Son pledging there’s definitely hazing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone posted anonymously on the fp parents group of dc's college this week that she was hearing bad things about her ds's pledging experiences. Not many responses but the ones who did told her basically to STFU or her kid will pay.

I mean.

Which college or university?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. Go ahead and name the school and the frat here. It's anonymous after all.. It's not like they are going to sue you. It will end up helping a lot of other kids/parents.

FWIW, my DS (at Michigan) considered a Frat last year but realized most of them are predominantly White and filled with a bunch of racist a-holes. His decision to not keep going was validated when he saw other kids that persevered being abused, crying in the dorms, etc. He's moved on and now has plenty of friends and activities he's part of. The familiar argument about "brothers" after college and 'network' is all BS. Do you really want your son to have racist, a-hole brothers and benefit from their network?

It depends on the school. At Lehigh, the fraternity and sorority networks are strong. I see pix of people 35 years out of school or more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd anonymously report to the college/university's student life office (not specifically to whomever supervises Greek life, they are often enablers.) I'd also try to get the info anonymously to any student newspaper - they might be more enterprising in trying to publicize any issues.

reporting wont do anything. the schools are looking the other way or the houses are off campus.

That is not true. The colleges and universities do act after reports because they do not want the liability if something should happen. Lehigh has shut down about 2/3 of its fraternities over the past 25 years or so. I don’t agree with every decision made, but they do act.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd anonymously report to the college/university's student life office (not specifically to whomever supervises Greek life, they are often enablers.) I'd also try to get the info anonymously to any student newspaper - they might be more enterprising in trying to publicize any issues.

reporting wont do anything. the schools are looking the other way or the houses are off campus.

Correct. Most of the worst offending fraternities have alums who are big donors.

Which loser schools are these? The hell with donors. Lehigh took a huge hit to its donor base after nearly every fraternity shutdown. Lehigh used to be in the top three or four for annual giving - up with Princeton, Dartmouth and Yale, but that fell by the wayside after the administration clumsily cut back on social policies and fraternities.

[Anonymous]

I was glad Tech wasn’t controlled by Greek life. I pulled out right at the end because my parents wouldn’t pay for it. Off campus parties and dorm parties and frat parties let anyone in. Everyone was hitting the bars by junior year.

I always found all that crap pretentious. And, I was popular and had a back bone. If anyone told me to eat someone’s vomit or wanted to paddle me or some other kind of crap—nah- I’d be gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't be able to sleep a wink if I knew my kid was suffering through something like that... with the only goal being that he can then hang out and live with people like that all the time!

Same. Just reading all this is stressing me out. I'm so sorry, OP. I hope you can convince him to drop and report.

[Anonymous]

OP, he needs to report the hazing to the school. Kids die from this.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t understand the appeal of the Greek system when I went to school and I can’t believe it’s still a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t understand the appeal of the Greek system when I went to school and I can’t believe it’s still a thing.

Sorry you didn't get a bid, geed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t understand the appeal of the Greek system when I went to school and I can’t believe it’s still a thing.

and thanks for your perspective. Yes there are bad greek houses and situations but that is maybe only 10% of the greek experience. I posted earlier on the thread, I was in a sorority and have two in the greek system now, all going very well. Every other man in my family, including my dad, brother and husband, rushed, pledged and dropped out before initiation. I know there are bad stories but there are also good stories. My DS is very shy and the frat experience has really helped him come out of his shell and gained confidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Contrary to many other posts, there's really no way anyone can advise you on a course of action without knowing what "pretty bad" means.

Agree, if the pledge is uncomfortable and in danger, report and drop. If the kid is just pissed for having to clean up the house after a party or drive a drunk brother home (the right thing to do) than a whole other story...technically "hazing" but part of the deal and if it bothers him than a fraternity probably is not for him.

He was fully prepared for that kind of thing. No this is forced eating of horrible stuff with vomit of 40 guys for hours ensuing that were allowed only the floor to do so then “activities” in the vomit. Literally all day everyone yelling at you you’re a piece of shit, etc. yes stupid stuff like driving he could care less about that. He actually believes one guy is psychotic/sociopath. It’s 7 weeks. Severe, dangerous sleep deprivation. 10 guys left after first night. I want him to quit but has to come from him. We’d wholeheartedly support him and he has the confidence to quit. He is well- liked, has a lot of friends, a girlfriend, has a good future ahead of him

The comment about, if he stays, doing this to others was something we talked about last night. He’s worried about that. He also said he’s “mentally tough” but I reminded him none of us know where are breaking point may be.

Those kids screaming at pledges are losers and the quicker your son realizes it the better.

Well, some of them are psychos who go on to lead hedge funds or what have you so those are the risks you take if you wanna be connected, kwim?

yeah frat bros running hedge funds lmao they sell insurance and are financial advisors if they go into finance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t understand the appeal of the Greek system when I went to school and I can’t believe it’s still a thing.

Sorry you didn't get a bid, geed.

NP. I went to a SEC school with a huge Greek presence and still cannot figure out why people did it. Reading this thread made me ill. Maybe you’re right and it’s because someone like me couldn’t get a bid (no idea). But I cannot imagine a universe in which I would try to get a bid.

[Anonymous]

My 28 year old son, long out of college, just recently said he was really glad the college he went to and all the ones he considered didn't have a strong Greek presence. Same for all of our kids and where they attended. That was on purpose. They didn't know we did that, as parents, but it was intentional. Greek participation was one of the first facts we researched.

[Anonymous]

If your kid is mentally tough and willing to take some physical challenges, and is looking for belonging in a group...why not do ROTC? At least then the physical stress will be for a purpose, and your kid will still have a tight group. I can't imagine the psychological manipulation that convinces 18 yr olds that they need to put up with this disgusting abuse for no worthwhile purpose.

[Anonymous]

Colleges will act pretty quickly if people report what’s going on because there’s a law about it and their lawyers want to mitigate liability. The problem is people don’t file a report.