My girlfriend is mean to her daughter and it makes me uncomfortable

[Anonymous]

She is showing you who she is. Believe her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like an awful person.

Except for this one thing, she is really awesome. She's funny and kind and interesting. I like her a lot except for this. I try to defend her daughter when she says mean things about her, but I've only met the kid a couple of times and don't know her well so it's hard.

Right now, you please her so she is all those good things to you. You see how she is to someone who may irritate her, and in a long relationship you will inevitably irritate her.

Yes, this is a red flag.

THIS. Please listen to this post above, OP. You and the girlfriend are in the happy-happy stage where you each think the other is great. You please her, as the PP rightly says, and she behaves "awesome" around you, but consider what will happen if you get more serious, spend more time together, and she begins to find things about you she wants to criticize. She is showing her true self, her real, core self, with her daughter; she will eventually show that to you and turn her nasty comments on you. Please run. Tell her you and she are not a good fit.

Be aware, OP, that when you tell her it's over, she may either (1) turn against you and badmouth you to others or (2) go all sweet and gooey and beg you to stay. She might also blame her daughter for your wanting to leave and could consequently treat her daughter even worse, BUT you are NOT obliged to stay with GF just to prevent GF being mean to her own child. You just aren't. I'd tell her that she could be a great person if she weren't so down on her own child, but you feel dismissed and ignored when she is critical of her child, so you know you and GF aren't a good fit.

Then block her and lose her number and all other contact info.

By the way: Please don't fall for the "But you don't really know my kid, she's awful" routine. The kid could be a little devil but that doesn't matter -- her mother should not talk about her the way she does, especially right in front of her. This woman may have good qualities and treat you well but how she treats her own closest family is showing you a big red flag about how she would eventually treat you, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like an awful person.

Except for this one thing, she is really awesome. She's funny and kind and interesting. I like her a lot except for this. I try to defend her daughter when she says mean things about her, but I've only met the kid a couple of times and don't know her well so it's hard.

She is NOT KIND. That poor child will be damaged for much of her life because of this type of cruel treatment from her own mother (not to mention what she says and does to the child when no one is around). A parent's job is to love their child unconditionally. Sadly, you are not able to be of support to that very unfortunate child.
You already know what to do with this relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like an awful person.

Except for this one thing, she is really awesome. She's funny and kind and interesting. I like her a lot except for this. I try to defend her daughter when she says mean things about her, but I've only met the kid a couple of times and don't know her well so it's hard.

She is NOT KIND. That poor child will be damaged for much of her life because of this type of cruel treatment from her own mother (not to mention what she says and does to the child when no one is around). A parent's job is to love their child unconditionally. Sadly, you are not able to be of support to that very unfortunate child.
You already know what to do with this relationship.

I meant she's kind to other people. Like she helped a friend who was moving to unpack, held the door for an old couple, and she brought me soup when I was sick. Stuff like that.

[Anonymous]

Is it possible the kid is a brat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible the kid is a brat?

She's also 6.
It's the parent's responsibility to figure out how to parent better. We've all been there and the buck stops with us. The way the mother is describing her kid makes her sound like demon spawn. Well, the mother is responsible for adressing that without bad mouthing her kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She'll say mean things about how annoying or bratty she is to me, but also in front of the little girl. When she does things for her, she'll complain about how much they cost and that her daughter doesn't appreciate them. She's only six and seems like a really sweet kid but my girlfriend claims I don't realize how awful she is. Everything else is great. When we go out if i can get her off the topic of complaining about the girl, we have a great time.

She is probably repeating a family dynamic, have you met her parents ? Is the child’s father in the picture?

[Anonymous]

How can you say she is kind OP when she talks about the person she is closest to this way? Doesn’t it occur to you, if this how she talks about HER 6-year old, she is saying critical things to others behind your back as well? Is that who you want in your life Ada partner / companion?

[Anonymous]

My mother was this awful. So was my stepfather. Only a horrible man would be with a woman horrible enough to treat a small child this way. Anyone else would be disgusted and run like hell.

[Anonymous]

Why does she even let you meet the girl if you aren’t that serious/have been together long enough?
The rest is already covered.
I used to be incredibly annoyed by my kid (he is now older) but I would keep it to myself and sometimes vent to a close friend but not like that. It’s not normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother was this awful. So was my stepfather. Only a horrible man would be with a woman horrible enough to treat a small child this way. Anyone else would be disgusted and run like hell.

Do you wish your mother had stayed single? Or maybe married a nice man who was better to you than your mother?

[Anonymous]

RUN

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother was this awful. So was my stepfather. Only a horrible man would be with a woman horrible enough to treat a small child this way. Anyone else would be disgusted and run like hell.

Do you wish your mother had stayed single? Or maybe married a nice man who was better to you than your mother?

PP. Well, she married a monster who was actually worse than she was, so I guess I wish she had either stayed singled or married someone who wasn't a monster? But my original point to the OP was that I don't think a good person would marry someone who neglects and abuses their kids. I mean who is going to be okay with that? Only a messed up person who is likely to be abusive themselves.

[Anonymous]

She is doing this about a six year old?! That is THE reddest of red flags…run.

[Anonymous]

Some parents humble brag about their kids by complaining about them. I'm not saying that's what it is, but a dear friend of mine tells me all about how Larlo got kicked out of kids club on a cruise ship, as a way of telling me they went on a fancy cruise. I love her so it just rolls off my back, but if someone heard her talking about her kid, they might think she's a bad parent (she's not).