Is it wrong to want an inheritance early?

[Anonymous]

You already answered your own dilemma--when you can afford a bigger house yourselves, you won't want it. There's your answer--stay small. Own less stuff and your house will increase in size.

[Anonymous]

That woman owes you NOTHING. You are selfish for even thinking you have a right to anything much less ask for it early. How about you pay your own way and stop expecting someone else to help you? If you want a bigger house, work for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given what a scheming, tacky, selfish person you seem to be, your husband will have likely divorced you by the time your MIL passes. So why give money to her son now? Here’s hoping your husband knows not to commingle these funds and keeps them far from your grubby clutches

We might not benefit early but I am definitely planning to help my children with a down payment so they can live the best area/school district possible.

Your zip code is a huge predictor of success.

Because your zip code is hugely correlated with your SES. Correlation <> causation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your spouse should get rid of you asap

This!

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you ask your own parents for money??
How embarrassing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am curious about how many blowhards on here railing against OP have received money as a yearly gift and/or tuition money and/or down payment money as a gift. OP is just calling it something different.

I agree with PP about asking for a loan vs asking for the early inheritance.

I didn’t weigh in because we do get the help. However I think OP is wrong. My ILs never gave my husband money until after we were married and it came as a surprise to us. We chose our careers, neighborhood, home, number of kids, etc. all based on “earned income” and we live within our means. Each annual gift is treated like a one-time thing and we don’t budget for it. We have used these gifts to fund 529s and retirement and only recently to do home improvement projects.
The main difference to me is that these gifts are freely given and we never asked for them. We would not be sad or financially hard up if they stopped. If my ILs need help late in life, we will have the funds and good will to provide that help. The thing that gets me with OP is the entitlement. For me, it’s not my money. I didn’t earn it. We use it first to benefit our kids and my husband has ultimate say on how we use it.

Good will and gifts freely given are how we have regarded any funds supplied to benefit our DC's and spouses. From education to wedding expenses and gifts. No strings but that will cease if inlaws proceed with strings-help with house purchase only if it's in X location and/or the ownership of the DC+spouse residence becomes comingled with the inlaw via a trust.

If the OP has a 5000k monthly mortgage it is obvious that the MIL/FIL did not choose to provide a major portion of the price of the existing OP house as early inheritance.

OP wrote they see the MIL about 4 times a year. For all we know both live in the DC area. With the stroke of a pen or a few clicks the MIL could change account beneficiaries. Those assets flow irregardless of what is in a will.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it is wrong to want an early inheritance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL could easily need all of it for nursing care.

Yes I realize that she will need that. The question was whether it was wrong to want an inheritance early. I know it’s not happening.

We are fine where we are but there is no way to move up to a larger home without family help.

It will take a few more years of earned income and promotions to do that.

It is wrong to want an inheritance early. It is also wrong to count on an inheritance as no one can predict the future. I think it is time for you to concentrate on wanting what you have. Living within your means and saving up for something makes it more meaningful and you might find you house is just fine once you have the money saved. Then, you can change your priorities to something else.

Start looking at your current house to make it work better for you. Do you need to declutter, including furniture? Do you need designated space for adults and for children? What outdoor space do you have? Make the most of that too. How old are your children?

Kids are 2 and 4. No yard and very small patio.

No rearranging will really help change the layout.

We pay $5k for our monthly mortgage and that would double under current rates with a larger home.

We will have to move further out, which is a shame bc we do like this area.

I'm assuming this is real.

How do you pay $5k per month and still not have enough room? This is a serious question as I live inside the Beltway, just bought, and pay half that. It's about 1800 sq ft and it wouldn't hurt if we had more room, but we are fine. We do have a decent/big yard (IMO, but maybe it's all relative). Although our neighborhood is expensive even by DC standards, it's not the most expensive. Still, I can't imagine you pay double what we pay and have less room.

The thing is, OP... I don't have sympathy. But I will say this-- I think two things might be clouding your judgment about how much "room" you "need." And one of the clues is in your use of the term "growing family," when I think you aren't planning on having more kids-- just that your kids are growing.

