Worried for my friend—could this be grooming?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doubt a guy in his 80s with one foot in the grave is a groomer.

Do you have anxiety OP?

This is a complacent notion and the sort of nonchalance that gets kids hurt. Old men still have urges, and sexual predators don’t change.

Robert De Niro is 80 and is going to be a father again. Just saying.

Now you’re comparing Robert De Niro to a sexual predator?
Deal lord help us all.

[Anonymous]

I would not let my little kids go off with ANYONE I have only know for a few months.

[Anonymous]

Preschoolers? so oldest is 4, other is maybe 3? I'd worry more about their behavior causing a safety issue.

But then you say the oldest two. How many kids?

[Anonymous]

I love bonus grandparents! When my kids were little, we had a very kind older lady next door and they loved visiting her.

OP, there is no way to 100% protect kids from abuse besides never leaving their side. But they will miss out on a lot of life if you don't let them develop relationships with other adults. Honestly, I think they are safer with someone else in the neighborhood to turn to.

Some great advice I received was to let your kids go on playdates, etc, and just TALK TO THEM AFTER. What did you do with Mr. X? Did you go inside his house or did you stay outside? etc. Its not foolproof, but you will get a vibe on whether things are on the up and up.

[Anonymous]

Afternoon dessert? Didn’t know that was a thing but now that I do we’ll be having it today! Thank you OP 🍰

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doubt a guy in his 80s with one foot in the grave is a groomer.

Do you have anxiety OP?

This is a complacent notion and the sort of nonchalance that gets kids hurt. Old men still have urges, and sexual predators don’t change.

Robert De Niro is 80 and is going to be a father again. Just saying.

Now you’re comparing Robert De Niro to a sexual predator?
Deal lord help us all.

No, but he’s obviously “on death’s door”
according to PP, yet he’s still DTF.

[Anonymous]

It is not grooming, but, I am a person who was always present with my young kids.

[Anonymous]

Hmmm - OP’s premise seems to be:

“He must be a pedophile/groomer, because: how do we know he is not a groomer?”

There is a DSM diagnosis for that type of thought, OP: anxiety disorder.

Have you discussed your fears with your therapist, OP?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t let my kids go off on a golf cart w anyone. A) riding in golf carts isn’t safe B) these are very young kids (preschoolers so under age 5 I’m assuming) and even if they’re very well behaved, kids that young can’t he trusted to always do as told/never get into trouble…again, my concern would primarily be about the golf cart riding part (kids fall out, etc) but also when they’re alone w this man what are they getting into?

Grooming/sexual abuse would be a concern too. People of any age can be predators. If he’s well enough to be out and about, driving kids around, watching kids on his own, he is not “one foot in the grave” as another poster said. He’s certainly capable of being a predator.

[Anonymous]

How old are her children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love bonus grandparents! When my kids were little, we had a very kind older lady next door and they loved visiting her.

OP, there is no way to 100% protect kids from abuse besides never leaving their side. But they will miss out on a lot of life if you don't let them develop relationships with other adults. Honestly, I think they are safer with someone else in the neighborhood to turn to.

Some great advice I received was to let your kids go on playdates, etc, and just TALK TO THEM AFTER. What did you do with Mr. X? Did you go inside his house or did you stay outside? etc. Its not foolproof, but you will get a vibe on whether things are on the up and up.

My surviving parent is age 90 and she lives in a senior community. There are very, very few men. Men of that generation rarely make it far into their 80s.

And OP suspects he is a groomer?

I doubt “bonus grandpa” has pedophilia or another mental disorder. OP on the other hand, I’m not so sure about.

[Anonymous]

Unless your friend has a history of neglectful parenting, this is none of your business at all. She--having seen this person on a daily basis over a period of time--is in a better position to judge than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t let my kids go off on a golf cart w anyone. A) riding in golf carts isn’t safe B) these are very young kids (preschoolers so under age 5 I’m assuming) and even if they’re very well behaved, kids that young can’t he trusted to always do as told/never get into trouble…again, my concern would primarily be about the golf cart riding part (kids fall out, etc) but also when they’re alone w this man what are they getting into?

Grooming/sexual abuse would be a concern too. People of any age can be predators. If he’s well enough to be out and about, driving kids around, watching kids on his own, he is not “one foot in the grave” as another poster said. He’s certainly capable of being a predator.

Really? Honest question for you PP:

- you have anxiety disorder, don’t you?

[Anonymous]

This thread makes me so sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t let my kids go off on a golf cart w anyone. A) riding in golf carts isn’t safe B) these are very young kids (preschoolers so under age 5 I’m assuming) and even if they’re very well behaved, kids that young can’t he trusted to always do as told/never get into trouble…again, my concern would primarily be about the golf cart riding part (kids fall out, etc) but also when they’re alone w this man what are they getting into?

Grooming/sexual abuse would be a concern too. People of any age can be predators. If he’s well enough to be out and about, driving kids around, watching kids on his own, he is not “one foot in the grave” as another poster said. He’s certainly capable of being a predator.

Really? Honest question for you PP:

- you have anxiety disorder, don’t you?

Yea. I’m an anxious person. But I’m not making this up…yes, golf carts are dangerous, especially for kids. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0022437520301237
https://www.golfcartreport.com/are-golf-carts-dangerous/

I certainly wouldn’t let my kids ride in one w someone I barely know, especially someone in their 80s who is more likely than younger adults to have a health event while driving…risk is too great.