DH and I at odds over children

Anonymous
DH and I have been fighting for years over having kids. We dated for 3 years before getting married and always said we have kids. Then we we got married he changed his mind. I’m now 33 and don’t want to wait any longer. I told I needed to know if we could have at least one kid or I have to divorce. He said he would think about everything over the weekend.

Often times when he is thinking about hard topics, he fails to ever get back to me. What is a kind way to give gentle reminder? Or if I don’t hear from him by the weekend should I just move on?
Anonymous
He's not going to have an epiphany over the weekend. That was his way of blowing you off. Your choices are go off birth control or get a divorce. In fact I would say "I am going off birth control as my personal choice. If you choose to have sex with me, be aware I may become pregnant. If that is a problem for you, I understand if you need anything file for divorce."
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:He's not going to have an epiphany over the weekend. That was his way of blowing you off. Your choices are go off birth control or get a divorce. In fact I would say "I am going off birth control as my personal choice. If you choose to have sex with me, be aware I may become pregnant. If that is a problem for you, I understand if you need anything file for divorce."


I wouldn't bring a kid into the world like that.

OP - I think you know the answer. I'm sorry. But don't hang around letting this guy take away something that matters to you. The longer you're with him, the longer it'll be until you find someone else who shares your vision for a family life.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:He's not going to have an epiphany over the weekend. That was his way of blowing you off. Your choices are go off birth control or get a divorce. In fact I would say "I am going off birth control as my personal choice. If you choose to have sex with me, be aware I may become pregnant. If that is a problem for you, I understand if you need anything file for divorce."


This advice is this forum in a nutshell.
Anonymous
Freeze your eggs and move on. Make sure you pay for the egg freezing before divorce so he's paying for wasting your time.
Anonymous
Op - I’m curious about you seeking a “kind” way to “gently” remind him. Are you afraid you’ll otherwise lose your sh&t on him and go ballistic? Or do you really think if you frame it with just the exact right sort of tone you’ll cajole him into reaching a decision to have children?

How about focusing on clarity for yourself what the timeline is, clearly stating that to him (not asking for his permission or agreement) and then actually following through- even if a heartbreaking decision.

(And not that I suggest meeting cruelty with cruelty, but your DH is certainly not bring kind or gentle with you). Xoxo
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:He's not going to have an epiphany over the weekend. That was his way of blowing you off. Your choices are go off birth control or get a divorce. In fact I would say "I am going off birth control as my personal choice. If you choose to have sex with me, be aware I may become pregnant. If that is a problem for you, I understand if you need anything file for divorce."


I’ve seen this advice on here before and it’s absolutely bonkers.

People are allowed to change their mind about kids. Kids are a huge f’ing deal. People who act flippant about the decision to have kids are not the kind of people you want to have kids with. I don’t know any men who are particularly happy with their marriages and lives post kids (the nicer husbands accept it, but aren’t happy about it). It is rational for men to be wary about this decision.

On the flip side, op is entitled to use the info and make her own decisions.

But don’t stop using BC. You’re insane if you do that.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Freeze your eggs and move on. Make sure you pay for the egg freezing before divorce so he's paying for wasting your time.
+1. I also wouldn’t really wait for another man. Get a sperm donor.
Anonymous
PP who said freeze your eggs is spot on. Figure out if you have any workplace benefits then get started on finding the best clinic this week. Don’t delay another second.
Anonymous
Get a therapist and an attorney on Monday. Starting counseling for yourself and file for divorce.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Get a therapist and an attorney on Monday. Starting counseling for yourself and file for divorce.


This. All of it. You’re asking about how to gently remind him about decisions that impact your life when your focus needs to be on taking control of your life.
Anonymous
OP here. There is absolutely no way I would ever stop birth control without DH’s consent.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:OP here. There is absolutely no way I would ever stop birth control without DH’s consent.


Then it's time for a therapist and a lawyer. Start divorce proceedings and look into sperm donors. Kids is not happening with your DH. Sorry.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:OP here. There is absolutely no way I would ever stop birth control without DH’s consent.


Consent or notification? Those are two different things. The PP who suggested it didn’t advocate doing it secretly.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. There is absolutely no way I would ever stop birth control without DH’s consent.


Consent or notification? Those are two different things. The PP who suggested it didn’t advocate doing it secretly.


Stop it. That is horrible, horrible advice. No sane person would ever follow this advice.
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