Lack of respect for house

[Anonymous]

We recently hosted some family for an extended Thanksgiving stay. We are a fairly quiet family with upscale furnishings and an understanding that we treat our house with appropriate care. After our guests left, we were cleaning and found multiple scratches on high-end bedroom furniture, wet towels amongst a wad of stripped bed linens, and water marks from glasses that sweated. We don’t plan on saying anything, but are shocked by the lack of care.

Separately, but on a related note, we have been similarly shocked by guests that don’t seem to know what to do with wet towels. It is not uncommon for some to leave damp towels on wood furniture, among dry linens, scrunched up on a towel rack, or unwrung.

What do you think about these behaviors? Have you experienced something similar?

[Anonymous]

OP, you’re into upscale furnishings but not into hosting. Which is fine! Make your home a haven for you and your family and put your guests up at a great hotel.

The mysteries of why people don’t know what to do with wet towels will remain mysteries because you’ll never know and it’s not your job to ask or teach them. As a host, you just provide hooks and deal with whatever they do. Maybe they are bad guests, but that is neither here nor there because the main thing is you don’t want to host them and you don’t have to. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

I take good care of my things and have definitely had inconsiderate guests, but I try to keep it in perspective. Shocked? None of things you mentioned are shocking and try to value the people more than the furniture. I enjoy hosting and some wear-and-tear is part of the cost of hosting. If rings on the wood mean we had a great time drinking around the table, I can make a peace with that.

Honestly, I don't why the wet towels upset you. If they gathered all the linens and towels together --that's being a pretty good guest. If you want them to hang it in the bathroom in a specific way (because apparently leaving it on the towel rack is not acceptable?), just casually mention it. I would be walking on eggshells in your house.

[Anonymous]

Two things:

- If you host people, you just need to accept that sometimes things might get scratched or spilled, that things won't be perfect. That's not a "respect" thing -- your guests are human and they are in an unfamiliar setting, things will get bumped or dropped or whatever. If you aren't comfortable with that, just don't invite people to stay.

- If you actually enjoy hosting and want to do it, you can head off issues like this with more thoughtful hosting. Let guests know where they can hang up towels -- are there enough hooks for them in guest bathrooms, or maybe hooks on the back of the guest room door or closet? Point it out to them when you show them their room. Make sure there are coasters on any surface that someone might set a drink on, including bedside tables as some people need to have a glass of water near their bed at night (like need to, some people get dehydrated or can develop a cough if they can't have water at night). A couple times a day during their visit, just do a quick scan of guest areas and collect or hang up any wet towels and collect any glasses. When they leave, tell them not to worry about stripping the bed, that you will take care of it. That kind of thing.

I don't think this level of attentiveness is always necessary for hosting, but in your case it is because you are bothered by guests solving these issues for themselves in ways that you find "disrespectful" to your house. If you are going to have high expectations for care, you have to offer guests more assistance in meeting that standard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I take good care of my things and have definitely had inconsiderate guests, but I try to keep it in perspective. Shocked? None of things you mentioned are shocking and try to value the people more than the furniture. I enjoy hosting and some wear-and-tear is part of the cost of hosting. If rings on the wood mean we had a great time drinking around the table, I can make a peace with that.

Honestly, I don't why the wet towels upset you. If they gathered all the linens and towels together --that's being a pretty good guest. If you want them to hang it in the bathroom in a specific way (because apparently leaving it on the towel rack is not acceptable?), just casually mention it. I would be walking on eggshells in your house.

OP here. Wet towels left on towel racks, spread to dry would be ideal. If a washcloth was immersed for face washing or bathing, wrung and hung would be nice.

[Anonymous]

A lot of people have the kind of furniture where leaving a glass of water is no problem. So they probably thought what with you being so fancy, surely your rich-lady furniture would have that feature.

The towels are no big deal - don't you wash sheets and towels together anyway?

Scratching furniture sucks, but that's kind of the cost of hosting - guests probably aren't used to maneuvering around your guest bedroom while holding a bag or wheeling a suitcase - they probably just bumped into things.

Maybe you should have lower-end things in your guest room or not host.

[Anonymous]

This is why we don’t invite my brother, SIL, and nephews to stay with us anymore. They’re constantly breaking things, pulling furniture into the walls and dinging both, leaving food and drinks in rooms and on surfaces where no one else does, and are just rough on stuff. We didn’t grow up like this so I’m not sure where my brother acquired this behavior, but it’s disrespectful and rude. I expect normal wear and tear in my house, but the house feels like it ages 1-2 years after their visits. They’re the kind of people who have their kids’ mattresses on the floor because they “broke their beds” beyond repair, and they have holes in their drywall from roughhousing They leave wet towels everywhere at my house and ask for new ones every day. At their house they barely have any towels and they’re all gray and sad. I just don’t get it.

TLDR: some people are rough and clueless and their own houses reflect that, and they treat other people’s houses like public spaces or hotels. I don’t care if you beat on your own Ashley furniture in your tract house. But at my house I’m the one who repaints, I’d also like my furniture to last longer than a couple of years, and we take care of everything because we’re going to live here for good. Call me a snobby jerk but I’m with OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people have the kind of furniture where leaving a glass of water is no problem. So they probably thought what with you being so fancy, surely your rich-lady furniture would have that feature.

