Mom speaking to child in another language during playdate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do this all the time and did with my three kids. I don’t speak to my children extensively during play dates except to offer a quick direction or two.

Yes exactly...

It is extremely hard to raise a bilingual child in the US. If a parent makes exceptions and speaks to the child in the majority language when they are in public, then this has a very disruptive effect on the relationship and kids will most likely start responding to the parent not in the target language. Everybody has different goals for their children's bilingualism and that is perfectly fine, but if you want your child to have a high level of fluency, you can't just switch to the community language every time you leave the house or are in public. Also, it subconsciously teaches the kids that your language is not as important or is something to be embarrassed about. We do OPOL and my DH always speaks to the kids in his language and my fam is perfectly fine with it and it really is fine. DC playgrounds - DH doesnt give a crap what people think about what language hes speaking and most people want their kid to hear him speaking his language anyway. We are in a community with lots of bilingual families and the parents that switch to English in public do not have kids kids that respond to them in their language - that is the honest truth.

Or you could just teach them that it's rude to speak in another language when you're with people who don't understand it.

You can teach manners at any age but foreign language has a limited window of native fluency. That’s what we are prioritizing.

If an hour-long play date threatens that, you’re not doing it right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

So, if you go to a museum and there are Japanese tourists you just don't speak till they leave? Do you never vacation in a country where you don't speak the language?

Unless you had a planned meeting to socialize with the Japanese tourists, their presence is irrelevant. Surely at a scheduled playdate, the two families realize they are together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

Sounds a lot like a white supremacist cultural norm to me...

There are non white people who actually have manners too, you know. The idea that only white people are educated in common courtesy is pretty racist.

Yes, but this isn't common courtesy. This is a very specific cultural belief that you think is universal because you think a specific white cultural habit is universal. And you're trying to impose it on families from other ethnic groups. Respecting that other people have different cultural beliefs is in fact common courtesy that you are lacking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

So, if you go to a museum and there are Japanese tourists you just don't speak till they leave? Do you never vacation in a country where you don't speak the language?

Of course not. That's not the same. We're talking about being with other people, socializing together, and speaking in a language that excludes some of the people you are with.

Of course that doesn't apply to random strangers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do this all the time and did with my three kids. I don’t speak to my children extensively during play dates except to offer a quick direction or two.

Yes exactly...

It is extremely hard to raise a bilingual child in the US. If a parent makes exceptions and speaks to the child in the majority language when they are in public, then this has a very disruptive effect on the relationship and kids will most likely start responding to the parent not in the target language. Everybody has different goals for their children's bilingualism and that is perfectly fine, but if you want your child to have a high level of fluency, you can't just switch to the community language every time you leave the house or are in public. Also, it subconsciously teaches the kids that your language is not as important or is something to be embarrassed about. We do OPOL and my DH always speaks to the kids in his language and my fam is perfectly fine with it and it really is fine. DC playgrounds - DH doesnt give a crap what people think about what language hes speaking and most people want their kid to hear him speaking his language anyway. We are in a community with lots of bilingual families and the parents that switch to English in public do not have kids kids that respond to them in their language - that is the honest truth.

Or you could just teach them that it's rude to speak in another language when you're with people who don't understand it.

You can teach manners at any age but foreign language has a limited window of native fluency. That’s what we are prioritizing.

Well at least you admit it. You are prioritizing "native fluency" over manners. You children will be human garbage, but they will be BILINGUAL garbage! Yay?

There are enough people who feel like me for this not to matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

So, if you go to a museum and there are Japanese tourists you just don't speak till they leave? Do you never vacation in a country where you don't speak the language?

Of course not. That's not the same. We're talking about being with other people, socializing together, and speaking in a language that excludes some of the people you are with.

Of course that doesn't apply to random strangers.

You’re socializing with somebody else’s small child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

So, if you go to a museum and there are Japanese tourists you just don't speak till they leave? Do you never vacation in a country where you don't speak the language?

