Son pledging there’s definitely hazing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. Go ahead and name the school and the frat here. It's anonymous after all.. It's not like they are going to sue you. It will end up helping a lot of other kids/parents.

FWIW, my DS (at Michigan) considered a Frat last year but realized most of them are predominantly White and filled with a bunch of racist a-holes. His decision to not keep going was validated when he saw other kids that persevered being abused, crying in the dorms, etc. He's moved on and now has plenty of friends and activities he's part of. The familiar argument about "brothers" after college and 'network' is all BS. Do you really want your son to have racist, a-hole brothers and benefit from their network?

Sounds like you need to educate yourself on fraternities, because not all of them are "predominantly white." In fact some of the most violent and abusive hazing occurs in Black fraternities. I haven't watched it, but from what I've read about the PBS documentary linked earlier in the thread, it goes into detail.

I responded to this but looks like someone reported it and removed.. Weird.

Anyways.. I don't care if the frat is White or Black. Most of them are prejudiced in their own ways. Not worth it at all IMHO. Don't need to educate myself on frats because I don't care about them any longer, now that my DS is not going to be involved in one.

There are absolutely frats thats are innately diverse. My DS is in one. As a white guy, he is probably only just barely the majority. Half of his pledge class non-white.

Innately? Are you sure you know what that word means?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. Go ahead and name the school and the frat here. It's anonymous after all.. It's not like they are going to sue you. It will end up helping a lot of other kids/parents.

FWIW, my DS (at Michigan) considered a Frat last year but realized most of them are predominantly White and filled with a bunch of racist a-holes. His decision to not keep going was validated when he saw other kids that persevered being abused, crying in the dorms, etc. He's moved on and now has plenty of friends and activities he's part of. The familiar argument about "brothers" after college and 'network' is all BS. Do you really want your son to have racist, a-hole brothers and benefit from their network?

Sounds like you need to educate yourself on fraternities, because not all of them are "predominantly white." In fact some of the most violent and abusive hazing occurs in Black fraternities. I haven't watched it, but from what I've read about the PBS documentary linked earlier in the thread, it goes into detail.

I responded to this but looks like someone reported it and removed.. Weird.

Anyways.. I don't care if the frat is White or Black. Most of them are prejudiced in their own ways. Not worth it at all IMHO. Don't need to educate myself on frats because I don't care about them any longer, now that my DS is not going to be involved in one.

There are absolutely frats thats are innately diverse. My DS is in one. As a white guy, he is probably only just barely the majority. Half of his pledge class non-white.

Innately? Are you sure you know what that word means?

sorry English major but I guess the better term is "by design"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted earlier in the thread about a parent posting anonymously in my dc college parent facebook group with serious concerns about her dc safety during pledgeship right now based on what he told her.

She didn't get many responses except from moms telling her to stfu because 1) she could affect her son's experience and 2) it was just silly stuff anyway. And then the thread got deleted.

This is how this stuff continues. It is enabled by the adults with screwed up priorities that are then reflected in the actions and decisions of their kids.

That’s seriously awful. What school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ds chose not to rush this semester. I was surprised. Many of his friends/roommate did. He told me the things they are telling him make him more glad he didn't rush. Also lots of coke.

Yes I think parents are unbelievably naive about how much cocaine and Xanax use there is on pretty much every campus.

[Anonymous]

Let's say he stays, makes it through, and the next year a pledge dies or is grievously injured during a hazing incident. Is he willing to accept the legal risk of being part of this kind of group?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nervous wreck. Any advice? I’ve told him to walk away at any time, he’s a confident, social guy, doesn’t need to be in a fraternity. What I know so far is pretty bad.

Leak it to some newspaper

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he uncomfortable enough in the situation he is in, he should leave. Not being dramatic here at all, but Rush was the beginning of a really bad road for my brother. And he didn't die, but I know of kids who did.

