I hate having friends’ kids over

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Ah, so you don’t like women or children. Got it.

I'm inviting my friends over for dinner. Their children just tag along. I'm not friends with their children, my DC is not friends with these children. They're just extra guests.

I'm sorry to say, but no one else besides you will enjoy your "littles" if they act like rabid animals in a zoo.

I have had many other friends over whose children have good manners and it was actually enjoyable having them over. These children:
- Say "hello", "please" and "thank you"
- They eat at a table and not running around a house spreading their food everywhere they go
- They know how to use utensils and napkins
- They don't stuff their face with handfuls of chips and pretzels
- They don't stick their dirty hands into dishes
- They are able to entertain themselves
- They don't interrupt adults
- They don't slam doors and bang on the walls and I don't have to wash walls after they leave
- They don't constantly interrupt their parents when parents are talking or other adults
- They are able to make small talk with adults and converse between each other

It's your job as a parent to instill good manners in your kids so they will be welcome in other people's houses. This is a minimum standard, I won't even go into other things.

[Anonymous]

Honey - you need to remove the stick from your behind. If you invite a family over, all of them are your guests, not just the parents. That means being hospitable to the littles as well. If you are serving cocktails and caviar for the grownups and ignoring the littles and dinner time, don't be surprised if they are hungry. You cannot be "kitchen closed" to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Bc they are guests of yours? Just bc they are kids doesn't mean you can dismiss them like trash

I’m a host, not a babysitter. They could have participated in conversations if they were not busy
- screaming,
- running in and out of the house slamming the door,
- shoving handfuls of pretzels into their mouths
- running area the house with food dropping some on the floor
- demanding soda that we didn’t serve
- touching all the walls leaving greasy hand prints because they were not taught to use utensils and napkins
- banging in the piano full force,
- tormenting our cats with a stick they found
- jumping on our bed in master bedroom
- doing gymnastics on the sofa
- these were 7-9 year olds
- when I tried to make a small talk with a 12 year old, he would run off and mumbled something
- another 13 year old just sat silent in a coma like state on their phone the whole evening

What happened to having manners?

You sound unhinged.
If anyone talked about my littles like that, I would stop being friends

do people really refer to their kids as “the littles”? It reminds me of a children’s book where these tiny little people lived in the walls with the mouse!

[Anonymous]

Op, it sounds like you need a time out. You should not host these families for a while and give yourself a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you set them up for failure? Are there things that they can play with - something for a large age range (legos, magnatiles, wherever).

Just out on a movie (made for all ages like Minions, Encanto, whatever) works too.

+1 Did you do anything to prepare for 5 kids under the age of 12, or were you really expecting them all to sit and quietly read a book the whole time?

+1

What are they supposed to do at your home? You've probably monopolized the area with a TV, you don't have any books or games for them, and you don't include them in the conversation. I hate people like OP

Spring for a babysitter and stop being so cheap and using your friends' [homes for visits] as daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Ah, so you don’t like women or children. Got it.

I'm inviting my friends over for dinner. Their children just tag along. I'm not friends with their children, my DC is not friends with these children. They're just extra guests.

I'm sorry to say, but no one else besides you will enjoy your "littles" if they act like rabid animals in a zoo.

I have had many other friends over whose children have good manners and it was actually enjoyable having them over. These children:
- Say "hello", "please" and "thank you"
- They eat at a table and not running around a house spreading their food everywhere they go
- They know how to use utensils and napkins
- They don't stuff their face with handfuls of chips and pretzels
- They don't stick their dirty hands into dishes
- They are able to entertain themselves
- They don't interrupt adults
- They don't slam doors and bang on the walls and I don't have to wash walls after they leave
- They don't constantly interrupt their parents when parents are talking or other adults
- They are able to make small talk with adults and converse between each other

It's your job as a parent to instill good manners in your kids so they will be welcome in other people's houses. This is a minimum standard, I won't even go into other things.

With an attitude like that, I don’t believe you have any real friends. Your manners might be impeccable, but you sound incredibly tiresome to be around. (And my kids have lovely manners, by the way. )

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honey - you need to remove the stick from your behind. If you invite a family over, all of them are your guests, not just the parents. That means being hospitable to the littles as well. If you are serving cocktails and caviar for the grownups and ignoring the littles and dinner time, don't be surprised if they are hungry. You cannot be "kitchen closed" to them.

Please, don't call me "honey", I'm not at your Honey Boo Boo level.

It may come as a surprise for you, but when you invited over to someone's house for dinner, you are expected to eat what is offered to you at the table, not go through their kitchen. Kitchen is not open for your littles to rummage through either. You are not at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never see French kid putting a dirty hand into a bowl with appetizers and stuffing handfuls of into their mouth.

Indian kids that we know are extremely well mannered.

The Chinese twelve year old can hold the most interesting conversations and is also well mannered.

Our friends’ kids from New Zealand have impeccable manners and would never dream to act like this.

I can go on and on.

It seems the kids born and raised in American or half American families have no expectations to meet in terms of behavior. No wonder schools have so many issues with disruptive behavior and lack of discipline.

Eh, how much time have you spent in other countries? There are ill behaved kids and parents who don't reign them in everywhere. Definitely in France and China! If your experience is mainly with immigrant families, that's not representative -- immigrants tend to be better educated and often work hard to assimilate their children, and are not necessarily representative of everyone in their home countries. I've met boorish kids from France, China, Italy, Australia, England, Germany, Canada, and South Korea. The one place I've spent time where there really does seem to be a culture that produces very polite, well-mannered kids is Japan. I am trying to think of a Japanese child I've met who was rude in any way (other than small, funny rudeness like sticking out a tongue as a joke), and I can't.

