How did you prepare for postpartum or things you would do differently

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also would have lined up a therapist and gotten prepared for the reality that my body after kids was gonna feel like a foreign place and accepting that you can never get the pre kids body back. I really thought I was just gonna have a few stretch marks and do some kegels and it was all gonna go back. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Um, my body snapped back before my maternity leave was over. I worked out religiously before getting pregnant, while pregnant and immediately after the dr cleared me after giving birth. I did kegels while pregnant and then during maternity leave every time I was nursing.

Ten points for Gryffindor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also would have lined up a therapist and gotten prepared for the reality that my body after kids was gonna feel like a foreign place and accepting that you can never get the pre kids body back. I really thought I was just gonna have a few stretch marks and do some kegels and it was all gonna go back. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Um, my body snapped back before my maternity leave was over. I worked out religiously before getting pregnant, while pregnant and immediately after the dr cleared me after giving birth. I did kegels while pregnant and then during maternity leave every time I was nursing.

lol you remind me of my MIL. When I was two weeks post c-section she talked about how she didn’t have a bump at all after pregnancy and asked if I could suck my stomach in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also would have lined up a therapist and gotten prepared for the reality that my body after kids was gonna feel like a foreign place and accepting that you can never get the pre kids body back. I really thought I was just gonna have a few stretch marks and do some kegels and it was all gonna go back. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Um, my body snapped back before my maternity leave was over. I worked out religiously before getting pregnant, while pregnant and immediately after the dr cleared me after giving birth. I did kegels while pregnant and then during maternity leave every time I was nursing.

Today in understanding that different people are different…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also would have lined up a therapist and gotten prepared for the reality that my body after kids was gonna feel like a foreign place and accepting that you can never get the pre kids body back. I really thought I was just gonna have a few stretch marks and do some kegels and it was all gonna go back. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Um, my body snapped back before my maternity leave was over. I worked out religiously before getting pregnant, while pregnant and immediately after the dr cleared me after giving birth. I did kegels while pregnant and then during maternity leave every time I was nursing.

Well you probably didn’t have a difficult birth, like I had. You probably didn’t have to spend two years in physical therapy working on a diastasis recti, prolapse, and anal incontinence, like I did. You probably aren’t having to have corrective surgery, like I will. I also ran ate well and exercised while pregnant. Nice to suggest that this could have prevented this.

The only thing worse than having birth injuries is sanctimonious women like you who believe that exercise and kegels could have prevented it and that what happened to me is my “fault.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also would have lined up a therapist and gotten prepared for the reality that my body after kids was gonna feel like a foreign place and accepting that you can never get the pre kids body back. I really thought I was just gonna have a few stretch marks and do some kegels and it was all gonna go back. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Um, my body snapped back before my maternity leave was over. I worked out religiously before getting pregnant, while pregnant and immediately after the dr cleared me after giving birth. I did kegels while pregnant and then during maternity leave every time I was nursing.

lol you remind me of my MIL. When I was two weeks post c-section she talked about how she didn’t have a bump at all after pregnancy and asked if I could suck my stomach in.

Mine too. It's funny now.

[Anonymous]

I wish I had seen this bluey episode about the baby race, although I’m not sure I would have taken it to heart:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xmkCmJtK6X8

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take a breastfeeding course and line up a lactation consultant in advance, especially if this is your first. I wish I did this but for some reason thought breastfeeding would come easily and it didn’t.

+1
I also loved having lanolin (lansinoh?) balm for nipples and "My Brest Friend" nursing pillow. We also bought a glider for me to nurse.

I also bought a dozen Instant Postpartum Perineal Ice Packs from a medical supply store. The hospital gave me a sitz bath too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am reading the fourth trimester book as I prepare to give birth this summer.

It am curious to know practical tips on preparing for postpartum. I understand night doula, nurse etc are a good option but I am looking for more nuanced experience. I.e how did you focus on your nutrition? Did you do anything to make your room comfortable? Get massages? Follow Amy postpartum ritual?

I am planning to follow a 45 day Indian/ayurvedic routine.

Thank you

That is wonderful. Are you Indian?

I had my mom and aunt come for 3 months and they took care of my baby and me. The traditional care routine is for both baby and mom. DH also arranged for cleaners and a cook to come and cook meals twice a week. Our cleaners also did odd jobs for us - drycleaning run, grocery shopping, car wash etc. It was a boon.

