her family moved. She’s a SAHM and has two preschoolers. They live sort of out in the middle of nowhere, where people drive around on golf carts and own a lot of property. When the weather started to turn warmer where she lives, she mentioned meeting an older neighbor, a widowed man in his 80s. Apparently this man has taken on a father figure role in her life and a grandfather type role for her children. I think she’s bored and lonely and living this “Little House” lifestyle. She says this man comes over daily for coffee and sits on the porch. They sometimes have afternoon desert. Now she’s saying she lets the oldest two go off on the golf cart with this man while he tends to his farm (chickens and such, a garden.)

Could be totally fine, but could also be grooming, and now she’s also she’s letting them go with him alone!

How do I voice this concern to her without her thinking I think she doesn’t know how to properly make decisions for her children?[/quote]

Mind your own business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And yet again and again there are parents who let their children go off with stranger women who statistically are more likely to physically abuse kids.

Shame shame shame

Oh really? Please share your statistics, poster.

Women abuse kids more than men. Look it up. I’m not your Google.

It is however a fact!

The person who posts this has such a tenuous grasp on science/statistics, it is shocking.

They are distorting something they read because they do not understand the notion of "exposure" (if you are exposed to one gender MUCH MORE, which children are...of course that gender will be over-represented in the outcome). To truly determine which gender is the greater threat, you have to hold constant the gender that the potential victims spent time with. There is a way to do that statistically...

Why do I bother, when this who concept is clearly WAY beyond their ability to grasp. Not to mention the fact that they are throwing sexual abuse in with other forms of abuse, which is also not the subject of the concern OP raised.

Let's just say they are wrong, and leave it at that.

For those of you who seek actual facts (not Trump-style, "alternative" facts):

According to the FBI, which is the Federal agency assigned to counting crimes in the US:

"Nearly all of the offenders in sexual assaults reported to law enforcement were male (96%). "

Source: https://bjs.ojp.gov/content/pub/pdf/saycrle.pdf

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My H is a child abuse investigator and predators definitely look for single women with young children. They also try to separate the moms from the kids... go shopping I'll watch the kids, I'll take the kids to the movie you need a break, etc.

she's not going to listen to you because like the women on this thread most people live in lalaland where nice old men befriend little kids because they are kind.

In the real world people sexually molest infants and young children at a very high rate and they target single women with young children.

I'd say, "I'm worried that the kids are not safe alone with him." Then leave it alone.

You k iw a dude if reality that most people would rather pretend is not there.

I would never let my child go alone to a male neighbor’s house, unless I had known him for years and years.

You are a complete sexist who discounts all of the stay at home dads out there!

You’re a troll. What’s the joy you get from this? We can tell and you just seem like a bored teenager. It doesn’t upset us. It doesn’t ruin anything. You just look needy and bored. How is this fun? Maybe take up a sport and get some exercise. Life is short, find something constructive you enjoy instead of whatever this meaningless silliness is.

You are a man hating name caller. Not a teen but a former SAHD who had a heck of a time getting playmates for my daughter because of the over the top assumptions about any man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And yet again and again there are parents who let their children go off with stranger women who statistically are more likely to physically abuse kids.

Shame shame shame

Oh really? Please share your statistics, poster.

Women abuse kids more than men. Look it up. I’m not your Google.

It is however a fact!

The person who posts this has such a tenuous grasp on science/statistics, it is shocking.

They are distorting something they read because they do not understand the notion of "exposure" (if you are exposed to one gender MUCH MORE, which children are...of course that gender will be over-represented in the outcome). To truly determine which gender is the greater threat, you have to hold constant the gender that the potential victims spent time with. There is a way to do that statistically...

Why do I bother, when this who concept is clearly WAY beyond their ability to grasp. Not to mention the fact that they are throwing sexual abuse in with other forms of abuse, which is also not the subject of the concern OP raised.

Let's just say they are wrong, and leave it at that.

For those of you who seek actual facts (not Trump-style, "alternative" facts):

According to the FBI, which is the Federal agency assigned to counting crimes in the US:

"Nearly all of the offenders in sexual assaults reported to law enforcement were male (96%). "

Source: https://bjs.ojp.gov/content/pub/pdf/saycrle.pdf

Yet the true facts are undeniable. If you are going to be concerned about men you should also be concerned about women who physically abuse kids more than men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My H is a child abuse investigator and predators definitely look for single women with young children. They also try to separate the moms from the kids... go shopping I'll watch the kids, I'll take the kids to the movie you need a break, etc.

she's not going to listen to you because like the women on this thread most people live in lalaland where nice old men befriend little kids because they are kind.

