I am so torn between having to work and caring for my sick daughter
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Anonymous
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My now 12 y.o. daughter has all kinds of allergies, and picks up virtually all viruses circulating at school. She gets sick a lot. She misses school one or two days almost every week. We have figured out a lot of the allergens, but can't do much about the viruses. On the days when she is sick I have to drop my planned work and care for her. She feels miserable, wants someone to talk to, etc, and I absolutely don't want to let her just do screentime. She typically does not feel well enough to read or do crafts. This has been going on since she started daycare at the age of 18 months. This has been terrible for my career. I am self-employed, but still have a high workload, deadlines, etc. My husband is a physician, so he can't stay at home. I am often so angry at my daughter, but at the same time have a bad conscience, since it is not her fault. I can't afford to have an agency send a random nanny spontaneously every time she gets sick. And I can't afford a fyll-time nanny, it would eat up everything I earn. All in all, this has been causing a lot of mental anguish, client complaints and stress. I often think that mothers should not be working. I have two terminal degrees and wanted to do a big career pre-kid. |
Anonymous
| Doesn’t your husband make good money as a doctor? I would hire help do you can focus on your career. |
Anonymous
| That’s too much school for a 12 yo to be missing, period. I would take a medical leave and put all your time into finding out what is going on with her health… and then you can determine whether she needs more care than you can provide while working full-time. |
Anonymous
I agree. You had her immunoglobulins tested? - signed parent of immunodeficiency kid |
Anonymous
| OP. I realize that she is missing school too much. Unfortunately I cannot reduce my workload, because we need my income. We recently bought a house, and our mortgage is very high. |
Anonymous
OP here. No, we haven't tested that. Thanks for the tip! |
Anonymous
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Audio books and the joy of being bored?
Seriously though, that’s hard because she clearly has medical challenges. That’s a ton of missed school. I would set a time that you can talk but it’s ok to explain reality to her. And the reality is you need to do your job. |
Anonymous
That’s why I suggested a medical leave. Presumably you have FMLA? |
Anonymous
| I do not think you have to stay home every time with a 12:year old with cold/allergies. A high fever and vomiting is a different story. Go to work,be sure she knows how to contact you, check in with her on breaks.. |
Anonymous
| Your husband is a doctor and you haven’t taken her to an immunologist? I would have been there at age 5 if the illnesses are as frequent as you suggest. |
Anonymous
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OP here. Thanks for your suggestions. I work from home (self-employed), so no FMLA.
I often have business in an office district, and I recently realized that I see almost no women my age there. I am self-employed and not doing the "big career" in order to have flexibility because my daughter. My husband, however, has no appreciation for this and wants me to work a lot more. |
Anonymous
| What does your pediatrician say? How will she manage high school vein out that much? |
Anonymous
OP here. You are right. It's crazy that I have to crowdsorce ideas on DCUM. My husband's general medical knowledge is quite poor. He is a dermatologist, but I'm not even sure if he is good even in his own specialty. For example, he claimed our daughter had rosacea on her nose, and I said that it was a mere sunburn. I was right. |
Anonymous
| This sounds like a husband problem, OP. |
Anonymous
| She should wear a mask to school, especially in the spring. The faster she can get on something like xolair, she'll be better off but I had a similar big reason for not working |