I overstepped and I don’t know how to fix it.

[Anonymous]

A friend has a baby shower registry. Some items were a little pricey and I bought one of them. Apparently, these items were put on for various family members to all go in together. I wasn’t aware of this. Now the friend and her family is upset that I purchased one of these items outright. I suggested that I can cancel the order or they can return it when it comes. They all keep insisting that isn’t the point and shouldn’t have tried to upstage them. I’m just confused and I’ve apologized several times to various family members. How can I fix this?

[Anonymous]

I don't understand how you overstepped. How were you to know the intention behind the items put on the list? It seems like an odd reaction of her family. Wondering if they think you have a history or grand gestures or extravagance (not that it matters, or would make that right... just is odd of them to think you would even think to upstage).

[Anonymous]

Ignore them. Wtf

[Anonymous]

It's not your fault. They are being ridiculous. They're being very rude to your generosity. Return the gift and RSVP no to the shower. Your friendship is done

[Anonymous]

Ummm, what? I hope this is a made up scenario. I can’t imagine being anything other than grateful. If this isn’t a troll and your friend is actually upset, I would probably return the item and forego that friendship. Bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not your fault. They are being ridiculous. They're being very rude to your generosity. Return the gift and RSVP no to the shower. Your friendship is done

This is the only answer.

[Anonymous]

You did nothing wrong! How were you supposed to know if you weren't told ahead of time? If anything, your so-called friend should be grateful. I'd return the gift and not give her anything.

[Anonymous]

I’m going to guess that you are wealthier than your friend and her family and they think you are throwing your wealth in their faces. It’s not your fault. If your friend had said, “Actually, the item you bought was intended to be a group gift, would you mind canceling the gift and choosing another?”, that would have been fine. Getting mad at someone for giving them too nice of a gift is a new one. Your friend sounds difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ummm, what? I hope this is a made up scenario. I can’t imagine being anything other than grateful. If this isn’t a troll and your friend is actually upset, I would probably return the item and forego that friendship. Bizarre.

Seriously. I cannot imagine being upset by this, nevermind actually confronting the gift giver. They’re weird.

If they didn’t want people to buy something specific because of a prior arrangement, don’t put it on the registry.

I’d be really offended that my kindly chosen gift was being rebuffed and that would be the end of that friendship.

[Anonymous]

Your “friend” is both crazy and rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to guess that you are wealthier than your friend and her family and they think you are throwing your wealth in their faces. It’s not your fault. If your friend had said, “Actually, the item you bought was intended to be a group gift, would you mind canceling the gift and choosing another?”, that would have been fine. Getting mad at someone for giving them too nice of a gift is a new one. Your friend sounds difficult.

Not just too nice a gift, but a gift from their actual registry. If they didn’t want people to buy it, why was it on the registry? And you apologized, OP? For what? Have you talked about this friendship here before? The dynamic sounds really familiar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not your fault. They are being ridiculous. They're being very rude to your generosity. Return the gift and RSVP no to the shower. Your friendship is done

+1

If they wanted family to buy it then it should not have been on the registry. They are drama, dump them all.

[Anonymous]

Her *family* is contacting you? That’s very strange.

[Anonymous]

You drop her as a friend? This is the rudest thing I’ve ever heard. Her family is tacky AF. Are they throwing the shower too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m going to guess that you are wealthier than your friend and her family and they think you are throwing your wealth in their faces. It’s not your fault. If your friend had said, “Actually, the item you bought was intended to be a group gift, would you mind canceling the gift and choosing another?”, that would have been fine. Getting mad at someone for giving them too nice of a gift is a new one. Your friend sounds difficult.

No, this would not have been fine. The correct response to receiving a gift (especially one that you yourself put on a registry) is to say thank you for it and leave it at that. If there are special side arrangements or if gifts are "reserved" for certain people to buy, they shouldn't be on the public registry, or if they are, they should be marked as purchased.