I think you have been dealing with kids during COVID in a constrained environment who were 0-2 and 2-4. That's tough, even if you weren't all stuck inside your house. But it's not natural. And you sort of realize but I think don't fully make the connection about something else... IME, the older kids get, the LESS space it feels like they need. Not just teenagers. I feel like when my kids got to be 7, 8, 9, they needed less space for stuff, for running around etc. And not because they became less active or stuck more to screens (which we barely have). But because they were in school all day, going to the park with friends, etc.-- activities that I didn't always have to be close by to supervise. Their footprint kind of expanded-- outside of my house (or apartment-- we were in an apartment until recently). And they had longer attention spans for things like reading and crafts, which didn't require 5 different large toys or toy set for imaginative play, you know? You are correct that you are wishing for something that you won't even feel like you need in probably 5 years.

We’d like overall more room for everyone than what is currently provided in our townhome.

Okay, I'm the actual PP you responded to here and really... this is a waste of time unless you spend a moment *thinking* about *why* you want more space. Okay, you concede that it's not just about the kids, I guess, and that in 5 years, they won't even need as much space. You still don't say how much space you currently have. What *specific* space do you "need?" It can't just be "overall more room than we have." That's a diffuse general malaise of dissatisfaction, and if it's that, which I suspect it is, none of this discussion makes any difference.

I'm not going to engage anymore because I feel like it's...

"WHY do you need more room?"

"So we're more comfortable."

"Okay so what's uncomfortable now?"

"The fact that we need more room."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL could easily need all of it for nursing care.

Yes I realize that she will need that. The question was whether it was wrong to want an inheritance early. I know it’s not happening.

We are fine where we are but there is no way to move up to a larger home without family help.

It will take a few more years of earned income and promotions to do that.

It is wrong to want an inheritance early. It is also wrong to count on an inheritance as no one can predict the future. I think it is time for you to concentrate on wanting what you have. Living within your means and saving up for something makes it more meaningful and you might find you house is just fine once you have the money saved. Then, you can change your priorities to something else.

Start looking at your current house to make it work better for you. Do you need to declutter, including furniture? Do you need designated space for adults and for children? What outdoor space do you have? Make the most of that too. How old are your children?

Kids are 2 and 4. No yard and very small patio.

No rearranging will really help change the layout.

We pay $5k for our monthly mortgage and that would double under current rates with a larger home.

We will have to move further out, which is a shame bc we do like this area.

I'm assuming this is real.

How do you pay $5k per month and still not have enough room? This is a serious question as I live inside the Beltway, just bought, and pay half that. It's about 1800 sq ft and it wouldn't hurt if we had more room, but we are fine. We do have a decent/big yard (IMO, but maybe it's all relative). Although our neighborhood is expensive even by DC standards, it's not the most expensive. Still, I can't imagine you pay double what we pay and have less room.

The thing is, OP... I don't have sympathy. But I will say this-- I think two things might be clouding your judgment about how much "room" you "need." And one of the clues is in your use of the term "growing family," when I think you aren't planning on having more kids-- just that your kids are growing.

I think you have been dealing with kids during COVID in a constrained environment who were 0-2 and 2-4. That's tough, even if you weren't all stuck inside your house. But it's not natural. And you sort of realize but I think don't fully make the connection about something else... IME, the older kids get, the LESS space it feels like they need. Not just teenagers. I feel like when my kids got to be 7, 8, 9, they needed less space for stuff, for running around etc. And not because they became less active or stuck more to screens (which we barely have). But because they were in school all day, going to the park with friends, etc.-- activities that I didn't always have to be close by to supervise. Their footprint kind of expanded-- outside of my house (or apartment-- we were in an apartment until recently). And they had longer attention spans for things like reading and crafts, which didn't require 5 different large toys or toy set for imaginative play, you know? You are correct that you are wishing for something that you won't even feel like you need in probably 5 years.

We’d like overall more room for everyone than what is currently provided in our townhome.

Okay, I'm the actual PP you responded to here and really... this is a waste of time unless you spend a moment *thinking* about *why* you want more space. Okay, you concede that it's not just about the kids, I guess, and that in 5 years, they won't even need as much space. You still don't say how much space you currently have. What *specific* space do you "need?" It can't just be "overall more room than we have." That's a diffuse general malaise of dissatisfaction, and if it's that, which I suspect it is, none of this discussion makes any difference.

