Son pledging there’s definitely hazing

[Anonymous]

r/frat is disgusting.

[Anonymous]

OP, you have options.

You can call the National HQ for your son’s fraternity.
You can call campus police if they’re doing this on campus (like if you know they “meet” at midnight at the XYZ house.
You can call the actual police if they’re “meeting” at a private residence.

Hazing is real, it has long-lasting effects on ALL involved, and it is illegal. If nothing else call Nationals. Best wishes to your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t understand the appeal of the Greek system when I went to school and I can’t believe it’s still a thing.

Sorry you didn't get a bid, geed.

Never even tried bc again I never saw the appeal. You calling me a geek like that’s some sort of insult does nothing to lessen the a-hole stereotype though.

"Geed" like GDI, god damn independent- pretty sure they were joking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you have options.

You can call the National HQ for your son’s fraternity.
You can call campus police if they’re doing this on campus (like if you know they “meet” at midnight at the XYZ house.
You can call the actual police if they’re “meeting” at a private residence.

Hazing is real, it has long-lasting effects on ALL involved, and it is illegal. If nothing else call Nationals. Best wishes to your son.

your fourth choice is to report it to the school

[Anonymous]

I was in a fraternity back in the early 90s at Miami (OH) and honestly got a lot out of it. My wife lovingly says I was in a "loser frat," and there's a fair amount of truth to that. We were a new chapter and didn't have the best athletes or most handsome guys. The sororities weren't lining up to have events with us.

Even so, the "brotherhood" aspects were real. We ended up being a close-knit group of friends and a lot of us still keep in touch and do things together. You can get this kind of thing in places other than Greek life, but I'm not sure how accessible this kind of friend group would have been to me when I was in college. For example, my son is now in college and gets every bit of the camaraderie I did through his participation in the college band. But I didn't play an instrument, so that particular route wasn't open to me.

Our national fraternity was explicitly anti-hazing and because we were a new chapter, we followed that. The worst my "hazing" got was that I had to Xerox the bottoms of my feet and get 10 random girls to sign the paper. I had friends from my dorm who joined fraternities where the hazing was a lot more challenging. It mainly involved drinking, sleep deprivation, and doing chores around the fraternity house. None of it sounded anywhere close to lethal, but I can see how it could get out of hand if nudged a little bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As proud as x-President of Phi Betta Kappa you guys need to grow a pair.

NP. The real adults on this thread are laughing at you. Glory days, amirite?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As proud as x-President of Phi Betta Kappa you guys need to grow a pair.

NP. The real adults on this thread are laughing at you. Glory days, amirite?

And shaking our heads that a grown man walks around saying, “grow a pair.”

Too bad they can’t at least prevent such people from parenting (since they spread dated, toxic concepts that we should move past). Okay

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. Go ahead and name the school and the frat here. It's anonymous after all.. It's not like they are going to sue you. It will end up helping a lot of other kids/parents.

FWIW, my DS (at Michigan) considered a Frat last year but realized most of them are predominantly White and filled with a bunch of racist a-holes. His decision to not keep going was validated when he saw other kids that persevered being abused, crying in the dorms, etc. He's moved on and now has plenty of friends and activities he's part of. The familiar argument about "brothers" after college and 'network' is all BS. Do you really want your son to have racist, a-hole brothers and benefit from their network?

Then he clearly didn’t look hard enough. I agree it’s predominantly white, but DS is in one with a POC president, and his best buddy is also not white. But, your DS probably didn’t want to be in a bottom-ranked fraternity, so he had to denigrate the entire lot. Hazing was limited to cleaning house and having to pick up takeout.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. Go ahead and name the school and the frat here. It's anonymous after all.. It's not like they are going to sue you. It will end up helping a lot of other kids/parents.

FWIW, my DS (at Michigan) considered a Frat last year but realized most of them are predominantly White and filled with a bunch of racist a-holes. His decision to not keep going was validated when he saw other kids that persevered being abused, crying in the dorms, etc. He's moved on and now has plenty of friends and activities he's part of. The familiar argument about "brothers" after college and 'network' is all BS. Do you really want your son to have racist, a-hole brothers and benefit from their network?

