Please suggest a kind and gentle school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not being snarky. This is an honest inquiry. I've seen similar posts where parents use words like kind, gentle, nurturing, etc to describe attributes for a college. Does this continue until adulthood? Kind and gentle graduate school, employer, landlord? No need to be defensive. Just wondering when you "release the reins"?

Yes, perhaps. How about that. Ever see those lists in that Washingtonian or other mags about "best places to work?" Indeed, they are likely employee and family friendly.

The landlord, etc. does feel snarky. (opt for a kid and gentle mortgage on one's own home).

p.s.
You can "release the reins" for your family whenever you like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not being snarky. This is an honest inquiry. I've seen similar posts where parents use words like kind, gentle, nurturing, etc to describe attributes for a college. Does this continue until adulthood? Kind and gentle graduate school, employer, landlord? No need to be defensive. Just wondering when you "release the reins"?

Yes, perhaps. How about that. Ever see those lists in that Washingtonian or other mags about "best places to work?" Indeed, they are likely employee and family friendly.

The landlord, etc. does feel snarky. (opt for a kid and gentle mortgage on one's own home).

p.s.
You can "release the reins" for your family whenever you like.

Finding a kind school for your kid to go to is not about control or helicoptering. Kids at this age are still developing and trying find their place in this world. The type of college a kid attends can play a huge role in their development. The right school can help a very insecure kid mature into a self-confident adult. So while you claim not to want to be snarky, though I think you are a liar, you do come off as snarky and like you think you are somehow superior because this is not a thing for you and your superior child. Kids mature at different rates. They are all different and require different amounts of coddling. This is not something to snear at or look down upon, contrary to what you mistakenly believe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not being snarky. This is an honest inquiry. I've seen similar posts where parents use words like kind, gentle, nurturing, etc to describe attributes for a college. Does this continue until adulthood? Kind and gentle graduate school, employer, landlord? No need to be defensive. Just wondering when you "release the reins"?

Oh, no, not me. I actively sought out a graduate school full of back-stabbers, a felonious employer, and a sadistic landlord. Will definitely do everything I can to make sure my kids have the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tread carefully WRT William and Mary. Students have heavy workloads and the profs have very high expectations. The freshman (non-Lemon, or the else Monroe Scholars’) dorms are in deplorable condition for the most expensive state-supported school in the country.
Please be aware that mental health issues can become an issue. https://flathatnews.com/2021/05/03/84-forced-hospitalizations-in-six-years-students-detail-negative-experiences-with-mental-health-services/

Is this true re: W&M? We're waiting to hear application status and were aware of the heavy workloads, but also heard it was a supportive environment. Didn't know the freshman dorms were also horrible - is that true?

They don't have air conditioning and are very old.

Back a few years ago, it, like Cornell, had an abnormally high suicide rate amongst students due to stress.

This is a rumor. It has far fewer suicides than you would predict based on its number of students. In the 2014-2015 academic they had several suicides (which sadly wouldn't be unexpected in a college of its size--and was still below what you would just predict on average) and they responded by more proactive prevention policies. Their policies drew attention so people wrote about it thinking the problem must be "worse" there than elsewhere. The reality is that they have a low rate and a responsive school (that raised concern and created prevention policies despite not having a major problem). The persistence of rumors like this though is a disincentive for schools to create preventative resources because then people think it must be a real problem there.

It is not a "rumor". It was a very big deal in 2014 and we all remember it. Here's a 2015 Wash. Post article on it. Same with the Cornell bridge. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/grade-point/wp/2015/04/15/suicide-at-william-mary-fourth-this-year-triggers-concern-about-mental-health/

Yes, there were 4 or 5 suicides that year in 2014-2015, which is terrible as I mentioned above. But the expected rate of suicides based on averages for their age group would be 7. So even in their worst year they were below average. But the Washington Post used them as an example for their opinion on concerns for mental health etc. Doesn't mean they were "worse" than anywhere else, articles like this--that don't contextualize that it's a problem all over--and actually not as bad at W&M than others-lead people to think it's terrible there. (BTW, I don't work for W&M nor am I an alum--I just care about mental health and hate that schools that create preventative resources get penalized for it).

Most schools don't even track suicides, and many of those that do don't report suicides publicly. See the AP article. Schools that track and report suicides therefore may be doing the right thing from an awareness standpoint, but they will likely get more attention than schools that don't track or report.

https://apnews.com/article/health-north-america-us-news-ap-top-news-sc-state-wire-45f78abcfcec43e49f4c0fbe06b66a8b

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not being snarky. This is an honest inquiry. I've seen similar posts where parents use words like kind, gentle, nurturing, etc to describe attributes for a college. Does this continue until adulthood? Kind and gentle graduate school, employer, landlord? No need to be defensive. Just wondering when you "release the reins"?

Yes, perhaps. How about that. Ever see those lists in that Washingtonian or other mags about "best places to work?" Indeed, they are likely employee and family friendly.

The landlord, etc. does feel snarky. (opt for a kid and gentle mortgage on one's own home).

p.s.
You can "release the reins" for your family whenever you like.

