Left family weekend early-Wdyt?
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Anonymous
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We recently left a family get together at my parents house a day early snd would love to get an opinion.
For context, one sibling lives in town, two live within three hours, and we live a 2.5 hr flight away, this was a very inconvenient weekend for us but we agreed to it bc one sib is a schedule prima donna. We were originally flying home Sunday morning (arrived weds night) but decided on Friday to move flight to Saturday morning (out of town subs we’re driving home that evening.) Our reasons were: flight was overbooked and there were no other direct flights Sunday, severe storms predicted, and one spouse had very important work trip departing early Monday am. (We recently had an epic flight cancellation saga so that probably made us more nervous than we would have been otherwise.) the other reason (unspoken, obv) was that we just honestly felt like getting home, felt like we had visited plenty and wanted a break before a busy week.) So although there was concern about flight we were also delighted to be home sooner. In my family, the response would have been “oh that’s too bad’, we will miss you Saturday!” and that’s literally it. In-laws we’re genuinely mad though. Are wta? |
Anonymous
| Should have been my husband’s parents house-not mine. |
Anonymous
| Your reasons for moving the flight were completely valid. I can understand why they’re mad - they are only thinking of themselves. |
Anonymous
| I think you have to do what is best for your family, within reason. To me, moving your flight up a day, after a visit of a couple days, is not outrageous given this summer's extreme weather events, even if that was in full or in part, a pretext. If they're upset about it, there's not much you can do except wait for it to blow over. |
Anonymous
+1 It seems predictable that they would be mad if they were that sort. Doesn't mean you don't change what you do for your family. |
Anonymous
| you are nta |
Anonymous
| Given that your reason is valid, the explanation for their reaction rests on two things: 1) the selfishness of your in-laws, only thinking of themselves and 2) the manner in which you delivered the news. A fake apology and an unclear explanation will leave people feeling like idiots for wanting to spend time with you. The more upfront and honest you are, the more sympathetic people can be to your situation. It’s probably much easier for you to be that way with your family, not in-laws. Think about if there’s anything you could have done differently in delivering the news. |
Anonymous
| So, you gave them a day’s notice of the flight change, right? Did the in laws also know/understand the recent airport saga and the fact that one spouse had to leave Monday morning? Apologize and move on. |
Anonymous
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When did you arrive for the weekend? If it was only a weekend, and you left on Saturday morning, then how much of a weekend was this? Why even go in the first place?
I can see why they are pretty disappointed. Maybe they had special plans for Saturday/Sat night centered around everyone being there, and you disrupted that with your decision. People make preparations to host. It’s time, money, effort, thought. I’m not saying you didn’t have the right to make that decision, but two things can be true at the same time: you can do what you want to do, but the other people who are affected also have the right to be angry/sad about it, especially if you have a history of being flighty or inconsiderate. Only you know that. |
Anonymous
Sorry - I see now that you say your arrived Weds night. So you were there Thursday and Friday and then bailed. It’s not the end of the world but based on your reference to it being an inconvenient weekend, and your calling the sibling “a scheduling prima donna” (which they may very well be), it sounds like you didn’t really want to be there in the first place. That message was probably heard loud and clear, contributing to their annoyance when you took off on Saturday morning. |
Anonymous
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Unless they had already made plans that included you all on Sat night I don’t see that they have a reason to be mad..
If I had a work trip planned for Monday morning I would have left Saturday anyway. |
Anonymous
Yes definitely true we don’t enjoy these weekends (for good reasons!) but we would have stayed if not for the flight worry/work trip. However it’s very possible they could sense our warm fuzzy feeling that we had a good reason to go early! Still, from my point of view it’s strange to be blatantly mad about it (rather than privately think we are being flakes or whatever.) and there definitely wasn’t anything special planned for the afternoon we missed. Also, the fact that sibs only have to drive 2 hrs and we have 2.5 hr flight at crack of dawn yet we must contort our schedule to fit theirs is certainly a source of irritation. Maybe we shouldn’t have gone at all. |
Anonymous
Another +1 to this. Is there a history of the in-laws getting into a huff if there are changes to their plans and expectations? Then they were always going to be mad, no matter what reasons you had for the change. And your reasons were absolutely valid. You can't perfectly predict how weather might have affected flights and you could even have ended up stuck there due to grounded planes - it's increasingly iffy to fly, OP, and bowing out early was the prudent thing to do. The one thing I'd do, though, is ensure that it is your spouse, not you, who handles these communications with his parents and/or siblings. He should have been the one to tell them you needed to change plans and leave early, and he should be the only one to deal with any angry texts/calls/emails after the fact. Each spouse should handle his or her own family, in this and any other case, period. If you are the one running interference with angry in-laws, that's a hard no; your DH needs to be the point of contact if they have issues. |
Anonymous
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Of course they're disappointed. They envisioned the visit happening a particular way and you changed it. But that doesn't give them a free-to-be-nasty pass.
Your reasons for leaving are valid. After you get home, write them a gracious thank you note with a one-sentence apology and send flowers. And then don't give it any more head space. |
Anonymous
| What is “blatantly mad”? Are they screaming at you all the way to the airport? |