Is it wrong to want an inheritance early?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Your MIL could easily need all of it for nursing care.

Yes I realize that she will need that. The question was whether it was wrong to want an inheritance early. I know it’s not happening.

We are fine where we are but there is no way to move up to a larger home without family help.

It will take a few more years of earned income and promotions to do that.

It is wrong to want an inheritance early. It is also wrong to count on an inheritance as no one can predict the future. I think it is time for you to concentrate on wanting what you have. Living within your means and saving up for something makes it more meaningful and you might find you house is just fine once you have the money saved. Then, you can change your priorities to something else.

Start looking at your current house to make it work better for you. Do you need to declutter, including furniture? Do you need designated space for adults and for children? What outdoor space do you have? Make the most of that too. How old are your children?

Kids are 2 and 4. No yard and very small patio.

No rearranging will really help change the layout.

We pay $5k for our monthly mortgage and that would double under current rates with a larger home.

We will have to move further out, which is a shame bc we do like this area.

I'm assuming this is real.

How do you pay $5k per month and still not have enough room? This is a serious question as I live inside the Beltway, just bought, and pay half that. It's about 1800 sq ft and it wouldn't hurt if we had more room, but we are fine. We do have a decent/big yard (IMO, but maybe it's all relative). Although our neighborhood is expensive even by DC standards, it's not the most expensive. Still, I can't imagine you pay double what we pay and have less room.

The thing is, OP... I don't have sympathy. But I will say this-- I think two things might be clouding your judgment about how much "room" you "need." And one of the clues is in your use of the term "growing family," when I think you aren't planning on having more kids-- just that your kids are growing.

I think you have been dealing with kids during COVID in a constrained environment who were 0-2 and 2-4. That's tough, even if you weren't all stuck inside your house. But it's not natural. And you sort of realize but I think don't fully make the connection about something else... IME, the older kids get, the LESS space it feels like they need. Not just teenagers. I feel like when my kids got to be 7, 8, 9, they needed less space for stuff, for running around etc. And not because they became less active or stuck more to screens (which we barely have). But because they were in school all day, going to the park with friends, etc.-- activities that I didn't always have to be close by to supervise. Their footprint kind of expanded-- outside of my house (or apartment-- we were in an apartment until recently). And they had longer attention spans for things like reading and crafts, which didn't require 5 different large toys or toy set for imaginative play, you know? You are correct that you are wishing for something that you won't even feel like you need in probably 5 years.

We’d like overall more room for everyone than what is currently provided in our townhome.

Okay, I'm the actual PP you responded to here and really... this is a waste of time unless you spend a moment *thinking* about *why* you want more space. Okay, you concede that it's not just about the kids, I guess, and that in 5 years, they won't even need as much space. You still don't say how much space you currently have. What *specific* space do you "need?" It can't just be "overall more room than we have." That's a diffuse general malaise of dissatisfaction, and if it's that, which I suspect it is, none of this discussion makes any difference.

I'm not going to engage anymore because I feel like it's...

"WHY do you need more room?"

"So we're more comfortable."

"Okay so what's uncomfortable now?"

"The fact that we need more room."

Ok, we would LIKE more room rather than NEED more room.

Ideally we would have: a large playroom for the kids with door leading to a large backyard equipped with swings, playset, maybe even a little treehouse.

Yard would also have a fire pit, outdoor kitchen area, dining area.

Inside we would have a large open floor plan with kitchen equipped with a large island leading to main dining bc area. Four bedrooms, one for ourselves, the kids and a guest room.

A small gym downstairs and media room for family movie night.

This is genuinely hilarious. Did you just move here from Salt Lake City or something? Nobody making $400k in this area has a large backyard equipped with swings, playset, treehouse, AND a large walkout (??) playroom, AND a fire pit, outdoor kitchen and dining areas, AND large open floor plan house AND a gym AND a media room. Like, what are you even talking about? Did you quarantine since March 2020 watching nothing but HGTV reruns? The cherry on top is "we'd have to sell our house"- did you want MIL to but you this estate so you could keep your townhouse as a rental? While she lives on a "not fancy" retirement facility?

I know one family that has most (not all) of your wish list in DC, and they're pulling in more like $3-4M/yr.

Well we know a family who bought their custom home for about $2 million just before the pandemic and have all of this. And they are not making $3m, more like $500k per year.

Well at least it's not specific to family that you count other people's money?
And a custom $2M home will not have that laundry list of amenities, unless you're on Loudoun or something. Hope your MIL lives to be 100.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL could easily need all of it for nursing care.

Yes I realize that she will need that. The question was whether it was wrong to want an inheritance early. I know it’s not happening.

We are fine where we are but there is no way to move up to a larger home without family help.

It will take a few more years of earned income and promotions to do that.

