No grandchildren

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I'll have any and I have 4 adult children. I imagine I'll need to grieve over the fact. It's not my kids' jobs to have children for me to enjoy.
And it's no one's business why they're not having any.
However, I thought my life would look a little different. We still have a big life that we enjoy. But, I thought it would include grandchildren.
Anyone else?

This is us, as well. And, while we also agree that this was not our kid's duty to provide grandchildren, totally agree, it changed everything about how we live, how we envisioned our lives at this point of our lives ( we loved having a family and were so looking forward to grandchildren and even great grandchildren). The knowledge that there will be no one living past our kids is also kind of sad. I come from a long history of immigrated refugees in the last century- fascinating stories, and it ends here. But that's part of the story, too, I guess .

The irony is that we would have been great at this. We are far more comfortable financially than we were years ago, and we would have been able to help out in all ways, even probably help with college$$. We would have loved that when our kids were young! We would be at recitals and games, trips, babysitting, vacations, everything.

We aren't the country club set, we aren't going between golf sets and tennis games. Our friends are active grandparents, our cousins are all involved with their families , and while we are busy (!) - we volunteer, we have plenty to do, but we wish there was the large family with kids and cousins and big family . It is heartbreaking, I will admit. I just decided that we have to accept it and reorganize. Sigh. I hear you, OP.

thank you and I'm so sorry!
The ironic part is us too.
Although we have a very big life, it could be that grandchildren won't be a part of it.

You keep saying this. What do you mean?

we travel a lot, are very active, busy with jobs and go between three houses.

So you are like most people.

She is probably saying this because the first thing everyone tells those of us who mourn the loss of grandchildren is life advice, such as...volunteer, find someone else's kids, travel, take up a hobby!
OP is probably saying this as a preemptive strike against those types of comments, as they already have a "life."
We just wanted grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids are young enough to have kids one day. Especially since a couple of them would like to. Haven’t read all the replies but I’d try to help my daughter freeze eggs if I could since she’d like to do it.

And if they don’t? Why are you giving the OP false hope?

Yeah, they are. I'm a DP, but I can't believe people say that to us all the time. And no, there won't be grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are allowed to grieve not having grandkids, however my sympathy ends if you push your kids to have grandchildren and make comments. My sympathy also ends for those who have grandchildren and aren’t satisfied with the number of grandkids, or because they are upset over the gender of their grandkids. My mom acted like she just got diagnosed with terminal cancer when she found out her second grandchild was going to be another boy, and also made rude comments to my sister at her baby shower when her friend brought her infant daughter along(“and she’s a girl” while holding her). And that boy(who’s an adult now)she hated because he was a boy makes more of an effort to have a relationship with her and my dad, unlike the golden granddaughter that came along afterwards and wants nothing to do with them. They have six grandkids now and have made comments hinting that I should have another to try for a girl, despite me being 40. Next comment they make I’m not going to be nice any longer, and will remind them to be thankful they have any grandchildren at all.

It is entirely possible that your mother can conceive another child using someone else's egg. If she wants another baby so badly, she's free to buy eggs and IVF for a girl. Otherwise, she doesn't call shots on your womb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? People are having kids much later in life especially if they have careers. Your grandkids may still be coming but you need to give it some time. Until all your kids have either said "we're not having kids" or reach mid to late 40s I wouldn't rule it out.

ages 33 (she's married) and 31 - have said no kids
age 34 - she is not dating and doesn't want to but does talk about children at some point. Thinking about freezing eggs but has no money to do it. She just bought a house.
age 35 - he would like to be in a relationship and have kids but it doesn't appear to be happening, or at least it is casually.

so I guess it COULD happen later, but I think the odds are not good.

Maybe giving your DD the money to freeze the eggs would be a good step towards your dream of having kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I'll have any and I have 4 adult children. I imagine I'll need to grieve over the fact. It's not my kids' jobs to have children for me to enjoy.
And it's no one's business why they're not having any.
However, I thought my life would look a little different. We still have a big life that we enjoy. But, I thought it would include grandchildren.
Anyone else?

This is us, as well. And, while we also agree that this was not our kid's duty to provide grandchildren, totally agree, it changed everything about how we live, how we envisioned our lives at this point of our lives ( we loved having a family and were so looking forward to grandchildren and even great grandchildren). The knowledge that there will be no one living past our kids is also kind of sad. I come from a long history of immigrated refugees in the last century- fascinating stories, and it ends here. But that's part of the story, too, I guess .