The towels are no big deal - don't you wash sheets and towels together anyway?

Scratching furniture sucks, but that's kind of the cost of hosting - guests probably aren't used to maneuvering around your guest bedroom while holding a bag or wheeling a suitcase - they probably just bumped into things.

Maybe you should have lower-end things in your guest room or not host.

This. I would probably do this and not realize I was being disrespectful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people have the kind of furniture where leaving a glass of water is no problem. So they probably thought what with you being so fancy, surely your rich-lady furniture would have that feature.

The towels are no big deal - don't you wash sheets and towels together anyway?

Scratching furniture sucks, but that's kind of the cost of hosting - guests probably aren't used to maneuvering around your guest bedroom while holding a bag or wheeling a suitcase - they probably just bumped into things.

Maybe you should have lower-end things in your guest room or not host.

NP. It’s not about the towels being mixed with the linens. It’s that they are wet and hiding in a “dry” pile and possibly damaging furniture and flooring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people have the kind of furniture where leaving a glass of water is no problem. So they probably thought what with you being so fancy, surely your rich-lady furniture would have that feature.

The towels are no big deal - don't you wash sheets and towels together anyway?

Scratching furniture sucks, but that's kind of the cost of hosting - guests probably aren't used to maneuvering around your guest bedroom while holding a bag or wheeling a suitcase - they probably just bumped into things.

Maybe you should have lower-end things in your guest room or not host.

NP. It’s not about the towels being mixed with the linens. It’s that they are wet and hiding in a “dry” pile and possibly damaging furniture and flooring.

OP here. Yes. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, you should not host people again. Those are all fairly normal things, if maybe not all in one visit. It bothers you and it’s very likely to happen again. So just don’t.

[Anonymous]

Yes. My husband. My kids. I tell them! It goes in at one ear and out the other. Sorry you had such inconsiderate guests, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why we don’t invite my brother, SIL, and nephews to stay with us anymore. They’re constantly breaking things, pulling furniture into the walls and dinging both, leaving food and drinks in rooms and on surfaces where no one else does, and are just rough on stuff. We didn’t grow up like this so I’m not sure where my brother acquired this behavior, but it’s disrespectful and rude. I expect normal wear and tear in my house, but the house feels like it ages 1-2 years after their visits. They’re the kind of people who have their kids’ mattresses on the floor because they “broke their beds” beyond repair, and they have holes in their drywall from roughhousing They leave wet towels everywhere at my house and ask for new ones every day. At their house they barely have any towels and they’re all gray and sad. I just don’t get it.

TLDR: some people are rough and clueless and their own houses reflect that, and they treat other people’s houses like public spaces or hotels. I don’t care if you beat on your own Ashley furniture in your tract house. But at my house I’m the one who repaints, I’d also like my furniture to last longer than a couple of years, and we take care of everything because we’re going to live here for good. Call me a snobby jerk but I’m with OP.

You wouldn't have to be a snobby jerk to be with the OP, but here you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I take good care of my things and have definitely had inconsiderate guests, but I try to keep it in perspective. Shocked? None of things you mentioned are shocking and try to value the people more than the furniture. I enjoy hosting and some wear-and-tear is part of the cost of hosting. If rings on the wood mean we had a great time drinking around the table, I can make a peace with that.

Honestly, I don't why the wet towels upset you. If they gathered all the linens and towels together --that's being a pretty good guest. If you want them to hang it in the bathroom in a specific way (because apparently leaving it on the towel rack is not acceptable?), just casually mention it. I would be walking on eggshells in your house.

OP here. Wet towels left on towel racks, spread to dry would be ideal. If a washcloth was immersed for face washing or bathing, wrung and hung would be nice.

Putting the towels and sheets together makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I take good care of my things and have definitely had inconsiderate guests, but I try to keep it in perspective. Shocked? None of things you mentioned are shocking and try to value the people more than the furniture. I enjoy hosting and some wear-and-tear is part of the cost of hosting. If rings on the wood mean we had a great time drinking around the table, I can make a peace with that.

Honestly, I don't why the wet towels upset you. If they gathered all the linens and towels together --that's being a pretty good guest. If you want them to hang it in the bathroom in a specific way (because apparently leaving it on the towel rack is not acceptable?), just casually mention it. I would be walking on eggshells in your house.

OP here. Wet towels left on towel racks, spread to dry would be ideal. If a washcloth was immersed for face washing or bathing, wrung and hung would be nice.

OP you’re being too uptight about this. My MIL just left and her wet towel was in a pile of stripped bedsheets and blankets. Oh well, it’s all getting washed. My FIL constantly sets his drink down without a coaster, so I just grab one and put it on the glass for him when I see it. If you’re so upright that you can’t handle this stuff, don’t host. Homes are made to be lived in, not treated like a museum. And you can’t control your guests so just let it go!