I'm not going to engage anymore because I feel like it's...

"WHY do you need more room?"

"So we're more comfortable."

"Okay so what's uncomfortable now?"

"The fact that we need more room."

Ok, we would LIKE more room rather than NEED more room.

Ideally we would have: a large playroom for the kids with door leading to a large backyard equipped with swings, playset, maybe even a little treehouse.

Yard would also have a fire pit, outdoor kitchen area, dining area.

Inside we would have a large open floor plan with kitchen equipped with a large island leading to main dining bc area. Four bedrooms, one for ourselves, the kids and a guest room.

A small gym downstairs and media room for family movie night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL could easily need all of it for nursing care.

Yes I realize that she will need that. The question was whether it was wrong to want an inheritance early. I know it’s not happening.

We are fine where we are but there is no way to move up to a larger home without family help.

It will take a few more years of earned income and promotions to do that.

It is wrong to want an inheritance early. It is also wrong to count on an inheritance as no one can predict the future. I think it is time for you to concentrate on wanting what you have. Living within your means and saving up for something makes it more meaningful and you might find you house is just fine once you have the money saved. Then, you can change your priorities to something else.

Start looking at your current house to make it work better for you. Do you need to declutter, including furniture? Do you need designated space for adults and for children? What outdoor space do you have? Make the most of that too. How old are your children?

Kids are 2 and 4. No yard and very small patio.

No rearranging will really help change the layout.

We pay $5k for our monthly mortgage and that would double under current rates with a larger home.

We will have to move further out, which is a shame bc we do like this area.

I'm assuming this is real.

How do you pay $5k per month and still not have enough room? This is a serious question as I live inside the Beltway, just bought, and pay half that. It's about 1800 sq ft and it wouldn't hurt if we had more room, but we are fine. We do have a decent/big yard (IMO, but maybe it's all relative). Although our neighborhood is expensive even by DC standards, it's not the most expensive. Still, I can't imagine you pay double what we pay and have less room.

The thing is, OP... I don't have sympathy. But I will say this-- I think two things might be clouding your judgment about how much "room" you "need." And one of the clues is in your use of the term "growing family," when I think you aren't planning on having more kids-- just that your kids are growing.

I think you have been dealing with kids during COVID in a constrained environment who were 0-2 and 2-4. That's tough, even if you weren't all stuck inside your house. But it's not natural. And you sort of realize but I think don't fully make the connection about something else... IME, the older kids get, the LESS space it feels like they need. Not just teenagers. I feel like when my kids got to be 7, 8, 9, they needed less space for stuff, for running around etc. And not because they became less active or stuck more to screens (which we barely have). But because they were in school all day, going to the park with friends, etc.-- activities that I didn't always have to be close by to supervise. Their footprint kind of expanded-- outside of my house (or apartment-- we were in an apartment until recently). And they had longer attention spans for things like reading and crafts, which didn't require 5 different large toys or toy set for imaginative play, you know? You are correct that you are wishing for something that you won't even feel like you need in probably 5 years.

We’d like overall more room for everyone than what is currently provided in our townhome.

Okay, I'm the actual PP you responded to here and really... this is a waste of time unless you spend a moment *thinking* about *why* you want more space. Okay, you concede that it's not just about the kids, I guess, and that in 5 years, they won't even need as much space. You still don't say how much space you currently have. What *specific* space do you "need?" It can't just be "overall more room than we have." That's a diffuse general malaise of dissatisfaction, and if it's that, which I suspect it is, none of this discussion makes any difference.

I'm not going to engage anymore because I feel like it's...

"WHY do you need more room?"

"So we're more comfortable."

"Okay so what's uncomfortable now?"

"The fact that we need more room."

Ok, we would LIKE more room rather than NEED more room.

Ideally we would have: a large playroom for the kids with door leading to a large backyard equipped with swings, playset, maybe even a little treehouse.

Yard would also have a fire pit, outdoor kitchen area, dining area.

Inside we would have a large open floor plan with kitchen equipped with a large island leading to main dining bc area. Four bedrooms, one for ourselves, the kids and a guest room.

