Would you inquire how the bill for dinner is being split?

[Anonymous]

I will be attending a milestone birthday dinner for a relative in a few weeks that they planned. There will likely be about eight other attendees--all family. All guests are in different financial positions, and I am being particularly cautious/frugal with my resources currently.

I plan to ask for a separate bill for my meal but want to pay toward the guest of honor's meal. Should I ask ahead of the party if others plan to contribute toward the guest of honor's dinner, or should I decide what I will contribute, $25, and leave it be? I don't want to be tacky, but at the same time, I like to plan. I would hate for the guest of honor, who is single, to be stuck paying any portion of their bill, but $25 is my limit, plus a gift. What is the best approach?

[Anonymous]

You shouldn't go. You are too uptight and too cheap to go to any sort of group dinner.

[Anonymous]

This is tricky if you aren’t the organizer. I think you have to wait and see, unless you are extremely close to the organizer. I hope you can enjoy yourself and celebrate the milestone without stress. Dinners can be tricky because of extreme price differences for food and alcohol consumption adds up.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s ok to ask whoever is planning it.

[Anonymous]

You need to speak to the organizer as it’s possible the entire bill will be split evenly among the group (minus the one being celebrated). Like the PP said, drinks and lots of food could run the total very high.

It must be done ahead though. Otherwise at the table is too late too awkward.

[Anonymous]

If you are invited to a birthday party, I would not expect to pay at all.

[Anonymous]

I have poor to upper middle class relatives, and since everyone has been set in their finances for decades, the richer ones always pay for the poorer ones during family meals like these. But if your circumstances are temporary, and people aren't informed, you should ask in advance.

[Anonymous]

The only easy possibilities are separate checks for everyone with birthday guest split evenly (a nightmare for the server) or everyone splits evenly. I think it is fair to ask the organizer how the bill will be settled so you can plan ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s ok to ask whoever is planning it.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You shouldn't go. You are too uptight and too cheap to go to any sort of group dinner.

The above person is very rude. It also rude to invite people to a celebration and expect them to pay anything.

It's tricky though and hard to ask. When finances were an issue I prioritized and didn't do these sort of dinners unless it someone I was very close to and not a relative where I feel an obligation and will have to shell out money. How close are you?Do you feel comfortable asking? If not, maybe don't go and send a gift card or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s ok to ask whoever is planning it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Just ask.

[Anonymous]

Let the host know in advance, but this should be no problem.

If wine or communal appetizers for the table are ordered, it is fine to state to the table that you’re foregoing them and will be getting a separate check. People do this all the time.

If everyone contributes 25 to the guest of honor, that would be a huge amount for one persons meal - so you should be just fine with that.

Im sure people will call you cheap but you are not harming anyone here. The guest of honor gets comped and the rest of the attendees can do whatever they want to do.

[Anonymous]

I am assuming these family members know your financial situation and would not want you to end up with a big bill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s ok to ask whoever is planning it.

This

Definitely this. If the plan is to split it evenly and you fear the cost is too much, you can then politely decline. It does not mean you are cheap. You are just more careful with your money. Not everyone has enough money to not worry about these types of things.