Is it wrong to want an inheritance early?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL could easily need all of it for nursing care.

Yes I realize that she will need that. The question was whether it was wrong to want an inheritance early. I know it’s not happening.

We are fine where we are but there is no way to move up to a larger home without family help.

It will take a few more years of earned income and promotions to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I work very hard and expect to pull in around $400k next year between the two of us.

We would like to move to larger house in an nicer neighborhood, but we can’t financially pull it off even though we work hard and save pretty well.

We have two kids who could benefit from a larger home.

DH’s mom is a widow, nearly 80 and lives in a nice but not super fancy retirement community.

She’s fit and healthy, takes care of herself, sees her grandkids maybe four times per year but doesn’t get super involved and likes her ample free time.

When her husband passed, she inherited $5M, which has grown to $6M over the past few years. When she dies, the plan is to divide up the estate between DH and his three siblings, provide some for her own sibling who is even older than she is and give an ample amount away to charity.

With two young kids and costs for child care/food/gas going through the roof, it would be nice to get some of the inheritance early from her to help provide a stronger cushion and help with a down payment.

We know we will inherit around $1M eventually but it could be another 20 years from now.

DH is adamant about buying a bigger house on earned income instead of her financial gifts but it will take several years to do that and by then we might not want a bigger house and a yard since the kids will be teenagers by then.

Is it wrong to wish we could receive more inheritance now to live out our dreams?

I have seen a few peers get financial help with a down payment to secure the large single family home that they could not afford on their own.

It’s wrong. You build your own life and take a gift when and if giver seems appropriate. They don’t owe you, it’s not a debt. Live within your means, don’t dream to expand on someone else’s dime.

[Anonymous]

Oh FFS, of course it’s wrong. Figure out a way to live within your means.

[Anonymous]

Instead of wanting to have a better house, strive to be a better person. I’ll be ashamed if my spouse thought of this way. It’s selfish and greedy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Instead of wanting to have a better house, strive to be a better person. I’ll be ashamed if my spouse thought of this way. It’s selfish and greedy.

Wanting a bigger house for a growing family and trying to figure out how to make the math work shouldn’t mean someone is a bad person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instead of wanting to have a better house, strive to be a better person. I’ll be ashamed if my spouse thought of this way. It’s selfish and greedy.

Wanting a bigger house for a growing family and trying to figure out how to make the math work shouldn’t mean someone is a bad person.

Viewing somebody else's money as something you are entitled to, particularly when you are not at all struggling does may not make you an all around "bad person" but it is a bad thing and it is wrong. That is the answer to the question asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am curious about how many blowhards on here railing against OP have received money as a yearly gift and/or tuition money and/or down payment money as a gift. OP is just calling it something different.

I agree with PP about asking for a loan vs asking for the early inheritance.

My parents and grandparents paid for my college tuition and I am extremely grateful. The difference is that I did not ask them to do it, they decided to do it on their own. I suppose another difference is that they decided to do it when I was still very young and didn't have any money of my own, not when I was an adult pulling in a $400k HHI.

My mother inherited a good amount of money from her parents and I would never ask her for some of it early. I am grateful that my parents will likely be able to support themselves for the rest of their lives, and am also grateful that I have a safety net if something devastating were to happen to me financially. That is the only situation where I could see myself asking for help.

From my husband's side, my MIL needs financial support from her children and it is stressful. Every time I hear someone complain about their inheritance on this board it makes me think about how they should feel lucky that the money didn't need to flow the other way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL could easily need all of it for nursing care.

Yes I realize that she will need that. The question was whether it was wrong to want an inheritance early. I know it’s not happening.

We are fine where we are but there is no way to move up to a larger home without family help.

It will take a few more years of earned income and promotions to do that.

It is wrong to want an inheritance early. It is also wrong to count on an inheritance as no one can predict the future. I think it is time for you to concentrate on wanting what you have. Living within your means and saving up for something makes it more meaningful and you might find you house is just fine once you have the money saved. Then, you can change your priorities to something else.

Start looking at your current house to make it work better for you. Do you need to declutter, including furniture? Do you need designated space for adults and for children? What outdoor space do you have? Make the most of that too. How old are your children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL could easily need all of it for nursing care.

Yes I realize that she will need that. The question was whether it was wrong to want an inheritance early. I know it’s not happening.

We are fine where we are but there is no way to move up to a larger home without family help.