A small gym downstairs and media room for family movie night.

Oh pooh. I posted earlier today. This isn't FL so scrap the outdoor kitchen. You have kids-scrap the media room. I had multiple young kids and houses with the media rooms experienced a distinct lack of usage. From little kids to teens people preferred watching a big screen TV in a large gathering room.

Again-if MIL/FIL didn't give you cash for the townhouse why should MIL now fork over cash for this nonsense?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL could easily need all of it for nursing care.

Yes I realize that she will need that. The question was whether it was wrong to want an inheritance early. I know it’s not happening.

We are fine where we are but there is no way to move up to a larger home without family help.

It will take a few more years of earned income and promotions to do that.

It is wrong to want an inheritance early. It is also wrong to count on an inheritance as no one can predict the future. I think it is time for you to concentrate on wanting what you have. Living within your means and saving up for something makes it more meaningful and you might find you house is just fine once you have the money saved. Then, you can change your priorities to something else.

Start looking at your current house to make it work better for you. Do you need to declutter, including furniture? Do you need designated space for adults and for children? What outdoor space do you have? Make the most of that too. How old are your children?

Kids are 2 and 4. No yard and very small patio.

No rearranging will really help change the layout.

We pay $5k for our monthly mortgage and that would double under current rates with a larger home.

We will have to move further out, which is a shame bc we do like this area.

I'm assuming this is real.

How do you pay $5k per month and still not have enough room? This is a serious question as I live inside the Beltway, just bought, and pay half that. It's about 1800 sq ft and it wouldn't hurt if we had more room, but we are fine. We do have a decent/big yard (IMO, but maybe it's all relative). Although our neighborhood is expensive even by DC standards, it's not the most expensive. Still, I can't imagine you pay double what we pay and have less room.

The thing is, OP... I don't have sympathy. But I will say this-- I think two things might be clouding your judgment about how much "room" you "need." And one of the clues is in your use of the term "growing family," when I think you aren't planning on having more kids-- just that your kids are growing.

I think you have been dealing with kids during COVID in a constrained environment who were 0-2 and 2-4. That's tough, even if you weren't all stuck inside your house. But it's not natural. And you sort of realize but I think don't fully make the connection about something else... IME, the older kids get, the LESS space it feels like they need. Not just teenagers. I feel like when my kids got to be 7, 8, 9, they needed less space for stuff, for running around etc. And not because they became less active or stuck more to screens (which we barely have). But because they were in school all day, going to the park with friends, etc.-- activities that I didn't always have to be close by to supervise. Their footprint kind of expanded-- outside of my house (or apartment-- we were in an apartment until recently). And they had longer attention spans for things like reading and crafts, which didn't require 5 different large toys or toy set for imaginative play, you know? You are correct that you are wishing for something that you won't even feel like you need in probably 5 years.

We’d like overall more room for everyone than what is currently provided in our townhome.

Okay, I'm the actual PP you responded to here and really... this is a waste of time unless you spend a moment *thinking* about *why* you want more space. Okay, you concede that it's not just about the kids, I guess, and that in 5 years, they won't even need as much space. You still don't say how much space you currently have. What *specific* space do you "need?" It can't just be "overall more room than we have." That's a diffuse general malaise of dissatisfaction, and if it's that, which I suspect it is, none of this discussion makes any difference.

I'm not going to engage anymore because I feel like it's...

"WHY do you need more room?"

"So we're more comfortable."

"Okay so what's uncomfortable now?"

"The fact that we need more room."

Ok, we would LIKE more room rather than NEED more room.

Ideally we would have: a large playroom for the kids with door leading to a large backyard equipped with swings, playset, maybe even a little treehouse.

Yard would also have a fire pit, outdoor kitchen area, dining area.

Inside we would have a large open floor plan with kitchen equipped with a large island leading to main dining bc area. Four bedrooms, one for ourselves, the kids and a guest room.

A small gym downstairs and media room for family movie night.

Oh pooh. I posted earlier today. This isn't FL so scrap the outdoor kitchen. You have kids-scrap the media room. I had multiple young kids and houses with the media rooms experienced a distinct lack of usage. From little kids to teens people preferred watching a big screen TV in a large gathering room.

