Tell me about your spouse’s limerent affair…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s the difference between an affair, a limerent affair, and an emotional affair???

An affair is an affair, meaning, unfaithfulness to your spouse. “Limerence” is when people (usually very damaged people with traumatic childhoods) develop an obsession with a person that may not even be reciprocated, but can rise to the level of a full affair if the other person eventually reciprocates. See this thread for a chronicle of the crazy behavior involved. An emotional affair is sort of a prescursor to a full affair, in that nothing physical has happened yet but there’s all kinds of inappropriate communication and intimacy happening.

This happens to people from all walks of life with a good or bad marriage, lots of sex or none, not just the “very damaged.” I know- it doesn’t feel good to know that but it’s true.

It doesn't just happen to people. You do have to make a decision to cheat.

No. Cheating is a behavior, limerance is a feeling. Everyone is entitled to experience their feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:More than 15 years later after I divorced him and his second wife divorced him, my XH is still in love with this woman he knew at 17. She never left her H despite promising she would. Even after her child turned 18. I don’t think they ever have slept together. She’s just everything he ever wanted and all things good and perfect I suppose so why sully that with some extramarital intercourse. However, I think she is much, more smarter than me or XW #2. Both of us thought he was over her and clearly she has a magic formula she’s mastered.

No, she’s not magical in anyway. It’s him, he hasn’t moved on for some strange reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
LMGTFY https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

OMG. So weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

There once was a boy from DC
he promised he'd always love me
what a disapointment
can't keep an appointment
Maybe its ADHD

I told DCUM my very sad tale
but most people said oh well
You should have learned
before you got burned
he was an unreliable male

I thought about leaving my spouse
after all he's kind of louse
but just up and splitting
doesn't seem fitting
and I cant afford the house

Now I go around moping
for a thrilling affair I'm hoping
limerance or not
he better be hot
cause its the only way I'm coping

Ladies, this bears repeating
Cover your tracks when meeting
I got a burner phone
but. left it home
and now DH knows that I'm cheating

I got mad and accused him of spying
but inside I feel like dying
he lost all the weight
and started to date
and now I'm on DCUM crying

[Anonymous]

Seems like the thing that makes this noteworthy is the fact that the person doesn't ever get the object of their desire. What would happen if they actually slept with them? Probably break the spell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like the thing that makes this noteworthy is the fact that the person doesn't ever get the object of their desire. What would happen if they actually slept with them? Probably break the spell.

They’re called 2nd marriages

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s the difference between an affair, a limerent affair, and an emotional affair???

An affair is an affair, meaning, unfaithfulness to your spouse. “Limerence” is when people (usually very damaged people with traumatic childhoods) develop an obsession with a person that may not even be reciprocated, but can rise to the level of a full affair if the other person eventually reciprocates. See this thread for a chronicle of the crazy behavior involved. An emotional affair is sort of a prescursor to a full affair, in that nothing physical has happened yet but there’s all kinds of inappropriate communication and intimacy happening.

This happens to people from all walks of life with a good or bad marriage, lots of sex or none, not just the “very damaged.” I know- it doesn’t feel good to know that but it’s true.

It doesn't just happen to people. You do have to make a decision to cheat.

No. Cheating is a behavior, limerance is a feeling. Everyone is entitled to experience their feelings.

If you get "feelings" for someone outside your marriage and you choose to focus on them rather than on your marriage, then even if nothing physical happens then you have decided to engage in behavior that is destructive to your marriage, and that is wrong.

If you start limmering on someone who is not your spouse, you have an obligation to do what you need to do to shut that down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s the difference between an affair, a limerent affair, and an emotional affair???

An affair is an affair, meaning, unfaithfulness to your spouse. “Limerence” is when people (usually very damaged people with traumatic childhoods) develop an obsession with a person that may not even be reciprocated, but can rise to the level of a full affair if the other person eventually reciprocates. See this thread for a chronicle of the crazy behavior involved. An emotional affair is sort of a prescursor to a full affair, in that nothing physical has happened yet but there’s all kinds of inappropriate communication and intimacy happening.

