How did you prepare for postpartum or things you would do differently

[Anonymous]

I am reading the fourth trimester book as I prepare to give birth this summer.

It am curious to know practical tips on preparing for postpartum. I understand night doula, nurse etc are a good option but I am looking for more nuanced experience. I.e how did you focus on your nutrition? Did you do anything to make your room comfortable? Get massages? Follow Amy postpartum ritual?

I am planning to follow a 45 day Indian/ayurvedic routine.

Thank you

[Anonymous]

Plan to have no plan - the first month is exhausting and disorienting (but in a good way!). Just focus on resting and bonding with your baby.

Don’t even think about trying to exercise before your six week check up. Whenever you do start, start very, very small.

Takeout is your friend. Get house cleaners or live with the mess. Don’t worry about it.

You’re going to do a momentous thing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Plan to have no plan - the first month is exhausting and disorienting (but in a good way!). Just focus on resting and bonding with your baby.

Don’t even think about trying to exercise before your six week check up. Whenever you do start, start very, very small.

Takeout is your friend. Get house cleaners or live with the mess. Don’t worry about it.

You’re going to do a momentous thing!

😊. Yes adding cleaner to my list. No exercise for the first 45 days!

[Anonymous]

Pelvic floor PT. Hire all the help you can.

[Anonymous]

There are local doulas that provide postpartum care like this. Herbal care, massage, and bellybinding. Libelula Doula, and Birth Matron (bengkung)…are a few, there are others.

[Anonymous]

I would line up resources that I could use in a flexible way. I was absolutely terrified of giving birth but in the end I had an easy vaginal delivery and was back to (light) exercise 3 weeks later. The baby woke up every few hours to eat but was otherwise a great sleeper. Just remember that anything you're anticipating to be awful or really challenging might turn out ok, and you will want the flexibility to pivot to allocate your resources where you need them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would line up resources that I could use in a flexible way. I was absolutely terrified of giving birth but in the end I had an easy vaginal delivery and was back to (light) exercise 3 weeks later. The baby woke up every few hours to eat but was otherwise a great sleeper. Just remember that anything you're anticipating to be awful or really challenging might turn out ok, and you will want the flexibility to pivot to allocate your resources where you need them.

Omg nobody should be doing light exercise 3 weeks postpartum, I don’t care how easy the birth was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would line up resources that I could use in a flexible way. I was absolutely terrified of giving birth but in the end I had an easy vaginal delivery and was back to (light) exercise 3 weeks later. The baby woke up every few hours to eat but was otherwise a great sleeper. Just remember that anything you're anticipating to be awful or really challenging might turn out ok, and you will want the flexibility to pivot to allocate your resources where you need them.

I started going for walks a few weeks post partum too; it really helped me and my baby loved sleeping in a wrap or more rarely the stroller. I agree on flexibility — you don’t know exactly what’s going to be hard for you/this baby until they come along so don’t get to set in stone with your planning.

[Anonymous]

Take a breastfeeding course and line up a lactation consultant in advance, especially if this is your first. I wish I did this but for some reason thought breastfeeding would come easily and it didn’t.

[Anonymous]

I would not breastfeed as much. And I supplemented from 3 weeks and then tapered down to just formula at 2 months, so I didn't do it forever. My child was a slow nurser (even with lactation consults it never got better) and burpy, so feeding took a long time.

Formula = sleep, even if the baby doesn't sleep your spouse can trade off with you and give a bottle without you needing to take time to pump.

Nothing wrong with breastfeeding, but not worth torturing oneself in an already extremely stressful situation.

I also would have started pelvic floor PT earlier (I started at 4 mos PP), restarted intimacy later (around 10 weeks vs. 6 weeks), and instated a rule with DH that we DO NOT have conversations with each other after 8pm in the newborn phase. That was when all the stupid baby-blues fights happened.

[Anonymous]

Definitely second the breastfeeding course and the lactation consultant.

