Tell me about your spouse’s limerent affair…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the difference between falling in love and limerence?

For DCUM it's the new buzzword, used to convince themselves they can save their marriage, AP is evil and just tricked spouse and spouse could never truly have feelings for AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the difference between falling in love and limerence?

Not an expert, but having watched two men burn their lives to the ground over affair partners, the difference to me is whether a person retains any sense of balance or perspective.

I've fallen in love, but I still had a family, friends, work, hobbies and other elements of my life/personality. I wouldn't have traded those things for my partner, and certainly not all within six months. It's truly more like an addiction than it is a normal relationship. Everything becomes about the next "fix" (date/sex/interaction) and nothing else in their lives feels important enough to save.

This is pretty spot-on IMO.

+2. Love isn't being blind to everything, it's being want to be with that person with open eyes. Limerence seems to be this addiction thing and so not taking a look at things with open eyes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the difference between falling in love and limerence?

For DCUM it's the new buzzword, used to convince themselves they can save their marriage, AP is evil and just tricked spouse and spouse could never truly have feelings for AP.

Sorry, Sweetie. It’s not love. He’s not leaving his wife for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:a “limerant affair” is just an affair. “limerance” is falling in love. I feel like people are creating these notions to distract from the fact that their spouse is having an affair. calling it “limerance” doesn’t make in any more or less real.

Not every affair is about love though. For a lot if men, particularly the ones that didn’t know the person IRL and just bang on a lunch break once a month, it is just sex. Period. They will say whatever the person wants to hear. If they aren’t bringing them out in public and trying to see them at all costs, it’s neither a limerent affair, certainly not love.

Yes. Limerent affairs begin with someone they know IRL: co-worker, neighbor, running partner, etc. They become obsessive. It’s not the dude looking for a discreet no strings none off the Internet once in awhile. All affairs are different. If he’s not blowing up his life trying to communicate and see you at all costs, it’s not limerence, much less true love. It’s NSA, not even a friend you would trust as a true confidante because it’s too risky to give them true info.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:a “limerant affair” is just an affair. “limerance” is falling in love. I feel like people are creating these notions to distract from the fact that their spouse is having an affair. calling it “limerance” doesn’t make in any more or less real.

Not every affair is about love though. For a lot if men, particularly the ones that didn’t know the person IRL and just bang on a lunch break once a month, it is just sex. Period. They will say whatever the person wants to hear. If they aren’t bringing them out in public and trying to see them at all costs, it’s neither a limerent affair, certainly not love.

Yes we know your situation. That's not relevant here.

[Anonymous]

Generally speaking, I'd say "falling in love" is when you are already in a romantic relationship with the person and it gets stronger, whereas "limerence" is when you're not in a romantic relationship, but you want to be, and you develop an unhealthy obsession with that idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Generally speaking, I'd say "falling in love" is when you are already in a romantic relationship with the person and it gets stronger, whereas "limerence" is when you're not in a romantic relationship, but you want to be, and you develop an unhealthy obsession with that idea.

It’s a form of mental illness. Truly.

Glen Close Fatal Attraction. Obsesssive.

People lose jobs, family, friends, kids over it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the difference between falling in love and limerence?

For DCUM it's the new buzzword, used to convince themselves they can save their marriage, AP is evil and just tricked spouse and spouse could never truly have feelings for AP.

Sorry, Sweetie. It’s not love. He’s not leaving his wife for you.

I'm not having an affair. But just think about what you are saying here, you want to spend the rest o your life with a man who is a cheater, who has zero regard for your emotional or physical safety... You aren't the winner here, sweetie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the difference between falling in love and limerence?

For DCUM it's the new buzzword, used to convince themselves they can save their marriage, AP is evil and just tricked spouse and spouse could never truly have feelings for AP.

Sorry, Sweetie. It’s not love. He’s not leaving his wife for you.

I'm not having an affair. But just think about what you are saying here, you want to spend the rest o your life with a man who is a cheater, who has zero regard for your emotional or physical safety... You aren't the winner here, sweetie.

My spouse isn’t having an affair. There are plenty of delusional women in limerence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell me about how you started an affair because your spouse was driving you nuts using big words you always had to look up.