This happens to people from all walks of life with a good or bad marriage, lots of sex or none, not just the “very damaged.” I know- it doesn’t feel good to know that but it’s true.

It doesn't just happen to people. You do have to make a decision to cheat.

No. Cheating is a behavior, limerance is a feeling. Everyone is entitled to experience their feelings.

If you get "feelings" for someone outside your marriage and you choose to focus on them rather than on your marriage, then even if nothing physical happens then you have decided to engage in behavior that is destructive to your marriage, and that is wrong.

If you start limmering on someone who is not your spouse, you have an obligation to do what you need to do to shut that down.

Yep. "Limmering" made me chuckle. I'm the PP who wrote above that you have to make a decision to cheat. You know how I know? Because I fell deeply in love with someone who is not my spouse. I lost weight, I lost time, I basically lost my mind, more or less. And yet, I didn't cheat. It sucks. Blowing up my family, hurting my DH (who is wonderful, and whom I love), and uprooting my kids would suck a lot more. Cheating is a choice. It's very hard not to cross that line sometimes, but many other things in life are hard. How do you know who you really are, if your character is never truly tested?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s the difference between an affair, a limerent affair, and an emotional affair???

An affair is an affair, meaning, unfaithfulness to your spouse. “Limerence” is when people (usually very damaged people with traumatic childhoods) develop an obsession with a person that may not even be reciprocated, but can rise to the level of a full affair if the other person eventually reciprocates. See this thread for a chronicle of the crazy behavior involved. An emotional affair is sort of a prescursor to a full affair, in that nothing physical has happened yet but there’s all kinds of inappropriate communication and intimacy happening.

This happens to people from all walks of life with a good or bad marriage, lots of sex or none, not just the “very damaged.” I know- it doesn’t feel good to know that but it’s true.

It doesn't just happen to people. You do have to make a decision to cheat.

No. Cheating is a behavior, limerance is a feeling. Everyone is entitled to experience their feelings.

If you get "feelings" for someone outside your marriage and you choose to focus on them rather than on your marriage, then even if nothing physical happens then you have decided to engage in behavior that is destructive to your marriage, and that is wrong.

If you start limmering on someone who is not your spouse, you have an obligation to do what you need to do to shut that down.

Yep. "Limmering" made me chuckle. I'm the PP who wrote above that you have to make a decision to cheat. You know how I know? Because I fell deeply in love with someone who is not my spouse. I lost weight, I lost time, I basically lost my mind, more or less. And yet, I didn't cheat. It sucks. Blowing up my family, hurting my DH (who is wonderful, and whom I love), and uprooting my kids would suck a lot more. Cheating is a choice. It's very hard not to cross that line sometimes, but many other things in life are hard. How do you know who you really are, if your character is never truly tested?

It’s called having morals, integrity and good character. You didn’t cheat ultimately because you possess those.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you stay in the marriage? Did you leave? When did the affair end (or did it not)?

yes. left the situation behind. no affair physically but emotionally left me in tatters knowing the best thing to do was to say goodbye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s the difference between an affair, a limerent affair, and an emotional affair???

An affair is an affair, meaning, unfaithfulness to your spouse. “Limerence” is when people (usually very damaged people with traumatic childhoods) develop an obsession with a person that may not even be reciprocated, but can rise to the level of a full affair if the other person eventually reciprocates. See this thread for a chronicle of the crazy behavior involved. An emotional affair is sort of a prescursor to a full affair, in that nothing physical has happened yet but there’s all kinds of inappropriate communication and intimacy happening.

This happens to people from all walks of life with a good or bad marriage, lots of sex or none, not just the “very damaged.” I know- it doesn’t feel good to know that but it’s true.

It doesn't just happen to people. You do have to make a decision to cheat.

