21 year old son, overnights with girlfriend

[Anonymous]

*he doesn't have a job lined up

[Anonymous]

OP, curious why that is your rule? Do you think 21 is too young to have sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother tried to control my sex life, including who I was dating. I became independent as soon as I could and walked away. I married someone I loved who was an atheist with tattoos, piercings and a stable job and a heart of gold. 14 years in, we’re still happily married and she’s never met her grandkids. I’m not Catholic nor are we raising our kids to be.

Sounds like you married a loser to spite your mom. You lost in the end and your own kids with think tattoos and piercings are cool.

Her DH has a stable job and a heart of gold. You have a judgmental heart of tar, and are the actual loser in this exchange.

Looking like that...he probably has trauma.

So if you have trauma in your past - you are a loser? You seem nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. He's an adult. You're having a hard time letting go but he needs to figure out independence and relationships and you need to give him the space to do it. You don't have to let her stay overnight at your house (your rules and all) but you will push him away if you try to forbid him to go to hers. I've seen this dynamic play out a few times u and it can be really damaging to your relationship with him. You are basically saying "I don't trust you to make decisions in your own life".

I'm basically saying, I don't support acting like a $lut. He doesn't need to sleep over. I didn't do that stuff.

You have spent 21 years raising him with your morals, values, principles, and ethics. He is choosing differently from how you would choose.

Do you think that your enforcement of "rules" for a 21-year-old man will make any difference whatsoever?

Are you more interested in creating and enforcing rules for your adult child than you are in having a relationship with him?

I'm not going to just sit back and be okay with poor choices because I am scared of his reaction. And yes he is livid.

You should be scared of his reaction. He’s an adult & has the power to never speak to you again if you are awful.

Lol ok. I pay his bills.

Alright. Let him pay his own bills, and you stay out of his sex life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. He's an adult. You're having a hard time letting go but he needs to figure out independence and relationships and you need to give him the space to do it. You don't have to let her stay overnight at your house (your rules and all) but you will push him away if you try to forbid him to go to hers. I've seen this dynamic play out a few times u and it can be really damaging to your relationship with him. You are basically saying "I don't trust you to make decisions in your own life".

I'm basically saying, I don't support acting like a $lut. He doesn't need to sleep over. I didn't do that stuff.

You have spent 21 years raising him with your morals, values, principles, and ethics. He is choosing differently from how you would choose.

Do you think that your enforcement of "rules" for a 21-year-old man will make any difference whatsoever?

Are you more interested in creating and enforcing rules for your adult child than you are in having a relationship with him?

I'm not going to just sit back and be okay with poor choices because I am scared of his reaction. And yes he is livid.

You should be scared of his reaction. He’s an adult & has the power to never speak to you again if you are awful.

Lol ok. I pay his bills.

Alright. Let him pay his own bills, and you stay out of his sex life.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you’re being unreasonable.

Really? Why?
I'm a little surprised.

Are you kidding? Because he’s TWENTY-ONE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, curious why that is your rule? Do you think 21 is too young to have sex?

OP said she’s opposed for religious reasons

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 21 year old son met a girl at college in Feb. He sometimes sleeps over there at her place. I do not like this at all and we are butting heads. He has just come home from college and is furious we wont be allowing him to visit her overnight (1 hr away) while she is still at college.

Am I being unreasonable? He sometimes spends 36 hours straight with her.

Why to the bolded?

We are Catholic. We don't need to sleep over like that. Also, I just personally condone this.

“We” don’t need to? JFC. Land the helicopter, lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 21 year old son met a girl at college in Feb. He sometimes sleeps over there at her place. I do not like this at all and we are butting heads. He has just come home from college and is furious we wont be allowing him to visit her overnight (1 hr away) while she is still at college.

Am I being unreasonable? He sometimes spends 36 hours straight with her.

Why to the bolded?

We are Catholic. We don't need to sleep over like that. Also, I just personally condone this.

They’re in a committed relationship. Get over it.

If they just met in Feb, I would question how "committed" their relationship is.