Again-if MIL/FIL didn't give you cash for the townhouse why should MIL now fork over cash for this nonsense?

Fine, scrap the media room. Four bedrooms is nothing excessive. Guest room for any friend as well as MIL if she would like to visit.

Current mortgage rates would mean double the price. Simply cannot afford it. Plus we would have to sell our current home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you ask your own parents for money??
How embarrassing.[/quot

Because they don’t have $6 million sitting in a bank.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL could easily need all of it for nursing care.

Yes I realize that she will need that. The question was whether it was wrong to want an inheritance early. I know it’s not happening.

We are fine where we are but there is no way to move up to a larger home without family help.

It will take a few more years of earned income and promotions to do that.

It is wrong to want an inheritance early. It is also wrong to count on an inheritance as no one can predict the future. I think it is time for you to concentrate on wanting what you have. Living within your means and saving up for something makes it more meaningful and you might find you house is just fine once you have the money saved. Then, you can change your priorities to something else.

Start looking at your current house to make it work better for you. Do you need to declutter, including furniture? Do you need designated space for adults and for children? What outdoor space do you have? Make the most of that too. How old are your children?

Kids are 2 and 4. No yard and very small patio.

No rearranging will really help change the layout.

We pay $5k for our monthly mortgage and that would double under current rates with a larger home.

We will have to move further out, which is a shame bc we do like this area.

I'm assuming this is real.

How do you pay $5k per month and still not have enough room? This is a serious question as I live inside the Beltway, just bought, and pay half that. It's about 1800 sq ft and it wouldn't hurt if we had more room, but we are fine. We do have a decent/big yard (IMO, but maybe it's all relative). Although our neighborhood is expensive even by DC standards, it's not the most expensive. Still, I can't imagine you pay double what we pay and have less room.

The thing is, OP... I don't have sympathy. But I will say this-- I think two things might be clouding your judgment about how much "room" you "need." And one of the clues is in your use of the term "growing family," when I think you aren't planning on having more kids-- just that your kids are growing.

I think you have been dealing with kids during COVID in a constrained environment who were 0-2 and 2-4. That's tough, even if you weren't all stuck inside your house. But it's not natural. And you sort of realize but I think don't fully make the connection about something else... IME, the older kids get, the LESS space it feels like they need. Not just teenagers. I feel like when my kids got to be 7, 8, 9, they needed less space for stuff, for running around etc. And not because they became less active or stuck more to screens (which we barely have). But because they were in school all day, going to the park with friends, etc.-- activities that I didn't always have to be close by to supervise. Their footprint kind of expanded-- outside of my house (or apartment-- we were in an apartment until recently). And they had longer attention spans for things like reading and crafts, which didn't require 5 different large toys or toy set for imaginative play, you know? You are correct that you are wishing for something that you won't even feel like you need in probably 5 years.

We’d like overall more room for everyone than what is currently provided in our townhome.

Okay, I'm the actual PP you responded to here and really... this is a waste of time unless you spend a moment *thinking* about *why* you want more space. Okay, you concede that it's not just about the kids, I guess, and that in 5 years, they won't even need as much space. You still don't say how much space you currently have. What *specific* space do you "need?" It can't just be "overall more room than we have." That's a diffuse general malaise of dissatisfaction, and if it's that, which I suspect it is, none of this discussion makes any difference.

I'm not going to engage anymore because I feel like it's...

"WHY do you need more room?"

"So we're more comfortable."

"Okay so what's uncomfortable now?"

"The fact that we need more room."

Ok, we would LIKE more room rather than NEED more room.

Ideally we would have: a large playroom for the kids with door leading to a large backyard equipped with swings, playset, maybe even a little treehouse.

Yard would also have a fire pit, outdoor kitchen area, dining area.

Inside we would have a large open floor plan with kitchen equipped with a large island leading to main dining bc area. Four bedrooms, one for ourselves, the kids and a guest room.

A small gym downstairs and media room for family movie night.

You want your hands on MIL’s money so you can’t have an outdoor kitchen? (Think of the children!) You are a piece of work, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL could easily need all of it for nursing care.

