Is it wrong to want an inheritance early?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL could easily need all of it for nursing care.

Yes I realize that she will need that. The question was whether it was wrong to want an inheritance early. I know it’s not happening.

We are fine where we are but there is no way to move up to a larger home without family help.

It will take a few more years of earned income and promotions to do that.

And that’s what you’re supposed to do. Work toward your goals and save up. Yes, it is absolutely wrong to for your husband to ask for HIS inheritance early. And if you are pestering your husband about this you can be sure he’ll make sure that he does commingle what he eventually does receive. Why is it always the scheming in-laws who ask these questions in here? It’s rarely the blood relative. Sounds like OP’s husband married down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Given what a scheming, tacky, selfish person you seem to be, your husband will have likely divorced you by the time your MIL passes. So why give money to her son now? Here’s hoping your husband knows not to commingle these funds and keeps them far from your grubby clutches

We might not benefit early but I am definitely planning to help my children with a down payment so they can live the best area/school district possible.

Your zip code is a huge predictor of success.

[Anonymous]

So, you married for money. Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL could easily need all of it for nursing care.

Yes I realize that she will need that. The question was whether it was wrong to want an inheritance early. I know it’s not happening.

We are fine where we are but there is no way to move up to a larger home without family help.

It will take a few more years of earned income and promotions to do that.

It is wrong to want an inheritance early. It is also wrong to count on an inheritance as no one can predict the future. I think it is time for you to concentrate on wanting what you have. Living within your means and saving up for something makes it more meaningful and you might find you house is just fine once you have the money saved. Then, you can change your priorities to something else.

Start looking at your current house to make it work better for you. Do you need to declutter, including furniture? Do you need designated space for adults and for children? What outdoor space do you have? Make the most of that too. How old are your children?

Kids are 2 and 4. No yard and very small patio.

No rearranging will really help change the layout.

We pay $5k for our monthly mortgage and that would double under current rates with a larger home.

We will have to move further out, which is a shame bc we do like this area.

I'm assuming this is real.

How do you pay $5k per month and still not have enough room? This is a serious question as I live inside the Beltway, just bought, and pay half that. It's about 1800 sq ft and it wouldn't hurt if we had more room, but we are fine. We do have a decent/big yard (IMO, but maybe it's all relative). Although our neighborhood is expensive even by DC standards, it's not the most expensive. Still, I can't imagine you pay double what we pay and have less room.

The thing is, OP... I don't have sympathy. But I will say this-- I think two things might be clouding your judgment about how much "room" you "need." And one of the clues is in your use of the term "growing family," when I think you aren't planning on having more kids-- just that your kids are growing.

I think you have been dealing with kids during COVID in a constrained environment who were 0-2 and 2-4. That's tough, even if you weren't all stuck inside your house. But it's not natural. And you sort of realize but I think don't fully make the connection about something else... IME, the older kids get, the LESS space it feels like they need. Not just teenagers. I feel like when my kids got to be 7, 8, 9, they needed less space for stuff, for running around etc. And not because they became less active or stuck more to screens (which we barely have). But because they were in school all day, going to the park with friends, etc.-- activities that I didn't always have to be close by to supervise. Their footprint kind of expanded-- outside of my house (or apartment-- we were in an apartment until recently). And they had longer attention spans for things like reading and crafts, which didn't require 5 different large toys or toy set for imaginative play, you know? You are correct that you are wishing for something that you won't even feel like you need in probably 5 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given what a scheming, tacky, selfish person you seem to be, your husband will have likely divorced you by the time your MIL passes. So why give money to her son now? Here’s hoping your husband knows not to commingle these funds and keeps them far from your grubby clutches

We might not benefit early but I am definitely planning to help my children with a down payment so they can live the best area/school district possible.

Your zip code is a huge predictor of success.

So am I. But I am not counting on my parents’ inheritance to do that. And if I suspect that either of my sons marries someone like OP, I will likely skip giving them inheritance and give to my grandchildren instead. OP, it’s clear your a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am curious about how many blowhards on here railing against OP have received money as a yearly gift and/or tuition money and/or down payment money as a gift. OP is just calling it something different.

