DS Wants to Transfer, DH Pushing Back

[Anonymous]

*their heads are

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS has done research, he knows when transfer application is due and is not the type to ask our assistance with completing it. He’s always been more organized than me and knows I would make things worse, not better LOL.

It is most definitely NOT just about skiing, just to be clear. He is into the humanities (someone mentioned something about engineering in a PP). If you look at most popular majors at Emory, you will see they are nursing and business. My DH and I absolutely agree with DS that the Tufts community came off as far less pre-professional seeming. The visit left us with the feeling that it had a much more liberal arts college flavor and there were a lot of students who did seem very theatre/arts kids types. DS isn’t a theater kid BUT he loves writing and I think he jives with the creative types. That said, I am sure if he looked harder he would find more kids like him at Emory and it was an unfortunate luck of the draw that his roommate is so business oriented and talks constantly about his sole goal of being rich. I’m sure it is hard to live with and colors his perception and it would be a more fun experience if he shared a room with someone who wasn’t so single-tracked.

In terms of Atlanta, part of it is that he definitely misses skiing. He is not at competition level but he is very good and enjoys it a lot. He is just as happy going alone as he is with friends, it would not be out of the ordinary for him to hop in the car and head out himself. Again, though, I do see my DH side of he could try new activities and maybe he would find something he likes equally well or even more. The main thing he loves about Boston is being in a city that has a European feel, where people walk and bike and take public transportation. He liked the young feel that comes from having so many colleges. I think there are 30+ in the region? A lot. He also likes the fast pace of a northern city. TBH I am totally with him on Atlanta. I would be happy about the mild winters because I hate the cold, but otherwise the city doesn’t hold a candle to a place like Boston in terms of the atmosphere I like, so I get that. Even my DH doesn’t love Atlanta.

I think DS actually wanted to love Emory so he would have that in common with DH. I don’t think he went in ready to hate it. I think he had reservations and uncertainties but he trusted his dad’s input that he would love it there like he did.

I also don’t think DH was pushing him to be selfish. I truly think he loved his experience and just wanted the same for his kid. However, they are different people and I am not totally shocked that they are finding different things speak to them. He also—as mentioned—is hung up on rankings and that was part of it. But it was coming from a place of “I want the best for my son, I want him to have a great experience like I did” and not from a dark place. It might be tunnel vision but he did have DS “best interests” in mind. He feels like as the adult parent, he knows better. Again, I see his point. We differ in that I feel it is ok if DS makes a decision that in the end may or may not be the best decision. I might feel differently if he were talking about quitting school and joining the circus. (Actually knowing me, I might even be okay with that. But my family has some wacky non-conformists and so I am more used to that. My cousin quit school to start a business and he made tons of money; my uncle dropped out to be a poet and he ended up winning a prestigious award and ultimately offered a job writing for a well-known magazine and he does poetry workshops all over the world. They seem to land on their feet. DH would be terrified if DS wanted to quit college but he comes from a family where everyone is highly educated).

Here is where I am at right now. I still see both sides, but when it comes down to it I side with DS making his own decisions and mistakes. They are both great schools but if he thinks he would truly be happier at Tufts he should try otherwise he will always wonder.

I talked to DH and said let’s him try, he may not even get in and then the whole thing is settled. And then he won’t be angry that he was dissuaded from trying. If he does get in we can deal with it then and hopefully DH will get over his disappointment. He wanted DS to go to “the best school he got in” which according to USNWR ranking would be Emory. I don’t buy into the rankings like he does, and I agree with others that the student body is very similar in terms of capability and smarts. Both schools will give an excellent education. If it were between Harvard and Tufts, Harvard would give him an edge in terms of prestige but I honestly don’t think there is that much difference between Emory and Tufts in that regard.

It is a tough situation because I honestly do see both of their sides. But as PP said it is not about whether he would eventually settle into Emory and be fine. I am sure he will would. It’s about a the relationship we are establishing with him as he navigates adulthood.

Ok, I probably over-shared but I personally hate when people ask stuff on DCUM and tons of people contribute and then they never bother to weigh in again, LOL

Thanks for the update and following up. Sometimes people disappear and I wonder what ever happened.

Boston is the place for college. My kid is a freshman at Tufts and loves the school and the whole area. Easy to make friends and find the types of people it sounds like your son wants to be around. Tufts has a good transfer student association, your son may want to contact them if he has any questions. It’s not an easy decision and I know your DH is coming from a good place. But 4 years is a long time and your son sounds mature enough to know his mind.

Again if he truly HATES Emory then there's no point in trying to convince him to stay. But the only majors that Tufts does better than Emory is engineering, and that's only because Emory doesn't have it. For humanities Emory is a top 10 school, it has one of the best writing programs in the nation. Your son isn't giving Emory a true chance because what he wants to do, Emory does better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These comments are being unfair to DH. If I'm paying 250k+ for my childs education. I should have a say in where they go, and yes the difference between Emory and Tufts may be small but would still want to go with the better school and bigger bragging rights. That's also fair.