There’s nothing you can about it, nor should you try to, if you want your son to speak to you years from now.

+1. Keep being controlling and pushing him away if you never want to see your future grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you’re being unreasonable.

Really? Why?
I'm a little surprised.

Are you kidding? Because he’s TWENTY-ONE.

21 is very young

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. He's an adult. You're having a hard time letting go but he needs to figure out independence and relationships and you need to give him the space to do it. You don't have to let her stay overnight at your house (your rules and all) but you will push him away if you try to forbid him to go to hers. I've seen this dynamic play out a few times u and it can be really damaging to your relationship with him. You are basically saying "I don't trust you to make decisions in your own life".

I'm basically saying, I don't support acting like a $lut. He doesn't need to sleep over. I didn't do that stuff.

Then you missed out on some fun times of life. You can stay over at a girlfriend/boyfriend's place without being a $lut. How do you think you figure out what you like and don't like in a partner? Let me guess, OP is boring and married a boring, predictable person that she pretends to still like being with because that's the way marriage is "supposed' to be done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are leaving out a lot of details. Did he drop out of college? Why is he living with you?

I actually agree with you that I would not be loaning my car to my 21 YO son who has chosen to live at home (not working?) and whose priority is driving an hour to see his girlfriend.

Tell him to get his life back on track and then worry about the GF.

He did not drop out. He has just finished school. He is now back at home.

What does this mean? College? What college finished classes already?

Maybe he finished in December. You are focusing on the wrong thing.

Finished in December at 21? HIGHLY unlikely. Much more likely is troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. He's an adult. You're having a hard time letting go but he needs to figure out independence and relationships and you need to give him the space to do it. You don't have to let her stay overnight at your house (your rules and all) but you will push him away if you try to forbid him to go to hers. I've seen this dynamic play out a few times u and it can be really damaging to your relationship with him. You are basically saying "I don't trust you to make decisions in your own life".

I'm basically saying, I don't support acting like a $lut. He doesn't need to sleep over. I didn't do that stuff.

Then you missed out on some fun times of life. You can stay over at a girlfriend/boyfriend's place without being a $lut. How do you think you figure out what you like and don't like in a partner? Let me guess, OP is boring and married a boring, predictable person that she pretends to still like being with because that's the way marriage is "supposed' to be done.

You don't need to sleep over to figure that out. OMG. I don't need to sleep next to a guy to know that. What is wrong with going home to sleep?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are leaving out a lot of details. Did he drop out of college? Why is he living with you?

I actually agree with you that I would not be loaning my car to my 21 YO son who has chosen to live at home (not working?) and whose priority is driving an hour to see his girlfriend.

Tell him to get his life back on track and then worry about the GF.

He did not drop out. He has just finished school. He is now back at home.

What does this mean? College? What college finished classes already?

Maybe he finished in December. You are focusing on the wrong thing.

Finished in December at 21? HIGHLY unlikely. Much more likely is troll.

Not at all. Lots of kids graduate college a year or a semester early. They start college at 18 about to turn 19.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. He's an adult. You're having a hard time letting go but he needs to figure out independence and relationships and you need to give him the space to do it. You don't have to let her stay overnight at your house (your rules and all) but you will push him away if you try to forbid him to go to hers. I've seen this dynamic play out a few times u and it can be really damaging to your relationship with him. You are basically saying "I don't trust you to make decisions in your own life".

I'm basically saying, I don't support acting like a $lut. He doesn't need to sleep over. I didn't do that stuff.

You have spent 21 years raising him with your morals, values, principles, and ethics. He is choosing differently from how you would choose.

Do you think that your enforcement of "rules" for a 21-year-old man will make any difference whatsoever?

Are you more interested in creating and enforcing rules for your adult child than you are in having a relationship with him?

I'm not going to just sit back and be okay with poor choices because I am scared of his reaction. And yes he is livid.

We are telling you what will happen. You are ruining your relationship by being an uptight, controlling prude. Enjoy your richly deserved consequences.