DS Wants to Transfer, DH Pushing Back

[Anonymous]

Dad needs to get over himself and his glory years and let the YOUNG MAN make his own big boy decisions.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Your son seems introspective and principled. Your husband, on the other hand, seems to be controlling, narcissistic, selfish, shallow and, despite your protestations, insecure. And frankly, I think his line about wanting the best for your son is bs because if that's what he cared about, your son would be at Tufts already instead of having to submit a transfer application to the school. He sees your son as an extension of himself, not as a person in his own right, and if I were your kid, I'd cut ties in the nanosecond after I earned my diploma.

Also, I'm an academic, as are many of my friends, and I can't think of a single one of us who would split hairs over a child deciding to attend Tufts over Emory, in part because we know that numbers don't reflect everything about a school. U.S. News ranked Emory 21st in its 2022 Best Colleges edition. But the schools ranked 22nd (Cal) and 23rd (Michigan) are far, far superior to Emory in my book and should have been ranked much, much higher. In a world where some kids don't have enough to eat, let alone the opportunity to explore their talents, there is no question that attending Emory is a real privilege. That said, if prestige is what your husband values, then he should know that at my venerable prep school, which usually sends more seniors to Yale than to any other college in a given year, Tufts is a much more popular college destination than Emory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to school in Boston (guess where?), and I'd literally never heard of Emory. I assumed it was a third-rate college buried somewhere in the South. Emory never even entered my consciousness or my kids' consciousness when they were applying to colleges. I'd vote for Tufts over Emory, damn the ratings! Who cares? Tufts is far better known in the Northeast. Emory? What?

I'm guessing BU?

Lol, I was thinking BC, BC grads have it out for Emory for some reason.

"I went to school in Boston" is a classic phrase used by Harvard grads. FYI.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son is being a spoiled brat and you're enabling this.
He should apply to Tufts for post grad. and get on with what he has to do now.

And change his room mate.

This kind of post is cruel and unnecessary. Go get a life to this person. Yes, Emory IS preprofessional and has been for years. My husband went in the early 80s because it had an excellent pre-med reputation AND med school. He graduated from both undergrad and medicine there. But, he has mentioned before that so many there are prepping for law school, MBA or medicine.

I am sorry your son is in this predicament. My kid won't be able to go there because she doesn't have the scores.

I don't know what to tell you. I get the united front stuff also from my husband, but you don't want to see your kid unhappy either.

Good Luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An anecdote for consideration: Im from the South and started college at a Southern school. I hated it from week one, made me feel claustrophobic and crushed my spirit. It wasn’t any one thing, it was a thousand small things. Not my people. I transferred to a mid Atlantic school after one year. I am eternally grateful my parents supported me, 30 years later and I still feel gratitude that I moved.

This. Emory is great if you grew up in a rednecky part of the south. It then feels like an upgrade. But has to be a bummer coming from the DMV.

Dad really messed with this kid's education and denied him a choice. He should stay out of the transfer decision.

This is exactly why parents should not try to force their will on adult children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The dad should let his kid live his own life.

^^ this. Son is going to start resenting dad if he keeps this up (if he doesn't already)

Agree here. Support your son. If it were my son, I would help him with everything related to the transfer app ($$, transcript process, etc.) if he asked for my assistance. And then if indeed he gets in to Tufts (not sure what their year 1 attrit rate is), then after a full year at Emory he should have a sense if it is the right fit or not. While both are great schools, if I've learned anything these last two years, happiness matters too. good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son is being a spoiled brat and you're enabling this.
He should apply to Tufts for post grad. and get on with what he has to do now.

And change his room mate.

Wow, glad you weren't helping me make my decisions growing up.

Yes. Awful advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to school in Boston (guess where?), and I'd literally never heard of Emory. I assumed it was a third-rate college buried somewhere in the South. Emory never even entered my consciousness or my kids' consciousness when they were applying to colleges. I'd vote for Tufts over Emory, damn the ratings! Who cares? Tufts is far better known in the Northeast. Emory? What?

I'm guessing BU?

Lol, I was thinking BC, BC grads have it out for Emory for some reason.

"I went to school in Boston" is a classic phrase used by Harvard grads. FYI.

lol! Cold. Skiing. Hates Atlanta. Sounds like the hat trick of reasons to transfer.

[Anonymous]

Hi, OP. I hated the first college I went to and I really struggled (both academically and mentally). I finally transferred to another school - one that was a better fit - and everything dramatically improved. As parents, we need to be careful about how Munich influence we have on our kids when they become adults. They naturally want Tom please us and it’s difficult for them to tell us that they don’t like what we like. Your son has a lot of courage stating what he wants and it’s on him if what he thinks he wants doesn’t work out (natural consequences, no?). Your DH should honor that.

[Anonymous]

*much

[Anonymous]

Legacies are the worst. OP, you already messed up by letting your husband steamroll your son into attending a school he didn’t want to go to just because dad went there. That’s just gross. You need to stick up for your son trust that as a young adult he is really starting to know himself and let him transfer and while you’re at it, call your husband out for trying to raise a child in his own image rather than letting your son be himself. And Atlanta is a cool town but the south is not for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God, I hate this forum. Prestige and rankings above all else, calling kids spoiled for being unhappy, thinking money means you control your kid. There’s more bad advice than good here and I think half the people on here don’t have kids in college.

I agree with almost all of this.

[Anonymous]

Transfer -- but the kid has got to want it. Want it bad enough
He proves that by doing all the work