Unless you had a planned meeting to socialize with the Japanese tourists, their presence is irrelevant. Surely at a scheduled playdate, the two families realize they are together?

So, you acknowledge that what you wrote (it's rude to speak another language in front of those who don't understand it because they are from somewhere else) wasn't true and that it's actually much more nuanced than that. Good, we have a first step towards rational thought!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do this all the time and did with my three kids. I don’t speak to my children extensively during play dates except to offer a quick direction or two.

Yes exactly...

It is extremely hard to raise a bilingual child in the US. If a parent makes exceptions and speaks to the child in the majority language when they are in public, then this has a very disruptive effect on the relationship and kids will most likely start responding to the parent not in the target language. Everybody has different goals for their children's bilingualism and that is perfectly fine, but if you want your child to have a high level of fluency, you can't just switch to the community language every time you leave the house or are in public. Also, it subconsciously teaches the kids that your language is not as important or is something to be embarrassed about. We do OPOL and my DH always speaks to the kids in his language and my fam is perfectly fine with it and it really is fine. DC playgrounds - DH doesnt give a crap what people think about what language hes speaking and most people want their kid to hear him speaking his language anyway. We are in a community with lots of bilingual families and the parents that switch to English in public do not have kids kids that respond to them in their language - that is the honest truth.

Or you could just teach them that it's rude to speak in another language when you're with people who don't understand it.

You can teach manners at any age but foreign language has a limited window of native fluency. That’s what we are prioritizing.

If an hour-long play date threatens that, you’re not doing it right.

If you’re having chaperoned play dates that last only an hour, your child is at an age where this doesn’t matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

Sounds a lot like a white supremacist cultural norm to me...

There are non white people who actually have manners too, you know. The idea that only white people are educated in common courtesy is pretty racist.

Yes, but this isn't common courtesy. This is a very specific cultural belief that you think is universal because you think a specific white cultural habit is universal. And you're trying to impose it on families from other ethnic groups. Respecting that other people have different cultural beliefs is in fact common courtesy that you are lacking.

Since when does being American mean being white? Since when are foreign language speakers considered non-whites because of the language they speak? Oh brother.

Common courtesy changes when you go from country to country. You don't just say, "Eh, who cares, I have my way and I'm sticking with it, and I don't care what anyone else thinks." When in Rome, do as the Romans do. This is what people with manners have done for ages and ages.

It's okay to say you didn't realize you were being rude without trying to make the messenger wrong, PP. Live and learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

So, if you go to a museum and there are Japanese tourists you just don't speak till they leave? Do you never vacation in a country where you don't speak the language?

Of course not. That's not the same. We're talking about being with other people, socializing together, and speaking in a language that excludes some of the people you are with.

Of course that doesn't apply to random strangers.

You’re socializing with somebody else’s small child?

Don't be dense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

So, if you go to a museum and there are Japanese tourists you just don't speak till they leave? Do you never vacation in a country where you don't speak the language?

Unless you had a planned meeting to socialize with the Japanese tourists, their presence is irrelevant. Surely at a scheduled playdate, the two families realize they are together?

So, you acknowledge that what you wrote (it's rude to speak another language in front of those who don't understand it because they are from somewhere else) wasn't true and that it's actually much more nuanced than that. Good, we have a first step towards rational thought!

You are not capable of rational thought. Merely of quibbling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

So, if you go to a museum and there are Japanese tourists you just don't speak till they leave? Do you never vacation in a country where you don't speak the language?

Of course not. That's not the same. We're talking about being with other people, socializing together, and speaking in a language that excludes some of the people you are with.

Of course that doesn't apply to random strangers.

I don’t speak my husbands language and he doesn’t speak mine. We only speak our respective languages to our children. No one is bothered, but you insist that they simply must be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

Sounds a lot like a white supremacist cultural norm to me...

There are non white people who actually have manners too, you know. The idea that only white people are educated in common courtesy is pretty racist.