It will take a few more years of earned income and promotions to do that.

It is wrong to want an inheritance early. It is also wrong to count on an inheritance as no one can predict the future. I think it is time for you to concentrate on wanting what you have. Living within your means and saving up for something makes it more meaningful and you might find you house is just fine once you have the money saved. Then, you can change your priorities to something else.

Start looking at your current house to make it work better for you. Do you need to declutter, including furniture? Do you need designated space for adults and for children? What outdoor space do you have? Make the most of that too. How old are your children?

This is helpful advice, delivered with as little judgment/snark as possible. Nicely done, PP.

[Anonymous]

OP- I have a large inheritance coming and I could absolutely benefit if I had some of it now but I would never dream of asking for a cash advance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, to be fair, what OP is describing w/r/t housing is a real crisis in this country. Very hard to move with mortgage rates rising and home prices still very high. People are staying put and for those who want/need to move, there are very few options.

So for OP it would be nice if someone could help with a downpayment in this crazy market. I get it. But yeah, it's not gonna happen. And that $6m has already dropped. I wouldn't count on it bering there in the future. Your MIL sounds like she's living a good life and she'll need much of that to live it.

If op's hhi were something like $120k and they were trying to buy something in this area, yea, there's room for sympathy. But not at $400k, sorry.

Funny you post that. I was just about to comment that DH and I bought a nice house in a great school district, in the DMV, very near DC... on a $120k HHI. It's not 5000 sq ft (?!) but it has a great yard. So, no. No sympathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, to be fair, what OP is describing w/r/t housing is a real crisis in this country. Very hard to move with mortgage rates rising and home prices still very high. People are staying put and for those who want/need to move, there are very few options.

So for OP it would be nice if someone could help with a downpayment in this crazy market. I get it. But yeah, it's not gonna happen. And that $6m has already dropped. I wouldn't count on it bering there in the future. Your MIL sounds like she's living a good life and she'll need much of that to live it.

If op's hhi were something like $120k and they were trying to buy something in this area, yea, there's room for sympathy. But not at $400k, sorry.

Funny you post that. I was just about to comment that DH and I bought a nice house in a great school district, in the DMV, very near DC... on a $120k HHI. It's not 5000 sq ft (?!) but it has a great yard. So, no. No sympathy.

And we just bought it a couple years ago-- not 10 or 20 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL could easily need all of it for nursing care.

Yes I realize that she will need that. The question was whether it was wrong to want an inheritance early. I know it’s not happening.

We are fine where we are but there is no way to move up to a larger home without family help.

It will take a few more years of earned income and promotions to do that.

It is wrong to want an inheritance early. It is also wrong to count on an inheritance as no one can predict the future. I think it is time for you to concentrate on wanting what you have. Living within your means and saving up for something makes it more meaningful and you might find you house is just fine once you have the money saved. Then, you can change your priorities to something else.

Start looking at your current house to make it work better for you. Do you need to declutter, including furniture? Do you need designated space for adults and for children? What outdoor space do you have? Make the most of that too. How old are your children?

Kids are 2 and 4. No yard and very small patio.

No rearranging will really help change the layout.

We pay $5k for our monthly mortgage and that would double under current rates with a larger home.

We will have to move further out, which is a shame bc we do like this area.

[Anonymous]

Given what a scheming, tacky, selfish person you seem to be, your husband will have likely divorced you by the time your MIL passes. So why give money to her son now? Here’s hoping your husband knows not to commingle these funds and keeps them far from your grubby clutches

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am curious about how many blowhards on here railing against OP have received money as a yearly gift and/or tuition money and/or down payment money as a gift. OP is just calling it something different.

I agree with PP about asking for a loan vs asking for the early inheritance.

I didn’t weigh in because we do get the help. However I think OP is wrong. My ILs never gave my husband money until after we were married and it came as a surprise to us. We chose our careers, neighborhood, home, number of kids, etc. all based on “earned income” and we live within our means. Each annual gift is treated like a one-time thing and we don’t budget for it. We have used these gifts to fund 529s and retirement and only recently to do home improvement projects.
The main difference to me is that these gifts are freely given and we never asked for them. We would not be sad or financially hard up if they stopped. If my ILs need help late in life, we will have the funds and good will to provide that help. The thing that gets me with OP is the entitlement. For me, it’s not my money. I didn’t earn it. We use it first to benefit our kids and my husband has ultimate say on how we use it.