What dog does he have in the fight?

[Anonymous]

If your man got defensive about cutting back on contact with a female friend he had for many years because you feel like once you are engaged to be married especially he shouldn't be constantly texting/calling other women that aren't his relatives? Would your alarm bells go off that he was more protective of and viewed the relationship with some female who is just a friend over that of his future wife?

I thank God have a husband who always puts me first and would never let anyone let alone some other woman (who isn't a relative) needs come before our relationship.

But one of my best friends was talking to me about this. Saying how she feels like her fiance gets highly defensive about still spending on one time with this friend of 15 years he has and how important their friendship is. They have been engaged for 6 months and dated for 2 years before that.

I asked her straight up to really and truly think about why he is going to the ends of this earth to protect this relationship with some other woman who he isn't about to marry and start a life with more than the feelings of his own future wife. Shouldn't his loyalty lie with his fiance over the need to continue this clearly over the top friendship. I don't know to me he isn't showing that he views my friend as the #1 woman his best friend.

My friend said she is going to discuss it with him more and have a CTJ talk with him this weekend.

I just can't believe some men are so blind. I just don't understand the dog he has in this fight to be more loyal to this other woman than his own future wife.

[Anonymous]

She’s trying to force him to end a 15 year friendship?

He needs to run, fast.

[Anonymous]

You sound insecure and controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s trying to force him to end a 15 year friendship?

He needs to run, fast.

Not end just have healthy boundaries. Not hang out one on one with her. My response is why does he need to leave out his fiance when he hangs out with this woman what are they talking about so deeply with some other woman. I'm wondering if there is some sort of maybe not physical but emotional affair going on. Texting and calling constantly and hanging out one on one should be something that should be reserved for his fiance not any other woman unless it's his relative like his mom/sister or another female relative.

I think it's perfectly normal as to set up healthy boundaries in a heterosexual marriage between you and the opposite sex. Maybe when they were both single it was ok to have these solo dates or constant messaging but these things tends to fall to the wayside or not happen as often once you get into a serious relationship.

I guess my worry for my friend is that where is all this defensive energy focused into this other woman instead of doing everything he can to protect and show he values the relationship with his future wife.

Damn we expect men to put their finances/wives ahead of their own mothers certainly it shouldn't even be a contest who comes first a female friend or your own soon to be wife.

I am just trying to picture a scenario where my husband would just go off and be calling a female friend or be like I'm going to meet my friend Suzy for lunch but you aren't invited. I feel like once I'm in a committed relationship let alone engaged/married a woman friend of my man is going to become our friend. She shouldn't just be up my man's ass all the time. If it's a truly innocent friendship I would be able to be included in it right? After all it's strictly platonic.

[Anonymous]

If your future husband isn’t trustworthy enough to be left alone with a friend of 15 years then you shouldn’t be marrying them.

[Anonymous]

Is your friend always excluded from their outings? Have they met and are aware of each other? Going to lunch or wherever with the other sex one on one is not a big deal, and if that’s all she’s mad about then that’s an insecurity issue. Dh and I would never freak out over something like that. If they can’t come to an agreement it sounds like she shouldn’t be marrying him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your future husband isn’t trustworthy enough to be left alone with a friend of 15 years then you shouldn’t be marrying them.

Also if your own future husband isn't putting you first and defended some other woman over your marriage then I would also say he should be marrying her. Because why does she need to be left out of this friendship with this other woman.

What is he getting from this other woman emotionally that he isn't getting from his wife to be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your future husband isn’t trustworthy enough to be left alone with a friend of 15 years then you shouldn’t be marrying them.

Also if your own future husband isn't putting you first and defended some other woman over your marriage then I would also say he should be marrying her. Because why does she need to be left out of this friendship with this other woman.

What is he getting from this other woman emotionally that he isn't getting from his wife to be?

[/quote

Shouldn't be marrying*

[Anonymous]

Does she plan to control every other aspect of his life too?

[Anonymous]

I was the female friend of a guy with an insecure new wife.

We had been friends for a decade but she got insecure about us having a friendship and so he cut it off.

Sad to lose him as a friend but at the end of the day his marriage is more important than our friendship and given he chose to marry an insecure woman, he has to live with the loss of friendships that comes with that choice.

A few years later, I was on vacation near where he and his wife and kids lived. He saw a post I made and sent me a message upset that I hadn't gotten in touch given I was so close to where they were. I don't know - maybe I don't want an angry insecure woman ruining my vacation?!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your future husband isn’t trustworthy enough to be left alone with a friend of 15 years then you shouldn’t be marrying them.

Also if your own future husband isn't putting you first and defended some other woman over your marriage then I would also say he should be marrying her. Because why does she need to be left out of this friendship with this other woman.

What is he getting from this other woman emotionally that he isn't getting from his wife to be?

I am a new poster, and I agree with both of these points. You should be able to trust your fiance to be alone with a friend of 15 years, but your fiance should also be so enamored with you that he wouldn't put that friendship above your relationship. .

I say this is someone whose husband has always had close, female friends. I don't feel jealous or insecure because I can see that he is totally in love with me. He shows that to me with his actions and of course, words. We've been married for 23 years.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand why this is being framed as more loyal to the friend or putting the friend’s needs first. You can have highest loyalty to spouse but still enjoy a long-standing friendship. Why does the wife feel the need to always be there? I don’t have a single friend where the constant presence of my husband - whom I do love the most- would not change the friendship. Can my husband be present sometimes? Sure, of course, great. All the time? Nope. If she was fine with the friendship pre-engagement, she should be fine now.

And you aren’t helping!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your future husband isn’t trustworthy enough to be left alone with a friend of 15 years then you shouldn’t be marrying them.

Also if your own future husband isn't putting you first and defended some other woman over your marriage then I would also say he should be marrying her. Because why does she need to be left out of this friendship with this other woman.

What is he getting from this other woman emotionally that he isn't getting from his wife to be?

[/quote

Shouldn't be marrying*

I guess it everyone feels of believe that their spouse (or future spouse) needs to be the Alpha, Omega, and everything in between. “The One” doesn’t always have to be (and arguably shouldn’t be) The Only One.

Dow your spouse satisfy all the same needs that your friends do?

[Anonymous]

Is he really “constantly texting/calling” this female friend? I wouldn’t be comfortable with that. But my husband has plenty of old female friends. I still feel like I’m his best friend and he’s interacting with them on occasion not constantly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your future husband isn’t trustworthy enough to be left alone with a friend of 15 years then you shouldn’t be marrying them.

Also if your own future husband isn't putting you first and defended some other woman over your marriage then I would also say he should be marrying her. Because why does she need to be left out of this friendship with this other woman.

What is he getting from this other woman emotionally that he isn't getting from his wife to be?

I am a new poster, and I agree with both of these points. You should be able to trust your fiance to be alone with a friend of 15 years, but your fiance should also be so enamored with you that he wouldn't put that friendship above your relationship. .

I say this is someone whose husband has always had close, female friends. I don't feel jealous or insecure because I can see that he is totally in love with me. He shows that to me with his actions and of course, words. We've been married for 23 years.

Nope. One thing shouldn’t have to do the other. And being “enamoured” isn’t necessarily love, where you know and appreciate that the other person is a completely separate being from you and allowed to live their own life, because you love and trust them, and your relationship.