My aunt and mom did my complete postpartum care for 40 days. Every thing was great but the only thing I did not much like was that I was only allowed to drink warm drinks. No ice, no smoothies, no cold water, no coffee, no tea, no cola, no fan. It was a lot of warm drinks, warm oil massage several times a day for both baby and me, warm bath for me and I had restrictions even on washing my hair. And every time I breastfed my baby I was given a cup of milk to drink with ground up nuts, spices, dates or I was given panjeeri with gond to heal my bones. I felt as if I would put on more weight just eating that food. Food was very specific so that it would not upset the tummy of the baby. So only moong and masoor dal. No rajma. My food was made fresh. Lots of khichadi and veggies. Amla, bananas, pomegranate but no citrus for some days. I was given sweets made with sesame, amaranth, flaxseed. Lots of paneer. The vata dosh is very strong and that has to be balanced before things becomes better.

Mentally, my mom and aunt made sure that they were my constant companion and having them in the room talking to each other, holding my baby, feeding me etc allowed me the peace of mind to sleep through out the day. I was never left alone and basically I feel that my mom and aunt sequestered themselves with me at the house. We watched a lot of movies and TV. Oh, also, NO VISITORS. Even the naming ceremony was just us. Except the cleaners and the cook who came, mom was strict in not having any visitors come for 42 days. DH had taken 2 weeks off. My mom also made me pray a lot to give thanks for a safe delivery, a healthy baby etc. I think all this care, companionship and rituals protected me from PPD and feeling overwhelmed.

I was not allowed to do any chores. I was not allowed to bend. Not pick up anything heavier than the baby. In the daytime, all care of the baby, changing diapers, bathing, burping, rocking baby to sleep was done by mom and my aunt. Night-time my DH took care of the baby. Both my kids were good sleepers but my mom insists that it was because my babies were getting massages almost 5-6 times a day. Her theory is that babies have body aches because of coming out of the birth canal and so infant massage helps their aching muscles so that they sleep well and they also become good eaters. Who knows? I just followed whatever my mom told me to do.

Oh, I was also given warm harad baths (Turmeric water baths). Lots of hot oil massage and medicinal packs on my lower back. I don't remember what it was made of. It took away the pain in my back though. I googled to find out what it was but cannot find it. Incidently, I found this about postpartum care and I thought it was an interesting read.

https://www.banyanbotanicals.com/info/blog-the-banyan-insight/details/birthing-ayurveda-postpartum-nurturing-the-mother/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not breastfeed as much. And I supplemented from 3 weeks and then tapered down to just formula at 2 months, so I didn't do it forever. My child was a slow nurser (even with lactation consults it never got better) and burpy, so feeding took a long time.

Formula = sleep, even if the baby doesn't sleep your spouse can trade off with you and give a bottle without you needing to take time to pump.

Nothing wrong with breastfeeding, but not worth torturing oneself in an already extremely stressful situation.

I also would have started pelvic floor PT earlier (I started at 4 mos PP), restarted intimacy later (around 10 weeks vs. 6 weeks), and instated a rule with DH that we DO NOT have conversations with each other after 8pm in the newborn phase. That was when all the stupid baby-blues fights happened.

Really? You did not breastfeed and so others should not? I breastfed after having some challenges, but a private LC helped me out. Breastfeeding was the best experience of infancy for me. That was one task that made me very happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely second the breastfeeding course and the lactation consultant.

I did the Taking Cara Babies newborn course before the birth, basically did everything she said and it worked out beautifully. YMMV. Remember everything goes to crap in the evenings no matter what you do (she will explain that). I used 2005 Pride and Prejudice on mute to help me through that, and also foam earplugs. Yes, you can still hear the baby. It just helped me take the edge off.

Make sure you have a comfy nursing chair and a huge water bottle or cups, whatever you prefer, you will need so much water.

Don't get divorced for a year unless there's abuse. It gets better.

Oh I want to add one more thing: "Sleep when the baby sleeps" is so lame because your hormones may keep you from sleeping even when you could/should be. It should be "be horizontal with your eyes closed while the baby is sleeping and don't beat yourself up if you don't fall asleep."

[phone]. I went kind of mental when I couldn’t “sleep when the baby sleeps” and combined with new mom anxiety it spiraled into a serious insomnia mess. If you don’t sleep much (even for the first YEAR) even when your baby is sleeping, there is nothing wrong with you! You will get through it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am reading the fourth trimester book as I prepare to give birth this summer.

It am curious to know practical tips on preparing for postpartum. I understand night doula, nurse etc are a good option but I am looking for more nuanced experience. I.e how did you focus on your nutrition? Did you do anything to make your room comfortable? Get massages? Follow Amy postpartum ritual?