Lol!
OP, why didn’t you explain it using a word or phrase that you knew people would understand? Are you showing off or what’s the story there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the difference between falling in love and limerence?

For DCUM it's the new buzzword, used to convince themselves they can save their marriage, AP is evil and just tricked spouse and spouse could never truly have feelings for AP.

Sorry, Sweetie. It’s not love. He’s not leaving his wife for you.

I'm not having an affair. But just think about what you are saying here, you want to spend the rest o your life with a man who is a cheater, who has zero regard for your emotional or physical safety... You aren't the winner here, sweetie.

My spouse isn’t having an affair. There are plenty of delusional women in limerence.

There is a single woman on this forum that has been in an 8-9 year affair with a married man that keeps saying he loves her so much and is going to leave the wife. It’s been a decade of her life. She could have found someone to commit 100% love to her and only her, had babies, a family, etc. instead she’s wasted her youth. I think there is mental illness involved with these types of things. I mean don’t you want to spend Xmas Eve/Xmas together even? How is that love? It sounds incredibly lonely and very low self-esteem. No single guy ever?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell me about how you started an affair because your spouse was driving you nuts using big words you always had to look up.

Lol!
OP, why didn’t you explain it using a word or phrase that you knew people would understand? Are you showing off or what’s the story there?

+1. And I’m not clear - does this word apply to people in affairs, or people who are stalkers who don’t know the person, or both? I though the term for people in affair is “affair fog” and stalkers are “obsessed.” How is this new word different from these other terms?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the difference between falling in love and limerence?

For DCUM it's the new buzzword, used to convince themselves they can save their marriage, AP is evil and just tricked spouse and spouse could never truly have feelings for AP.

Sorry, Sweetie. It’s not love. He’s not leaving his wife for you.

I'm not having an affair. But just think about what you are saying here, you want to spend the rest o your life with a man who is a cheater, who has zero regard for your emotional or physical safety... You aren't the winner here, sweetie.

My spouse isn’t having an affair. There are plenty of delusional women in limerence.

There is a single woman on this forum that has been in an 8-9 year affair with a married man that keeps saying he loves her so much and is going to leave the wife. It’s been a decade of her life. She could have found someone to commit 100% love to her and only her, had babies, a family, etc. instead she’s wasted her youth. I think there is mental illness involved with these types of things. I mean don’t you want to spend Xmas Eve/Xmas together even? How is that love? It sounds incredibly lonely and very low self-esteem. No single guy ever?

When I met the love of my life I couldn’t wait to introduce him to my friends and family. I can’t imagine not doing so. It’s really strange. True love, you want to be with them every minute. Not “when my wife goes out of town next month”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the difference between falling in love and limerence?

For DCUM it's the new buzzword, used to convince themselves they can save their marriage, AP is evil and just tricked spouse and spouse could never truly have feelings for AP.

Sorry, Sweetie. It’s not love. He’s not leaving his wife for you.

I'm not having an affair. But just think about what you are saying here, you want to spend the rest o your life with a man who is a cheater, who has zero regard for your emotional or physical safety... You aren't the winner here, sweetie.

My spouse isn’t having an affair. There are plenty of delusional women in limerence.

I am glad your spouse isn't cheating on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the difference between falling in love and limerence?

For DCUM it's the new buzzword, used to convince themselves they can save their marriage, AP is evil and just tricked spouse and spouse could never truly have feelings for AP.

Sorry, Sweetie. It’s not love. He’s not leaving his wife for you.

I'm not having an affair. But just think about what you are saying here, you want to spend the rest o your life with a man who is a cheater, who has zero regard for your emotional or physical safety... You aren't the winner here, sweetie.

My spouse isn’t having an affair. There are plenty of delusional women in limerence.

There is a single woman on this forum that has been in an 8-9 year affair with a married man that keeps saying he loves her so much and is going to leave the wife. It’s been a decade of her life. She could have found someone to commit 100% love to her and only her, had babies, a family, etc. instead she’s wasted her youth. I think there is mental illness involved with these types of things. I mean don’t you want to spend Xmas Eve/Xmas together even? How is that love? It sounds incredibly lonely and very low self-esteem. No single guy ever?

Can't be anymore lonely than the one married to him knowing he's got a side piece but playing happy families for years ots of low self esteem and possibly mental illness there too.