Asked to be a witness in a custody dispute involving my son's kindergarten friend

[Anonymous]

So last week the father of my son's good classmate/friend/playmate (they're both in K) sort of surprised me by asking me to be a character witness in the dad's and mom's heated custody dispute. The kids just met each other this year, so I've only seen the father interact with his kids a handful of times.

I feel between a rock and a hard place. I want to help the guy out, but I feel like I don't know him very well, and what if the various awful allegations the mother is raising are true?

What should I be thinking about here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So last week the father of my son's good classmate/friend/playmate (they're both in K) sort of surprised me by asking me to be a character witness in the dad's and mom's heated custody dispute. The kids just met each other this year, so I've only seen the father interact with his kids a handful of times.

I feel between a rock and a hard place. I want to help the guy out, but I feel like I don't know him very well, and what if the various awful allegations the mother is raising are true?

What should I be thinking about here?

Answering questions honestly. His lawyer is going to want to talk to you before court. If you’re not able to answer as they want, they won’t use you.

[Anonymous]

You should think about not getting involved. You do not need to provide a reason other than no.

[Anonymous]

Yeah I wouldn’t get involved here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should think about not getting involved. You do not need to provide a reason other than no.

Would you say that if the wife had asked?

[Anonymous]

If you are a witness, stick to facts, not opinions.
As in, when you were present, did the father arrive on time to drop off or pick up his child, did he feed his child at mealtimes, did he raise his voice, did you see him do X, Y, Z act on his child, did he insult his child with X, Y, Z words, did you see him drunk, use drugs or drive erratically, etc.

Very, very factual. No injection of opinion at all. The father will have to determine with his lawyer whether that's sufficient. You're not in a position to gush and say: "in all the years I've know Josh, he's been the best father that Larlo could ever ask for, blah blah blah...".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should think about not getting involved. You do not need to provide a reason other than no.

Would you say that if the wife had asked?

Why does their genitals matter? The answer is the same. Do not get involved. Say no. Provide no reason. Not that difficult…

[Anonymous]

no

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So last week the father of my son's good classmate/friend/playmate (they're both in K) sort of surprised me by asking me to be a character witness in the dad's and mom's heated custody dispute. The kids just met each other this year, so I've only seen the father interact with his kids a handful of times.

I feel between a rock and a hard place. I want to help the guy out, but I feel like I don't know him very well, and what if the various awful allegations the mother is raising are true?

What should I be thinking about here?

How did you leave it with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should think about not getting involved. You do not need to provide a reason other than no.

Would you say that if the wife had asked?

Why does their genitals matter? The answer is the same. Do not get involved. Say no. Provide no reason. Not that difficult…

Interesting. I would help a fellow parent out. It’s not hard to tell the truth.

[Anonymous]

The tough part about this is even if they end up in a split custody situation you may need to be on good terms with both of them. Being a character witness may cause the other party to hold it against you which could damage your kids relationship with the other child. It shouldn't but a lot of people can't compartmentalize this stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are a witness, stick to facts, not opinions.
As in, when you were present, did the father arrive on time to drop off or pick up his child, did he feed his child at mealtimes, did he raise his voice, did you see him do X, Y, Z act on his child, did he insult his child with X, Y, Z words, did you see him drunk, use drugs or drive erratically, etc.

Very, very factual. No injection of opinion at all. The father will have to determine with his lawyer whether that's sufficient. You're not in a position to gush and say: "in all the years I've know Josh, he's been the best father that Larlo could ever ask for, blah blah blah...".

This. My DH was a witness in a friend's custody dispute. They're not going to ask you who you think is a better parent. Just your observations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are a witness, stick to facts, not opinions.
As in, when you were present, did the father arrive on time to drop off or pick up his child, did he feed his child at mealtimes, did he raise his voice, did you see him do X, Y, Z act on his child, did he insult his child with X, Y, Z words, did you see him drunk, use drugs or drive erratically, etc.

Very, very factual. No injection of opinion at all. The father will have to determine with his lawyer whether that's sufficient. You're not in a position to gush and say: "in all the years I've know Josh, he's been the best father that Larlo could ever ask for, blah blah blah...".

This. My DH was a witness in a friend's custody dispute. They're not going to ask you who you think is a better parent. Just your observations.

+1

[Anonymous]

I would not get involved here.

Surely there is someone else the dad can ask, who he knows better. You barely know them. If somehow he doesn’t have better witnesses to ask- ones he has known for longer- what does that tell you? Family friends, relatives? Neighbors? Babysitters or childcare providers? Maybe it says nothing. But seems strange enough to me that I would want no part of this. For all you know, he has been on his extra super-best dad behavior around you on purpose- for this reason. Easy to fool someone new, who he has only been around a few times. JMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So last week the father of my son's good classmate/friend/playmate (they're both in K) sort of surprised me by asking me to be a character witness in the dad's and mom's heated custody dispute. The kids just met each other this year, so I've only seen the father interact with his kids a handful of times.

I feel between a rock and a hard place. I want to help the guy out, but I feel like I don't know him very well, and what if the various awful allegations the mother is raising are true?

What should I be thinking about here?

o
It’s not your place to decor whether allegations are true. You should be able to answer any questions honestly, and that is it.