Yep! It's all about the bragging rights!

[Anonymous]

I went to school in Boston (guess where?), and I'd literally never heard of Emory. I assumed it was a third-rate college buried somewhere in the South. Emory never even entered my consciousness or my kids' consciousness when they were applying to colleges. I'd vote for Tufts over Emory, damn the ratings! Who cares? Tufts is far better known in the Northeast. Emory? What?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These comments are being unfair to DH. If I'm paying 250k+ for my childs education. I should have a say in where they go, and yes the difference between Emory and Tufts may be small but would still want to go with the better school and bigger bragging rights. That's also fair.

Yep! It's all about the bragging rights!

You remind me of my grandfather! He agreed to pay for my education if he could dictate where I went to college!!

My dad, a far more mature man, said NO! My child is going to choose where she goes to college!

Do you want to raise an adult, PP?

Having a say in where your child goes to collegejust because you're paying for it is infantalizing, condescending and just plain terrible parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to school in Boston (guess where?), and I'd literally never heard of Emory. I assumed it was a third-rate college buried somewhere in the South. Emory never even entered my consciousness or my kids' consciousness when they were applying to colleges. I'd vote for Tufts over Emory, damn the ratings! Who cares? Tufts is far better known in the Northeast. Emory? What?

You're senile.

[Anonymous]

OP your DS is spoiled and your enabling him. You're still n is a writer. Well Emory's creative writing program is ranked top 5 in the nation.
https://blog.prepscholar.com/best-creative-writing-colleges-majors-and-programs

Your son is exactly where he needs to be and doesn't even recognize it because he hasn't given Emory a chance. He is spoiled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These comments are being unfair to DH. If I'm paying 250k+ for my childs education. I should have a say in where they go, and yes the difference between Emory and Tufts may be small but would still want to go with the better school and bigger bragging rights. That's also fair.

Yep! It's all about the bragging rights!

You remind me of my grandfather! He agreed to pay for my education if he could dictate where I went to college!!

My dad, a far more mature man, said NO! My child is going to choose where she goes to college!

Do you want to raise an adult, PP?

Having a say in where your child goes to collegejust because you're paying for it is infantalizing, condescending and just plain terrible parenting.

Sorry, I was being sarcastic and I obviously didn't do a good job. The student should have been allowed to choose in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP your DS is spoiled and your enabling him. You're still n is a writer. Well Emory's creative writing program is ranked top 5 in the nation.
https://blog.prepscholar.com/best-creative-writing-colleges-majors-and-programs

Your son is exactly where he needs to be and doesn't even recognize it because he hasn't given Emory a chance. He is spoiled.

*"Your son is a writer". Sorry typo...

[Anonymous]

Taking your son out of Emory to go to a lesser school with a lesser program sounds crazy. If you son wants to major in writing then the quality of the program and it's alumni matters a ton for getting a job olin the field.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Taking your son out of Emory to go to a lesser school with a lesser program sounds crazy. If you son wants to major in writing then the quality of the program and it's alumni matters a ton for getting a job olin the field.

Based on what other than rankings that use inapt criteria and weighting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Taking your son out of Emory to go to a lesser school with a lesser program sounds crazy. If you son wants to major in writing then the quality of the program and it's alumni matters a ton for getting a job olin the field.

Based on what other than rankings that use inapt criteria and weighting?

What do you mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP your DS is spoiled and your enabling him. You're still n is a writer. Well Emory's creative writing program is ranked top 5 in the nation.
https://blog.prepscholar.com/best-creative-writing-colleges-majors-and-programs

Your son is exactly where he needs to be and doesn't even recognize it because he hasn't given Emory a chance. He is spoiled.

Seriously? You're going to judge a kid as spoiled based on a list created by one blogger based on no hard data? Holy moly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to school in Boston (guess where?), and I'd literally never heard of Emory. I assumed it was a third-rate college buried somewhere in the South. Emory never even entered my consciousness or my kids' consciousness when they were applying to colleges. I'd vote for Tufts over Emory, damn the ratings! Who cares? Tufts is far better known in the Northeast. Emory? What?

You're senile.

Yeah, right kiddo, I'm senile. But I wasn't when I was in my 20s, and I'd never heard of Emory. I'd never consider going to a college in the South anyway. I went to HYPM, before senility set in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP your DS is spoiled and your enabling him. You're still n is a writer. Well Emory's creative writing program is ranked top 5 in the nation.
https://blog.prepscholar.com/best-creative-writing-colleges-majors-and-programs

Your son is exactly where he needs to be and doesn't even recognize it because he hasn't given Emory a chance. He is spoiled.

Seriously? You're going to judge a kid as spoiled based on a list created by one blogger based on no hard data? Holy moly.

Some crazy Emory booster has gotten ahold of this thread!!

Let the kid be happy, OP. Let him transfer to Tufts!!