I am planning to follow a 45 day Indian/ayurvedic routine.

Thank you

That is wonderful. Are you Indian?

I had my mom and aunt come for 3 months and they took care of my baby and me. The traditional care routine is for both baby and mom. DH also arranged for cleaners and a cook to come and cook meals twice a week. Our cleaners also did odd jobs for us - drycleaning run, grocery shopping, car wash etc. It was a boon.

My aunt and mom did my complete postpartum care for 40 days. Every thing was great but the only thing I did not much like was that I was only allowed to drink warm drinks. No ice, no smoothies, no cold water, no coffee, no tea, no cola, no fan. It was a lot of warm drinks, warm oil massage several times a day for both baby and me, warm bath for me and I had restrictions even on washing my hair. And every time I breastfed my baby I was given a cup of milk to drink with ground up nuts, spices, dates or I was given panjeeri with gond to heal my bones. I felt as if I would put on more weight just eating that food. Food was very specific so that it would not upset the tummy of the baby. So only moong and masoor dal. No rajma. My food was made fresh. Lots of khichadi and veggies. Amla, bananas, pomegranate but no citrus for some days. I was given sweets made with sesame, amaranth, flaxseed. Lots of paneer. The vata dosh is very strong and that has to be balanced before things becomes better.

Mentally, my mom and aunt made sure that they were my constant companion and having them in the room talking to each other, holding my baby, feeding me etc allowed me the peace of mind to sleep through out the day. I was never left alone and basically I feel that my mom and aunt sequestered themselves with me at the house. We watched a lot of movies and TV. Oh, also, NO VISITORS. Even the naming ceremony was just us. Except the cleaners and the cook who came, mom was strict in not having any visitors come for 42 days. DH had taken 2 weeks off. My mom also made me pray a lot to give thanks for a safe delivery, a healthy baby etc. I think all this care, companionship and rituals protected me from PPD and feeling overwhelmed.

I was not allowed to do any chores. I was not allowed to bend. Not pick up anything heavier than the baby. In the daytime, all care of the baby, changing diapers, bathing, burping, rocking baby to sleep was done by mom and my aunt. Night-time my DH took care of the baby. Both my kids were good sleepers but my mom insists that it was because my babies were getting massages almost 5-6 times a day. Her theory is that babies have body aches because of coming out of the birth canal and so infant massage helps their aching muscles so that they sleep well and they also become good eaters. Who knows? I just followed whatever my mom told me to do.

Oh, I was also given warm harad baths (Turmeric water baths). Lots of hot oil massage and medicinal packs on my lower back. I don't remember what it was made of. It took away the pain in my back though. I googled to find out what it was but cannot find it. Incidently, I found this about postpartum care and I thought it was an interesting read.

https://www.banyanbotanicals.com/info/blog-the-banyan-insight/details/birthing-ayurveda-postpartum-nurturing-the-mother/

I am so happy you had this kind experience. What an incredible gift of love, nurturing, kindness, and companionship. Yet, the contrast with my own experience makes me tear up because literally no one cared for me like this. I come from a family of WASPs who are not demonstrative at all. I can’t imagine my own mom feeding me or making me a bath or giving me a back rub. She barely hugs me as an adult and hearing your experience honestly pains me to realize how different some women have it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am reading the fourth trimester book as I prepare to give birth this summer.

It am curious to know practical tips on preparing for postpartum. I understand night doula, nurse etc are a good option but I am looking for more nuanced experience. I.e how did you focus on your nutrition? Did you do anything to make your room comfortable? Get massages? Follow Amy postpartum ritual?

I am planning to follow a 45 day Indian/ayurvedic routine.

Thank you

That is wonderful. Are you Indian?

I had my mom and aunt come for 3 months and they took care of my baby and me. The traditional care routine is for both baby and mom. DH also arranged for cleaners and a cook to come and cook meals twice a week. Our cleaners also did odd jobs for us - drycleaning run, grocery shopping, car wash etc. It was a boon.