Yes, but this isn't common courtesy. This is a very specific cultural belief that you think is universal because you think a specific white cultural habit is universal. And you're trying to impose it on families from other ethnic groups. Respecting that other people have different cultural beliefs is in fact common courtesy that you are lacking.

You're saying their are "ethnic groups" and "cultures" that specifically prioritize anti-social behavior? And that when these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" move to a DIFFERENT culture, the onus is on the the different culture to respect their belief--specifically when they've been called to socialize with them?

Please name these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" who prioritize rudeness. I'd really like to know the specific ones. I've visited with native people in dozens of countries and on every continent but Oceana. I've never encountered a "cultural belief" like this--but I admit I haven't experienced EVERY culture. Please let me know who the rude people are!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

Sounds a lot like a white supremacist cultural norm to me...

There are non white people who actually have manners too, you know. The idea that only white people are educated in common courtesy is pretty racist.

Yes, but this isn't common courtesy. This is a very specific cultural belief that you think is universal because you think a specific white cultural habit is universal. And you're trying to impose it on families from other ethnic groups. Respecting that other people have different cultural beliefs is in fact common courtesy that you are lacking.

You're saying their are "ethnic groups" and "cultures" that specifically prioritize anti-social behavior? And that when these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" move to a DIFFERENT culture, the onus is on the the different culture to respect their belief--specifically when they've been called to socialize with them?

Please name these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" who prioritize rudeness. I'd really like to know the specific ones. I've visited with native people in dozens of countries and on every continent but Oceana. I've never encountered a "cultural belief" like this--but I admit I haven't experienced EVERY culture. Please let me know who the rude people are!

What’s rude and anti social is culture specific.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Our school community has lots of bilingual (and trilingual) families. It would never occur to me that speaking to eachother in their native tongue would be considered rude or a faux pas.

Well, now you know!

+1. In front of other people who don't speak the language actively excluding them? Yes, rude. Do people come from places with no manners? Wasn't there a thread about how rude it is to turn a back on someone recently and how in most cultures that is rude? This is the same thing.

Parents practicing OPOL are excluding the other parent all the time and somehow survive unscathed. It’s fine.

You sure about that? There's never been a single divorce in such families?

You don’t know why they divorce and it’s just as common in monolingual families.

I don’t understand 70% of conversation between my DH and my children, and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Yes, if you feel a certain way that means everyone else feels the exact same way. Got it.

I’m just telling you a very common thing in bi and trilingual families.

And I'm just telling you that speaks very poorly of very common bi and trilingual families.

Why tho?

BECAUSE IT'S RUDE. You're basically saying that teaching your child to be bi or trilingual is more important to you than teaching them manners. And that speaks very poorly of bi and trilingual familes -- that they are raising rude children.

Hate to say it, but many people on this thread may not realize it's the norm to not speak in another language in front of those that don't understand it because they are from somewhere else. But that's the norm here. So now you know.

Sounds a lot like a white supremacist cultural norm to me...

There are non white people who actually have manners too, you know. The idea that only white people are educated in common courtesy is pretty racist.

Yes, but this isn't common courtesy. This is a very specific cultural belief that you think is universal because you think a specific white cultural habit is universal. And you're trying to impose it on families from other ethnic groups. Respecting that other people have different cultural beliefs is in fact common courtesy that you are lacking.

You're saying their are "ethnic groups" and "cultures" that specifically prioritize anti-social behavior? And that when these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" move to a DIFFERENT culture, the onus is on the the different culture to respect their belief--specifically when they've been called to socialize with them?

Please name these "ethnic groups" and "cultures" who prioritize rudeness. I'd really like to know the specific ones. I've visited with native people in dozens of countries and on every continent but Oceana. I've never encountered a "cultural belief" like this--but I admit I haven't experienced EVERY culture. Please let me know who the rude people are!

What’s rude and anti social is culture specific.

So let's be specific! What SPECFIC "ethnic groups" and "cultures" feel it is ok to have a conversation, right in front of someone you have invited into your home/been invited into their home, when you know they will not be able to understand? Which ethnic groups and cultures have this as part of their "culture?"