How did you prepare for postpartum or things you would do differently

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am reading the fourth trimester book as I prepare to give birth this summer.

It am curious to know practical tips on preparing for postpartum. I understand night doula, nurse etc are a good option but I am looking for more nuanced experience. I.e how did you focus on your nutrition? Did you do anything to make your room comfortable? Get massages? Follow Amy postpartum ritual?

I am planning to follow a 45 day Indian/ayurvedic routine.

Thank you

That is wonderful. Are you Indian?

I had my mom and aunt come for 3 months and they took care of my baby and me. The traditional care routine is for both baby and mom. DH also arranged for cleaners and a cook to come and cook meals twice a week. Our cleaners also did odd jobs for us - drycleaning run, grocery shopping, car wash etc. It was a boon.

My aunt and mom did my complete postpartum care for 40 days. Every thing was great but the only thing I did not much like was that I was only allowed to drink warm drinks. No ice, no smoothies, no cold water, no coffee, no tea, no cola, no fan. It was a lot of warm drinks, warm oil massage several times a day for both baby and me, warm bath for me and I had restrictions even on washing my hair. And every time I breastfed my baby I was given a cup of milk to drink with ground up nuts, spices, dates or I was given panjeeri with gond to heal my bones. I felt as if I would put on more weight just eating that food. Food was very specific so that it would not upset the tummy of the baby. So only moong and masoor dal. No rajma. My food was made fresh. Lots of khichadi and veggies. Amla, bananas, pomegranate but no citrus for some days. I was given sweets made with sesame, amaranth, flaxseed. Lots of paneer. The vata dosh is very strong and that has to be balanced before things becomes better.

Mentally, my mom and aunt made sure that they were my constant companion and having them in the room talking to each other, holding my baby, feeding me etc allowed me the peace of mind to sleep through out the day. I was never left alone and basically I feel that my mom and aunt sequestered themselves with me at the house. We watched a lot of movies and TV. Oh, also, NO VISITORS. Even the naming ceremony was just us. Except the cleaners and the cook who came, mom was strict in not having any visitors come for 42 days. DH had taken 2 weeks off. My mom also made me pray a lot to give thanks for a safe delivery, a healthy baby etc. I think all this care, companionship and rituals protected me from PPD and feeling overwhelmed.

I was not allowed to do any chores. I was not allowed to bend. Not pick up anything heavier than the baby. In the daytime, all care of the baby, changing diapers, bathing, burping, rocking baby to sleep was done by mom and my aunt. Night-time my DH took care of the baby. Both my kids were good sleepers but my mom insists that it was because my babies were getting massages almost 5-6 times a day. Her theory is that babies have body aches because of coming out of the birth canal and so infant massage helps their aching muscles so that they sleep well and they also become good eaters. Who knows? I just followed whatever my mom told me to do.

Oh, I was also given warm harad baths (Turmeric water baths). Lots of hot oil massage and medicinal packs on my lower back. I don't remember what it was made of. It took away the pain in my back though. I googled to find out what it was but cannot find it. Incidently, I found this about postpartum care and I thought it was an interesting read.

https://www.banyanbotanicals.com/info/blog-the-banyan-insight/details/birthing-ayurveda-postpartum-nurturing-the-mother/

Is this real or is this fan fiction written by a postpartum mom? Kidding but wow that’s incredible, you are so lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am reading the fourth trimester book as I prepare to give birth this summer.

It am curious to know practical tips on preparing for postpartum. I understand night doula, nurse etc are a good option but I am looking for more nuanced experience. I.e how did you focus on your nutrition? Did you do anything to make your room comfortable? Get massages? Follow Amy postpartum ritual?

I am planning to follow a 45 day Indian/ayurvedic routine.

Thank you

That is wonderful. Are you Indian?

I had my mom and aunt come for 3 months and they took care of my baby and me. The traditional care routine is for both baby and mom. DH also arranged for cleaners and a cook to come and cook meals twice a week. Our cleaners also did odd jobs for us - drycleaning run, grocery shopping, car wash etc. It was a boon.

My aunt and mom did my complete postpartum care for 40 days. Every thing was great but the only thing I did not much like was that I was only allowed to drink warm drinks. No ice, no smoothies, no cold water, no coffee, no tea, no cola, no fan. It was a lot of warm drinks, warm oil massage several times a day for both baby and me, warm bath for me and I had restrictions even on washing my hair. And every time I breastfed my baby I was given a cup of milk to drink with ground up nuts, spices, dates or I was given panjeeri with gond to heal my bones. I felt as if I would put on more weight just eating that food. Food was very specific so that it would not upset the tummy of the baby. So only moong and masoor dal. No rajma. My food was made fresh. Lots of khichadi and veggies. Amla, bananas, pomegranate but no citrus for some days. I was given sweets made with sesame, amaranth, flaxseed. Lots of paneer. The vata dosh is very strong and that has to be balanced before things becomes better.

Mentally, my mom and aunt made sure that they were my constant companion and having them in the room talking to each other, holding my baby, feeding me etc allowed me the peace of mind to sleep through out the day. I was never left alone and basically I feel that my mom and aunt sequestered themselves with me at the house. We watched a lot of movies and TV. Oh, also, NO VISITORS. Even the naming ceremony was just us. Except the cleaners and the cook who came, mom was strict in not having any visitors come for 42 days. DH had taken 2 weeks off. My mom also made me pray a lot to give thanks for a safe delivery, a healthy baby etc. I think all this care, companionship and rituals protected me from PPD and feeling overwhelmed.

