Please give it to me straight, no chaser

[Anonymous]

I’m really sensitive and dramatic (not on purpose). I catastrophize everything in my head and make it worse than it is. When it comes to everything.

I’m in my early twenties and I feel lost. Lost in life, no friendships, no social life. I don’t have a path.

My mother really screams/argues with me because of this. I’m not mad at her, I get it. But because of this sort of reaction that I’m getting (tough love), I feel like my life is over.

Is this my anxiety lying to me? I mean I genuinely believe my life is effed forever.

Yesterday I went on Linkedin just to see something and I ended up scrolling and comparing myself to people my age and younger. I was miserable afterwards. Doesn’t help that every single person on Linkedin is stunning either.
I just feel like crap and keep thinking that I would kill myself if it wasn’t for my family.

I feel like no one else is messing up, I feel like everyone has this perfect path and I deserve to die and that I’m worthless.
How can I change this narrative in my head?

[Anonymous]

You sound depressed. Talk to your Dr about starting an SSRI and try therapy.

[Anonymous]

Early 20s! You are SOOO young. Everyone messes up, but they only post the good stuff on social media. Do not let your mom scream at you, ever. That's toxic. Hang up immediately when she starts. Do not engage.
Tell us what you think you've screwed up?

[Anonymous]

Are you in the DMV OP? Did you grow up here? I'm trying to get an idea of what cultural forces you're surrounded by.

[Anonymous]

You should talk to your doctor abt depression and start cbt. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Are you the poster who has the Ivy league brother who posted recently?

[Anonymous]

Please see a therapist. Your thinking patterns are distorted and you need help seeing that and establishing new habits. Your post resonates because my daughter has this to a lesser degree but has refused all help and therapy. I could be accused of tough love with her sometimes but it is frustrating how she won’t seek therapy and is stuck in the same patterns. I have tried different things but she needs help beyond what I can offer.

[Anonymous]

Therapy.

CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) or DBT (dialectal behavioral therapy). CBT is more accessible and easier to do on your own, so I might start there while you look for a therapist but then explore DBT later.

You could get a CBT workbook or even some worksheets online that will specifically address your catastrophizing and walk you through how to recognize when this thought pattern is happing and also how to reassess what you know to put it in perspective. This is a skill that just takes practice, and CBT is a good way to practice it. It's good you recognize already that what you are doing is catastrophizing and that it's a thought process and not just "the truth".

It sounds like your mom likely has this issue as well if she's yelling and getting very upset with you -- probably she is lacking in emotional maturity and that has stunted your own emotional maturity. I recommend the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents to look into this -- it's a pretty common problem and learning to understand how your parents' inability to regulate their own emotions and provide emotional support to you has affected you, can help you address it.

If you get into DBT, there is a a focus on increasing "distress tolerance" which is your ability to regulate emotion even when things go wrong or you encounter upsetting information. So it could help you find calm and react more productively when/if your mom starts yelling at you, or can help you deal with it when you learn that a peer is succeeding in a way that evokes jealousy or feelings of inadequacy (which is normal! most people feel that way sometimes, even people you might think of as very successful).

Thinking about all of this now at your age is really great, by the way. I didn't really start getting into this until my early 30s and my 20s were kind of a $hitshow as a result. Good luck! You are not alone in this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please see a therapist. Your thinking patterns are distorted and you need help seeing that and establishing new habits. Your post resonates because my daughter has this to a lesser degree but has refused all help and therapy. I could be accused of tough love with her sometimes but it is frustrating how she won’t seek therapy and is stuck in the same patterns. I have tried different things but she needs help beyond what I can offer.

Adding that I don’t scream at my daughter.

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you start going to the gym and losing some weight? Get your teeth fixed and hair done properly, and buy some clothes that are on trend. Then you’ll feel better and the boys will notice you and want to hook up!

[Anonymous]

Rainn Wilson (Dwight from The Office) said something during an interview that resonated with me. Our 20s are meant to be a workshop, where we try new things and experiment and remove the fear of messing up from our psyche. Everyone needs time to figure it out, learn about themselves and think about the kind of person they want to become.

Give yourself grace, OP. This time is an improv workshop. If it didn't go the way you wanted it to go today, then try something totally different tomorrow and see what happens.

[Anonymous]

Early 20s is a difficult age. At that age I compared myself with other a lot, and even though I had a lot of good things going on, I only focused on the things that I didn’t have.

Talk to your doctor about depression. I also recommend you stop comparing yourself with others, since everyone’s journey is different. To do this you may want to Stop using social media until you feel better.

[Anonymous]

Set a major goal for yourself and write it down. Write down the steps you need to accomplish and work towards a new one every single month. Every week, congratulate yourself with sticking with it.

What is your career? Figure that one out first. What was your major? If you didn't go to college, get a community college list of vocational tracks/certificates and pick one. https://www.nvcc.edu/academics/pathways/index.html

What's wrong with your appearance? Work on fixing that too. Anyone can be attractive with the right makeup/clothes/personality/ haircut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this my anxiety lying to me?
How can I change this narrative in my head?

Yes it is.
Are you on social media? How do you spend your time?

[Anonymous]

OP, get a therapist ASAP. Try exercise (whatever kind works for you - even simply going for a gentle walk a few times a day), massage, and self care.

Delete your social media.

Realize that no one has their sh%t together. No one. Whatever you're looking at online is a curated, edited version of their best selves. It's not real.

You're not supposed to be perfect or have it all together in your 20s. I had certainly had not.

Give yourself a little grace.