I hate having friends’ kids over

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So much sockpuppeting in this thread

+1. Right?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a parent with an only and I absolutely feel this way. I'm always a little amazed by the behavior other parents will tolerate, or even find amusing, from their kids in other people's houses (or in restaurants, on planes, and in other public spaces). I'm also always amazed how simply adding one kid to a family makes the dynamic so much more chaotic.

We still invite over friends with multiple kids because we love them and can handle it. But it also makes me feel good about our choice to have one. And there's nothing better than inviting over friends who also have one mellow kid -- our children play together and are generally very well behaved, and enjoy having a playmate for the day or evening when they are very used to having to entertain themselves or keep company with grown ups, and we get to socialize and enjoy adult company without the usual imperative to engage our only children since they don't have siblings.

Not judging people who have more kids -- god bless you. It's not for me, though, and this is never more apparent to me than when a family with 2-4 kids comes to visit and I feel an intense sense of relief (and the thrill of silence) when they walk out the door at the end of the visit.

I have 3 so I know the hectic energy you are talking about and it is real, even when the kids are well behaved. In this scenario I don’t think having 4 small kids over is working. It’s very odd that the parents aren’t making an effort to make them behave but, since they aren’t, you really must stop having them over and meet at a park or something. This isn’t your circus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most parents have kids like this, IMO, OP. Host outside only or in a park.

No they don't.

+1. The people who say this are the lazy parents who have Those Kids.

100%. These folks will also look at other people's well behaved children and either assume they "got lucky" with chill personalities or convince themselves that their kids are terrors at home. It is not the case.

I have one kid whose oldest has become an absolute jerk as he approaches his tween years and she is constantly blaming it on the age. When he comes over to our house he regularly insults it or us, complaining that our house is too small or there is not enough to do (our house is small but they don't have to come, and we put out food and games and other kids seem to have a fun time despite the close quarters). He once said one of our kids was boring to our faces (the child in question is 4 years younger than him and probably seems boring to him, but he's old enough to understand that this is not an appropriate thing to say to people who are hosting you and feeding you and have been nothing but pleasant to you). We know lots of kids in this age group and none of them act like this. She's raising a spoiled brat and I think deep down she knows it, but when he does this stuff, she just rolls her eyes and is like "10 year olds! They're all like this."

No. They are not.

And yet, you keep inviting a rude kid who has insulted your home and your *children* back into your home. You are playing an active role in this negative dynamic. Stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a parent with an only and I absolutely feel this way. I'm always a little amazed by the behavior other parents will tolerate, or even find amusing, from their kids in other people's houses (or in restaurants, on planes, and in other public spaces). I'm also always amazed how simply adding one kid to a family makes the dynamic so much more chaotic.

We still invite over friends with multiple kids because we love them and can handle it. But it also makes me feel good about our choice to have one. And there's nothing better than inviting over friends who also have one mellow kid -- our children play together and are generally very well behaved, and enjoy having a playmate for the day or evening when they are very used to having to entertain themselves or keep company with grown ups, and we get to socialize and enjoy adult company without the usual imperative to engage our only children since they don't have siblings.

Not judging people who have more kids -- god bless you. It's not for me, though, and this is never more apparent to me than when a family with 2-4 kids comes to visit and I feel an intense sense of relief (and the thrill of silence) when they walk out the door at the end of the visit.

I have 3 so I know the hectic energy you are talking about and it is real, even when the kids are well behaved. In this scenario I don’t think having 4 small kids over is working. It’s very odd that the parents aren’t making an effort to make them behave but, since they aren’t, you really must stop having them over and meet at a park or something. This isn’t your circus.

+1

And definitely NOT your monkeys, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:5 kids under 12 all in a new place together where they may not know the rules is likely to be a handful no matter what,

Excuse me?

The rules are the same. Every place should have the same rules - you don't act like an animal, don't scream, don't go through people's stuff, say hello, thank you and please, look people in the eye and answer questions politely, don't run around spreading food around the house and leaving your handprints on all the walls. If you didn't teach your kids to eat properly with utensils and they eat with their hands, at least teach them to wash their hands. Don't interrupt their parents in the middle of a sentence. I can go on and on. These are just basic rules of being civil.

Amen to ALL of this. I can't believe adults are actually trying to argue this. How sad for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree OP. I have 2 boys under 10 and I think they are wild and noisy . . . Until I have other people’s kids in my house.

There are a few families I just don’t invite any more because every time they visit something gets broken or someone gets hurt. These kids find ways to cause trouble that I’ve never considered I need a rule for. We have very few explicit rules that seems pretty obvious- no shoes on the couch, no eating in the living room. Eating in the family room / kids rec room is allowed when we have company.