I was not allowed to do any chores. I was not allowed to bend. Not pick up anything heavier than the baby. In the daytime, all care of the baby, changing diapers, bathing, burping, rocking baby to sleep was done by mom and my aunt. Night-time my DH took care of the baby. Both my kids were good sleepers but my mom insists that it was because my babies were getting massages almost 5-6 times a day. Her theory is that babies have body aches because of coming out of the birth canal and so infant massage helps their aching muscles so that they sleep well and they also become good eaters. Who knows? I just followed whatever my mom told me to do.

Oh, I was also given warm harad baths (Turmeric water baths). Lots of hot oil massage and medicinal packs on my lower back. I don't remember what it was made of. It took away the pain in my back though. I googled to find out what it was but cannot find it. Incidently, I found this about postpartum care and I thought it was an interesting read.

https://www.banyanbotanicals.com/info/blog-the-banyan-insight/details/birthing-ayurveda-postpartum-nurturing-the-mother/

I am so happy you had this kind experience. What an incredible gift of love, nurturing, kindness, and companionship. Yet, the contrast with my own experience makes me tear up because literally no one cared for me like this. I come from a family of WASPs who are not demonstrative at all. I can’t imagine my own mom feeding me or making me a bath or giving me a back rub. She barely hugs me as an adult and hearing your experience honestly pains me to realize how different some women have it.

I'm happy for the PP too. But her's is the best case scenario. I'm Indian American as well and well, let's just say that having a baby can release some strong emotions in the extended family. My post partum time was filled with bickering between my parents and ILs. Jockeying for who should be helping out where. Hurt feelings about names and what traditions we followed, etc. Some of the relationship damage can still be felt a decade out. I sincerely wished them all at the bottom of the ocean. I've calmed down since (time heals) but idyllic it was not.

[Anonymous]

I just want to jump on the bandwagon and say that posters story of mom and aunt coming in is beautiful.

The hardest thing about postpartum for me the first time were the following three: breastfeeding, lack of help, and pressure people to see baby. Also as an add on, just not anticipating how much it would rock my marriage because as a couple we didn’t anticipate how hard it would be. I expected my husband to step up and do it all but I think he was really unprepared and had never been in such a role in his life. We also didn’t really discuss the nitty gritty so when we were both sleep deprived and exhausted was not a great time to sort it out.

This time around I will be hiring a night nanny, getting a post partial doula to visit during the day, getting a food service, and I have numbers setup for lactation help, pelvic floor help in case I need it. I am also going in with a therapist as last time I developed PPD and PPA but I didn’t realize I had it so it took me a few years to get help.

Last time I put myself last - trying to prioritize babies needs and then family all wanting to hold baby. This time I will be putting myself first. I think it is so wonderful for those women who have close family who protect the mom and prioritize caring for her. I don’t have that and I am learning I need to do this for myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also would have lined up a therapist and gotten prepared for the reality that my body after kids was gonna feel like a foreign place and accepting that you can never get the pre kids body back. I really thought I was just gonna have a few stretch marks and do some kegels and it was all gonna go back. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Um, my body snapped back before my maternity leave was over. I worked out religiously before getting pregnant, while pregnant and immediately after the dr cleared me after giving birth. I did kegels while pregnant and then during maternity leave every time I was nursing.

lol you remind me of my MIL. When I was two weeks post c-section she talked about how she didn’t have a bump at all after pregnancy and asked if I could suck my stomach in.

I would NEVER say anything to a post partum mom other than "You look awesome!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also would have lined up a therapist and gotten prepared for the reality that my body after kids was gonna feel like a foreign place and accepting that you can never get the pre kids body back. I really thought I was just gonna have a few stretch marks and do some kegels and it was all gonna go back. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Um, my body snapped back before my maternity leave was over. I worked out religiously before getting pregnant, while pregnant and immediately after the dr cleared me after giving birth. I did kegels while pregnant and then during maternity leave every time I was nursing.

Well you probably didn’t have a difficult birth, like I had. You probably didn’t have to spend two years in physical therapy working on a diastasis recti, prolapse, and anal incontinence, like I did. You probably aren’t having to have corrective surgery, like I will. I also ran ate well and exercised while pregnant. Nice to suggest that this could have prevented this.

The only thing worse than having birth injuries is sanctimonious women like you who believe that exercise and kegels could have prevented it and that what happened to me is my “fault.”

I don't think this is your fault and am very sorry you're going through all of this (and on top of having a new baby too)! I know that I am lucky to have had an easy pregnancy, birth and nursing experience. I'm sure you ran and ate well, etc. because you thought it would give you the results I got. I don't know why it works for some and not for others - wish it worked for everyone.

[Anonymous]

I wish I had lined up extra care ahead of time! A doula at night saved me for my third child! I also had my husband take a few weeks off at the beginning, ordered meals and lined-up therapy. I saw Sarah Dougans (www.sarahdougans psychotherapy.com) for the first six months after having my baby and she was wonderful.