Good response! DCUM is full of snarky know-it-alls.

Finding a kind school for your kid to go to is not about control or helicoptering. Kids at this age are still developing and trying find their place in this world. The type of college a kid attends can play a huge role in their development. The right school can help a very insecure kid mature into a self-confident adult. So while you claim not to want to be snarky, though I think you are a liar, you do come off as snarky and like you think you are somehow superior because this is not a thing for you and your superior child. Kids mature at different rates. They are all different and require different amounts of coddling. This is not something to snear at or look down upon, contrary to what you mistakenly believe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Yes, there were 4 or 5 suicides that year in 2014-2015, which is terrible as I mentioned above. But the expected rate of suicides based on averages for their age group would be 7.

How did you come up with 7 ???!!!

W&M has fewer than 10,000 students total. The suicide rate for that age group is about 14 per 100,000 per year, which would put the expected number of suicides for a college of even 10,000 at 1.4 for an entire calendar year. But an academic year is less than 9 months, or 3/4 of a year. So, you might expect 1 suicide in an academic year, not 4 or 5. That number in a college that size in one academic year is very high.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My bias (which people may want to attack): the more the school attracts rich, elite kids...the less likely they are to be kind and gentle.

My DC went to high school with such kids and they were competitive, status conscious and snarky.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yes, there were 4 or 5 suicides that year in 2014-2015, which is terrible as I mentioned above. But the expected rate of suicides based on averages for their age group would be 7.

How did you come up with 7 ???!!!

W&M has fewer than 10,000 students total. The suicide rate for that age group is about 14 per 100,000 per year, which would put the expected number of suicides for a college of even 10,000 at 1.4 for an entire calendar year. But an academic year is less than 9 months, or 3/4 of a year. So, you might expect 1 suicide in an academic year, not 4 or 5. That number in a college that size in one academic year is very high.

Any suicide is terrible, but that was one year, and you picked a peak year with an unfortunate cluster of 4 suicides. From 1968 through 2014, though, there were 17 suicides recorded in 46 years, or .37 per year. That translates to about 6.7 suicides per 100,000 per year, which is well below the average suicide rate you cited for college age students (14 per 100K).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yes, there were 4 or 5 suicides that year in 2014-2015, which is terrible as I mentioned above. But the expected rate of suicides based on averages for their age group would be 7.

How did you come up with 7 ???!!!

W&M has fewer than 10,000 students total. The suicide rate for that age group is about 14 per 100,000 per year, which would put the expected number of suicides for a college of even 10,000 at 1.4 for an entire calendar year. But an academic year is less than 9 months, or 3/4 of a year. So, you might expect 1 suicide in an academic year, not 4 or 5. That number in a college that size in one academic year is very high.

Any suicide is terrible, but that was one year, and you picked a peak year with an unfortunate cluster of 4 suicides. From 1968 through 2014, though, there were 17 suicides recorded in 46 years, or .37 per year. That translates to about 6.7 suicides per 100,000 per year, which is well below the average suicide rate you cited for college age students (14 per 100K).

I didn’t pick the year. It was brought up earlier in the thread by someone else earlier in the thread. I was simply responding to the poster who tried to minimize that number of suicides as lower than would be expected. It’s not low but just the opposite.

Thanks fir the additional information which shows that year to have been an anomaly and not part of any long term trend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not being snarky. This is an honest inquiry. I've seen similar posts where parents use words like kind, gentle, nurturing, etc to describe attributes for a college. Does this continue until adulthood? Kind and gentle graduate school, employer, landlord? No need to be defensive. Just wondering when you "release the reins"?

Yes, perhaps. How about that. Ever see those lists in that Washingtonian or other mags about "best places to work?" Indeed, they are likely employee and family friendly.

The landlord, etc. does feel snarky. (opt for a kid and gentle mortgage on one's own home).

Defensive

p.s.
You can "release the reins" for your family whenever you like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not being snarky. This is an honest inquiry. I've seen similar posts where parents use words like kind, gentle, nurturing, etc to describe attributes for a college. Does this continue until adulthood? Kind and gentle graduate school, employer, landlord? No need to be defensive. Just wondering when you "release the reins"?

Yes, perhaps. How about that. Ever see those lists in that Washingtonian or other mags about "best places to work?" Indeed, they are likely employee and family friendly.

The landlord, etc. does feel snarky. (opt for a kid and gentle mortgage on one's own home).

p.s.
You can "release the reins" for your family whenever you like.

Finding a kind school for your kid to go to is not about control or helicoptering. Kids at this age are still developing and trying find their place in this world. The type of college a kid attends can play a huge role in their development. The right school can help a very insecure kid mature into a self-confident adult. So while you claim not to want to be snarky, though I think you are a liar, you do come off as snarky and like you think you are somehow superior because this is not a thing for you and your superior child. Kids mature at different rates. They are all different and require different amounts of coddling. This is not something to snear at or look down upon, contrary to what you mistakenly believe.

Your response started off promising but yes, became defensive. Don't dare inquire for I shall offend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not being snarky. This is an honest inquiry. I've seen similar posts where parents use words like kind, gentle, nurturing, etc to describe attributes for a college. Does this continue until adulthood? Kind and gentle graduate school, employer, landlord? No need to be defensive. Just wondering when you "release the reins"?