Yes I realize that she will need that. The question was whether it was wrong to want an inheritance early. I know it’s not happening.

We are fine where we are but there is no way to move up to a larger home without family help.

It will take a few more years of earned income and promotions to do that.

It is wrong to want an inheritance early. It is also wrong to count on an inheritance as no one can predict the future. I think it is time for you to concentrate on wanting what you have. Living within your means and saving up for something makes it more meaningful and you might find you house is just fine once you have the money saved. Then, you can change your priorities to something else.

Start looking at your current house to make it work better for you. Do you need to declutter, including furniture? Do you need designated space for adults and for children? What outdoor space do you have? Make the most of that too. How old are your children?

Kids are 2 and 4. No yard and very small patio.

No rearranging will really help change the layout.

We pay $5k for our monthly mortgage and that would double under current rates with a larger home.

We will have to move further out, which is a shame bc we do like this area.

I'm assuming this is real.

How do you pay $5k per month and still not have enough room? This is a serious question as I live inside the Beltway, just bought, and pay half that. It's about 1800 sq ft and it wouldn't hurt if we had more room, but we are fine. We do have a decent/big yard (IMO, but maybe it's all relative). Although our neighborhood is expensive even by DC standards, it's not the most expensive. Still, I can't imagine you pay double what we pay and have less room.

The thing is, OP... I don't have sympathy. But I will say this-- I think two things might be clouding your judgment about how much "room" you "need." And one of the clues is in your use of the term "growing family," when I think you aren't planning on having more kids-- just that your kids are growing.

I think you have been dealing with kids during COVID in a constrained environment who were 0-2 and 2-4. That's tough, even if you weren't all stuck inside your house. But it's not natural. And you sort of realize but I think don't fully make the connection about something else... IME, the older kids get, the LESS space it feels like they need. Not just teenagers. I feel like when my kids got to be 7, 8, 9, they needed less space for stuff, for running around etc. And not because they became less active or stuck more to screens (which we barely have). But because they were in school all day, going to the park with friends, etc.-- activities that I didn't always have to be close by to supervise. Their footprint kind of expanded-- outside of my house (or apartment-- we were in an apartment until recently). And they had longer attention spans for things like reading and crafts, which didn't require 5 different large toys or toy set for imaginative play, you know? You are correct that you are wishing for something that you won't even feel like you need in probably 5 years.

We’d like overall more room for everyone than what is currently provided in our townhome.

Okay, I'm the actual PP you responded to here and really... this is a waste of time unless you spend a moment *thinking* about *why* you want more space. Okay, you concede that it's not just about the kids, I guess, and that in 5 years, they won't even need as much space. You still don't say how much space you currently have. What *specific* space do you "need?" It can't just be "overall more room than we have." That's a diffuse general malaise of dissatisfaction, and if it's that, which I suspect it is, none of this discussion makes any difference.

I'm not going to engage anymore because I feel like it's...

"WHY do you need more room?"

"So we're more comfortable."

"Okay so what's uncomfortable now?"

"The fact that we need more room."

Ok, we would LIKE more room rather than NEED more room.

Ideally we would have: a large playroom for the kids with door leading to a large backyard equipped with swings, playset, maybe even a little treehouse.

Yard would also have a fire pit, outdoor kitchen area, dining area.

Inside we would have a large open floor plan with kitchen equipped with a large island leading to main dining bc area. Four bedrooms, one for ourselves, the kids and a guest room.

A small gym downstairs and media room for family movie night.

This is genuinely hilarious. Did you just move here from Salt Lake City or something? Nobody making $400k in this area has a large backyard equipped with swings, playset, treehouse, AND a large walkout (??) playroom, AND a fire pit, outdoor kitchen and dining areas, AND large open floor plan house AND a gym AND a media room. Like, what are you even talking about? Did you quarantine since March 2020 watching nothing but HGTV reruns? The cherry on top is "we'd have to sell our house"- did you want MIL to but you this estate so you could keep your townhouse as a rental? While she lives on a "not fancy" retirement facility?

I know one family that has most (not all) of your wish list in DC, and they're pulling in more like $3-4M/yr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL could easily need all of it for nursing care.

Yes I realize that she will need that. The question was whether it was wrong to want an inheritance early. I know it’s not happening.

