Wife wants a house cleaner instead of preschool

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am constantly in awe that sahms have in the last 20 years created this narrative that their only duty during 8-6 every day should be attending to their children, and that other than loading the dishwasher and putting on laundry, it is an affront for them to do any other chores about the house.

It's clearly a ridiculous untruth that exists solely in the minds of maybe the top 10% of households (because as people above have noted, obviously MOST women staying home with young kids are cleaning their house and don't have cleaners). But I can't believe that it's become the dominant narrative on sites like this. Do the people echoing this narrative really believe it? Or do you say it because you have to repeat it over and over to justify your set up? Or are you trolls? It's just be fascinating to watch this line of thinking evolve in the last 20 years.

Have you ever stayed home with a kid? Staying home was the hardest job I've ever had (and I waited tables, bartended and was a nanny). I was taking care of a screaming baby all day, cleaning up bottles, doing laundry, etc. Nap time wasn't an option for running the vacuum since it would wake up the baby. There were about 3 naps per day and it went like this: Nap 1- pump. Nap 2- catch up on household admin (paying bills, scheduling appts, etc.). Nap 3- cleaning up bottles, taking out the trash, etc.

You all act like SAHMs are sitting around leisurely while the baby naps. I think everyone saying she is lazy/ridiculous needs to take a week off, stay home and raise their own kids while also deep cleaning their own house.

Been there and done that. It's busy but not unmanageable; especially with one child. There is some down time. The things you are citing as activities are normal adulting and not specifically related to childcare- laundry, taking out trash and paying bills. Those are things that doesn't have to happen during the day much less only done by the SAHP.

Here's some tips for those struggling. Stop being martyrs. Feel free to use the dishwasher to wash the bottles. You don't have to vacuum or mop everyday, nor scrub toilets daily either.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s smart to delegate cleaning and focus on children’s upbringing and nutritious meals for the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you willing to help clean?

sure he can, but only as long as she steps up and gets a job to bring in some extra $.

- married mom of 3 with a FT job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you willing to help clean?

sure he can, but only as long as she steps up and gets a job to bring in some extra $.

- married mom of 3 with a FT job.

OP’s wife has a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am constantly in awe that sahms have in the last 20 years created this narrative that their only duty during 8-6 every day should be attending to their children, and that other than loading the dishwasher and putting on laundry, it is an affront for them to do any other chores about the house.

It's clearly a ridiculous untruth that exists solely in the minds of maybe the top 10% of households (because as people above have noted, obviously MOST women staying home with young kids are cleaning their house and don't have cleaners). But I can't believe that it's become the dominant narrative on sites like this. Do the people echoing this narrative really believe it? Or do you say it because you have to repeat it over and over to justify your set up? Or are you trolls? It's just be fascinating to watch this line of thinking evolve in the last 20 years.

Have you ever stayed home with a kid? Staying home was the hardest job I've ever had (and I waited tables, bartended and was a nanny). I was taking care of a screaming baby all day, cleaning up bottles, doing laundry, etc. Nap time wasn't an option for running the vacuum since it would wake up the baby. There were about 3 naps per day and it went like this: Nap 1- pump. Nap 2- catch up on household admin (paying bills, scheduling appts, etc.). Nap 3- cleaning up bottles, taking out the trash, etc.

You all act like SAHMs are sitting around leisurely while the baby naps. I think everyone saying she is lazy/ridiculous needs to take a week off, stay home and raise their own kids while also deep cleaning their own house.

Been there and done that. It's busy but not unmanageable; especially with one child. There is some down time. The things you are citing as activities are normal adulting and not specifically related to childcare- laundry, taking out trash and paying bills. Those are things that doesn't have to happen during the day much less only done by the SAHP.

Here's some tips for those struggling. Stop being martyrs. Feel free to use the dishwasher to wash the bottles. You don't have to vacuum or mop everyday, nor scrub toilets daily either.

Lol at “paying bills”. Stay at home moms always bring this up and really how long does this take anyway? I sit down twice a month for about 10 minutes at a time.

[Anonymous]

Oh my goodness let her keep the cleaner and kid in this play based part time program. The early years are short and there is play and socialization happening. A couple hours child free is not that much every day what with drop off pick up. Your wife is plenty busy working weekends (which is a different type of sacrifice than working weekdays. Lots of daytime parties etc… happen on weekends). Why is house cleaner hook to die on?

Or compromise. House cleaning bi-weekly. Lots to say for keeping kid in existing program if teachers already know them and they get along with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am constantly in awe that sahms have in the last 20 years created this narrative that their only duty during 8-6 every day should be attending to their children, and that other than loading the dishwasher and putting on laundry, it is an affront for them to do any other chores about the house.

It's clearly a ridiculous untruth that exists solely in the minds of maybe the top 10% of households (because as people above have noted, obviously MOST women staying home with young kids are cleaning their house and don't have cleaners). But I can't believe that it's become the dominant narrative on sites like this. Do the people echoing this narrative really believe it? Or do you say it because you have to repeat it over and over to justify your set up? Or are you trolls? It's just be fascinating to watch this line of thinking evolve in the last 20 years.

