My girlfriend is mean to her daughter and it makes me uncomfortable

[Anonymous]

She'll say mean things about how annoying or bratty she is to me, but also in front of the little girl. When she does things for her, she'll complain about how much they cost and that her daughter doesn't appreciate them. She's only six and seems like a really sweet kid but my girlfriend claims I don't realize how awful she is. Everything else is great. When we go out if i can get her off the topic of complaining about the girl, we have a great time.

[Anonymous]

Run bud, run

[Anonymous]

She sounds like an awful person.

[Anonymous]

She's a narcissist. Hopefully the child has other adults in her life who treat her better. Not that it mitigates the devastating teality that her mother hates her. Get away now.

[Anonymous]

RUN

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like an awful person.

Except for this one thing, she is really awesome. She's funny and kind and interesting. I like her a lot except for this. I try to defend her daughter when she says mean things about her, but I've only met the kid a couple of times and don't know her well so it's hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like an awful person.

Except for this one thing, she is really awesome. She's funny and kind and interesting. I like her a lot except for this. I try to defend her daughter when she says mean things about her, but I've only met the kid a couple of times and don't know her well so it's hard.

That says a volume though. Maybe DD reminds her of her EX she still resents/hates?

[Anonymous]

Nope. Your girlfriend is immature, blames others (including a small children who didn't ask to be born) for her problems, and resists adult responsibilities like the heavy responsibility of giving a young child the love and support they need to form a healthy sense of self. She puts herself first and also doesn't understand basic boundaries (not yours and not your daughters). Also, she might just be a kind of negative and unpleasant person generally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like an awful person.

Except for this one thing, she is really awesome. She's funny and kind and interesting. I like her a lot except for this. I try to defend her daughter when she says mean things about her, but I've only met the kid a couple of times and don't know her well so it's hard.

You don’t have to know the kid at all. Just say- that’s an awful thing to say. Or “be careful, DD will actually think you’re being serious.” Or, “I would feel terrible if my mother said that.” I wouldn’t want that friendship either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like an awful person.

Except for this one thing, she is really awesome. She's funny and kind and interesting. I like her a lot except for this. I try to defend her daughter when she says mean things about her, but I've only met the kid a couple of times and don't know her well so it's hard.

Right now, you please her so she is all those good things to you. You see how she is to someone who may irritate her, and in a long relationship you will inevitably irritate her.

Yes, this is a red flag.

[Anonymous]

Dude, we are moms and telling you she’s terrible. We don’t need more information. That is how weird and wrong this is.

[Anonymous]

Deal breaker.

[Anonymous]

You should leave her. And you should tell her why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like an awful person.

Except for this one thing, she is really awesome. She's funny and kind and interesting. I like her a lot except for this. I try to defend her daughter when she says mean things about her, but I've only met the kid a couple of times and don't know her well so it's hard.

You don’t have to know the kid at all. Just say- that’s an awful thing to say. Or “be careful, DD will actually think you’re being serious.” Or, “I would feel terrible if my mother said that.” I wouldn’t want that friendship either.

This. Even if a kid is really difficult and a parent is struggling, what you describe is still bad, selfish parenting. It's actually worse if the kid is challenging or really struggling -- rather than working to address whatever is causing her behavioral issues, your girlfriend is just writing her off, putting her down, telling her the story that "you're terrible and I don't like you." Do you think that will lead to an improvement in behavior?

Also, sometimes parents who have split from their co-parent will take out their anger at the co-parent on the kid. Sometimes because the child reminds them of their co-parent, sometimes just because they are there. Anyone who does that is problematic, at best, and I woudn't want to date them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like an awful person.

Except for this one thing, she is really awesome. She's funny and kind and interesting. I like her a lot except for this. I try to defend her daughter when she says mean things about her, but I've only met the kid a couple of times and don't know her well so it's hard.

Right now, you please her so she is all those good things to you. You see how she is to someone who may irritate her, and in a long relationship you will inevitably irritate her.

Yes, this is a red flag.

Oh man, this is insightful. This is why it matters how your significant other treats other people, not just you. The honeymoon phase ends.

This woman is showing you how she deals with conflict when she doesn't always get her way, or when it's just hard. She blames, lashes out, gets sarcastic and rude.