We are fine where we are but there is no way to move up to a larger home without family help.

It will take a few more years of earned income and promotions to do that.

It is wrong to want an inheritance early. It is also wrong to count on an inheritance as no one can predict the future. I think it is time for you to concentrate on wanting what you have. Living within your means and saving up for something makes it more meaningful and you might find you house is just fine once you have the money saved. Then, you can change your priorities to something else.

Start looking at your current house to make it work better for you. Do you need to declutter, including furniture? Do you need designated space for adults and for children? What outdoor space do you have? Make the most of that too. How old are your children?

Kids are 2 and 4. No yard and very small patio.

No rearranging will really help change the layout.

We pay $5k for our monthly mortgage and that would double under current rates with a larger home.

We will have to move further out, which is a shame bc we do like this area.

I'm assuming this is real.

How do you pay $5k per month and still not have enough room? This is a serious question as I live inside the Beltway, just bought, and pay half that. It's about 1800 sq ft and it wouldn't hurt if we had more room, but we are fine. We do have a decent/big yard (IMO, but maybe it's all relative). Although our neighborhood is expensive even by DC standards, it's not the most expensive. Still, I can't imagine you pay double what we pay and have less room.

The thing is, OP... I don't have sympathy. But I will say this-- I think two things might be clouding your judgment about how much "room" you "need." And one of the clues is in your use of the term "growing family," when I think you aren't planning on having more kids-- just that your kids are growing.

I think you have been dealing with kids during COVID in a constrained environment who were 0-2 and 2-4. That's tough, even if you weren't all stuck inside your house. But it's not natural. And you sort of realize but I think don't fully make the connection about something else... IME, the older kids get, the LESS space it feels like they need. Not just teenagers. I feel like when my kids got to be 7, 8, 9, they needed less space for stuff, for running around etc. And not because they became less active or stuck more to screens (which we barely have). But because they were in school all day, going to the park with friends, etc.-- activities that I didn't always have to be close by to supervise. Their footprint kind of expanded-- outside of my house (or apartment-- we were in an apartment until recently). And they had longer attention spans for things like reading and crafts, which didn't require 5 different large toys or toy set for imaginative play, you know? You are correct that you are wishing for something that you won't even feel like you need in probably 5 years.

We’d like overall more room for everyone than what is currently provided in our townhome.

Okay, I'm the actual PP you responded to here and really... this is a waste of time unless you spend a moment *thinking* about *why* you want more space. Okay, you concede that it's not just about the kids, I guess, and that in 5 years, they won't even need as much space. You still don't say how much space you currently have. What *specific* space do you "need?" It can't just be "overall more room than we have." That's a diffuse general malaise of dissatisfaction, and if it's that, which I suspect it is, none of this discussion makes any difference.

I'm not going to engage anymore because I feel like it's...

"WHY do you need more room?"

"So we're more comfortable."

"Okay so what's uncomfortable now?"

"The fact that we need more room."

Ok, we would LIKE more room rather than NEED more room.

Ideally we would have: a large playroom for the kids with door leading to a large backyard equipped with swings, playset, maybe even a little treehouse.

Yard would also have a fire pit, outdoor kitchen area, dining area.

Inside we would have a large open floor plan with kitchen equipped with a large island leading to main dining bc area. Four bedrooms, one for ourselves, the kids and a guest room.

A small gym downstairs and media room for family movie night.

This is genuinely hilarious. Did you just move here from Salt Lake City or something? Nobody making $400k in this area has a large backyard equipped with swings, playset, treehouse, AND a large walkout (??) playroom, AND a fire pit, outdoor kitchen and dining areas, AND large open floor plan house AND a gym AND a media room. Like, what are you even talking about? Did you quarantine since March 2020 watching nothing but HGTV reruns? The cherry on top is "we'd have to sell our house"- did you want MIL to but you this estate so you could keep your townhouse as a rental? While she lives on a "not fancy" retirement facility?

I know one family that has most (not all) of your wish list in DC, and they're pulling in more like $3-4M/yr.

Well we know a family who bought their custom home for about $2 million just before the pandemic and have all of this. And they are not making $3m, more like $500k per year.