Meeting a Guy in Big Law

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where do they hang out?

My Big Law friend likes new immigrant women. He hangs out in traffic court.

A real biglaw lawyer would not know where traffic court was and would not know what to do when he got there. That is not what they do. Same with the joker that said hang out at courthouses. Almost no biglaw lawyers there. It's not what they do.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I met mine when we were both in law school. He’s a partner now and I don’t know a single partner who isn’t married unless he’s divorced. The vast majority of my biglaw friends paired up while in law school come to think of it (of course not all with lawyers but a LOT are).

Lawyers tend to be married to law school classmates -- maybe not married when they start in big law -- just dating. But on the guy side the first and second round draft picks are already married.

This is my experience as a millennial. The overwhelming majority of my law school friends are married to another lawyer.

+1

Same - they want interesting conversation.

Ha. I think you might be overestimating how interesting layers are.

This, I know two big law partners in their 30s. One is a woman who is absolutely brilliant but kind of stern and cold and her husband is very outgoing and charming and a typical guy's guy. They work well together. The other is a man who is again, very smart, but he's kind of shy and socially awkward. He is dating a woman who is smart but I think has a little bit of a lower stress job than him, and frankly, she can carry a conversation much better.

I don't see lawyers pair up with other lawyers frequently.

You are not getting out enough. Lawyers pair up with lawyers an awful lot. For male partners the wife often does not work but she was a lawyer. As a PP said -- most of the best prospects are taken in law school. They never come on the market after law school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I met mine when we were both in law school. He’s a partner now and I don’t know a single partner who isn’t married unless he’s divorced. The vast majority of my biglaw friends paired up while in law school come to think of it (of course not all with lawyers but a LOT are).

Lawyers tend to be married to law school classmates -- maybe not married when they start in big law -- just dating. But on the guy side the first and second round draft picks are already married.

This is my experience as a millennial. The overwhelming majority of my law school friends are married to another lawyer.

+1

Same - they want interesting conversation.

Ha. I think you might be overestimating how interesting layers are.

This, I know two big law partners in their 30s. One is a woman who is absolutely brilliant but kind of stern and cold and her husband is very outgoing and charming and a typical guy's guy. They work well together. The other is a man who is again, very smart, but he's kind of shy and socially awkward. He is dating a woman who is smart but I think has a little bit of a lower stress job than him, and frankly, she can carry a conversation much better.

I don't see lawyers pair up with other lawyers frequently.

Well what would you know about it, since you only know 2 biglaw partners?

I know dozens of biglaw partners. More than half are married to fellow lawyers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I met mine when we were both in law school. He’s a partner now and I don’t know a single partner who isn’t married unless he’s divorced. The vast majority of my biglaw friends paired up while in law school come to think of it (of course not all with lawyers but a LOT are).

Lawyers tend to be married to law school classmates -- maybe not married when they start in big law -- just dating. But on the guy side the first and second round draft picks are already married.

This is my experience as a millennial. The overwhelming majority of my law school friends are married to another lawyer.

+1

Same - they want interesting conversation.

Ha. I think you might be overestimating how interesting layers are.

This, I know two big law partners in their 30s. One is a woman who is absolutely brilliant but kind of stern and cold and her husband is very outgoing and charming and a typical guy's guy. They work well together. The other is a man who is again, very smart, but he's kind of shy and socially awkward. He is dating a woman who is smart but I think has a little bit of a lower stress job than him, and frankly, she can carry a conversation much better.

I don't see lawyers pair up with other lawyers frequently.

Ha, like half my law school class is paired up with each other. It's very, very common. We are mostly all dorks and extremely cynical which is why I think a lot of non-lawyers aren't interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I met mine when we were both in law school. He’s a partner now and I don’t know a single partner who isn’t married unless he’s divorced. The vast majority of my biglaw friends paired up while in law school come to think of it (of course not all with lawyers but a LOT are).

Lawyers tend to be married to law school classmates -- maybe not married when they start in big law -- just dating. But on the guy side the first and second round draft picks are already married.

This is my experience as a millennial. The overwhelming majority of my law school friends are married to another lawyer.

+1

Same - they want interesting conversation.

Ha. I think you might be overestimating how interesting layers are.

This, I know two big law partners in their 30s. One is a woman who is absolutely brilliant but kind of stern and cold and her husband is very outgoing and charming and a typical guy's guy. They work well together. The other is a man who is again, very smart, but he's kind of shy and socially awkward. He is dating a woman who is smart but I think has a little bit of a lower stress job than him, and frankly, she can carry a conversation much better.

I don't see lawyers pair up with other lawyers frequently.

I think that is a thing with shy men in general - when women are shy it's cute and charming but when men are they are seen as weird and socially awkward. So a lot of shy men pair off with women who can carry them in social situations. So, nothing to do with big law but just an observation.

But yes I do agree the big law people I know are nerds and weren't exactly the cool kids in high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Best time to meet them is the year they are clerking before they start working in big law. They’ll have time to establish a relationship before the crazy hours start.

Only a small fraction of biglaw attorneys clerk and they often only work in biglaw a short time since their real goals are being academics or judges

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A bit of practical advice for the gold-diggers looking to marry a Biglaw partner. Make sure that he is an equity partner. Big firms have a lower category of partners that go by the terms non-equity, stipend, or income partners. You don't want to go near one of these. They are like glorified associates who have the title partner, but they work a zillion hours and carry all the stress of a big firm lawyer, but don't earn seven figure pay like the equity partners. as a woman chasing a glitzy lifestyle you would be getting the downside without the upside. so on the first date/interview with a biglaw partner, be sure you ask about that.

