How did you prepare for postpartum or things you would do differently

[Anonymous]

There's a lot of great advice on here but three that I'll add:

1. Don't stress about your relationship. Everything seems bigger and more bleak when you're sleep deprived and hormonal. As a PP said unless there's abuse, it will likely get better.
2. Learn about wake windows.
3. Give your partner and yourself 30mins - 1hr of "down time". For me, I found that if my husband just laid with the baby in the same room I was, I couldn't relax. I'd still be thinking, stressing and watching. If he could take the baby on the walk or go to a different room with the baby, it was easier for me to relax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Assuming for a second that you're a woman married to a man. Or a woman in a live-in relationship with a man, advice still applies. And that you both have jobs.

Make sure you and your husband have figured out the whole chore/responsibilities thing BEFORE the first baby comes. Not necessarily for the postpartum period (that's unpredictable, you're just surviving), but in general. Is he handling at least one household area of responsibility, completely, without any input/reminders/nagging/help from you? Cleaning/cooking/laundry/grocery shopping?

How about baby stuff and the mental load? Who is in charge of making sure you always have diapers? That you have clothes in the next size (they go through a lot of sizes early on!) clean and ready to go into drawers? Who will deal with communication/paperwork/logistics with daycare or the nanny? Who is going to figure out how to sleep train? Who is going to figure out how to introduce solids? Who is going to book all the pediatrician appointments?

I'll tell you right now - if none of this is figured out in advance, it's you, the woman. If you opt to "play it by ear" - it's you. Figure this out NOW and divide up areas of responsibility.

Oh, and read some sleep training books and pick one you like before the baby gets here.

This is great advice!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming for a second that you're a woman married to a man. Or a woman in a live-in relationship with a man, advice still applies. And that you both have jobs.

Make sure you and your husband have figured out the whole chore/responsibilities thing BEFORE the first baby comes. Not necessarily for the postpartum period (that's unpredictable, you're just surviving), but in general. Is he handling at least one household area of responsibility, completely, without any input/reminders/nagging/help from you? Cleaning/cooking/laundry/grocery shopping?

How about baby stuff and the mental load? Who is in charge of making sure you always have diapers? That you have clothes in the next size (they go through a lot of sizes early on!) clean and ready to go into drawers? Who will deal with communication/paperwork/logistics with daycare or the nanny? Who is going to figure out how to sleep train? Who is going to figure out how to introduce solids? Who is going to book all the pediatrician appointments?

I'll tell you right now - if none of this is figured out in advance, it's you, the woman. If you opt to "play it by ear" - it's you. Figure this out NOW and divide up areas of responsibility.

Oh, and read some sleep training books and pick one you like before the baby gets here.

This is great advice!

Thank you, great advice.

[Anonymous]

I wish we had taken one of those Gottman classes to shore up our marriage before kids. Two kids have really, really tested our marriage any any minor issues we had before have truly been exacerbated and worsened by the additional complications kids add to our lives: increased financial strain, far more complex logistics for day to day living, a million more responsibilities, far less time together and for self care or really doing anything I want to do, lots more stress, the never ending responsibility of keeping little ones safe and cared for, etc. etc. it’s kind of a mind f*ck at first plus there’s all these mom tasks like coordinating play dates and ordering new wardrobes every season and doing teacher gifts and reading daycare/school emails and Halloween costumes and presents for the holidays that just come out of nowhere and most guys just expect you to do it all.

[Anonymous]

I also would have lined up a therapist and gotten prepared for the reality that my body after kids was gonna feel like a foreign place and accepting that you can never get the pre kids body back. I really thought I was just gonna have a few stretch marks and do some kegels and it was all gonna go back. Ha. Ha. Ha.

[Anonymous]

I have no idea what an Indian routine is. We hired a night nurse for eight weeks. She helped get our newborns on a schedule and gave us tons of little tips. She did NOT take care of the baby all night while we slept. If the baby was up, we were up (DH would go back to sleep though).