It is wrong to want an inheritance early. It is also wrong to count on an inheritance as no one can predict the future. I think it is time for you to concentrate on wanting what you have. Living within your means and saving up for something makes it more meaningful and you might find you house is just fine once you have the money saved. Then, you can change your priorities to something else.

Start looking at your current house to make it work better for you. Do you need to declutter, including furniture? Do you need designated space for adults and for children? What outdoor space do you have? Make the most of that too. How old are your children?

Kids are 2 and 4. No yard and very small patio.

No rearranging will really help change the layout.

We pay $5k for our monthly mortgage and that would double under current rates with a larger home.

We will have to move further out, which is a shame bc we do like this area.

I'm assuming this is real.

How do you pay $5k per month and still not have enough room? This is a serious question as I live inside the Beltway, just bought, and pay half that. It's about 1800 sq ft and it wouldn't hurt if we had more room, but we are fine. We do have a decent/big yard (IMO, but maybe it's all relative). Although our neighborhood is expensive even by DC standards, it's not the most expensive. Still, I can't imagine you pay double what we pay and have less room.

The thing is, OP... I don't have sympathy. But I will say this-- I think two things might be clouding your judgment about how much "room" you "need." And one of the clues is in your use of the term "growing family," when I think you aren't planning on having more kids-- just that your kids are growing.

I think you have been dealing with kids during COVID in a constrained environment who were 0-2 and 2-4. That's tough, even if you weren't all stuck inside your house. But it's not natural. And you sort of realize but I think don't fully make the connection about something else... IME, the older kids get, the LESS space it feels like they need. Not just teenagers. I feel like when my kids got to be 7, 8, 9, they needed less space for stuff, for running around etc. And not because they became less active or stuck more to screens (which we barely have). But because they were in school all day, going to the park with friends, etc.-- activities that I didn't always have to be close by to supervise. Their footprint kind of expanded-- outside of my house (or apartment-- we were in an apartment until recently). And they had longer attention spans for things like reading and crafts, which didn't require 5 different large toys or toy set for imaginative play, you know? You are correct that you are wishing for something that you won't even feel like you need in probably 5 years.

We’d like overall more room for everyone than what is currently provided in our townhome.

Okay, I'm the actual PP you responded to here and really... this is a waste of time unless you spend a moment *thinking* about *why* you want more space. Okay, you concede that it's not just about the kids, I guess, and that in 5 years, they won't even need as much space. You still don't say how much space you currently have. What *specific* space do you "need?" It can't just be "overall more room than we have." That's a diffuse general malaise of dissatisfaction, and if it's that, which I suspect it is, none of this discussion makes any difference.

I'm not going to engage anymore because I feel like it's...

"WHY do you need more room?"

"So we're more comfortable."

"Okay so what's uncomfortable now?"

"The fact that we need more room."

Ok, we would LIKE more room rather than NEED more room.

Ideally we would have: a large playroom for the kids with door leading to a large backyard equipped with swings, playset, maybe even a little treehouse.

Yard would also have a fire pit, outdoor kitchen area, dining area.

Inside we would have a large open floor plan with kitchen equipped with a large island leading to main dining bc area. Four bedrooms, one for ourselves, the kids and a guest room.

A small gym downstairs and media room for family movie night.

This is genuinely hilarious. Did you just move here from Salt Lake City or something? Nobody making $400k in this area has a large backyard equipped with swings, playset, treehouse, AND a large walkout (??) playroom, AND a fire pit, outdoor kitchen and dining areas, AND large open floor plan house AND a gym AND a media room. Like, what are you even talking about? Did you quarantine since March 2020 watching nothing but HGTV reruns? The cherry on top is "we'd have to sell our house"- did you want MIL to but you this estate so you could keep your townhouse as a rental? While she lives on a "not fancy" retirement facility?

I know one family that has most (not all) of your wish list in DC, and they're pulling in more like $3-4M/yr.

Well we know a family who bought their custom home for about $2 million just before the pandemic and have all of this. And they are not making $3m, more like $500k per year.

Well at least it's not specific to family that you count other people's money?
And a custom $2M home will not have that laundry list of amenities, unless you're on Loudoun or something. Hope your MIL lives to be 100.

She probably will and we hope she does!

[Anonymous]

Your MIL will need her money and there’s a good chance she’ll spend most of not all of her money. I really hope OP’s spouse stumbles upon this thread so he can read for himself what a selfish gold digger he married. Gross

[Anonymous]

She is going to love for 20 years spending every penny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is going to love for 20 years spending every penny.

*live

[Anonymous]

Not OP but I hope my MIL would pass already instead of dragging out her meaningless existence and spending every penny of family inheritance.

No wonder so many families struggle without help from parents.

Those old ladies live for 40 years in retirement doing nothing for the society, just sitting in front of TV watching Fox News and voting against any progress in this country.