I agree with PP about asking for a loan vs asking for the early inheritance.

My parents paid for 2 years of my state school and half of my modest wedding when I was young and had nothing. No down payment help when we bought a home or annual gifts (hahaha). We were very broke once and they loaned us some money, which we paid back in full.

They give me $100 on my birthday.

They grew up poor to working class and will inherit nothing but debt when their mothers pass away. They pay for their mothers' expenses now. I believe they have substantial savings but I have never thought about how much and I hope it's enough for them to live comfortably for a long time without having to worry. I feel grateful that *I* won't have to pay those expenses for them like they do for their parents. That's about the extent of my consideration, though I admit that our HHI is very modest and we won't be able to save a ton for DC's college-- and I suspect/hope they have put a little away for her. But I don't depend on it and I don't really consider it in our plans-- we are just trying to earn/save more. It would be nice, and I think there's a significant chance they have actually considered it (my dad was a financial planner) but I'm not depending on ANYTHING from them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL could easily need all of it for nursing care.

Yes I realize that she will need that. The question was whether it was wrong to want an inheritance early. I know it’s not happening.

We are fine where we are but there is no way to move up to a larger home without family help.

It will take a few more years of earned income and promotions to do that.

It is wrong to want an inheritance early. It is also wrong to count on an inheritance as no one can predict the future. I think it is time for you to concentrate on wanting what you have. Living within your means and saving up for something makes it more meaningful and you might find you house is just fine once you have the money saved. Then, you can change your priorities to something else.

Start looking at your current house to make it work better for you. Do you need to declutter, including furniture? Do you need designated space for adults and for children? What outdoor space do you have? Make the most of that too. How old are your children?

Kids are 2 and 4. No yard and very small patio.

No rearranging will really help change the layout.

We pay $5k for our monthly mortgage and that would double under current rates with a larger home.

We will have to move further out, which is a shame bc we do like this area.

I'm assuming this is real.

How do you pay $5k per month and still not have enough room? This is a serious question as I live inside the Beltway, just bought, and pay half that. It's about 1800 sq ft and it wouldn't hurt if we had more room, but we are fine. We do have a decent/big yard (IMO, but maybe it's all relative). Although our neighborhood is expensive even by DC standards, it's not the most expensive. Still, I can't imagine you pay double what we pay and have less room.

The thing is, OP... I don't have sympathy. But I will say this-- I think two things might be clouding your judgment about how much "room" you "need." And one of the clues is in your use of the term "growing family," when I think you aren't planning on having more kids-- just that your kids are growing.

I think you have been dealing with kids during COVID in a constrained environment who were 0-2 and 2-4. That's tough, even if you weren't all stuck inside your house. But it's not natural. And you sort of realize but I think don't fully make the connection about something else... IME, the older kids get, the LESS space it feels like they need. Not just teenagers. I feel like when my kids got to be 7, 8, 9, they needed less space for stuff, for running around etc. And not because they became less active or stuck more to screens (which we barely have). But because they were in school all day, going to the park with friends, etc.-- activities that I didn't always have to be close by to supervise. Their footprint kind of expanded-- outside of my house (or apartment-- we were in an apartment until recently). And they had longer attention spans for things like reading and crafts, which didn't require 5 different large toys or toy set for imaginative play, you know? You are correct that you are wishing for something that you won't even feel like you need in probably 5 years.

We’d like overall more room for everyone than what is currently provided in our townhome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL could easily need all of it for nursing care.

Yes I realize that she will need that. The question was whether it was wrong to want an inheritance early. I know it’s not happening.

We are fine where we are but there is no way to move up to a larger home without family help.

It will take a few more years of earned income and promotions to do that.