The irony is that we would have been great at this. We are far more comfortable financially than we were years ago, and we would have been able to help out in all ways, even probably help with college$$. We would have loved that when our kids were young! We would be at recitals and games, trips, babysitting, vacations, everything.

We aren't the country club set, we aren't going between golf sets and tennis games. Our friends are active grandparents, our cousins are all involved with their families , and while we are busy (!) - we volunteer, we have plenty to do, but we wish there was the large family with kids and cousins and big family . It is heartbreaking, I will admit. I just decided that we have to accept it and reorganize. Sigh. I hear you, OP.

thank you and I'm so sorry!
The ironic part is us too.
Although we have a very big life, it could be that grandchildren won't be a part of it.

You keep saying this. What do you mean?

we travel a lot, are very active, busy with jobs and go between three houses.

So you are like most people.

Not most midwesterners.

The most baby crazy people I have met are from places like Iowa. What is it about the Midwest that makes people there so obsessed with having babies?

OP here - I guess everyone but my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I'll have any and I have 4 adult children. I imagine I'll need to grieve over the fact. It's not my kids' jobs to have children for me to enjoy.
And it's no one's business why they're not having any.
However, I thought my life would look a little different. We still have a big life that we enjoy. But, I thought it would include grandchildren.
Anyone else?

This is us, as well. And, while we also agree that this was not our kid's duty to provide grandchildren, totally agree, it changed everything about how we live, how we envisioned our lives at this point of our lives ( we loved having a family and were so looking forward to grandchildren and even great grandchildren). The knowledge that there will be no one living past our kids is also kind of sad. I come from a long history of immigrated refugees in the last century- fascinating stories, and it ends here. But that's part of the story, too, I guess .

The irony is that we would have been great at this. We are far more comfortable financially than we were years ago, and we would have been able to help out in all ways, even probably help with college$$. We would have loved that when our kids were young! We would be at recitals and games, trips, babysitting, vacations, everything.

We aren't the country club set, we aren't going between golf sets and tennis games. Our friends are active grandparents, our cousins are all involved with their families , and while we are busy (!) - we volunteer, we have plenty to do, but we wish there was the large family with kids and cousins and big family . It is heartbreaking, I will admit. I just decided that we have to accept it and reorganize. Sigh. I hear you, OP.

thank you and I'm so sorry!
The ironic part is us too.
Although we have a very big life, it could be that grandchildren won't be a part of it.

You keep saying this. What do you mean?

we travel a lot, are very active, busy with jobs and go between three houses.

So you are like most people.

Not most midwesterners.

The most baby crazy people I have met are from places like Iowa. What is it about the Midwest that makes people there so obsessed with having babies?

People there don’t hate themselves? They like people?

[Anonymous]

It's pretty funny to see a bunch of DC-area mommies on a DC mommy website slamming another part of the country for being too baby-obsessed.

The only difference between midwest mommies and DC area mommies is that mommies here are more competitive and nasty. They're no less obsessed with babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's pretty funny to see a bunch of DC-area mommies on a DC mommy website slamming another part of the country for being too baby-obsessed.

The only difference between midwest mommies and DC area mommies is that mommies here are more competitive and nasty. They're no less obsessed with babies.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I'll have any and I have 4 adult children. I imagine I'll need to grieve over the fact. It's not my kids' jobs to have children for me to enjoy.
And it's no one's business why they're not having any.
However, I thought my life would look a little different. We still have a big life that we enjoy. But, I thought it would include grandchildren.
Anyone else?

This is us, as well. And, while we also agree that this was not our kid's duty to provide grandchildren, totally agree, it changed everything about how we live, how we envisioned our lives at this point of our lives ( we loved having a family and were so looking forward to grandchildren and even great grandchildren). The knowledge that there will be no one living past our kids is also kind of sad. I come from a long history of immigrated refugees in the last century- fascinating stories, and it ends here. But that's part of the story, too, I guess .

The irony is that we would have been great at this. We are far more comfortable financially than we were years ago, and we would have been able to help out in all ways, even probably help with college$$. We would have loved that when our kids were young! We would be at recitals and games, trips, babysitting, vacations, everything.