[Anonymous]

OP, I get this, but I don't get this. First, you are really counting your chickens before the eggs hatch. There is a very strong possibility that you will inherit far less than a million if anything. You need to be saving now in case your coveted nest egg doesn't hatch. And if MiL lurks on DCUM as her retirement friends suggested she do for the the laughs, you are busted. Second, DH and I have discussed doing this with our kids, but we have multiples of the 6 million you mention here. We would only do, however, when they are established and have demonstrated an ability to live within their means. I do agree that early money may make much more of a difference in a kid's 20s/30s than when on their parents' deathbeds, but your MiL's amount doesn't sound like it meets that threshold and you need to reframe your expectations going forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not OP but I hope my MIL would pass already instead of dragging out her meaningless existence and spending every penny of family inheritance.

No wonder so many families struggle without help from parents.

Those old ladies live for 40 years in retirement doing nothing for the society, just sitting in front of TV watching Fox News and voting against any progress in this country.

I'm 11:41 but will take a different tack here. My FiL was a lawyer in a small practice for most of his career in a small Midwest city. He benefited from an era of low housing prices, so lived in a great home, drove nice cars, had a CC membership, send kids to expensive colleges w/no loans, etc .MiL had a very small business, more for vanity than for income. Many years that had to subsidize it. They inherited when his grandparents died. MiL likes to brag that they will spend all the money on their way out. We are not banking on it, but it would certainly help DH's sister and her family.

I like to think of myself as a feminist, yet I do find myself annoyed when MiL goes off on one of her "we're going to spend it all" sprees. Yes, she and her DH are partners and she ran the home while he worked, but the bulk of the money is what he inherited from his parents, who were very frugal. I can't imagine they would be keen on this spendthrift attitude. MiL has now started asking DH to subsidize some of their activities. Yes, we had to help my parents a little, but DH knew they had worked hard and were not extravagant, having to take care of an adult child who had been disabled their entire lives.

This intergenerational stuff can be kind of a mess.

[Anonymous]

OP, you’re a horrible person. That’s all there really is to say.

[Anonymous]

Inheritance is a gift not a debt. It’s up to the giver to decide if, when and how much, not up to the potential receiver. I understand your frustration for not be able to fulfill your dreams yourself but better solution is to get a second job, not to strip others of their old age funds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not OP but I hope my MIL would pass already instead of dragging out her meaningless existence and spending every penny of family inheritance.

No wonder so many families struggle without help from parents.

Those old ladies live for 40 years in retirement doing nothing for the society, just sitting in front of TV watching Fox News and voting against any progress in this country.

This is inhumane and disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not OP but I hope my MIL would pass already instead of dragging out her meaningless existence and spending every penny of family inheritance.

No wonder so many families struggle without help from parents.

Those old ladies live for 40 years in retirement doing nothing for the society, just sitting in front of TV watching Fox News and voting against any progress in this country.

And what have YOU contributed really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I work very hard and expect to pull in around $400k next year between the two of us.

We would like to move to larger house in an nicer neighborhood, but we can’t financially pull it off even though we work hard and save pretty well.

We have two kids who could benefit from a larger home.

DH’s mom is a widow, nearly 80 and lives in a nice but not super fancy retirement community.

She’s fit and healthy, takes care of herself, sees her grandkids maybe four times per year but doesn’t get super involved and likes her ample free time.

When her husband passed, she inherited $5M, which has grown to $6M over the past few years. When she dies, the plan is to divide up the estate between DH and his three siblings, provide some for her own sibling who is even older than she is and give an ample amount away to charity.

With two young kids and costs for child care/food/gas going through the roof, it would be nice to get some of the inheritance early from her to help provide a stronger cushion and help with a down payment.

We know we will inherit around $1M eventually but it could be another 20 years from now.

DH is adamant about buying a bigger house on earned income instead of her financial gifts but it will take several years to do that and by then we might not want a bigger house and a yard since the kids will be teenagers by then.

Is it wrong to wish we could receive more inheritance now to live out our dreams?

I have seen a few peers get financial help with a down payment to secure the large single family home that they could not afford on their own.

[Anonymous]

Earn more, save more, live frugally and invest wisely to materialize your dreams.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not OP but I hope my MIL would pass already instead of dragging out her meaningless existence and spending every penny of family inheritance.

No wonder so many families struggle without help from parents.

Those old ladies live for 40 years in retirement doing nothing for the society, just sitting in front of TV watching Fox News and voting against any progress in this country.

You mother gave us a sweetheart like you. She must be so proud of the cretin she birthed. If I were your MIL, I would give everything I have to your least favorite charity in your name and I would send $15,000 a year to Fox News, again in your name. Fox would then have your name and address. It would drive you crazy that all this money was given away but not to you. You are a bitter old crone.