No grandchildren

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? People are having kids much later in life especially if they have careers. Your grandkids may still be coming but you need to give it some time. Until all your kids have either said "we're not having kids" or reach mid to late 40s I wouldn't rule it out.

ages 33 (she's married) and 31 - have said no kids
age 34 - she is not dating and doesn't want to but does talk about children at some point. Thinking about freezing eggs but has no money to do it. She just bought a house.
age 35 - he would like to be in a relationship and have kids but it doesn't appear to be happening, or at least it is casually.

so I guess it COULD happen later, but I think the odds are not good.

that's 3 kids, not 4. what about the 4th?

+1. Maybe 3 kids PP thought the question was for her

Wow, 2 idiots who both can’t read! Welcome to DCUM!

Go back and reread please. OP clearly states 4: ages 33 and 31, 34, and 35. JFC.

[Anonymous]

Instead of telling OP to accept her children as they are, I find it insulting that many keep saying they’ll change their minds. The national birth rate has been declining for a long time people. If you can lead a fulfilling childfree life, why bother to have children? You should be glad that being childfree by choice is a choice for women in 2022. It wasn’t in 1952 so please celebrate progress.

[Anonymous]

Your kids are young enough to have kids one day. Especially since a couple of them would like to. Haven’t read all the replies but I’d try to help my daughter freeze eggs if I could since she’d like to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kids are young enough to have kids one day. Especially since a couple of them would like to. Haven’t read all the replies but I’d try to help my daughter freeze eggs if I could since she’d like to do it.

And if they don’t? Why are you giving the OP false hope?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I'll have any and I have 4 adult children. I imagine I'll need to grieve over the fact. It's not my kids' jobs to have children for me to enjoy.
And it's no one's business why they're not having any.
However, I thought my life would look a little different. We still have a big life that we enjoy. But, I thought it would include grandchildren.
Anyone else?

This is us, as well. And, while we also agree that this was not our kid's duty to provide grandchildren, totally agree, it changed everything about how we live, how we envisioned our lives at this point of our lives ( we loved having a family and were so looking forward to grandchildren and even great grandchildren). The knowledge that there will be no one living past our kids is also kind of sad. I come from a long history of immigrated refugees in the last century- fascinating stories, and it ends here. But that's part of the story, too, I guess .

The irony is that we would have been great at this. We are far more comfortable financially than we were years ago, and we would have been able to help out in all ways, even probably help with college$$. We would have loved that when our kids were young! We would be at recitals and games, trips, babysitting, vacations, everything.

We aren't the country club set, we aren't going between golf sets and tennis games. Our friends are active grandparents, our cousins are all involved with their families , and while we are busy (!) - we volunteer, we have plenty to do, but we wish there was the large family with kids and cousins and big family . It is heartbreaking, I will admit. I just decided that we have to accept it and reorganize. Sigh. I hear you, OP.

thank you and I'm so sorry!
The ironic part is us too.
Although we have a very big life, it could be that grandchildren won't be a part of it.

You keep saying this. What do you mean?

we travel a lot, are very active, busy with jobs and go between three houses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? People are having kids much later in life especially if they have careers. Your grandkids may still be coming but you need to give it some time. Until all your kids have either said "we're not having kids" or reach mid to late 40s I wouldn't rule it out.

ages 33 (she's married) and 31 - have said no kids
age 34 - she is not dating and doesn't want to but does talk about children at some point. Thinking about freezing eggs but has no money to do it. She just bought a house.
age 35 - he would like to be in a relationship and have kids but it doesn't appear to be happening, or at least it is casually.

so I guess it COULD happen later, but I think the odds are not good.

Lots could still happen. Come back in 10 years.

Agree. I think you are just out of touch with current timelines for when people are having kids. You probably imagined being a grandparent in your 60s-70s, but it may not happen until your 80s, if you are around.

well I'm 56 so...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kids are young enough to have kids one day. Especially since a couple of them would like to. Haven’t read all the replies but I’d try to help my daughter freeze eggs if I could since she’d like to do it.

