Married 14 years- Just Learned of Cheating in Year 5
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Anonymous
| That is pretty much the whole story. He slept with his college ex about every other week for 6 months during year 5 of our marriage. I'm pretty much shaking. |
Anonymous
| Did you have young kids at the time? He was probably feeling "neglected". |
Anonymous
| I’m so sorry. |
Anonymous
+1 Did he tell you, OP, or did you find out some other way? Does he know you know? |
Anonymous
| It was 9 years ago. I understand you feel a lack of trust and violation of your marriage but unless it happened multiple times, it's water under the bridge. |
Anonymous
| I'm so sorry, OP. |
Anonymous
I'd say that was "multiple times". |
Anonymous
| How did you find out? What caused it to stop? How are you sure that was the only time? |
Anonymous
He did not tell me. Over the weekend we were at a party that had some of his college friends there. One of them was talking about an upcoming trip to Tulum Mexico. He asked my husband if the area they were going to stay in was the right area. He hemmed and hawed and told him he was confusing him with someone else as he had never been there. It was awkward enough that the guy stopped pressing but I knew something was up. He took her there for a trip when he was supposedly in Miami on work travel. He confessed everything. |
Anonymous
| Ehh, it ended. Old history. Have a smile and a coke and shut the F up |
Anonymous
I would have a real problem with this. Sure, it happened years ago, but he TOOK HER ON A TRIP. So he took time and money away from his family and went to Mexico with is mistress. I’d separate/have him move out while you figure out what you want and how to proceed. |
Anonymous
But has it ended? OP, how many business trips does he take in a year? |
Anonymous
| Ok this is not ok at all. The amount of deception is crazy - you thought he was somewhere and he was in another country. What if something happened to him on that trip? I would not be able to get over this. I'm sorry OP. |
Anonymous
+1. What an asshat. |
Anonymous
|
Putting the most positive face on this, it seems likely that he got it out of his system and you "won".
Anyone that cheats like that is a promise-breaker and might do it again. That doesn't mean you have to divorce. You need to line up marital counseling that is objective - neither pro-reconciliation nor pro-divorce. Don't catastrophize. Honor your feelings of sadness and betrayal. Your husband owes you full disclosure. Do not contact or seek out the social media of the OW. She is morally reprehensible as well and you will get no peace from contacting her or seeking out details about her. She is not your concern. I'm sorry for your hurt. Be brave. |