But I've met ill behaved children all over the world. And some places the kids get worse as teenagers and can be much worse than American teenagers. I've had terrible experiences with teenage boys in France and Italy -- those countries can be very doting on their sons in a way that produces very entitled young men. Especially if you catch them in groups away from their parents.

+1 about Japanese kids!

We used to live 3.5 hours from Japan and would visit frequently when my 2 older kids were toddlers. It was a running joke that if you took a drink every time you saw a Japanese child acting up, you’d be stone cold sober.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you set them up for failure? Are there things that they can play with - something for a large age range (legos, magnatiles, wherever).

Just out on a movie (made for all ages like Minions, Encanto, whatever) works too.

+1 Did you do anything to prepare for 5 kids under the age of 12, or were you really expecting them all to sit and quietly read a book the whole time?

+1

What are they supposed to do at your home? You've probably monopolized the area with a TV, you don't have any books or games for them, and you don't include them in the conversation. I hate people like OP

Spring for a babysitter and stop being so cheap and using your friends' [homes for visits] as daycare.

+1

BRAVO!!! THIS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Bc they are guests of yours? Just bc they are kids doesn't mean you can dismiss them like trash

I’m a host, not a babysitter. They could have participated in conversations if they were not busy
- screaming,
- running in and out of the house slamming the door,
- shoving handfuls of pretzels into their mouths
- running area the house with food dropping some on the floor
- demanding soda that we didn’t serve
- touching all the walls leaving greasy hand prints because they were not taught to use utensils and napkins
- banging in the piano full force,
- tormenting our cats with a stick they found
- jumping on our bed in master bedroom
- doing gymnastics on the sofa
- these were 7-9 year olds
- when I tried to make a small talk with a 12 year old, he would run off and mumbled something
- another 13 year old just sat silent in a coma like state on their phone the whole evening

What happened to having manners?

You sound unhinged.
If anyone talked about my littles like that, I would stop being friends

You mean describe their poor behavior??? Who the hell are you people that think this would be OK?

+1

By the sounds of some PPs, OP - you will be better off not inviting them again, and friendships can only get better from here. Find people more like you - considerate and not selfish, for one.

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree, a lot of kids are like feral animals. I have two girls who are well behaved. The older one, when she was in 1st-3rd grades, had some friends who were so terrible. Every playdate, every sleepover ended in tears, stolen items, the kids getting picked up in the middle of the night, notes that said things like I hate you. My husband thought I shouldnt ban these "friends," but I did let their moms know that I couldn't host their kids anymore or let my kid sleepover -- that they needed a break due to poor attitudes and drama. I am so glad I did that. My daughter actually thanked me! She now has much better behaved friends, though some do not know how to speak with adults. My younger daughter's friends have always been well behaved and polite. I'm not sure what it is, but some kids are just the worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Bc they are guests of yours? Just bc they are kids doesn't mean you can dismiss them like trash

I’m a host, not a babysitter. They could have participated in conversations if they were not busy
- screaming,
- running in and out of the house slamming the door,
- shoving handfuls of pretzels into their mouths
- running area the house with food dropping some on the floor
- demanding soda that we didn’t serve
- touching all the walls leaving greasy hand prints because they were not taught to use utensils and napkins
- banging in the piano full force,
- tormenting our cats with a stick they found
- jumping on our bed in master bedroom
- doing gymnastics on the sofa
- these were 7-9 year olds
- when I tried to make a small talk with a 12 year old, he would run off and mumbled something
- another 13 year old just sat silent in a coma like state on their phone the whole evening

What happened to having manners?

You sound unhinged.
If anyone talked about my littles like that, I would stop being friends

Gag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honey - you need to remove the stick from your behind. If you invite a family over, all of them are your guests, not just the parents. That means being hospitable to the littles as well. If you are serving cocktails and caviar for the grownups and ignoring the littles and dinner time, don't be surprised if they are hungry. You cannot be "kitchen closed" to them.

Ugh! Just stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honey - you need to remove the stick from your behind. If you invite a family over, all of them are your guests, not just the parents. That means being hospitable to the littles as well. If you are serving cocktails and caviar for the grownups and ignoring the littles and dinner time, don't be surprised if they are hungry. You cannot be "kitchen closed" to them.

Please, don't call me "honey", I'm not at your Honey Boo Boo level.

It may come as a surprise for you, but when you invited over to someone's house for dinner, you are expected to eat what is offered to you at the table, not go through their kitchen. Kitchen is not open for your littles to rummage through either. You are not at home.

Sure. As long as you factor in kid friendly things as part of meal. Whether you consider them official guests or not…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree, a lot of kids are like feral animals. I have two girls who are well behaved. The older one, when she was in 1st-3rd grades, had some friends who were so terrible. Every playdate, every sleepover ended in tears, stolen items, the kids getting picked up in the middle of the night, notes that said things like I hate you. My husband thought I shouldnt ban these "friends," but I did let their moms know that I couldn't host their kids anymore or let my kid sleepover -- that they needed a break due to poor attitudes and drama. I am so glad I did that. My daughter actually thanked me! She now has much better behaved friends, though some do not know how to speak with adults. My younger daughter's friends have always been well behaved and polite. I'm not sure what it is, but some kids are just the worst.

+1

Some kids learn it from their parents - their parents are the first to ignore their kids, yet think they do no wrong. It sends damaging mixed messages to the kid. It is a vicious circle, and quite sad for the kid, in the long run.