Have you ever stayed home with a kid? Staying home was the hardest job I've ever had (and I waited tables, bartended and was a nanny). I was taking care of a screaming baby all day, cleaning up bottles, doing laundry, etc. Nap time wasn't an option for running the vacuum since it would wake up the baby. There were about 3 naps per day and it went like this: Nap 1- pump. Nap 2- catch up on household admin (paying bills, scheduling appts, etc.). Nap 3- cleaning up bottles, taking out the trash, etc.

You all act like SAHMs are sitting around leisurely while the baby naps. I think everyone saying she is lazy/ridiculous needs to take a week off, stay home and raise their own kids while also deep cleaning their own house.

Been there and done that. It's busy but not unmanageable; especially with one child. There is some down time. The things you are citing as activities are normal adulting and not specifically related to childcare- laundry, taking out trash and paying bills. Those are things that doesn't have to happen during the day much less only done by the SAHP.

Here's some tips for those struggling. Stop being martyrs. Feel free to use the dishwasher to wash the bottles. You don't have to vacuum or mop everyday, nor scrub toilets daily either.

Funny I have found the best way to avoid being a martyr is to outsource to an excellent housekeeper. Maybe OPs wife is taking your advice.

[Anonymous]

Am I understanding correctly that mom works all weekend, and dad cares for the kid(s)? OP, how do things go on the weekends? Are you cleaning up after the kids well, keeping up on laundry etc? When I left the kids with DH for the weekend, they had a lot of fun - he’s a great dad, but did no chores at all while with the kids and often left quite a mess. He just doesn’t care that much about cleaning, and certainly never did so when with the kids. Is it at all possible that this is happening?

[Anonymous]

OP she works. If you don’t want her to choose. Ask her if she would like to not work weekends. If you can provide so she doesn’t work weekends, then you both should decide what’s better. Since she is working now, she doesn’t have to clean just like you probably aren’t. Working on weekends is working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am constantly in awe that sahms have in the last 20 years created this narrative that their only duty during 8-6 every day should be attending to their children, and that other than loading the dishwasher and putting on laundry, it is an affront for them to do any other chores about the house.

It's clearly a ridiculous untruth that exists solely in the minds of maybe the top 10% of households (because as people above have noted, obviously MOST women staying home with young kids are cleaning their house and don't have cleaners). But I can't believe that it's become the dominant narrative on sites like this. Do the people echoing this narrative really believe it? Or do you say it because you have to repeat it over and over to justify your set up? Or are you trolls? It's just be fascinating to watch this line of thinking evolve in the last 20 years.

+1,000, but the defensive SAHMs are about to swarm you with cries of “misogyny! Sexist! You wouldn’t say that if it were at SAHD!!!) (yes, we would). Ignore them.

-a woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your child's schooling takes precedence over your "part time" working wife declaring she won't clean. That's ridiculous and lazy.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you willing to help clean?

sure he can, but only as long as she steps up and gets a job to bring in some extra $.

- married mom of 3 with a FT job.

OP’s wife has a job.

A part time one that clearly isn’t bringing in enough money. Let her work full time, or at least part time five days a week, and then they can afford preschool. Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I understanding correctly that mom works all weekend, and dad cares for the kid(s)? OP, how do things go on the weekends? Are you cleaning up after the kids well, keeping up on laundry etc? When I left the kids with DH for the weekend, they had a lot of fun - he’s a great dad, but did no chores at all while with the kids and often left quite a mess. He just doesn’t care that much about cleaning, and certainly never did so when with the kids. Is it at all possible that this is happening?

ETA: my point being, if things are kept up on, day to day cleaning isn’t all that bad. On the other hand, if she is digging herself out of a whole every single week (nothing being accomplished all weekend, mess and laundry piling up while she is at work), that can be a real pain. My DH loved cooking with the kids, doing projects with the kids etc and did not always clean up particularly well..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you willing to help clean?

sure he can, but only as long as she steps up and gets a job to bring in some extra $.

- married mom of 3 with a FT job.

OP’s wife has a job.

A part time one that clearly isn’t bringing in enough money. Let her work full time, or at least part time five days a week, and then they can afford preschool. Done.

She’s bringing in enough money to pay for the things she prioritizes. If OP wants preschool, he can make more money so he can pay for what *he* prioritizes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you willing to help clean?

sure he can, but only as long as she steps up and gets a job to bring in some extra $.

- married mom of 3 with a FT job.

OP’s wife has a job.

A part time one that clearly isn’t bringing in enough money. Let her work full time, or at least part time five days a week, and then they can afford preschool. Done.

If she works even part time during the week, they will probably need full time care because no job is going to let you do a one-hour shift that lets you do drop off and pick up for a three-hour preschool class.