I think those kids who said they like to are just saying that to appease OP. She sounds crazy pushy about having grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate this thread. I am not sure what will happen with my three children. One is gay and doesn’t want kids, second doesn’t want children or marriage, jury is out on the third. I go to an old lady water aerobics class and as I have gotten to know the ladies I am realizing that bragging about your grandchild is the old lady equivalent of “My Marvin is so gifted. Reading three grade levels ahead and the other day the teacher said. . “ It’s completely tone deaf, is just a way of bragging about yourself, it’s a weird flex etc. There are many
Other lovely women with a variety of family situation but they don’t continually broadcast it, just like people didn’t broadcast about their child’s dyslexia etc.

I'm so sorry you feel that way. My parents pretty much only talk about their grandchildren, but it's not to brag/flex. It's mostly that they don't have anything else exciting going on to talk about (the weather? their illnesses?). They're retired so they just centered their lives around grandkids. think most elderly people are like that and can't talk about other things.

This is hilariously insulting. Old people only have weather, their illnesses, and grandkids to talk about.

I’m a 61 year old grandparents, and it’s how I think and I’m not insulted about it. Once you reach a certain age you realize what’s most important.

I don’t know how you could have no other interest except the grandchildren and not stifle your child I’m trying to picture of mother-in-law who is not interested in anything else other than how I am raising my children and what I am feeding them and where we are going, and what we are doing. I would much rather have a mother-in-law who has a full life and isn’t trying to live vicariously through me, or micromanaging my life.

Why does every single thread have to devolve into mother-in-law bashing?

[Anonymous]

You are allowed to grieve not having grandkids, however my sympathy ends if you push your kids to have grandchildren and make comments. My sympathy also ends for those who have grandchildren and aren’t satisfied with the number of grandkids, or because they are upset over the gender of their grandkids. My mom acted like she just got diagnosed with terminal cancer when she found out her second grandchild was going to be another boy, and also made rude comments to my sister at her baby shower when her friend brought her infant daughter along(“and she’s a girl” while holding her). And that boy(who’s an adult now)she hated because he was a boy makes more of an effort to have a relationship with her and my dad, unlike the golden granddaughter that came along afterwards and wants nothing to do with them. They have six grandkids now and have made comments hinting that I should have another to try for a girl, despite me being 40. Next comment they make I’m not going to be nice any longer, and will remind them to be thankful they have any grandchildren at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I'll have any and I have 4 adult children. I imagine I'll need to grieve over the fact. It's not my kids' jobs to have children for me to enjoy.
And it's no one's business why they're not having any.
However, I thought my life would look a little different. We still have a big life that we enjoy. But, I thought it would include grandchildren.
Anyone else?

This is us, as well. And, while we also agree that this was not our kid's duty to provide grandchildren, totally agree, it changed everything about how we live, how we envisioned our lives at this point of our lives ( we loved having a family and were so looking forward to grandchildren and even great grandchildren). The knowledge that there will be no one living past our kids is also kind of sad. I come from a long history of immigrated refugees in the last century- fascinating stories, and it ends here. But that's part of the story, too, I guess .

The irony is that we would have been great at this. We are far more comfortable financially than we were years ago, and we would have been able to help out in all ways, even probably help with college$$. We would have loved that when our kids were young! We would be at recitals and games, trips, babysitting, vacations, everything.

We aren't the country club set, we aren't going between golf sets and tennis games. Our friends are active grandparents, our cousins are all involved with their families , and while we are busy (!) - we volunteer, we have plenty to do, but we wish there was the large family with kids and cousins and big family . It is heartbreaking, I will admit. I just decided that we have to accept it and reorganize. Sigh. I hear you, OP.

thank you and I'm so sorry!
The ironic part is us too.
Although we have a very big life, it could be that grandchildren won't be a part of it.

You keep saying this. What do you mean?

we travel a lot, are very active, busy with jobs and go between three houses.

So you are like most people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? People are having kids much later in life especially if they have careers. Your grandkids may still be coming but you need to give it some time. Until all your kids have either said "we're not having kids" or reach mid to late 40s I wouldn't rule it out.

ages 33 (she's married) and 31 - have said no kids
age 34 - she is not dating and doesn't want to but does talk about children at some point. Thinking about freezing eggs but has no money to do it. She just bought a house.
age 35 - he would like to be in a relationship and have kids but it doesn't appear to be happening, or at least it is casually.

so I guess it COULD happen later, but I think the odds are not good.

that's 3 kids, not 4. what about the 4th?