It is wrong to want an inheritance early. It is also wrong to count on an inheritance as no one can predict the future. I think it is time for you to concentrate on wanting what you have. Living within your means and saving up for something makes it more meaningful and you might find you house is just fine once you have the money saved. Then, you can change your priorities to something else.

Start looking at your current house to make it work better for you. Do you need to declutter, including furniture? Do you need designated space for adults and for children? What outdoor space do you have? Make the most of that too. How old are your children?

Kids are 2 and 4. No yard and very small patio.

No rearranging will really help change the layout.

We pay $5k for our monthly mortgage and that would double under current rates with a larger home.

We will have to move further out, which is a shame bc we do like this area.

I'm assuming this is real.

How do you pay $5k per month and still not have enough room? This is a serious question as I live inside the Beltway, just bought, and pay half that. It's about 1800 sq ft and it wouldn't hurt if we had more room, but we are fine. We do have a decent/big yard (IMO, but maybe it's all relative). Although our neighborhood is expensive even by DC standards, it's not the most expensive. Still, I can't imagine you pay double what we pay and have less room.

The thing is, OP... I don't have sympathy. But I will say this-- I think two things might be clouding your judgment about how much "room" you "need." And one of the clues is in your use of the term "growing family," when I think you aren't planning on having more kids-- just that your kids are growing.

I think you have been dealing with kids during COVID in a constrained environment who were 0-2 and 2-4. That's tough, even if you weren't all stuck inside your house. But it's not natural. And you sort of realize but I think don't fully make the connection about something else... IME, the older kids get, the LESS space it feels like they need. Not just teenagers. I feel like when my kids got to be 7, 8, 9, they needed less space for stuff, for running around etc. And not because they became less active or stuck more to screens (which we barely have). But because they were in school all day, going to the park with friends, etc.-- activities that I didn't always have to be close by to supervise. Their footprint kind of expanded-- outside of my house (or apartment-- we were in an apartment until recently). And they had longer attention spans for things like reading and crafts, which didn't require 5 different large toys or toy set for imaginative play, you know? You are correct that you are wishing for something that you won't even feel like you need in probably 5 years.

We’d [/b]like[b] overall more room for everyone than what is currently provided in our townhome.

I'd like a lot of things. But what I have is sufficient for my family. And we are working hard to increase our earnings so that we can have/do more over time.

Maybe try thinking like that.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you are wrong. Work for what you want and earn it. Be thankful you are where you are, a lot of people get by on a lot less. This just reeks of entitlement and privilege.

[Anonymous]

Your post is exactly what makes people roll their eyes about the DC area.

It’s so hard finding suitable housing on $400K salaries! What should we do?!?!

Please just stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL could easily need all of it for nursing care.

Yes I realize that she will need that. The question was whether it was wrong to want an inheritance early. I know it’s not happening.

We are fine where we are but there is no way to move up to a larger home without family help.

It will take a few more years of earned income and promotions to do that.

It is wrong to want an inheritance early. It is also wrong to count on an inheritance as no one can predict the future. I think it is time for you to concentrate on wanting what you have. Living within your means and saving up for something makes it more meaningful and you might find you house is just fine once you have the money saved. Then, you can change your priorities to something else.

Start looking at your current house to make it work better for you. Do you need to declutter, including furniture? Do you need designated space for adults and for children? What outdoor space do you have? Make the most of that too. How old are your children?

Kids are 2 and 4. No yard and very small patio.

No rearranging will really help change the layout.

We pay $5k for our monthly mortgage and that would double under current rates with a larger home.

We will have to move further out, which is a shame bc we do like this area.

I'm assuming this is real.

How do you pay $5k per month and still not have enough room? This is a serious question as I live inside the Beltway, just bought, and pay half that. It's about 1800 sq ft and it wouldn't hurt if we had more room, but we are fine. We do have a decent/big yard (IMO, but maybe it's all relative). Although our neighborhood is expensive even by DC standards, it's not the most expensive. Still, I can't imagine you pay double what we pay and have less room.