We aren't the country club set, we aren't going between golf sets and tennis games. Our friends are active grandparents, our cousins are all involved with their families , and while we are busy (!) - we volunteer, we have plenty to do, but we wish there was the large family with kids and cousins and big family . It is heartbreaking, I will admit. I just decided that we have to accept it and reorganize. Sigh. I hear you, OP.

thank you and I'm so sorry!
The ironic part is us too.
Although we have a very big life, it could be that grandchildren won't be a part of it.

You keep saying this. What do you mean?

we travel a lot, are very active, busy with jobs and go between three houses.

So you are like most people.

Not most midwesterners.

The most baby crazy people I have met are from places like Iowa. What is it about the Midwest that makes people there so obsessed with having babies?

Its called being pro-life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I'll have any and I have 4 adult children. I imagine I'll need to grieve over the fact. It's not my kids' jobs to have children for me to enjoy.
And it's no one's business why they're not having any.
However, I thought my life would look a little different. We still have a big life that we enjoy. But, I thought it would include grandchildren.
Anyone else?

Yes, we have 3 grown kids and we don't believe we will have any grandkids in our future. We have mixed feelings about it but our feelings don't matter.

OP here - I think our feelings do matter. I will grieve this as my life is turning out differently than imagined. Yet, it's no one else's responsibility to make me a grandparent. It just is. And that's ok. But I will honor my thoughts and feelings about this loss and believe that to be healthy..
at any rate, YMMV

End of the day, it's not about your feelings though.

It doesn't mean they're not relevant or valid.

[Anonymous]

Hey, OP, or other grandchildrenless people, if you are still around checking your post:

What are your plans regarding your choices, living arrangements, lifestyle now knowing you won't have grandchildren? I am thinking a lot about this now. There will be no grandchildren.
Note to others: advice such as grandparent other people's kids or volunteer work not what I'm talking about. I'm asking about the entire family "gestalt" regarding life going forward. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Instead of telling OP to accept her children as they are, I find it insulting that many keep saying they’ll change their minds. The national birth rate has been declining for a long time people. If you can lead a fulfilling childfree life, why bother to have children? You should be glad that being childfree by choice is a choice for women in 2022. It wasn’t in 1952 so please celebrate progress.

OTOH, the young adults now are completely self-absorbed and extremely immature.

That is why they are not having children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey, OP, or other grandchildrenless people, if you are still around checking your post:

What are your plans regarding your choices, living arrangements, lifestyle now knowing you won't have grandchildren? I am thinking a lot about this now. There will be no grandchildren.
Note to others: advice such as grandparent other people's kids or volunteer work not what I'm talking about. I'm asking about the entire family "gestalt" regarding life going forward. Thanks.

I am an adult child who immigrated, so my father and my son were never really close, and may never be, even after father comes to live near me. They don’t really communicate now as they don’t even speak the same language much. He lives his life and I live mine, and it’s more like close friends than anything else. My child doesn’t really come into the equation that much, he exists separately, like when friends meet without their kids. Is that what you are talking about? The gestalt is spending time together without kids involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey, OP, or other grandchildrenless people, if you are still around checking your post:

What are your plans regarding your choices, living arrangements, lifestyle now knowing you won't have grandchildren? I am thinking a lot about this now. There will be no grandchildren.
Note to others: advice such as grandparent other people's kids or volunteer work not what I'm talking about. I'm asking about the entire family "gestalt" regarding life going forward. Thanks.

OP here - we just bought a home in Florida to snow bird to. They can visit all they want or not at all.

regarding the self absorption comment - that is true for my daughter who is married. She likes her own comfortable life - sleeping until noon on the weekend, etc. She knows that about herself and doesn't want to give it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? People are having kids much later in life especially if they have careers. Your grandkids may still be coming but you need to give it some time. Until all your kids have either said "we're not having kids" or reach mid to late 40s I wouldn't rule it out.

ages 33 (she's married) and 31 - have said no kids
age 34 - she is not dating and doesn't want to but does talk about children at some point. Thinking about freezing eggs but has no money to do it. She just bought a house.
age 35 - he would like to be in a relationship and have kids but it doesn't appear to be happening, or at least it is casually.

so I guess it COULD happen later, but I think the odds are not good.

Lots could still happen. Come back in 10 years.

He11, I’d gift the fertility/egg money to my daughter if she really wanted kids in this case.