In the real world people sexually molest infants and young children at a very high rate and they target single women with young children.

I'd say, "I'm worried that the kids are not safe alone with him." Then leave it alone.

You k iw a dude if reality that most people would rather pretend is not there.

I would never let my child go alone to a male neighbor’s house, unless I had known him for years and years.

You are a complete sexist who discounts all of the stay at home dads out there!

You’re a troll. What’s the joy you get from this? We can tell and you just seem like a bored teenager. It doesn’t upset us. It doesn’t ruin anything. You just look needy and bored. How is this fun? Maybe take up a sport and get some exercise. Life is short, find something constructive you enjoy instead of whatever this meaningless silliness is.

You are a man hating name caller. Not a teen but a former SAHD who had a heck of a time getting playmates for my daughter because of the over the top assumptions about any man.

No. And you still sound immature. Your daughter was welcome to play at the other kids’ houses. And you actually had a child their age so there was a reason for you to extend an invitation - unlike this man. You’re so preoccupied with being a victim, you’re not thinking straight. And with your behavior here, I wouldn’t trust you either. A thoughtful and aware man would be understanding about this and work toward building trusting relationships and accommodating other parents taking precautions. They wouldn’t cry “poor me, me, me!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My H is a child abuse investigator and predators definitely look for single women with young children. They also try to separate the moms from the kids... go shopping I'll watch the kids, I'll take the kids to the movie you need a break, etc.

she's not going to listen to you because like the women on this thread most people live in lalaland where nice old men befriend little kids because they are kind.

In the real world people sexually molest infants and young children at a very high rate and they target single women with young children.

I'd say, "I'm worried that the kids are not safe alone with him." Then leave it alone.

You k iw a dude if reality that most people would rather pretend is not there.

I would never let my child go alone to a male neighbor’s house, unless I had known him for years and years.

You are a complete sexist who discounts all of the stay at home dads out there!

You’re a troll. What’s the joy you get from this? We can tell and you just seem like a bored teenager. It doesn’t upset us. It doesn’t ruin anything. You just look needy and bored. How is this fun? Maybe take up a sport and get some exercise. Life is short, find something constructive you enjoy instead of whatever this meaningless silliness is.

You are a man hating name caller. Not a teen but a former SAHD who had a heck of a time getting playmates for my daughter because of the over the top assumptions about any man.

Yeah. I’m pretty sure there are plenty of other reasons why no one wants to have a playdate with your daughter. And your daughter is not one of the reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My H is a child abuse investigator and predators definitely look for single women with young children. They also try to separate the moms from the kids... go shopping I'll watch the kids, I'll take the kids to the movie you need a break, etc.

she's not going to listen to you because like the women on this thread most people live in lalaland where nice old men befriend little kids because they are kind.

In the real world people sexually molest infants and young children at a very high rate and they target single women with young children.

I'd say, "I'm worried that the kids are not safe alone with him." Then leave it alone.

You k iw a dude if reality that most people would rather pretend is not there.

I would never let my child go alone to a male neighbor’s house, unless I had known him for years and years.

You are a complete sexist who discounts all of the stay at home dads out there!

You’re a troll. What’s the joy you get from this? We can tell and you just seem like a bored teenager. It doesn’t upset us. It doesn’t ruin anything. You just look needy and bored. How is this fun? Maybe take up a sport and get some exercise. Life is short, find something constructive you enjoy instead of whatever this meaningless silliness is.

You are a man hating name caller. Not a teen but a former SAHD who had a heck of a time getting playmates for my daughter because of the over the top assumptions about any man.

No. And you still sound immature. Your daughter was welcome to play at the other kids’ houses. And you actually had a child their age so there was a reason for you to extend an invitation - unlike this man. You’re so preoccupied with being a victim, you’re not thinking straight. And with your behavior here, I wouldn’t trust you either. A thoughtful and aware man would be understanding about this and work toward building trusting relationships and accommodating other parents taking precautions. They wouldn’t cry “poor me, me, me!”

It is because it is a bunch of Lifetime movie watching sexist women who seem to forget some kids want to move around from house to house and some parents want a break while their kid goes over to their friends with a stay at home Dad.

[Anonymous]

My gosh there was a time when kids learned from their elders and widowers and widows were not seen as suspect.

Those who work in law enforcement are certainly biased and their posts should be taken with a grain of salt. Not every man is a predator.