No. Cheating is a behavior, limerance is a feeling. Everyone is entitled to experience their feelings.

If you get "feelings" for someone outside your marriage and you choose to focus on them rather than on your marriage, then even if nothing physical happens then you have decided to engage in behavior that is destructive to your marriage, and that is wrong.

If you start limmering on someone who is not your spouse, you have an obligation to do what you need to do to shut that down.

Yep. "Limmering" made me chuckle. I'm the PP who wrote above that you have to make a decision to cheat. You know how I know? Because I fell deeply in love with someone who is not my spouse. I lost weight, I lost time, I basically lost my mind, more or less. And yet, I didn't cheat. It sucks. Blowing up my family, hurting my DH (who is wonderful, and whom I love), and uprooting my kids would suck a lot more. Cheating is a choice. It's very hard not to cross that line sometimes, but many other things in life are hard. How do you know who you really are, if your character is never truly tested?

Ok. So You are essentially saying that limerence is a feeling, and cheating is a behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s the difference between an affair, a limerent affair, and an emotional affair???

An affair is an affair, meaning, unfaithfulness to your spouse. “Limerence” is when people (usually very damaged people with traumatic childhoods) develop an obsession with a person that may not even be reciprocated, but can rise to the level of a full affair if the other person eventually reciprocates. See this thread for a chronicle of the crazy behavior involved. An emotional affair is sort of a prescursor to a full affair, in that nothing physical has happened yet but there’s all kinds of inappropriate communication and intimacy happening.

This happens to people from all walks of life with a good or bad marriage, lots of sex or none, not just the “very damaged.” I know- it doesn’t feel good to know that but it’s true.

It doesn't just happen to people. You do have to make a decision to cheat.

No. Cheating is a behavior, limerance is a feeling. Everyone is entitled to experience their feelings.

If you get "feelings" for someone outside your marriage and you choose to focus on them rather than on your marriage, then even if nothing physical happens then you have decided to engage in behavior that is destructive to your marriage, and that is wrong.

If you start limmering on someone who is not your spouse, you have an obligation to do what you need to do to shut that down.

Yep. "Limmering" made me chuckle. I'm the PP who wrote above that you have to make a decision to cheat. You know how I know? Because I fell deeply in love with someone who is not my spouse. I lost weight, I lost time, I basically lost my mind, more or less. And yet, I didn't cheat. It sucks. Blowing up my family, hurting my DH (who is wonderful, and whom I love), and uprooting my kids would suck a lot more. Cheating is a choice. It's very hard not to cross that line sometimes, but many other things in life are hard. How do you know who you really are, if your character is never truly tested?

Uhhh… it’s not that hard. It would never appeal to me to deceive someone I care about, no matter what my “feelings” might be. That’s just a non starter. Anyone who doesn’t feel that way is just all about themselves.

[Anonymous]

I have a good friend (male) whose wife had a non-physical emotional affair with another married man. They talked about blending their families, running off together but she swore it never got physical (which I never bought). That was about 10 years ago. To their credit, they hung in there and recommitted to their marriage and seem to be relatively copacetic.

My spidey sense tells me that there's still something amiss with their marriage but only time will tell when their two kids are out of the house and in college.

Anyhow, if you want proof that you can rebound, you can if both parties are committed to it. I don't know to what extent they have a "happy" marriage, but they're making it work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a good friend (male) whose wife had a non-physical emotional affair with another married man. They talked about blending their families, running off together but she swore it never got physical (which I never bought). That was about 10 years ago. To their credit, they hung in there and recommitted to their marriage and seem to be relatively copacetic.

My spidey sense tells me that there's still something amiss with their marriage but only time will tell when their two kids are out of the house and in college.

Anyhow, if you want proof that you can rebound, you can if both parties are committed to it. I don't know to what extent they have a "happy" marriage, but they're making it work.

how could you possibly know unless your are the DH or DW?