Worried for my friend—could this be grooming?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like two lonely people found each other and are enjoying each other's company. Nothing more.

I agree. This thread is sad. Yes, bad things happen in this world. But the automatic suspicion that an elderly man befriended the mom as a pretense so that he could abuse her children is sad. Friendships are important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, a totally normal interaction with an elderly neighbor who was probably bored out of his gourd until this kind woman and her kids showed up is now "grooming"? Come on, 99.9% of people are NOT sexual predators. Stop living your life in fear, you'll be much happier.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t let my kids go off on a golf cart w anyone. A) riding in golf carts isn’t safe B) these are very young kids (preschoolers so under age 5 I’m assuming) and even if they’re very well behaved, kids that young can’t he trusted to always do as told/never get into trouble…again, my concern would primarily be about the golf cart riding part (kids fall out, etc) but also when they’re alone w this man what are they getting into?

Grooming/sexual abuse would be a concern too. People of any age can be predators. If he’s well enough to be out and about, driving kids around, watching kids on his own, he is not “one foot in the grave” as another poster said. He’s certainly capable of being a predator.

Really? Honest question for you PP:

- you have anxiety disorder, don’t you?

Yea. I’m an anxious person. But I’m not making this up…yes, golf carts are dangerous, especially for kids. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article...ii/S0022437520301237
https://www.golfcartreport.com/are-golf-carts-dangerous/

I certainly wouldn’t let my kids ride in one w someone I barely know, especially someone in their 80s who is more likely than younger adults to have a health event while driving…risk is too great.

The only acceptable risk is zero risk, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doubt a guy in his 80s with one foot in the grave is a groomer.

Do you have anxiety OP?

This is a complacent notion and the sort of nonchalance that gets kids hurt. Old men still have urges, and sexual predators don’t change.

Robert De Niro is 80 and is going to be a father again. Just saying.

Now you’re comparing Robert De Niro to a sexual predator?
Deal lord help us all.

did you really get that from what she was saying? Read it again

[Anonymous]

Op the odds of this are very small, especially given a non family member. I get you are concerned for her big lifestyle change but the way you are inventing absurd tragedies for her new life it’s almost as if as if you are somehow jealous? I would be much more worried about them riding four wheeler, personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t let my kids go off on a golf cart w anyone. A) riding in golf carts isn’t safe B) these are very young kids (preschoolers so under age 5 I’m assuming) and even if they’re very well behaved, kids that young can’t he trusted to always do as told/never get into trouble…again, my concern would primarily be about the golf cart riding part (kids fall out, etc) but also when they’re alone w this man what are they getting into?

Grooming/sexual abuse would be a concern too. People of any age can be predators. If he’s well enough to be out and about, driving kids around, watching kids on his own, he is not “one foot in the grave” as another poster said. He’s certainly capable of being a predator.

Really? Honest question for you PP:

- you have anxiety disorder, don’t you?

Yea. I’m an anxious person. But I’m not making this up…yes, golf carts are dangerous, especially for kids. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article...ii/S0022437520301237
https://www.golfcartreport.com/are-golf-carts-dangerous/

I certainly wouldn’t let my kids ride in one w someone I barely know, especially someone in their 80s who is more likely than younger adults to have a health event while driving…risk is too great.

The only acceptable risk is zero risk, right?

No. But I’m not willing to risk my kids’ safety for a totally unnecessary golf cart ride w a 80 something year old man I don’t know very well. You must have bad risk assessment if you think that’s a reasonable and safe situation to put young kids in…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not let my little kids go off with ANYONE I have only know for a few months.

Agree. Whether or not the 80 year old has ulterior motives, it is not safe to allow 2 pre-school age children to be placed in the unsupervised care of a stranger of any age.

[Anonymous]

He may not be a groomer but the mom’s giving the kids the message it’s okay to be alone with older men, so in another situation they may be at risk. They may be too trusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Over the winter my friend and her family moved. She’s a SAHM and has two preschoolers. They live sort of out in the middle of nowhere, where people drive around on golf carts and own a lot of property. When the weather started to turn warmer where she lives, she mentioned meeting an older neighbor, a widowed man in his 80s. Apparently this man has taken on a father figure role in her life and a grandfather type role for her children. I think she’s bored and lonely and living this “Little House” lifestyle. She says this man comes over daily for coffee and sits on the porch. They sometimes have afternoon desert. Now she’s saying she lets the oldest two go off on the golf cart with this man while he tends to his farm (chickens and such, a garden.)

Could be totally fine, but could also be grooming, and now she’s also she’s letting them go with him alone!

How do I voice this concern to her without her thinking I think she doesn’t know how to properly make decisions for her children?

You don’t. You come across here as a loon. Imagine vocalizing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doubt a guy in his 80s with one foot in the grave is a groomer.

Do you have anxiety OP?

This is a complacent notion and the sort of nonchalance that gets kids hurt. Old men still have urges, and sexual predators don’t change.

Robert De Niro is 80 and is going to be a father again. Just saying.

Did you just call Robert DeNiro a predator?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He may not be a groomer but the mom’s giving the kids the message it’s okay to be alone with older men, so in another situation they may be at risk. They may be too trusting.

OP here. This is my thought process. I think she’s isolated and lonely and I just hope she’s not being too trusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He may not be a groomer but the mom’s giving the kids the message it’s okay to be alone with older men, so in another situation they may be at risk. They may be too trusting.

It’s okay for preschool age children to be alone with an older woman, but NOT ok to be alone with an older man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doubt a guy in his 80s with one foot in the grave is a groomer.

Do you have anxiety OP?

This is a complacent notion and the sort of nonchalance that gets kids hurt. Old men still have urges, and sexual predators don’t change.

Robert De Niro is 80 and is going to be a father again. Just saying.

Did you just call Robert DeNiro a predator?

No, I called him a man with one foot in the grave, per PP, who obviously still gets horny and has urges. She was implying 80yo men don’t have sex, I think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He may not be a groomer but the mom’s giving the kids the message it’s okay to be alone with older men, so in another situation they may be at risk. They may be too trusting.

It’s okay for preschool age children to be alone with an older woman, but NOT ok to be alone with an older man.

Who said that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless your friend has a history of neglectful parenting, this is none of your business at all. She--having seen this person on a daily basis over a period of time--is in a better position to judge than you.

+1 whether OP or any PO would do this in the abstract is irrelevant. The friend is the one who knows the man and also those are her kids. OP seems very judgey about where the friend has chosen to live and her choices (including but not limited to this one).