Umm. Count again…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? People are having kids much later in life especially if they have careers. Your grandkids may still be coming but you need to give it some time. Until all your kids have either said "we're not having kids" or reach mid to late 40s I wouldn't rule it out.

ages 33 (she's married) and 31 - have said no kids
age 34 - she is not dating and doesn't want to but does talk about children at some point. Thinking about freezing eggs but has no money to do it. She just bought a house.
age 35 - he would like to be in a relationship and have kids but it doesn't appear to be happening, or at least it is casually.

so I guess it COULD happen later, but I think the odds are not good.

Yeh, this may change in 5 years. My husband and his friends all ended up having their kids 38-50. Wives 30-40. So it’s not over til it’s over. Enjoy life and see what happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I'll have any and I have 4 adult children. I imagine I'll need to grieve over the fact. It's not my kids' jobs to have children for me to enjoy.
And it's no one's business why they're not having any.
However, I thought my life would look a little different. We still have a big life that we enjoy. But, I thought it would include grandchildren.
Anyone else?

This is us, as well. And, while we also agree that this was not our kid's duty to provide grandchildren, totally agree, it changed everything about how we live, how we envisioned our lives at this point of our lives ( we loved having a family and were so looking forward to grandchildren and even great grandchildren). The knowledge that there will be no one living past our kids is also kind of sad. I come from a long history of immigrated refugees in the last century- fascinating stories, and it ends here. But that's part of the story, too, I guess .

The irony is that we would have been great at this. We are far more comfortable financially than we were years ago, and we would have been able to help out in all ways, even probably help with college$$. We would have loved that when our kids were young! We would be at recitals and games, trips, babysitting, vacations, everything.

We aren't the country club set, we aren't going between golf sets and tennis games. Our friends are active grandparents, our cousins are all involved with their families , and while we are busy (!) - we volunteer, we have plenty to do, but we wish there was the large family with kids and cousins and big family . It is heartbreaking, I will admit. I just decided that we have to accept it and reorganize. Sigh. I hear you, OP.

thank you and I'm so sorry!
The ironic part is us too.
Although we have a very big life, it could be that grandchildren won't be a part of it.

You keep saying this. What do you mean?

we travel a lot, are very active, busy with jobs and go between three houses.

So you are like most people.

Not most midwesterners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I'll have any and I have 4 adult children. I imagine I'll need to grieve over the fact. It's not my kids' jobs to have children for me to enjoy.
And it's no one's business why they're not having any.
However, I thought my life would look a little different. We still have a big life that we enjoy. But, I thought it would include grandchildren.
Anyone else?

This is us, as well. And, while we also agree that this was not our kid's duty to provide grandchildren, totally agree, it changed everything about how we live, how we envisioned our lives at this point of our lives ( we loved having a family and were so looking forward to grandchildren and even great grandchildren). The knowledge that there will be no one living past our kids is also kind of sad. I come from a long history of immigrated refugees in the last century- fascinating stories, and it ends here. But that's part of the story, too, I guess .

The irony is that we would have been great at this. We are far more comfortable financially than we were years ago, and we would have been able to help out in all ways, even probably help with college$$. We would have loved that when our kids were young! We would be at recitals and games, trips, babysitting, vacations, everything.

We aren't the country club set, we aren't going between golf sets and tennis games. Our friends are active grandparents, our cousins are all involved with their families , and while we are busy (!) - we volunteer, we have plenty to do, but we wish there was the large family with kids and cousins and big family . It is heartbreaking, I will admit. I just decided that we have to accept it and reorganize. Sigh. I hear you, OP.

thank you and I'm so sorry!
The ironic part is us too.
Although we have a very big life, it could be that grandchildren won't be a part of it.

You keep saying this. What do you mean?

we travel a lot, are very active, busy with jobs and go between three houses.

So you are like most people.

Not most midwesterners.

The most baby crazy people I have met are from places like Iowa. What is it about the Midwest that makes people there so obsessed with having babies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - yes, my kids are in the midwest.
Two have already said they;re not having kids. I realize that could change.
But, that leaves me two - a 34 year old DD - not dating and my 35 year old son - dating, wants to marry and have a kid or two. But I'm not sure how successful the dating is going. He works exclusively from home and needs to really make an effort to get out there.
DD is not dating because she's ashamed of the way she looks and wants to lose weight first.

You have plenty of time.

A few years ago my parents had 3 children aged 37 - 41 and no grandkids. Four years later and now they have six grandkids. Come back in 10 years to give us an update.