Omg slay kween. Thank u for this advice. Gonna go stand outside Kirkland & Ellis at 5pm and see what happens

Kirkland and Ellis is the absolute worst place to look. They basically promote every senior associate to “partner.” Then there’s another process to make equity partner after that.

And nobody at K and E is done at 5 pm. Maybe you’ll see some support staff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Were these women baking for your man? Or just sending in cookies for the entire office at Christmas? I am a happily married woman who does the latter. Please don’t read into it…

No, dear it was special made for my kids. She baked it with a friend. Not once, many times. Then even after she left came back to the office party (I didn’t use to go), but I was there. The cringe. Never heard from her since then and good riddance.

What surprised me with this younger woman was the amount of make up. It’s that stuff popularized by the Kardashians that we used to think of as stage make up. Also, the lack of own ambition.

Oh, they are plenty ambitious and calculating… Lots of men can’t help but respond favorably to being fawned over and mothered with homemade cookies. Their responses typically don’t include marriage proposals.

No one wants your "man" who probably looks like shit after years of a high stress job. I know a big law partner who is 38 and looks 50. He is really smart and funny but I can't imagine some 22yo paralegal chasing after him.

There are a lot of women in this forum who think their husbands are irresistible or some woman making cookies or small talk is after their man.

It’s definitely deluded but kind of sweet, I guess?

Yeah, I mean I get it, you definitely want to be your dh's hype woman, esp. if he's bringing home big law level bucks. "Oh honey, you are so handsome and smart and funny and cool and great in bed and I'm so lucky!!! Yes, your paralegal who just graduated from college absolutely wants to sleep with you!" The difference between PP and most people is that most people would just say that. Seems PP has started to believe it, sadly.

When I was 23 I took cookies to the office. It's because the night before, my boyfriend wanted cookies so we baked them together but we made too many and his roommates didn't want them and he couldn't reasonably eat 24 cookies alone before they went stale. So we split them up and took them to our respective offices. Neither of us was trying to sleep with our boss lmfao.

Same. I used to take cookies and fancy cupcakes not because I wanted to sleep with anyone but rather because my roommate made them. A lot of people bake and decorate cakes as a hobby.

[Anonymous]

DH and I are both lawyers (gov). A work acquaintance, former BigLaw, current gov, rich as hell and over 60 and weird as can be just married a 34 yr old. I don't know how else to put this so that everyone will understand so I'll just say it: she's mail order. No one who isn't desperate was going to marry this guy. I really don't get this weird focus on finding lawyers to marry--most of them ain't all that. At all. This one has lots of money, and still isn't all that attractive as a partner. He had to get a spouse desperate for citizenship in the US.

[Anonymous]

Look, if you're gonna go through with this, set your sights high. V10 or bust, baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Best time to meet them is the year they are clerking before they start working in big law. They’ll have time to establish a relationship before the crazy hours start.

Only a small fraction of biglaw attorneys clerk and they often only work in biglaw a short time since their real goals are being academics or judges

Guess I know a lot of overachieving litigators then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Best time to meet them is the year they are clerking before they start working in big law. They’ll have time to establish a relationship before the crazy hours start.

Only a small fraction of biglaw attorneys clerk and they often only work in biglaw a short time since their real goals are being academics or judges

Guess I know a lot of overachieving litigators then.

This is a board full of nerdy DC types. But if OP just wants money and to be married to a biglaw lawyer, it's probably better to go to NYC and look for a corporate attorney.

[Anonymous]

Look, lawyers, especially biglaw lawyers, tend to be terrible partners. I have no idea why one would specifically seek out a biglaw lawyer to date. But, if OP is serious, here are my suggestions:
- The closest Starbuck's to any biglaw office, especially in the late afternoon or early evening.
- The closest wine bar to any biglaw office, especially late at night.
- Airport lounges, especially in NYC, DC, Chicago, and LA.
- Airport bars.
- Bars of 4 and 5 start hotels in mid-sized cities.
- AA meetings.
- NA meetings.
- Large ABA conferences.
- In a biglaw office.

Biglaw types work a lot. They are stressed a lot. When they aren't working, they are usually traveling (for work), drinking (because of work), or getting coffee (so they can work some more).

Source: was in biglaw for many years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, lawyers, especially biglaw lawyers, tend to be terrible partners. I have no idea why one would specifically seek out a biglaw lawyer to date. But, if OP is serious, here are my suggestions:
- The closest Starbuck's to any biglaw office, especially in the late afternoon or early evening.
- The closest wine bar to any biglaw office, especially late at night.
- Airport lounges, especially in NYC, DC, Chicago, and LA.
- Airport bars.
- Bars of 4 and 5 start hotels in mid-sized cities.
- AA meetings.
- NA meetings.
- Large ABA conferences.
- In a biglaw office.

Biglaw types work a lot. They are stressed a lot. When they aren't working, they are usually traveling (for work), drinking (because of work), or getting coffee (so they can work some more).

Source: was in biglaw for many years.

This is accurate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My Big Law friend likes new immigrant women. He hangs out in traffic court.

A real biglaw lawyer would not know where traffic court was ... .

You missed the joke. A Biglaw lawyer would hang out in traffic court if he wanted to meet immigrant women who get many traffic citations.