Please give it to me straight, no chaser
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
Every recent murderer and murder victim and sex or financial scandal subject has had a LinkedIn account or Facebook page that media links to in stories about. I’m from a toxic abusive family and we had four thick family photo albums filled with smiling photos that didn’t reveal the rapes my mother endured at the hands of my violent alcoholic father or how the beatings of her and their children resulted in decades of trauma and wreckage. On paper - including LinkedIn - my own life looks quite ‘successful’, whatever that means. I’ve been working very hard for the last two years in therapy to see something in my life that is worth going on. Your mother sounds like a toxic person in your life. I would urge you to seek therapy. You might want to consider whether her behavior has some part in making you feel worthless, it wouldn’t be the first time in the history of fraught mother-daughter relationships. Often women who feel miserable and feel like they cannot get anything right have been hearing that message their entire lives from people who should love and encourage them the most. All of the trappings of life mean absolutely nothing if you cannot master self love. Once you master self love, you’ll realize that none of those trappings are what really matter. Please find someone to talk to on a regular basis who can help you get to a place where you really grasp this. Once you do, hope and confidence will follow. You’re a good person. You’re enough. You deserve to be here. |
Anonymous
|
Hi everyone, im OP. Thanks for being what a friend is for.
To answer you guys, I also refuse therapy because Im so embarrassed to tell someone about myself even though I know a therapist can help. Thanks for the tips and advice. My problem is that Im uptight and catastrophize. I wish I was relaxed and had a ”whatever goes” attitude. i just feel so flawed and worthless. My biggest mental block is that I also feel like even if I get back on track, it will be too late for me. Everyone on Twitter talks about how much fun it is being in your twenties and I don’t feel that at all. Thank you again |
Anonymous
| Also if finances are an obstacle to accessing therapy with a real therapist, I would highly recommend getting the book DBT for Dummies and starting from there. |
Anonymous
Im so sorry you went through that❤️ |
Anonymous
No I’m not in the DMV.. I wish its beautiful |
Anonymous
No! |
Anonymous
|
Your mother is screaming at you because she is scared for you and doesn’t know how to help you. It sucks not having an adult in your life who can rise to the occasion but it is what it is.
You need to go see a professional and get on a medication or several. Show your mother that you are capable of helping yourself. Good luck! |
Anonymous
Im on it all the time. Even the girls on social media who post about being sad are gorgeous and have their life perfectly posted online… On Youtube its worse, its like an instagram picture come to life. With vloggers etc |
Anonymous
The therapist is not going to pry or anything Make it a goal to just get there, sit down and have water cooler talk with them. No need to do more if you don’t feel like it |
Anonymous
OP, my 20s sucked! It was all financial insecurity, entry-level jobs, and dating/feeling lonely. I'm in my 40s and my life is really good even though my LinkedIn page as probably never impressed or intimidated anyone. I have a solid but not exciting career, a lot of financial security, I'm married, and I have a kid and LOVE being a mom. I take nice vacations and have a couple fun hobbies and a couple good friends and I feel like I won the lottery. You absolutely have the time and the ability to build a life like mine, I promise. If starting therapy sounds like too much right now, I'd start with the following: 1) Get a CBT workbook and read it/do the exercises to start building some emotional regulation skills. It will help. 2) Read the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. I really think you will respond to it and it will help put things in perspective. 3) Join a gym or start some kind of regular exercise program, commit to doing it 2-3 days a week. Maybe keep a journal or calendar to try and keep that goal, and give yourself a prize each month for keeping it. Working towards small goals and achieving them can be a great place to start building a sense of competence and ability, and exercise is a really good goal because it has positive mental health effects as well. 4) If you have any income at all, set a savings goal and stick to it diligently. There are a bunch of savings accounts offering high rates right now (like 5%, which is really high for savings!) -- I'd open one of those and commit to putting money in it every month. It could be $50, it could be $500, whatever makes sense for you and your finances. There is something very soothing about feeling like you are saving and building wealth during this stage in your life where you feel the way you currently do. I promise this sounds like a chore but the feeling you will get at watching that little nest egg grow can offer a lot of stability. One day that money could be a graduate degree, a down payment on a house, a trip to India, a new wardrobe for the great new job you got, etc. Start now, put away every month, build towards something. |
Anonymous
What a great life you have, thank you for helping me. ❤️ |
Anonymous
| My husband was this way well into his 30s and had some help from meds and therapy but still overall in a bad place. Then he did an intensive DBT program and that finally made a world of difference. You can feel better. The first thing you try may not be enough....keep pushing and trying other things until you find the what works best for you. Don't be scared of works like "outpatient hospitalization" which basically means intensive therapy while living at home....terms like that scare people away from treatment that could help them far beyond once a week therapy. |
Anonymous
| Also don't kid yourself (and by that i mean minimize the seriousness of it or downplay how bad you're feeling or the need for honesty and urgent help) that you would kill yourself if not for your family. My husband also said that and I believe meant it...but the reality is while he wouldn't get a gun and shoot himself or jump off a building, he absolutely would get drunk and then decide to take too many pills to "just go to sleep and not have to feel anything anymore". While that's a more passive thing, it is still something that is a threat to your life and needs to be treated as seriously as it is. |
Anonymous
Thank you, you are right. But in my case i would suffer so much and still never do that to myself because pf my parents |
Anonymous
Which social media are you on, OP ? |