However other people’s kids make me have to declare things like:
Don’t draw on the house with sidewalk chalk
Don’t slam the glass front door / play games where running in and out is the game.
Don’t hang on / climb up the curtains
Don’t stand on the couch
Don’t slam landscaping river stones on my retaining wall to crack them open
Don’t open my pantry and pull out foods and eat them without asking
Don’t walk up to my house plants and break off leaves or branches

These are not toddlers. These are kindergarten- 3rd grade kids. Their parents seem normal and not overly permissive. These kids do not live in homes where things are broken and treated as disposable. I have no idea why they think it’s ok to act this way at my home when I doubt they act like this at their home.

Exactly this. A million times, this.

Maybe the crazy kids should hang out with other crazy kids, and the not crazy families should hang together.

OP, find your people. This ain't it.

[Anonymous]

After three kids - yes you give up. Offer to meet up with them at a winery or brewery where there's a play space for their kids. You don't have to put up with this.

[Anonymous]

IDK but my kid doesn't act like that. I don't know WTH is wrong with people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After three kids - yes you give up. Offer to meet up with them at a winery or brewery where there's a play space for their kids. You don't have to put up with this.

It sounds it two sets of parents each with two kids? Not sure. Also not sure of the ages involved here. Regardless, now that you’ve vented, actively change the situation. You are not a helpless bystander. You have no obligation to host people you don’t enjoy having over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Invite less children, maybe one couple + kids. Everybody outside - and that means activities and food. Setup beverages outside. Indoors is for the bathroom only.

+1. I have a pool so I make an effort to host during the summer. However, I generally don’t host kids during the winter when it will be inside.

[Anonymous]

OP, you might be REALLY good and engaging with your kids, which sometimes makes other parents think you enjoy all kids. The lazy parents may see you as a free babysitter.

I don't know anyone who enjoys other peoples kids all that much, if at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you set them up for failure? Are there things that they can play with - something for a large age range (legos, magnatiles, wherever).

Just out on a movie (made for all ages like Minions, Encanto, whatever) works too.

+1 Did you do anything to prepare for 5 kids under the age of 12, or were you really expecting them all to sit and quietly read a book the whole time?

+1

What are they supposed to do at your home? You've probably monopolized the area with a TV, you don't have any books or games for them, and you don't include them in the conversation. I hate people like OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you set them up for failure? Are there things that they can play with - something for a large age range (legos, magnatiles, wherever).

Just out on a movie (made for all ages like Minions, Encanto, whatever) works too.

+1 Did you do anything to prepare for 5 kids under the age of 12, or were you really expecting them all to sit and quietly read a book the whole time?

+1

What are they supposed to do at your home? You've probably monopolized the area with a TV, you don't have any books or games for them, and you don't include them in the conversation. I hate people like OP

Sometimes they don't want to play books or games, and sometimes the kids might have ADD (for example) - so nothing OP provided might have worked. If you know your kids get bored, maybe you should bring something for them. Maybe you should teach them how to behave outside their house. Take some time with your kids.

I have seen kids get bored at houses that have just about anything a kid could want. Stop trying to pile it onto OP. Stiop trying to deflect. OP was gracious enough to host. Now OP realizes it was a mistake, and likely they will have to find another house to trash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you set them up for failure? Are there things that they can play with - something for a large age range (legos, magnatiles, wherever).

Just out on a movie (made for all ages like Minions, Encanto, whatever) works too.

+1 Did you do anything to prepare for 5 kids under the age of 12, or were you really expecting them all to sit and quietly read a book the whole time?

+1

What are they supposed to do at your home? You've probably monopolized the area with a TV, you don't have any books or games for them, and you don't include them in the conversation. I hate people like OP

Sometimes they don't want to play books or games, and sometimes the kids might have ADD (for example) - so nothing OP provided might have worked. If you know your kids get bored, maybe you should bring something for them. Maybe you should teach them how to behave outside their house. Take some time with your kids.

I have seen kids get bored at houses that have just about anything a kid could want. Stop trying to pile it onto OP. Stiop trying to deflect. OP was gracious enough to host. Now OP realizes it was a mistake, and likely they will have to find another house to trash.

Oh please. OP is some childless SATC wannabe who is regretting her life choices but wants to show off her pristine apartment that has nothing for the kids to do while she wants her friend to get drunk with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you set them up for failure? Are there things that they can play with - something for a large age range (legos, magnatiles, wherever).

Just out on a movie (made for all ages like Minions, Encanto, whatever) works too.

+1 Did you do anything to prepare for 5 kids under the age of 12, or were you really expecting them all to sit and quietly read a book the whole time?

+1

What are they supposed to do at your home? You've probably monopolized the area with a TV, you don't have any books or games for them, and you don't include them in the conversation. I hate people like OP

I told them to bring their own toys, they had access to legos, they had full access to the TV.

Why is there an expectation that someone should go at great lengths to entertain your children?