I did the Taking Cara Babies newborn course before the birth, basically did everything she said and it worked out beautifully. YMMV. Remember everything goes to crap in the evenings no matter what you do (she will explain that). I used 2005 Pride and Prejudice on mute to help me through that, and also foam earplugs. Yes, you can still hear the baby. It just helped me take the edge off.

Make sure you have a comfy nursing chair and a huge water bottle or cups, whatever you prefer, you will need so much water.

Don't get divorced for a year unless there's abuse. It gets better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely second the breastfeeding course and the lactation consultant.

I did the Taking Cara Babies newborn course before the birth, basically did everything she said and it worked out beautifully. YMMV. Remember everything goes to crap in the evenings no matter what you do (she will explain that). I used 2005 Pride and Prejudice on mute to help me through that, and also foam earplugs. Yes, you can still hear the baby. It just helped me take the edge off.

Make sure you have a comfy nursing chair and a huge water bottle or cups, whatever you prefer, you will need so much water.

Don't get divorced for a year unless there's abuse. It gets better.

Oh I want to add one more thing: "Sleep when the baby sleeps" is so lame because your hormones may keep you from sleeping even when you could/should be. It should be "be horizontal with your eyes closed while the baby is sleeping and don't beat yourself up if you don't fall asleep."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely second the breastfeeding course and the lactation consultant.

I did the Taking Cara Babies newborn course before the birth, basically did everything she said and it worked out beautifully. YMMV. Remember everything goes to crap in the evenings no matter what you do (she will explain that). I used 2005 Pride and Prejudice on mute to help me through that, and also foam earplugs. Yes, you can still hear the baby. It just helped me take the edge off.

Make sure you have a comfy nursing chair and a huge water bottle or cups, whatever you prefer, you will need so much water.

Don't get divorced for a year unless there's abuse. It gets better.

Oh I want to add one more thing: "Sleep when the baby sleeps" is so lame because your hormones may keep you from sleeping even when you could/should be. It should be "be horizontal with your eyes closed while the baby is sleeping and don't beat yourself up if you don't fall asleep."

This last paragraph is so compassionate and realistic.

I’ll add trust yourself. Letting yourself rest as much as possible that first month is superpower healing time. I love the approach you’re taking and would love all new mothers could have this. I was gifted 10 days of care from a doula friend and it meant the world to me. Her pro tip was sleep as much as possible and let someone else both feed you and clean the kitchen. She ran the dishwasher every day no matter how full/empty it was. She also prepped teas for my sitz bath and made assorted compresses for my boobs and perineum as needed. That was wonderful.

Think about what you might want to eat and have a plan so you don’t have to think about it after baby is here. I’m not sure if you’re following a food plan with Ayurveda but prep or have someone prep a few days with ahead if possible.

The massages are a great idea. I don’t know many that do in homes with experience so I’d start lining that up as well. Arvigo is a good style postpartum but any good postpartum trained practitioner can support you beautifully.

Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Outsource as much as possible. Cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping/ food delivery. Set up autopay on any bills if you haven't already.

[Anonymous]

Assuming for a second that you're a woman married to a man. Or a woman in a live-in relationship with a man, advice still applies. And that you both have jobs.

Make sure you and your husband have figured out the whole chore/responsibilities thing BEFORE the first baby comes. Not necessarily for the postpartum period (that's unpredictable, you're just surviving), but in general. Is he handling at least one household area of responsibility, completely, without any input/reminders/nagging/help from you? Cleaning/cooking/laundry/grocery shopping?

How about baby stuff and the mental load? Who is in charge of making sure you always have diapers? That you have clothes in the next size (they go through a lot of sizes early on!) clean and ready to go into drawers? Who will deal with communication/paperwork/logistics with daycare or the nanny? Who is going to figure out how to sleep train? Who is going to figure out how to introduce solids? Who is going to book all the pediatrician appointments?

I'll tell you right now - if none of this is figured out in advance, it's you, the woman. If you opt to "play it by ear" - it's you. Figure this out NOW and divide up areas of responsibility.

Oh, and read some sleep training books and pick one you like before the baby gets here.