The thing is, OP... I don't have sympathy. But I will say this-- I think two things might be clouding your judgment about how much "room" you "need." And one of the clues is in your use of the term "growing family," when I think you aren't planning on having more kids-- just that your kids are growing.

I think you have been dealing with kids during COVID in a constrained environment who were 0-2 and 2-4. That's tough, even if you weren't all stuck inside your house. But it's not natural. And you sort of realize but I think don't fully make the connection about something else... IME, the older kids get, the LESS space it feels like they need. Not just teenagers. I feel like when my kids got to be 7, 8, 9, they needed less space for stuff, for running around etc. And not because they became less active or stuck more to screens (which we barely have). But because they were in school all day, going to the park with friends, etc.-- activities that I didn't always have to be close by to supervise. Their footprint kind of expanded-- outside of my house (or apartment-- we were in an apartment until recently). And they had longer attention spans for things like reading and crafts, which didn't require 5 different large toys or toy set for imaginative play, you know? You are correct that you are wishing for something that you won't even feel like you need in probably 5 years.

We’d like overall more room for everyone than what is currently provided in our townhome.

You live in a million dollar townhouse? And you want more space? It's time to move to a different area. That million could buy you the biggest McMansion in my very good school district.

I lived in an overly expensive townhouse and wanted more space. I didn't dream of MIL dying (and I don't even like her!) - we moved to another neighborhood and doubled our space without paying much more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given what a scheming, tacky, selfish person you seem to be, your husband will have likely divorced you by the time your MIL passes. So why give money to her son now? Here’s hoping your husband knows not to commingle these funds and keeps them far from your grubby clutches

We might not benefit early but I am definitely planning to help my children with a down payment so they can live the best area/school district possible.

Your zip code is a huge predictor of success.

it’s not the zip code

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL could easily need all of it for nursing care.

Yes I realize that she will need that. The question was whether it was wrong to want an inheritance early. I know it’s not happening.

We are fine where we are but there is no way to move up to a larger home without family help.

It will take a few more years of earned income and promotions to do that.

It is wrong to want an inheritance early. It is also wrong to count on an inheritance as no one can predict the future. I think it is time for you to concentrate on wanting what you have. Living within your means and saving up for something makes it more meaningful and you might find you house is just fine once you have the money saved. Then, you can change your priorities to something else.

Start looking at your current house to make it work better for you. Do you need to declutter, including furniture? Do you need designated space for adults and for children? What outdoor space do you have? Make the most of that too. How old are your children?

Kids are 2 and 4. No yard and very small patio.

No rearranging will really help change the layout.

We pay $5k for our monthly mortgage and that would double under current rates with a larger home.

We will have to move further out, which is a shame bc we do like this area.

You already have a substantial budget with $5k a month. Life comes with choices. Space or convenience is one of the big financial ones. We all face that choice. Some of us give up space to be closer to everything and some of us want the space so we compromise. We figure out which is more important to us and choose accordingly. Some people want a brand new house with all the bells and whistles and some of us make do with an older smaller house so we can live in the neighborhood we love. It is all about choices and priorities. It is called life and you seem to be one of the luckier ones already. Yet, it is still not enough. You want what you cannot have (yet). This may be the time to see someone that can help you change your perspective from being someone who always wants more to someone who is grateful for everything they have.

[Anonymous]

1. Any eventual inheritance is your spouse's not yours. Your spouse may well choose to save or spend it in different ways then you might like. 2. If you're really so convinced the money is coming to you, and you and your spouse are totally have one mind on spending on a bigger house, then you should just stop contributing to retirement and college savings and spend your money today on the house you dream of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am curious about how many blowhards on here railing against OP have received money as a yearly gift and/or tuition money and/or down payment money as a gift. OP is just calling it something different.

I agree with PP about asking for a loan vs asking for the early inheritance.

My first car, which was a gift from my grandfather, was older than I was at the time, and my parents paid for my undergrad books and my wedding dress. That's it.

Maybe OP should live the way most of us do, with no inheritance coming our way.