Why was I so angry about this?
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Anonymous
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We ski a lot with our kids, and I often stress to dh that he can't assume always that I am the one skiing behind the youngest ds in case he falls. But the fact is, unless I specifically say 'YOU ski behind him now', he skis ahead. Today he did so again, on a hard run. Ds fell, had a total meltdown and refused to move, skiers were shooting past us and it was very dangerous. I spent 30m coaxing him to get up and ski bc by this point dh was down the mountain. At one point a skier took me out hard.
I guess the obvious answer is because I am not only the breadwinner but the default organizer and responsible party for EVERYTHING. I do 90% of the admin in addition to work, so resentment. But it feels like something even deeper like trust and fear or.. not sure. Dh is furious with me for yelling at him but meanwhile something about this scenario just lit a huge fire for me. |
Anonymous
| I mean, it sounds like if DS can't handle the run he needs an easier mountain. He shouldn't need a spotter. |
Anonymous
op - very true but he's done this one very run a ton of times before. it just today had a lot of people on it and that scared him. |
Anonymous
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Your first mistake was taking your kid on a run they did not belong on.
We are a ski/snowboarding family that flys from DMV to CO multiple times a month. Not only did you risk your own son and yourself you put others in danger. Shame on you. Seriously judging you. Your complaints are not valid. Period. Both you and DH need parenting classes. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like the final straw, op, I’m sorry. I’m glad you weren’t seriously hurt. I’m not sure your kids childhood is going very well. Talk to a couples counselor. |
Anonymous
Lordy. OP - I feel you. You feel your dh is just another child and not a partner. |
Anonymous
Don’t blame yourself for being angry over infuriating behavior on your husband’s part. It is arrogant and selfish of him to constantly make you the default parent for your child so he can go skiing freely. It’s terrible he didn’t have the decency to stay close enough to see if you needed help and it’s bad that you were alone during that situation with your kid. Your husband sounds very narcissistic and exploitative. He sees nothing wrong with exploiting you financially and time-wise to make his own life unfairly easier because that’s his value system. I doubt he will ever see the error of his ways because it’s to his benefit not to. What you do with that is up to you, but he has no grounds to be angry with you and you must not let him gaslight you. |
Anonymous
| we literally had this situation ourselves a couple weeks ago and it SUCKS. I actually stopped skiing with the kids as a result and they are back in classes so I totally feel your pain. |
Anonymous
oye - ski judging is a whole new frontier in parent shaming that we will all have to watch out for. |
Anonymous
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You mentioned trust. I mean ... you aren't asking for extras here, you are asking him to help keep the child safe. Which you shouldn't even have to "ask for," he should be doing in concert with you anyway.
It sounds like life would be better without him. But only you can decide that. There was a late-20th-century advice columnist that had the same response to every serious relationship problem: Are you better off with them or without them? it's a simple question, even if challenging to answer. |
Anonymous
You sound unhinged. Both OP and her DH made the decision to take their son on that slope, so attacking only OP is nasty. Her DH’s behavior is objectively terrible, so the idea that their child being on the ski slope negates OP’s concerns is just crazy. Please go take your meds. |
Anonymous
op - we were on a blue run that today in particular was very crowded and worked over and much icier than usual. We also ski every weekend. I can't perfectly judge the conditions every time but I assure you if we had thought it was too hard for him we would not have taken him (this kid has been skiing for 4 years). I obviously already feel awful about it. but thanks! now even worse. |
Anonymous
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Ignore the folks who are saying you shouldn’t have taken the kid on that run. Kids have meltdowns from time to time. Prob more so when skiing.
I think you should separate the breadwinner matter. Make it about skiing safely as a family and making it FUN as a family. That means for everyone. As parents that means it’s not so fun for yall - both of you. When DH and I argue while skiing it is 1000% about the schlep of it all. Lugging stuff everywhere just stinks. That said, I didn’t realize all the work he does to get the little one off to ski school while I hang back having that last cup of coffee before we hit the runs with our oldest. It’s a lot. Do you see everything your spouse does? Because for me it took a minute. If you have larger things making you feel a certain way, don’t make it about the skiing. It’s about the other stuff, the skiing is how it bubbles out. |
Anonymous
| I'd say you have a DH problem - he's selfish and is thinking about HIS run not about skiing with the family. That's fine - if you discuss it first. Maybe discuss it off the mountain and take turns skiing with your kids, and give each parent a chance to ski by themself. |
Anonymous
OP - ignore this person. There are certain days with icy conditions and crowding which makes slopes challenging for even expert skiers. And a bad fall happens to all of us occasionally. Combine that with those conditions and there is no wonder he melted. You are fine. We are a big ski/board family too and stuff like this happens. Your husband though should share - mine would come back and look for me - he always leads and I follow but he knows to wait or check in if I do not appear. Hang in there. |