Then he clearly didn’t look hard enough. I agree it’s predominantly white, but DS is in one with a POC president, and his best buddy is also not white. But, your DS probably didn’t want to be in a bottom-ranked fraternity, so he had to denigrate the entire lot. Hazing was limited to cleaning house and having to pick up takeout.

Yep this is my DS’s experience as well. His house is known to be diverse (nationally as well) and it’s been great, no hazing, just fun. But it’s not a “top” house, or even close to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As proud as x-President of Phi Betta Kappa you guys need to grow a pair.

NP. The real adults on this thread are laughing at you. Glory days, amirite?

NP. No, we are laughing at you because you don’t get the joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As proud as x-President of Phi Betta Kappa you guys need to grow a pair.

NP. The real adults on this thread are laughing at you. Glory days, amirite?

And shaking our heads that a grown man walks around saying, “grow a pair.”

Too bad they can’t at least prevent such people from parenting (since they spread dated, toxic concepts that we should move past). Okay

You need to grow pair and look up Phi Betta (sic) Kappa.

- grown woman who did well in school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you have options.

You can call the National HQ for your son’s fraternity.
You can call campus police if they’re doing this on campus (like if you know they “meet” at midnight at the XYZ house.
You can call the actual police if they’re “meeting” at a private residence.

Hazing is real, it has long-lasting effects on ALL involved, and it is illegal. If nothing else call Nationals. Best wishes to your son.

Ridiculous overreaction.

If her kid doesn’t want to do something gross, he should drop out. Look for a different fraternity. Smart move.

But no one is in danger here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you have options.

You can call the National HQ for your son’s fraternity.
You can call campus police if they’re doing this on campus (like if you know they “meet” at midnight at the XYZ house.
You can call the actual police if they’re “meeting” at a private residence.

Hazing is real, it has long-lasting effects on ALL involved, and it is illegal. If nothing else call Nationals. Best wishes to your son.

Ridiculous overreaction.

If her kid doesn’t want to do something gross, he should drop out. Look for a different fraternity. Smart move.

But no one is in danger here.

Wow are you uninformed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Physical hazing or property damage? Both are bad but for me there’s a huge difference.

If it’s anything physical or humiliating, I wouldn't sugarcoat. Tell him there’s a trend in kids secretly recording these rites and to imagine the world watching a tape of him forcing this on others next year. Having his future ruined and family embarrassed may motivate him if the moral qualms aren’t enough.

You might also tell him that half of his future dating pool won’t touch a frat guy who hazed others with a ten foot pole.

Hazing goes way beyond just "humiliating." It can be violent and deadly. Watch that PBS documentary or the "Breath Nolan Breath" linked earlier in this thread.

Taking the worst incidents and projecting it onto hazing as a whole isn't a way to get a realistic picture of what's going on. We have no idea what OP's son is going through and, in terms of actual risk, how it compares to - say - getting in a car.

Could be that there's very real danger here or it could be that there's very limited risk of significant harm.

This is apologist nonsense, disguised as "sensible" talk about comparative risk. And it's insidiously horrible. If you read what OP said is actually going on, according to her son, and you can still say as above that "we have no idea" etc.- you really are a vile apologist. You also know that the hazing will worsen
If theyre starting with mass, extended vomiting in which they must wallow. That's just the appetizer. You, PP, are either willfully ignorant or a frat fan with blinders on.

[Anonymous]

Where are all of the people who shout “they are adults.”

Does this sound like adult behavior to you? Sane and healthy behavior?

People have lost ALL perspective if they are taking the time to defend gangs of males who make themselves throw up, than say, “ You can only be my friend if you drink my vomit.”

Hard to believe this even goes on. And parents are PAYING for this experience??

How deranged could one be to sit here and say this is no big deal, and in fact a great gateway to career succeeds.

Listen to yourself people…