My DS wants to be a musician. WWYD?
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Anonymous
| My 15 years old DS is no longer cared about school and it is creating so much tensions in the family between my wife and I. DS spent this past summer with my younger brother who is touring musician and he performed at many venues. DS has a completely different attitude after the summer and he says that school is no longer a priority for him. FWIW, my brother is doing very well for himself as a musician with a net worth of around 7M at the age of 39 (he generously let us live in one of his homes rent free, we only pay for utilities) and he dropped out of UCLA after two years. For the past month, DS spends very little time on homework and all of his time practicing the guitar and writing music. DS has made it clear that he wants to be a musician like his uncle. I've told DS that the odd of succeeding like his uncle is like winning the Powerball lottery which is slim to none but DS is not listening and my DW is very upset about this, and blames me for letting DS hang out with my brother in the summer. My brother doesn't want to get involved in my family internal dispute. WWYD? TIA |
Anonymous
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Nah. He can write his music and practice the guitar but he needs to do his school work.
Take the guitar and make him do his school work to get it back. Tell him you're fine with him creating music but school comes first. |
Anonymous
| Tell him he has to graduate high school, but otherwise why would you stop him? |
Anonymous
As a musician, I’m telling you that depriving a musician of their instrument is a horrible idea. Tell him he has to graduate high school, but do not take his guitar away. |
Anonymous
| If your brother is very successful in the music industry, your son has a major leg up. I'd tell son he has to graduate high school, then you'll support him in his goals. |
Anonymous
| Don't panic, he is only 15. Tell him he has to study and graduate HS with at least an average GPA. He can spend the rest of his time pursuing music, BUT that means he has to advance and test himself. That means finding a teacher, forming a band, finding opportunities to play in public, sing, write songs for others, contact record labels etc. Basically, you have to tell him he has to do all the things musicians do and see where he stands, being a musician is not about staying in your room playing guitar. |
Anonymous
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I would be over the top emotionally supportive of his dream. Ask a lot of questions, be interested, see if there was a gesture I could make to show my support (extra guitar lessons?)
However, I would emphasize that an important part of his chosen career path is risk management. He may never make it, he may make it but fizzle out fast, he may have lean years. So - he needs a day job, at least at the beginning, that’s enough to support himself. Brainstorm with him - what could that be? Something tolerable, with reasonable hours, where you would make enough to live on and still have time for gigs. Music teacher? Government job? Basic office job? Lots of the kinds of jobs you would get without a college degree would conflict with gigs - service industry or blue collar work is rarely 9-5. So from that perspective, of being a successful musician, college is going to afford him lots of opportunities. Plus, it’s a great place to meet other band mates and build a following. And so, keeping your grades up in high school is crucial. And then yes, there would be consequences for not doing school work. But I’d be much more likely to take away his phone than take away his guitar. |
Anonymous
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Read this book. Don’t squash your child’s dreams.
https://www.fromcradletostage.com/ |
Anonymous
Yes! Dave Grohl’s mom was amazing. She was a teacher and knew that the best thing for her son was to let him take the spot in the touring band (Scream) he was offered. It meant dropping out of high school, but she knew her child and his needs. You could advise him to pursue something like producing on top of writing songs. It’s a little safer and doesn’t stop him from writing songs and playing in bands. My husband’s cousin did that and is a Grammy winning producer in Memphis. But don’t squash his dreams. |
Anonymous
| Get him guitar lessons and start looking into colleges with great schools of music. |
Anonymous
He needs to do his homework to get into college. |
Anonymous
Why does he have to go to college? He should graduate high school, but if he really wants to pursue music, he doesn’t need a college degree. |
Anonymous
Because he will need intense musical training to get anywhere. The people he'll be competing against will have studied music, with private lessons, since early childhood. |
Anonymous
Unless he’s going into jazz or classical, this is completely wrong. Most successful rock musicians have had little or no formal musical training. Virtually none went to music school. - Lifelong musician who has played classical and, for the last 20 years, rock in gigging cover and original bands |
Anonymous
Which ones? I am thinking Ed Sheeran and Adam Levine and Alicia Keys etc, started early and intensely. |