My aunt and mom did my complete postpartum care for 40 days. Every thing was great but the only thing I did not much like was that I was only allowed to drink warm drinks. No ice, no smoothies, no cold water, no coffee, no tea, no cola, no fan. It was a lot of warm drinks, warm oil massage several times a day for both baby and me, warm bath for me and I had restrictions even on washing my hair. And every time I breastfed my baby I was given a cup of milk to drink with ground up nuts, spices, dates or I was given panjeeri with gond to heal my bones. I felt as if I would put on more weight just eating that food. Food was very specific so that it would not upset the tummy of the baby. So only moong and masoor dal. No rajma. My food was made fresh. Lots of khichadi and veggies. Amla, bananas, pomegranate but no citrus for some days. I was given sweets made with sesame, amaranth, flaxseed. Lots of paneer. The vata dosh is very strong and that has to be balanced before things becomes better.

Mentally, my mom and aunt made sure that they were my constant companion and having them in the room talking to each other, holding my baby, feeding me etc allowed me the peace of mind to sleep through out the day. I was never left alone and basically I feel that my mom and aunt sequestered themselves with me at the house. We watched a lot of movies and TV. Oh, also, NO VISITORS. Even the naming ceremony was just us. Except the cleaners and the cook who came, mom was strict in not having any visitors come for 42 days. DH had taken 2 weeks off. My mom also made me pray a lot to give thanks for a safe delivery, a healthy baby etc. I think all this care, companionship and rituals protected me from PPD and feeling overwhelmed.

I was not allowed to do any chores. I was not allowed to bend. Not pick up anything heavier than the baby. In the daytime, all care of the baby, changing diapers, bathing, burping, rocking baby to sleep was done by mom and my aunt. Night-time my DH took care of the baby. Both my kids were good sleepers but my mom insists that it was because my babies were getting massages almost 5-6 times a day. Her theory is that babies have body aches because of coming out of the birth canal and so infant massage helps their aching muscles so that they sleep well and they also become good eaters. Who knows? I just followed whatever my mom told me to do.

Oh, I was also given warm harad baths (Turmeric water baths). Lots of hot oil massage and medicinal packs on my lower back. I don't remember what it was made of. It took away the pain in my back though. I googled to find out what it was but cannot find it. Incidently, I found this about postpartum care and I thought it was an interesting read.

https://www.banyanbotanicals.com/info/blog-the-banyan-insight/details/birthing-ayurveda-postpartum-nurturing-the-mother/

I am so happy you had this kind experience. What an incredible gift of love, nurturing, kindness, and companionship. Yet, the contrast with my own experience makes me tear up because literally no one cared for me like this. I come from a family of WASPs who are not demonstrative at all. I can’t imagine my own mom feeding me or making me a bath or giving me a back rub. She barely hugs me as an adult and hearing your experience honestly pains me to realize how different some women have it.

I am sorry too.

I think many cultures treat childbirth as a significant event and a rebirth for the mother. I think this may be a reason that other countries have paid maternity leave of 6 months of more for the mom. The culture informs the corporate policies. USA is cold and heartless in how it treats women and children. Very family unfriendly culture.

https://www.mothermag.com/postpartum-care-traditions/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also would have lined up a therapist and gotten prepared for the reality that my body after kids was gonna feel like a foreign place and accepting that you can never get the pre kids body back. I really thought I was just gonna have a few stretch marks and do some kegels and it was all gonna go back. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Um, my body snapped back before my maternity leave was over. I worked out religiously before getting pregnant, while pregnant and immediately after the dr cleared me after giving birth. I did kegels while pregnant and then during maternity leave every time I was nursing.

Well you probably didn’t have a difficult birth, like I had. You probably didn’t have to spend two years in physical therapy working on a diastasis recti, prolapse, and anal incontinence, like I did. You probably aren’t having to have corrective surgery, like I will. I also ran ate well and exercised while pregnant. Nice to suggest that this could have prevented this.

The only thing worse than having birth injuries is sanctimonious women like you who believe that exercise and kegels could have prevented it and that what happened to me is my “fault.”

+1

I am an athlete and someone who "bounced back" quickly for the most part, but this is the correct take. Snap back stories are not helpful to most women.
Also, doing endless Kegels will hurt, not help, some women. I had hypertonic (overly clenched) pelvic floor and the last thing I needed was to do 10 Kegels every diaper change or whatever nonsense Instagram moms suggested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am reading the fourth trimester book as I prepare to give birth this summer.

It am curious to know practical tips on preparing for postpartum. I understand night doula, nurse etc are a good option but I am looking for more nuanced experience. I.e how did you focus on your nutrition? Did you do anything to make your room comfortable? Get massages? Follow Amy postpartum ritual?

I am planning to follow a 45 day Indian/ayurvedic routine.

Thank you

That is wonderful. Are you Indian?

