Am I overreacting to in-law’s request re holiday travel?

[Anonymous]

I am 24 weeks pregnant with my second. A couple of weeks ago I started having some complications and at a more recent follow up appointment was told to take it easy, rest as much as possible, and not travel. We had planned to travel to the in-laws for Christmas, but after hearing this we canceled our plans. I asked the doctor specifically about these plans and she advised against it. I am scared, in physical pain, and just having a hard time with this all around.

After telling my in-laws we couldn’t make it, including why, MIL reached out to my husband to suggest that he and our child still come because there’s no reason they can’t travel. He shot it down quickly, but I am really seeing red over this. It just feels so selfish to me. Like I do not want to talk to this woman ever again. I’m probably not going to say anything because it doesn’t seem worth it and my husband has dealt with it, but I am just so pissed. Am I overreacting here?

I also don’t know how to react when I eventually see her again. I hate confrontation so will probably pretend nothing happened, but I think this is going to stick with me for a long time.

[Anonymous]

Wow , yes, that was very selfish and not empathetic at all. I can’t imagine asking my son to leave his wife alone at Christmas ever, much less when she’s going through something like this! That being said, I think, never wanting to speak to her again, is a slight overreaction, although I wouldn’t be opposed to sending some poop in the mail to her.

[Anonymous]

Did she suggest that your husband and child spend Christmas away from you? Or did she just suggest they still visit without out (but not necessarily for Christmas)?

If it's the former, I would be annoyed too. Maybe a compromise would be for your husband and child to visit another time over winter break without you, while still spending Christmas home with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow , yes, that was very selfish and not empathetic at all. I can’t imagine asking my son to leave his wife alone at Christmas ever, much less when she’s going through something like this! That being said, I think, never wanting to speak to her again, is a slight overreaction, although I wouldn’t be opposed to sending some poop in the mail to her.

OP. Yeah, fair. I’m not actually considering no contact or anything, but man if I didn’t have my family to think about I’d be at that point.

[Anonymous]

Yeah you’re overreacting.

You’re not wrong to REACT. You’re not wrong. But the “never speak to her again” level is way too much. Understandably! She’s being very insensitive. But people do dumb things and fully block out what it’s like to be pregnant and scared. Maybe she even convinced herself you’d appreciate the solo rest time.

She was wrong, your DH said no, it’s fine. Try to just put your reaction on hold for a year and see how you feel. You have your whole life to sever this relationship if you still feel this way. But try to just let it go for now. You don’t need to ruminate on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did she suggest that your husband and child spend Christmas away from you? Or did she just suggest they still visit without out (but not necessarily for Christmas)?

If it's the former, I would be annoyed too. Maybe a compromise would be for your husband and child to visit another time over winter break without you, while still spending Christmas home with you.

Have husband and son leave the day after christmas to visit in laws. You get a few days by yourself in your own home. Bliss. Once you have two kids, you will thank me for this idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did she suggest that your husband and child spend Christmas away from you? Or did she just suggest they still visit without out (but not necessarily for Christmas)?

If it's the former, I would be annoyed too. Maybe a compromise would be for your husband and child to visit another time over winter break without you, while still spending Christmas home with you.

Christmas. Other siblings are coming to them and she wants husband there at the same time. Which I get, and I also really wanted our kid to have time with all of her cousins, but then this happened.

I’m at risk of preterm labor so I don’t really want my husband out of town right now, but we did invite them to visit at some point in the near future and they haven’t gotten back to us on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow , yes, that was very selfish and not empathetic at all. I can’t imagine asking my son to leave his wife alone at Christmas ever, much less when she’s going through something like this! That being said, I think, never wanting to speak to her again, is a slight overreaction, although I wouldn’t be opposed to sending some poop in the mail to her.

you and OP sound like you are about 12 years old. No contact? Poop in the mail? GTFO. Grow up. Life does not revolve around either of you!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did she suggest that your husband and child spend Christmas away from you? Or did she just suggest they still visit without out (but not necessarily for Christmas)?

If it's the former, I would be annoyed too. Maybe a compromise would be for your husband and child to visit another time over winter break without you, while still spending Christmas home with you.

Have husband and son leave the day after christmas to visit in laws. You get a few days by yourself in your own home. Bliss. Once you have two kids, you will thank me for this idea.

OP is in pain and scared and at risk. I can’t imagine her husband would want to leave her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow , yes, that was very selfish and not empathetic at all. I can’t imagine asking my son to leave his wife alone at Christmas ever, much less when she’s going through something like this! That being said, I think, never wanting to speak to her again, is a slight overreaction, although I wouldn’t be opposed to sending some poop in the mail to her.

you and OP sound like you are about 12 years old. No contact? Poop in the mail? GTFO. Grow up. Life does not revolve around either of you!!!

It was a joke. Lighten up.

[Anonymous]

You are completely overreacting, frankly, you’re being quite childish.

Like the PP said she was not being empathetic and selfish to suggest that you spend Christmas by yourself but you are overreacting and being quite dramatic.

[Anonymous]

Don't see red, OP, your blood pressure's going to go up.

You have to let this go. Yes, it was insensitive of your MIL, because she didn't consider that you would feel better with your husband around while you're medically fragile. She was only thinking about herself. But that's what people do, sometimes! It happens to the best of us, except usually we don't realize our own self-absorption. Your own anger is a kind of self-absorption - justified because of your medical condition, but still. So everyone's thinking of themselves, here

Just say no, and spend a quiet Christmas as a nuclear family. And prepare for next year: with 2 young kids, your in-laws might have to resign themselves to not seeing you on Christmas morning ever again! You might want to start your own Christmas traditions...

[Anonymous]

You aren’t overreacting, but if you are feeling better in the week between Xmas and new years many they could go and give you some alone time. I would also use this as a time to tel that that now that you have small children you will be celebrating Christmas at home in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did she suggest that your husband and child spend Christmas away from you? Or did she just suggest they still visit without out (but not necessarily for Christmas)?

If it's the former, I would be annoyed too. Maybe a compromise would be for your husband and child to visit another time over winter break without you, while still spending Christmas home with you.

Have husband and son leave the day after christmas to visit in laws. You get a few days by yourself in your own home. Bliss. Once you have two kids, you will thank me for this idea.

She is pregnant with complications, no her husband should not leave her.

[Anonymous]

I would call her and tell her you found her request hurtful and and insensitive, and that you will struggle with trusting her from now on. If she genuinely apologizes then I would let it go. But I wouldn’t let it fester either way.