[Anonymous]

I had a baby last fall and wanted to breastfeed and focus on nourishing my body post-partum. I made freezer meals to make things much easier and know that I was getting good nutrition for my body and to make milk. I also bought a ton of one hand and easy snacks for the first couple of weeks that I didn’t normally buy.

We got the Snoo. It has been amazing with sleep and I didn’t have to spend a long time rocking to sleep during the sleep deprived times.

I got weekly massages and it was amazing. I splurged on post-part skincare items to make things feel more luxurious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a baby last fall and wanted to breastfeed and focus on nourishing my body post-partum. I made freezer meals to make things much easier and know that I was getting good nutrition for my body and to make milk. I also bought a ton of one hand and easy snacks for the first couple of weeks that I didn’t normally buy.

We got the Snoo. It has been amazing with sleep and I didn’t have to spend a long time rocking to sleep during the sleep deprived times.

I got weekly massages and it was amazing. I splurged on post-part skincare items to make things feel more luxurious.

The other thing I did was hire a PT nanny when my husband went back to work at 1 month. It was nice to just get a break a couple of times a week.

[Anonymous]

I will add that you cannot hold a newborn too much and there is nothing wrong with chilling on t he couch with your baby on your chest and just enjoying it! They are out of the newborn phase before you know it and the first few weeks when they are teeny tiny and snuggly will be gone quickly. I fully admit I am a total newborn lover so I really loved the early days (other than being exhausted al the time).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will add that you cannot hold a newborn too much and there is nothing wrong with chilling on t he couch with your baby on your chest and just enjoying it! They are out of the newborn phase before you know it and the first few weeks when they are teeny tiny and snuggly will be gone quickly. I fully admit I am a total newborn lover so I really loved the early days (other than being exhausted al the time).

Agree, I hear that alot. Can't spoil a baby with love and after 9 months inside you they must love to be held ❤️

[Anonymous]

Buy heavy duty Depends pads so you don't have to use the horrendous things that the hospital gives you.

[Anonymous]

I would have made an appointment with a psychiatrist in advance. You can always cancel if you don't feel like you need it six weeks out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also would have lined up a therapist and gotten prepared for the reality that my body after kids was gonna feel like a foreign place and accepting that you can never get the pre kids body back. I really thought I was just gonna have a few stretch marks and do some kegels and it was all gonna go back. Ha. Ha. Ha.

For me it felt like my body belonged to everyone else. At one point I got in the bath and locked the door to get away from everyone who thought my body was community property.

[Anonymous]

Recognizing the signs of mastitis was key for me. Breastfeeding was very difficult for me with both kids, due to having flat nipples and having to use a shield everytime to dull the pain a bit, and both kids having lip-ties which made latching difficult. Four days postpartum with DS, I developed a 104 degree fever very quickly overnight and started shaking uncontrollably. Breasts were hard, painful, and warm to the touch. DH immediately said, we're going to the ER, and left DS with my mother in law. I stayed overnight in the ER and received antibiotics, which cleared up the infection.

With DD, I contracted mastitis again (twice, actually), but I recognized the signs and called my OB right away; she called in a Rx for oral antibiotics, and that nuked the infection pretty quickly. I'm now expecting #3 and I am thinking long and hard about if I even want to pursue breastfeeding at all, considering the terrible overall experience I've had with the first two. But if I do choose to go that route and try again, I'll know what to look for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also would have lined up a therapist and gotten prepared for the reality that my body after kids was gonna feel like a foreign place and accepting that you can never get the pre kids body back. I really thought I was just gonna have a few stretch marks and do some kegels and it was all gonna go back. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Um, my body snapped back before my maternity leave was over. I worked out religiously before getting pregnant, while pregnant and immediately after the dr cleared me after giving birth. I did kegels while pregnant and then during maternity leave every time I was nursing.