Are you comfortable sharing more about this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted earlier in the thread about a parent posting anonymously in my dc college parent facebook group with serious concerns about her dc safety during pledgeship right now based on what he told her.

She didn't get many responses except from moms telling her to stfu because 1) she could affect her son's experience and 2) it was just silly stuff anyway. And then the thread got deleted.

This is how this stuff continues. It is enabled by the adults with screwed up priorities that are then reflected in the actions and decisions of their kids.

Well, you should not continue it. Name the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted earlier in the thread about a parent posting anonymously in my dc college parent facebook group with serious concerns about her dc safety during pledgeship right now based on what he told her.

She didn't get many responses except from moms telling her to stfu because 1) she could affect her son's experience and 2) it was just silly stuff anyway. And then the thread got deleted.

This is how this stuff continues. It is enabled by the adults with screwed up priorities that are then reflected in the actions and decisions of their kids.

Well, you should not continue it. Name the school.

The school didn't delete it. The parent who posted it did, I assume.

I don't think OP needs to name the school either. The point is this likely happens at certain fraternities (not all) at every school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Contrary to many other posts, there's really no way anyone can advise you on a course of action without knowing what "pretty bad" means.

Agree, if the pledge is uncomfortable and in danger, report and drop. If the kid is just pissed for having to clean up the house after a party or drive a drunk brother home (the right thing to do) than a whole other story...technically "hazing" but part of the deal and if it bothers him than a fraternity probably is not for him.

He was fully prepared for that kind of thing. No this is forced eating of horrible stuff with vomit of 40 guys for hours ensuing that were allowed only the floor to do so then “activities” in the vomit. Literally all day everyone yelling at you you’re a piece of shit, etc. yes stupid stuff like driving he could care less about that. He actually believes one guy is psychotic/sociopath. It’s 7 weeks. Severe, dangerous sleep deprivation. 10 guys left after first night. I want him to quit but has to come from him. We’d wholeheartedly support him and he has the confidence to quit. He is well- liked, has a lot of friends, a girlfriend, has a good future ahead of him

The comment about, if he stays, doing this to others was something we talked about last night. He’s worried about that. He also said he’s “mentally tough” but I reminded him none of us know where are breaking point may be.

So money always comes first?
Is that the way you raised your kid?

So if investing with Jeffrey Epstein was profitable, who cares if he was a child predator ?

Sad excuse for a parent if you subscribe to that school.

Those kids screaming at pledges are losers and the quicker your son realizes it the better.

Well, some of them are psychos who go on to lead hedge funds or what have you so those are the risks you take if you wanna be connected, kwim?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just fyi, as I think people think this kind of thing is only at big SEC type schools, he’s not at a school like that and he’s in the NE.

So name it!

Wouldn’t you have liked to know this a year ago?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd anonymously report to the college/university's student life office (not specifically to whomever supervises Greek life, they are often enablers.) I'd also try to get the info anonymously to any student newspaper - they might be more enterprising in trying to publicize any issues.

reporting wont do anything. the schools are looking the other way or the houses are off campus.

Disagree. If a parent tells them (especially if there is a paper trail), they are obligated to take some action.

[Anonymous]

So upsetting that this is going on right now, and we are all talking about it but no adult is intervening.

Kids die.

[Anonymous]

For families exploring colleges, take a look at this thread about schools without Greek life.

When I was applying in the 90s I specifically wanted to go to a school with no (or very little) Greek life. I obviously don’t know what I missed, but I had a great time in college that didn’t revolve around frat parties.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1018636.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd anonymously report to the college/university's student life office (not specifically to whomever supervises Greek life, they are often enablers.) I'd also try to get the info anonymously to any student newspaper - they might be more enterprising in trying to publicize any issues.

reporting wont do anything. the schools are looking the other way or the houses are off campus.

Disagree. If a parent tells them (especially if there is a paper trail), they are obligated to take some action.

They really are not. "Action" is only taken when someone gets hurt/killed or when students who have been affected speak up to authorities.