I had my mom and aunt come for 3 months and they took care of my baby and me. The traditional care routine is for both baby and mom. DH also arranged for cleaners and a cook to come and cook meals twice a week. Our cleaners also did odd jobs for us - drycleaning run, grocery shopping, car wash etc. It was a boon.

My aunt and mom did my complete postpartum care for 40 days. Every thing was great but the only thing I did not much like was that I was only allowed to drink warm drinks. No ice, no smoothies, no cold water, no coffee, no tea, no cola, no fan. It was a lot of warm drinks, warm oil massage several times a day for both baby and me, warm bath for me and I had restrictions even on washing my hair. And every time I breastfed my baby I was given a cup of milk to drink with ground up nuts, spices, dates or I was given panjeeri with gond to heal my bones. I felt as if I would put on more weight just eating that food. Food was very specific so that it would not upset the tummy of the baby. So only moong and masoor dal. No rajma. My food was made fresh. Lots of khichadi and veggies. Amla, bananas, pomegranate but no citrus for some days. I was given sweets made with sesame, amaranth, flaxseed. Lots of paneer. The vata dosh is very strong and that has to be balanced before things becomes better.

Mentally, my mom and aunt made sure that they were my constant companion and having them in the room talking to each other, holding my baby, feeding me etc allowed me the peace of mind to sleep through out the day. I was never left alone and basically I feel that my mom and aunt sequestered themselves with me at the house. We watched a lot of movies and TV. Oh, also, NO VISITORS. Even the naming ceremony was just us. Except the cleaners and the cook who came, mom was strict in not having any visitors come for 42 days. DH had taken 2 weeks off. My mom also made me pray a lot to give thanks for a safe delivery, a healthy baby etc. I think all this care, companionship and rituals protected me from PPD and feeling overwhelmed.

I was not allowed to do any chores. I was not allowed to bend. Not pick up anything heavier than the baby. In the daytime, all care of the baby, changing diapers, bathing, burping, rocking baby to sleep was done by mom and my aunt. Night-time my DH took care of the baby. Both my kids were good sleepers but my mom insists that it was because my babies were getting massages almost 5-6 times a day. Her theory is that babies have body aches because of coming out of the birth canal and so infant massage helps their aching muscles so that they sleep well and they also become good eaters. Who knows? I just followed whatever my mom told me to do.

Oh, I was also given warm harad baths (Turmeric water baths). Lots of hot oil massage and medicinal packs on my lower back. I don't remember what it was made of. It took away the pain in my back though. I googled to find out what it was but cannot find it. Incidently, I found this about postpartum care and I thought it was an interesting read.

https://www.banyanbotanicals.com/info/blog-the-banyan-insight/details/birthing-ayurveda-postpartum-nurturing-the-mother/

I am so happy you had this kind experience. What an incredible gift of love, nurturing, kindness, and companionship. Yet, the contrast with my own experience makes me tear up because literally no one cared for me like this. I come from a family of WASPs who are not demonstrative at all. I can’t imagine my own mom feeding me or making me a bath or giving me a back rub. She barely hugs me as an adult and hearing your experience honestly pains me to realize how different some women have it.

PP same. not WASPs but no help and everyone pressuring for visitation. left alone at day 5 post section while dad went back to work. this is why i wont have another. we cant afford to outsource enough to get significant support as i don't have maternity leave benefits so we would already be missing my income and i will not go back to work before 4 months. i went back to work pt at 5 weeks while taking care of my son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not breastfeed as much. And I supplemented from 3 weeks and then tapered down to just formula at 2 months, so I didn't do it forever. My child was a slow nurser (even with lactation consults it never got better) and burpy, so feeding took a long time.

Formula = sleep, even if the baby doesn't sleep your spouse can trade off with you and give a bottle without you needing to take time to pump.

Nothing wrong with breastfeeding, but not worth torturing oneself in an already extremely stressful situation.

I also would have started pelvic floor PT earlier (I started at 4 mos PP), restarted intimacy later (around 10 weeks vs. 6 weeks), and instated a rule with DH that we DO NOT have conversations with each other after 8pm in the newborn phase. That was when all the stupid baby-blues fights happened.

Really? You did not breastfeed and so others should not? I breastfed after having some challenges, but a private LC helped me out. Breastfeeding was the best experience of infancy for me. That was one task that made me very happy.

The thread is "things *you* would do differently".

But yes, in general, I would advise new moms to focus less on breastfeeding and be open-minded to formula. It can be a joy, but more often is a slog and in the worst cases is a major stressor.