Yes, perhaps. How about that. Ever see those lists in that Washingtonian or other mags about "best places to work?" Indeed, they are likely employee and family friendly.

The landlord, etc. does feel snarky. (opt for a kid and gentle mortgage on one's own home).

p.s.
You can "release the reins" for your family whenever you like.

Good response! DCUM is full of snarky know-it-alls.

Finding a kind school for your kid to go to is not about control or helicoptering. Kids at this age are still developing and trying find their place in this world. The type of college a kid attends can play a huge role in their development. The right school can help a very insecure kid mature into a self-confident adult. So while you claim not to want to be snarky, though I think you are a liar, you do come off as snarky and like you think you are somehow superior because this is not a thing for you and your superior child. Kids mature at different rates. They are all different and require different amounts of coddling. This is not something to snear at or look down upon, contrary to what you mistakenly believe.

Poster claim to know anything. Asked questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not being snarky. This is an honest inquiry. I've seen similar posts where parents use words like kind, gentle, nurturing, etc to describe attributes for a college. Does this continue until adulthood? Kind and gentle graduate school, employer, landlord? No need to be defensive. Just wondering when you "release the reins"?

Yes, perhaps. How about that. Ever see those lists in that Washingtonian or other mags about "best places to work?" Indeed, they are likely employee and family friendly.

The landlord, etc. does feel snarky. (opt for a kid and gentle mortgage on one's own home).

p.s.
You can "release the reins" for your family whenever you like.

Finding a kind school for your kid to go to is not about control or helicoptering. Kids at this age are still developing and trying find their place in this world. The type of college a kid attends can play a huge role in their development. The right school can help a very insecure kid mature into a self-confident adult. So while you claim not to want to be snarky, though I think you are a liar, you do come off as snarky and like you think you are somehow superior because this is not a thing for you and your superior child. Kids mature at different rates. They are all different and require different amounts of coddling. This is not something to snear at or look down upon, contrary to what you mistakenly believe.

Your response started off promising but yes, became defensive. Don't dare inquire for I shall offend.

It really doesn’t bother me that you think the response is defensive. Try something else.

[Anonymous]

University of Mary Washington (formerly Mary Washington College) in Fredericksburg. This school is a hidden gem - although it's small, it's a VA state school on the less expensive side and is known for having an especially nice group of students. People there are really down to earth and it has none of the elitism or snobbiness of some of the more famous VA schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would tread carefully WRT William and Mary. Students have heavy workloads and the profs have very high expectations. The freshman (non-Lemon, or the else Monroe Scholars’) dorms are in deplorable condition for the most expensive state-supported school in the country.
Please be aware that mental health issues can become an issue. https://flathatnews.com/2021/05/03/84-forced-hospitalizations-in-six-years-students-detail-negative-experiences-with-mental-health-services/

Is this true re: W&M? We're waiting to hear application status and were aware of the heavy workloads, but also heard it was a supportive environment. Didn't know the freshman dorms were also horrible - is that true?

They don't have air conditioning and are very old.

Back a few years ago, it, like Cornell, had an abnormally high suicide rate amongst students due to stress.

This is a rumor. It has far fewer suicides than you would predict based on its number of students. In the 2014-2015 academic they had several suicides (which sadly wouldn't be unexpected in a college of its size--and was still below what you would just predict on average) and they responded by more proactive prevention policies. Their policies drew attention so people wrote about it thinking the problem must be "worse" there than elsewhere. The reality is that they have a low rate and a responsive school (that raised concern and created prevention policies despite not having a major problem). The persistence of rumors like this though is a disincentive for schools to create preventative resources because then people think it must be a real problem there.

It is not a "rumor". It was a very big deal in 2014 and we all remember it. Here's a 2015 Wash. Post article on it. Same with the Cornell bridge. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/grade-point/wp/2015/04/15/suicide-at-william-mary-fourth-this-year-triggers-concern-about-mental-health/

Yes, there were 4 or 5 suicides that year in 2014-2015, which is terrible as I mentioned above. But the expected rate of suicides based on averages for their age group would be 7. So even in their worst year they were below average. But the Washington Post used them as an example for their opinion on concerns for mental health etc. Doesn't mean they were "worse" than anywhere else, articles like this--that don't contextualize that it's a problem all over--and actually not as bad at W&M than others-lead people to think it's terrible there. (BTW, I don't work for W&M nor am I an alum--I just care about mental health and hate that schools that create preventative resources get penalized for it).

Most schools don't even track suicides, and many of those that do don't report suicides publicly. See the AP article. Schools that track and report suicides therefore may be doing the right thing from an awareness standpoint, but they will likely get more attention than schools that don't track or report.

https://apnews.com/article/health-north-america-us-news-ap-top-news-sc-state-wire-45f78abcfcec43e49f4c0fbe06b66a8b

NP here. This is absolutely true about colleges NOT reporting suicides. It really does happen everywhere, and no, it is generally not publicized. Parents need to be aware.