21 year old son, overnights with girlfriend

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Yes, you’re being unreasonable.

Really? Why?
I'm a little surprised.

Are you kidding? Because he’s TWENTY-ONE.

21 is very young

It’s adulthood

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised by the answer. You would all be okay with this? While you pay for everything?

We do not tie the way we treat our adult sons to money.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. He's an adult. You're having a hard time letting go but he needs to figure out independence and relationships and you need to give him the space to do it. You don't have to let her stay overnight at your house (your rules and all) but you will push him away if you try to forbid him to go to hers. I've seen this dynamic play out a few times u and it can be really damaging to your relationship with him. You are basically saying "I don't trust you to make decisions in your own life".

I'm basically saying, I don't support acting like a $lut. He doesn't need to sleep over. I didn't do that stuff.

You have spent 21 years raising him with your morals, values, principles, and ethics. He is choosing differently from how you would choose.

Do you think that your enforcement of "rules" for a 21-year-old man will make any difference whatsoever?

Are you more interested in creating and enforcing rules for your adult child than you are in having a relationship with him?

I'm not going to just sit back and be okay with poor choices because I am scared of his reaction. And yes he is livid.

You should be scared of his reaction. He’s an adult & has the power to never speak to you again if you are awful.

Lol ok. I pay his bills.

Stop paying if you disapprove of him. Just don’t expect him to speak to you at all.

So I should fear him?

Yes.

Lol No. He should fear that I won't share my money. I have several million he would love to inherit. He should fear that.

Controlling controlling controlling. You can’t manipulate him and you’re throwing a toddler FIT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you’re being unreasonable.

Really? Why?
I'm a little surprised.

Are you kidding? Because he’s TWENTY-ONE.

21 is very young

OP’s son is done with undergrad. I know a kid who is 21 and months away from getting out of a 4 year stint in the military. You get my drift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you’re being unreasonable.

Really? Why?
I'm a little surprised.

Are you kidding? Because he’s TWENTY-ONE.

21 is very young

It’s an adult who can have sex and spend time with a girlfriend as he damn well pleases.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:You are being unreasonable, yes. And exactly how do you plan to stop it?

I can't stop it but I won't be giving him use of my car to go there.

If he won't follow our rules, he can support himself.

This is literally what my youngest brother and parents fought over 9 years ago.

He was moving back home after graduating that May because his new job didn't start until August of that year. My parents forbid him from staying that night at his girlfriend's parents' home. They took away his access to their cars, and took him off the family cellphone plan when he found alternate transportation to go see her to spend the night. Both my brother and his girlfriend were 22 at the time. He and my parents had an explosive fight and he ended up moving out and moving in with her at her parents' house.

He hasn't spoken to my parents in 9 years. My other siblings and I are still close with him. If he's at a family function with my parents, they both ignore the other party. Oh, and he and that girlfriend got married 3 years later. My parents were not invited to the wedding. They had their first kid in 2021 and my parents have never met their first and only grandkid.

When I ask my parents about reconciling, they say stupid things like "he wanted to act grown, so we let him act grown." That makes no sense! He was grown! He was a 22 year old man!

He may have been 22 but he sounds like he was incredibly immature.

How about his parents? Were they mature?

[Anonymous]

Don’t be surprised if he starts spending the weekend with a guy friend in the same town then. He won’t change his behavior, he will just stop being open with you about what he’s doing.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP you are leaving out a lot of details. Did he drop out of college? Why is he living with you?

I actually agree with you that I would not be loaning my car to my 21 YO son who has chosen to live at home (not working?) and whose priority is driving an hour to see his girlfriend.

Tell him to get his life back on track and then worry about the GF.

He did not drop out. He has just finished school. He is now back at home.

What does this mean? College? What college finished classes already?

Graduated college. Done school. Classes are done. He just finished exams Friday. Exams were done earlier than normal

No college in the US has finished classes.

We are in Canada but that doesn't matter. He finshed a bit early. Not sure why this is so surprising for people. Only 3 of his classes had exams and he got lucky to finish early.

You’re posting this on a DC forum and you live in Canada and cannot abide your 21 YO son sleeping over with his girlfriend. Lmao

I have been posting here for at least 8 years.

8 years and it didn't occur to you that you should have explained you're in Canada because US colleges don't end in April? You're exasperating.

[Anonymous]

Lol No. He should fear that I won't share my money. I have several million he would love to inherit. He should fear that.

Maybe freedom from you is worth more than several million dollars.

I think you're afraid of THAT.

[Anonymous]

100% unreasonable!! They are 21!!!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My 21 year old son met a girl at college in Feb. He sometimes sleeps over there at her place. I do not like this at all and we are butting heads. He has just come home from college and is furious we wont be allowing him to visit her overnight (1 hr away) while she is still at college.

Am I being unreasonable? He sometimes spends 36 hours straight with her.

Why to the bolded?

We are Catholic. We don't need to sleep over like that. Also, I just personally condone this.

You condone this? Or you condemn this? Those words have very different meanings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 21 year old son met a girl at college in Feb. He sometimes sleeps over there at her place. I do not like this at all and we are butting heads. He has just come home from college and is furious we wont be allowing him to visit her overnight (1 hr away) while she is still at college.

Am I being unreasonable? He sometimes spends 36 hours straight with her.

Why to the bolded?

We are Catholic. We don't need to sleep over like that. Also, I just personally condone this.

You condone this? Or you condemn this? Those words have very different meanings.

I dont condone this.

[Anonymous]

Troll!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you’re being unreasonable.

Really? Why?
I'm a little surprised.

I am too.

You are not being unreasonable OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you’re being unreasonable.

Really? Why?
I'm a little surprised.

I am too.

You are not being unreasonable OP.

Yes she is. She has zero control or authority over her son. She wants to control him with $$$$